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"Being made a fuss of" - does this actually happen...?

(53 Posts)
somanystripes Wed 22-May-13 17:00:45

I am clearly in a angry mood this afternoon, but I'm getting on for 18 weeks and still feeling pretty rough, TBH. Every time I read about/talk to anyone about pregnancy sickness/feeling crap the advice seems to be 'just let your DH/family/friends make a fuss of you' and 'just let people do things for you so you can rest'.

Does this actually happen in RL? I'm expecting DC2, DH and I both work full time, and while friends and family are pleased we're having another baby I don't think it's really featuring that high on their radar at the moment, so I'm certainly not being 'made a fuss of' (even - or especially - by DH!) and don't expect to be ffs. My DD is a toddler so not really many opportunities to rest and I'm not going to ask people to put themselves out so I can have a nap!

Is everyone else really being treated like porcelain and getting people cooing and fussing over their expanding stomach, and being tucked up in bed with a cold flannel on their brow? Am I really just a envy cow if they are?

rrreow Thu 23-May-13 12:08:39

Big fat noooooope. DH will do stuff if I ask for it so I can't complain really. But none of the unasked/spontaneous "Oh you put your feet up, let me do that"

crazyhead Thu 23-May-13 12:11:36

My darling OH does bring me meals in bed all the time etc. But I think with a second child, there is just limited space for getting fussed over...

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Thu 23-May-13 12:12:30

Not with no 2 no

Myliferocks Thu 23-May-13 12:15:05

I could think of nothing worse than being made a fuss of throughout any of my 5 pregnancies but that's just how I am.

I'm on dc3 and dp did everything round the house pkus seen to the kids mist if the time right up until 26 weeks - 16/17 weeks of sickness, constant tiredness, mood swings, nausea, thrush, urine infection and last but not least suspected pre eclampsia right up till 26 weeks meant i got to lay about and moan all day.

Now i'm 28 weeks i finally feel a bit more 'me' poor dp keeps looking at me funny when he sees me doing house work grin

Everyone else is not too excited but ds is only 18 months so i wouldn't expect much really smile

FoofFighter Thu 23-May-13 12:56:46

Not at all. In fact it's even gone the other way! "you're pregnant not ill" angry

oh, i fucking hate that phrase Foof - makes me want to stab!

I might not be ILL, but my body is going through some FUCKING serious stuff! I need to be protected and helped and supported!

(and it's always someone who had to carry on as normal who tells you that. just because no one supported you, doesn't mean that i shouldn't be!)

FoofFighter Thu 23-May-13 13:37:25

Exactly.

he's too busy whinging about his own little aches and pains, I mention one of mine and it's all oh but you are supposed to you are pregnant, mine is actually real...

angry

Holly1977 Thu 23-May-13 13:38:38

People are asking how I am more than normal and not letting me do really heavy lifting etc (major DIY project going on at home) but that's it really. I do keep trying the old "baby wants a kit kat" line on DP but he just replies with "baby wants you to get it yourself". I'm only 10 weeks though and do hope I'll be able to milk it more get more help later on!

Ratata Thu 23-May-13 13:39:43

Me and DH used to split the chores before I was pregnant, I would do most of the cooking and he would do the cleaning. Both tidy up etc. Now I do pretty much nothing! He's taken over all cooking and chores and makes sure I don't lift anything remotely heavy. Emotionally he's always been supportive of me but I've needed him even more that way in pregnancy as I'm pretty emotional. I do feel lucky and grateful and think everyone should be made a fuss of and taken care of in pregnancy smile

Uch i get the pregnant not ill rubbish from my bil because my sister is a freaking martyr who does every little thing just so she can moan bil Never helps confused i asked her a few weeks ago why did she not leave the kids with bil and have a kip - she said she felt guilty 'dumping' them on him hmm they are his kids too! Martyr i tell you.

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Thu 23-May-13 14:06:35

DH does look after me, bless him. I wouldn't exactly say I'm being made a fuss of (currently ridiculously pregnant with DC2) but he won't see me struggle, IYSWIM. He isn't usually the overprotective type thankfully as that would usually drive me potty but a great big bump does seem to bring it out in him!

TwoTearsInABucket Thu 23-May-13 14:15:04

DH suggested that my nausea came on just about when it was time to do dinner for DS and DD, do bath and bedtime. Perhaps on purpose. angry
He forgot that with DS I had evening sickness rather than morning sickness.
He does do stuff if I ask, like clean the bathroom because the smell of the cleaning stuff made me heave.
nausea is getting better at 14 weeks, which means I will be cleaning the bathroom again. DH just doesn't notice a dirty bathroom. But he does notice everything else hmm
Before I had children I used to think "you're pregnant, not ill". And then I got pregnant... I don't think like that any more. I was a bit of a twat.

LittlePeaPod Thu 23-May-13 14:27:47

I am pregnant with our first (following mc) and I have to admit my DF is making a huge fuss of me.. blush First trimester and feel like crap and his doing everything for me even though we both work full time... Probably wont happen with our second though.

Sorry to hear you feeling pants Op.... flowers

RJM17 Thu 23-May-13 18:07:29

Nope mine is dc1 and I'm working, going to college and still doing the same stuff at home.
Even been told I'm pregnant not ill and that there is no reason not to carry on as normal. It's just people being dramatic apparently!!

So no I don't think it ever happens x

woollysocksaresexy Fri 24-May-13 09:16:13

A fuss? Don't be ridiculous! I so wish they would though, I feel like I desperately need to be made a fuss of. I'm 11 weeks, been as sick as a dog and have lost a lot of weight. I nearly cried when my monster of a boss last week came back to work after a few weeks off and was visibly shocked at how much weight I had lost and how ill I was looking (I was having a bad day that day), just after I had come back from the loo from being sick for may be the 6th time that morning! She is normally the least sympathetic person in the world and is of the opinion that pregnant staff who take time off cos of illness in pregnancy are a bunch of skivers. She has been lovely and wrapped me in cotton wool since then, I could have hugged her as no-one else has shown me much sympathy at all. Mum is of the opinion I'm having it easy compared with her and dh is fed up of the whole subject. The fact that I'm not exactly thrilled to bits with it...! Sigh... So different from what my friends led me to believe!

TwoTears - if he doesn't notice a dirty bathroom then why are you cleaning it?
just clean the bog and the sink and leave it.
he can hoover it (when he hoovers the rest of the house - hoover is too heavy for a pregnant woman to be moving around).

aw, socks glad your boss has got a softer side.

you need to eat more to make up for what you're puking (easier said than done!)

elliejjtiny Fri 24-May-13 13:47:17

Not in this house. I'm 34 weeks pregnant with DC4 but measuring 42 weeks due to polyhydramnios. I've never felt so uncomfortable in all my life. The HV asked me if I was having a nap in the day and I laughed because I thought she was joking!

BabyHMummy Fri 24-May-13 15:13:49

My dp has been amazing, does anything I ask, volunteers to do dinner, walk dog, run me a bath etc so I can rest. I have been sick as a parrot since day 1 & still feel like I am gonna puke all day and am almost 28 weeks.

Work were hideous when I went back, but work in food environment so not best place when the sight and smell makes me heave! I am signed off for rest of pg due to other health issues, but family etc have been great. When dp is on night's and I feel crap my df comes down to walk the dog etc

TwoTearsInABucket Fri 24-May-13 17:25:39

unique - that's pretty much all I do in the bathroom!
He's been away for a week and I know he will mention that I haven't done any hoovering. I feel grumpy already.
woolly hope you feel better soon. In fact I hope everyone feels better soon grin

somanystripes Fri 24-May-13 17:47:57

Soooo, it's not just me then!

Glad some of you are getting fussed over and looked after - milk it for all it's worth I say wink

I think if I'm totally honest I am at the point where I'd like to have a few allowances made, whatever my OP protested! I'm knackered, still feel crap and I'm fed up with the 'just get on with it' attitude from DH. A couple of other friends are preggers with DC2 too and it makes me a bit sad/jealous/irrationally annoyed by the contrast that their DHs can't do enough for them.

Like some of you suggested perhaps I do need to ask for more (or just moan more about how crap I feel to get the point across!). DH does do stuff if I ask him but it's always slightly under sufferance, which upsets me as there's just such a lack of 'romance' around this pregnancy for him it seems, if that makes sense.

In terms of asking other people to help out I guess I do have a problem with it as I feel I should be able to manage it all (and I'd rather call in the favours when I have two under two on my hands...grin)

mumoftwoboysS Fri 24-May-13 20:55:31

Pregnant with DC3 and the novelty has definitely worn off!! Was made a fuss of with DC1, a bit with DC2 and hardly bloody any with this one! My mum cried when I told her I was pg with DC1, this time I didn't even get a hug??!!

NeedSomeSun lol! that about sums it up!

but to be fair DH always looks after me, bless him and I guess that's all that matters smile

Stixswhichtwizzle Fri 24-May-13 22:44:26

Nope. Never experienced 'being made a fuss of' thing. In fact some mean members of my family spouted 'pregnancy is not an illness' at me when I declined a dinner invite at term+11! I went into labour that day too.

Chunderella Sat 25-May-13 22:18:48

I did. But then we only have one DC, and DH and I were living with my parents during the pregnancy. So it would've been a piss poor turn of events if I hadn't been looked after! If we have any more, I'd be half tempted to move back in. Or go to DHs parents and let them have a turn. His mother is very good at fussing and spoiling.

And yes, the 'pregnancy is not a disease' thing is a bag of shit. Being shot in the head or having your leg fall off isn't a disease either, but you can bet your bumhole nobody would tell someone experiencing either of those to get on with things and stop complaining.

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