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Does it make me a bad person?

(63 Posts)
beth27123 Sun 12-May-13 17:50:48

That I want to FF? I have no problem with women breastfeeding, and if I thought it was best for my dc then I would but after a long chat with OH we think Formula will be best for both me and our future child? I am happy with this decision but feel like a terrible person?

Startail Sun 12-May-13 21:58:21

it doesn't make you a bad person, but it makes you a fool.

BFing is shit to start with, but then it's 100000000000x better.

I've done both and honestly nothing beats just being able to walk out the house and not worry about keeping milk cool, heating it, having enough if your delayed. At 3am nothing beats snuggling up in bed feeding without a visit to the kitchen.

Being able to comfort a toddler with a quick BF is incredibly useful too.

But most of all it is just incredibly, indescribably special.

Startail Sun 12-May-13 22:02:41

I should add, DD1 never got the hang of BFing and was mixed and then FF, which is why I know you are mad not to give BF a go.

HerrenaLovesStarTrek Sun 12-May-13 22:05:10

Calling the op a fool seems a bit mean.

I ended up doing mixed feeding and then FF, op. If you have breast issues then yes, trying to BF might well be stressful. Alternatively you might find it to be completely different to what you're expecting. If I were you I think I'd have a go, see how I felt and take it from there.

Breast may be best but formula certainly isn't poison. Do what feels right for your family (and don't feel guilty about it) smile

sparkle12mar08 Sun 12-May-13 22:11:39

It doesn't make you a bad person. But, it the absence of any further detail in your post about your specific individual circumstances, it does make you wrong. Breastmilk from the breast is, and will always be, best in the heirarchy of feeding options. Formula is away down below both expressed own mother's milk and expressed donated milk. It is a fourth best option only.

dilemmamomenna Sun 12-May-13 22:13:44

Just to tell you the flip side, people do have very different experiences of bf. If it was all cracked nipples/ weight loss/ sleep deprivation no one would stick at it. For me I just stuck a boob in, happy baby, no washing up or faff going out, boobs fine and they slept fine. If it works like that it's great, so I'd say keep your mind open and don't make decisions before you have to.

DerbyNottsLeicsNightNanny Sun 12-May-13 22:15:17

I am going to ff this baby (2nd). Knew bf wasn't for me first time round with ds, but felt pressurised into it, lasted 36hrs then started expressing which I kept up (to varying degrees) for 7wks - combined with some ffing too. This time going straight for formula as I know its right for me

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 12-May-13 22:30:35

Reading the op's latest post, I'd say that this thread is another stick for her to beat herself up with.

OP- you have made your decision for you. If you are not ready to confront your issues, don't. Otherwise, if you gave some niggling doubt that choosing to ff is not the best decision for you, then talk to your midwife about your issues. Get some help.

In the meantime, ignore people who call you a fool, and please don't find new ways to make yourself feel bad about this. flowers

Teeny50 Sun 12-May-13 22:31:19

Not at all, if bf isn't for you then you shouldn't be made to feel like you have to, having a baby is stressful enough as it is you don't need to beat yourself up about how you are feeding them too. I have ff one and bf the 2nd - either way, do what is right for you smile

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 12-May-13 22:31:25

*have, not gave

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 12-May-13 22:34:46

I'm a fan of breastfeeding and fed both of mine until they were nearly one. I do however know that formula is a good enough alternative, and as soon as your little toddler is weaned, how you fed him or her will no longer be an issue to you (and most probably never will to anyone else!) apologies if I'm making no sense but I'm tired... Was just struck by your latest post and by the other poster who called you a fool. You're not, by the way!

Sleepyfergus Sun 12-May-13 23:01:38

I'd echo what most pp have said and that you shouldn't feel bad about your decision. Having a baby is a wonderful experience and you shouldn't be stressing out over your decision.

However, please don't rule out bf completely, perhaps give it a try? You might actually feel compelled to once the hormones kick in after giving birth. It's very hard to describe! I've bf both mine - dd1 took to it like a duck to water, and luckily so did I. No sore boobs or nipples and good supply. Dd2 though - nightmare for the first 10 days or so until she got the hang of it and until my nipples got used to it again. Had I not known how amazing bf is with dd1, I would have turned to ff without a doubt.

But please do not feel bad about your decision. And it lovely that your OH can be involved from day 1. That is something bf can never do.

Good luck!

sparkle12mar08 Sun 12-May-13 23:07:28

There was a delay between my writing and posting my thoughts. I should have refreshed first. It's clear there are specific circumstances which mean you would be better off formula feeding. Best wishes OP.

Teaandflapjacks Mon 13-May-13 05:16:14

Absolutely not. Please go out today and see if you can figure out who exactly in the street as they walk past was ff or bf? answer - you can't! It makes my blood boil all this nonsense over it. You can get tablets to stop your milk coming in - just ask for them, and be firm about it too. There is this massive movement over it - god knows why they feel the need to add extra pressure to sleep deprived mums over their feeding choices. I ask you - will you have a nice organic field out the back, and feed your toddler home grown organic foods, milk from your own cow, etc etc? of course not. humph!!! Anyway, I know lots of people who mix feed and lie about it to people who make funny comments of various health professional - just ridiculous they feel they have to. A happy mum = happy baby. Yes the colostrum is very good for the little one - but so are many other factors too. Personally i think it is an individual choice - what to feed, how long for etc. Lots of people find toddlers bfing very odd indeed, for example, and then it goes the other way, with people saying they should stop and how awful etc.

Personally, I shall try my best to do so, only because I have no issues with it and fairly sizeable bazoookas now confused. But I shall certainly be stopping by 4 months - because I was to have a nice xmas eating and drinking what I want - I have totally cut out alcohol during pg and want my body back then - I plan of mixed feeding from the start too - with a 'dream feed' at night, and can do one during the day when out and about. I am quite set on this and wont have anyone telling me any guff about it (oh six months is better - you will feel differently then etc) - er no I won't - I know my own mind thanks! Good luck and congrats. xx

KingRollo Mon 13-May-13 05:21:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ripsishere Mon 13-May-13 05:29:50

IMVHO, you do what is best for both you and the baby.
If BFing will stress you, you'll have a stress baby. I was unable to BF, I did try really hard, but nothing came out. I was told I was a failure because I not only couldn't feed my baby, I had her by ELCS shock.
My DD was quite light when she was born, she got thinner and thinner, I got more and more upset. DH decided enough was enough and spoke to a doctor. He needed to get a prescription for her bottles (overseas).
It was the best moment of her life when she finally got some food. I continued to FF until she was one then she started on cows milk.
She is a happy, healthy intelligent 12 year old now.
Go with what suits you.

ripsishere Mon 13-May-13 05:30:31

And good luck with getting your DP to help with bottles. Mine was hopeless at cleaning them.

If you have an issue with your breasts it is a no-brainer. Don't beat yourself up.

FWIW I think some of the vitriol about it isn't vitriol at all. People are remarkably under-informed about breastfeeding and people want them to have all the facts before they make a 'bad' decision based on cobblers. In your case, you know it will make you feel uncomfortable so don't worry.

The only caveat to that is if you want to talk to someone about your breast issues. It is possible that breastfeeding could 'reclaim' your breasts for you if the past issues are ones that you could deal with in this way. No idea unless you talk to a bloody specialised counsellor.

Hakluyt Mon 13-May-13 06:09:22

"And good luck with getting your DP to help with bottles. Mine was hopeless at cleaning them."

shock

GirlOutNumbered Mon 13-May-13 06:17:53

Do as you want but in future, I wouldn't ask opinions on here, or anywhere else for that matter. It will only make you feel shit.

This doesn't make you a bad person op. Fwiw i have FF all 4 of my dc, with pfb didn't even try to BF, or with dd2, but i did give it a try with dc3 & dc4. It wasn't for me, i did give dc3 & 4 the most important colostrum, but after a week my nipples were so sore, i wasn't getting any help and tbh BF wasn't for me unfortunetly.
I think it is good to make the decision whether you are BF or not beforehand as it stops the guilt if you fail, as i felt so guilty with my last two babies. I'm pregnant with dc5 and have decided already like you that FF is best for me and baby and i don't feel bad. All my dc are healthy and loved and that is all that matters.

Layl77 Mon 13-May-13 07:07:19

Regardless of the feeding I think you should seek some help regarding your issues with your body. Don't feel guilty about it you can't help how you feel, however this is clearly affecting your life in white a big way.
I agree you may want to try once hormones have kicked in, it may be kind of therapeutic for you as it's not a sexual thing at all it's empowering way to use your body.
Good luck.

Fancydrawers Mon 13-May-13 07:48:36

Startail, sparkle - why don't you both fuck off. I'm sure you're both perfect parents (not a hint of sarcasm there, nope) you are shit.

OP perhaps try and get some help with your issues, if you want to, but ultimately if you are happy with your decision then that's great - I wish you all the best with your family.

Midori1999 Mon 13-May-13 07:58:59

OP of course it doesn't make you a bad person, but the fact you even have to ask suggests that perhaps you should try and discuss your feelings about it with your midwife. It comes across to me as you may r aren't convinced FF is best at all, but more that you won't be able to manage to BF as you mention you may be able to/want to do it with 100% privacy. If that's wrong of course, please feel free to ignore me!

Teaandflapjacks you may know your own mind, but do you know much about breastfeeding? Such as you can eat whatever you want while doing it and you can also have several drinks too, certainly as many as you'd want to have whilst caring for a baby even if you weren't breastfeeding and for the times you want to drink more than that and have someone else care for the baby, you can give expressed milk or formula until you are safe to feed again.

Teaandflapjacks Mon 13-May-13 10:27:47

Midori Er plenty thanks. With respect there are certain foods one should avoid whilst bfing, you can't just 'eat what you want'.... This is trial and error for each baby - some things give them shocking wind, for example. You must be careful with caffeine, and alcohol. I have, as mentioned, cut this out completely in my pregnancy. Really a small glass between feeds (1-2 units) - I personally do not want to drink any more than that, and you really shouldn't have more IMO. Nowhere does it say, and no doctor has ever said 'have several drinks and then bf' - There is stacks of info on this, and any medical professional can advise. It passes from milk to the baby - yes in very small amounts, but I can't think any alcohol at all is good for a baby, let alone a child - common sense tells me that.

http://www.mumsnet.com/babies/foods-to-avoid-while-breastfeeding

And this is to do with the OP - not me!!!

Teaandflapjacks Mon 13-May-13 10:28:33

OP - you do what you want and tell anyone who gives you grief to sod off - firmly.

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