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Scared to have sex now I'm pregnant

(21 Posts)

I feel exactly the same way in this pregnancy, in all my last pregnancies i couldn't get enough, but due to having a mc in feb i'm very careful in this pregnancy and although we still have sex (not often), i find i can't relax iyswimsad. Mw has said this is completely normal for me to be like this, but that i musn't worry sex doesn't harm baby and to carry on as normal unless i bleed or have cramps.
Still doesn't make it any easier though and i have become so scared i will always go on top, thinking that baby is going to get squashedsad

My scan isn't until 13th, hoping everything is well with baby, if it is im hoping i'll snap out of it.

Lambethmum Sun 26-May-13 19:09:20

I misscarried at 6 weeks the day we had sex for the first time during that pregnancy, which I know rationally was probably coincidence, but I'm 10 weeks now and this time its nothing until the first scan, just in case.

I never felt comfortable having sex during pregnancy, I always worried that it may cause bleeding or something to go wrong. We only had sex twice in 9 months and I really did not enjoy it. Everyone is different, go with what you feel is right.

mrspaddy Sun 26-May-13 14:34:01

I abstained for first 6 weeks after I found out (so up to 12 weeks then) weeks.. once I knew everything was ok. GP said I was right to as had trouble getting pregnant. All great since then.

lovemybabyboy Sun 26-May-13 14:31:22

I have also been scared to have sex for the past few weeks, I'm 32+2wks with DC3 but have been worried that I will go in to labour early and keep imagining my waters breaking during sex, have been just trying not to think about it but even though DH is being patient I know he is not happy about it.

Truck01 after DC2 I didn't want sex at all, I just was not in the mood at all, I eventually had sex when DS was 5 months old and only because I felt sorry for DH! And it wasn't a very regular thing after that! Is your wife breast feeding? I found the breast feeding hormones put me off sex completely and it just felt wrong to me for DH to be touching me in that way, don't know why because I love him very much so didn't want to feel like that! Have you talked to your wife to find out what her feelings are, maybe if you talk about it, it will help. Also I was scared it would hurt and the longer I left it the more scared I got, maybe she is scared? Maybe try with some cuddling first to bring you closer together but don't try anything else, just let her know that you want to be close to her but are willing to take things at her own pace. Good luck!

Eletheomel Sun 26-May-13 14:22:23

Hi Truck, Loss of sex drive after giving birth is really common, and there is no external answer out that will work, other than talking to your wife and finding if she knows why she doesn't want sex (does she just not have the urge anymore? Is she just too knackered and would rather spend her 'down time' sleeping? Is she so tuned into your little on that she just can't switch off her 'mummy' brain?)

There are loads and loads of reasons and causes of loss of sex drive (some of which might be hormonal and totally out of your wife's control).

I'd start with your wife and find out what she thinks the biggest issue might be. Once you know that then you can find out if having the house to yourselves for a night (or afternoon) might help, or if she'd like to go back to the start and start off with snogging and massages and shared baths with a strictly 'no sex' policy (sometimes taking it off the table for a month or two - when she knows that even if she wants sex you'll say no - can be enough to kick off interest and it removes the pressure she feels - because even if you're being a complete gent about it all, she'll know it's not 'usual' and she'll be pressuring herself and worrying about why she doesn't want it anymore)

No easy answer to the question though, really depends on you and your wife. I've had spells where I've totally lost my sex drive for months on end and I know it can put a real strain on things.

One thing I would say is that it has no reflection on you (or whether she still desires you) at all, she'd probably turn down Brad Pitt at this stage...

Sorry this probably hasn't been much use to you!

Truck01 Sun 26-May-13 12:11:07

Can any one answer the question then what could get my wife to want sex after we had our little one 18 months ago and she still doesn't want sex ,

Bowlersarm Sun 26-May-13 12:07:49

Try and have sex if you can. It won't hurt the baby. It will help keep you and OH connected. How does he feel about it?

mum2benicole Sun 26-May-13 12:04:31

im 26 weeks and i banned sex as i find it painful now im pregnant its been 4months since i last got involed and he hates it.
x

Eletheomel Sun 26-May-13 11:37:30

Sex is perfectly safe in pregnancy, but I have to confess in both my successful pregnancies I abstained for the first 12 weeks (and in fact longer as by that time I had bad morning sickness which didn't go away until end of second trimester so wasn't feeling overly amorous).

My concern wasn't that sex would affect the baby in any way (it won't) but that as the rate of miscarriage is higher in the first trimester, I kept thinking how I'd feel if I happened to miscarry after having sex and we both felt we just didn't want to risk our 'intimate time' being associated with something tragic (we're probably a bit paranoid but it took us a fair while to conceive on both occasions (and I had a miscarriage inbetween) so were a bit cautious.

In this pregnancy we've not actually had sex since my BFP (I have a wonderfully patient DH!!!) as while I actually felt quite horny during my first pregnancy, haven't had the pregnancy horn in this one at all!

OurJourney Sun 26-May-13 10:57:19

Hey all,
I am currently around 8 weeks and the sickness isnt making me feel sexy .

On top of that I am tired soo early in the day that if my partner wants any his best chance is on my dinner break smile

I think I am waiting until after my scan but not sure why to be honest...

Lucky for me my partner has just started his own business and is just as tired as me smile

Fozziebearmum2b Sun 26-May-13 10:47:26

I felt exactly the same at first, then the nausea kicked in and all I wanted to do was crawl to bed and sleep.

Do it if you feel like it, as others have said it'll be too soon when bump gets in the way, you feel it wriggle part way through (v off putting) or you just generally feel rubbish

MisselthwaiteManor Fri 24-May-13 10:24:32

It's perfectly safe but just because you can doesn't mean you have to! If you don't want it, that's fine.

Kelly1814 Fri 24-May-13 09:06:41

I'm banned from sex since bleeding at 7 weeks and a stitch at 14 weeks.

It is killing me!!!! Please get involved and don't worry. The thought of no sex for almost a year is horrific for me.

samsmother Fri 24-May-13 08:23:47

I felt EXACTLY the same way as you OP. Infact I couldn't shift my anxieties so much that we didn't DTD once during pregnancy! Not for a while afterwards either as I tore badly, I have a very patient DH!

pinkr Fri 24-May-13 07:56:00

Go for it now before the bump makes things more tricky!

EleanorFarjeon Thu 23-May-13 23:10:55

Those hormones will kick in and you'll want to do nothing but have sex.

It's perfectly safe, of course!

LST Thu 23-May-13 23:09:46

Thank you bunny smile

This is number 2 mikkii blush

I didn't feel comfortable with sex at all with my first. Well at least until I had an established bump and I could feel baby moving.

I believe someone needs to pass me a grip. .

mikkii Thu 23-May-13 23:07:08

With dd2 I was advised to abstain following a diagnosis of placenta praevia, that was at about 22 weeks.

Unless you have a specific complication, the baby is very well protected. Try to relax, it's going to be a long 9 months otherwise

Bunnylion Thu 23-May-13 23:05:53

Congratulations!

Sex is perfectly safe throughout pregnancy. Have fun smile

LST Thu 23-May-13 22:55:46

I am currently 4w5d so not very far along at all but im terrified of something happening when we have sex. sad

Am I the only one?

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