Would you like to be on Mumsnet's research panel? We're especially keen for parents-to-be and new parents to join. You can sign up here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive on offer for your views.

Does it make me a bad person?

(63 Posts)
beth27123 Sun 12-May-13 17:50:48

That I want to FF? I have no problem with women breastfeeding, and if I thought it was best for my dc then I would but after a long chat with OH we think Formula will be best for both me and our future child? I am happy with this decision but feel like a terrible person?

TinkyPeet Sun 12-May-13 17:52:09

It's your decision, your body, your baby. No it doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mother and If anyone tells you any different feel free to slap them x

scissy Sun 12-May-13 18:00:41

Not at all smile. If it works better for you that way then go for it. I suggest looking up the formula feeders faff free fred for some tips that the rest of us have learnt along the way and if you have any questions.

lucybrad Sun 12-May-13 18:00:51

No it doesnt make you a bad person. Just keep your options open, see how you feel at the time. I found there was a little pressure from the midwives and they will probably try and get you to give at least one colostrum feed. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

MortifiedAdams Sun 12-May-13 18:04:48

Not at all, however are you sure you are totally happy about it? Just with you adding "but I feel like a terrible person" after it.

I tried BF and was FFing by day three. I never once felt like a terrible person - I was 100% with the decision.

Guitargirl Sun 12-May-13 18:10:34

Of course it doesn't make you a bad person.

But why, if you believe that FF will be best for your child, do you 'feel like a terrible person'? That doesn't sound like someone who is happy with her decision to me.

brettgirl2 Sun 12-May-13 18:51:11

It doesn't but is the decision yours or dps? FWIW both of mine dropped colossal amounts of weight when bf and never gained at all. It was a truly awful experience. sad ff from the start would have in my case been much better for all concerned. If I had another (which I'm not going to) I wouldnt bf at all tbh. That said if it's pressure from dp then you may regret it and that wouldn't be good.

BigBongTheory Sun 12-May-13 18:56:10

No, not at all.

Have it considered doing it for the first 1-3 days just to get some colostrum in? I know some people really don't like the thought though.

BoyMeetsWorld Sun 12-May-13 18:57:39

No! I fully intend to ff too. In myself I have no shadow if doubt (v strong feelings about it) but its the reactions of others that make me doubt myself.

BabyHMummy Sun 12-May-13 19:06:56

beth I feel the same. I want to ff as I need to be on meds that cross the barriers which is a slightly diff situation from yours but I feel like an awful person and have major anxiety issues over backlash from medical peeps. So far everyone has been great though

beth27123 Sun 12-May-13 19:09:12

Its more peoples judgements that are making me feel bad. I never even considered bf as I really don't think Id be able, if I could do it 100% privately from the start...maybe...but I know that's not valid. OH assumed and I was actually flattered he knows me well enough to pick up on that, as his ex bf his others. I love the idea of us making bottles together all sleepy and as a family.

Fakebook Sun 12-May-13 19:09:27

No it doesn't. It's your choice. I've never met a person in RL who makes anyone feel bad about FF. they're all hiding out on the Internet for some reason!

DontmindifIdo Sun 12-May-13 19:18:02

Why don't you think you'd be able? Also have you considered option number 3 - mixed feeding (which most health care professionals seem to hate, I don't see why...) - I know a few woman who did morning, bedtime and night feeds as BF and then formula when out and about. It's one of those things that's not discussed much - most do one or another.

But if you really don't want to BF, then don't. You might need to be firm with healthcare professionals about this.

DontmindifIdo Sun 12-May-13 19:20:01

Oh it might be easier if you don't pretend you tried and failed - because then you'll get people trying to help or checking your DC's mouth for tongue tied etc - that might make you feel worse - just say you didn't want too for personal reasons.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 12-May-13 19:23:52

If you've made your decision and you're happy with it, then why on earth would you feel like a terrible person?

I must admit that in the absence of a proper medical reason, eg pp's meds, inverted nipples, history of abuse/body issues etc, I always wonder why people won't at least try, or just give the first colostrum feeds... Everyone knows how good it is for the baby. But hey I was ff from the start and I'm ok.

piprabbit Sun 12-May-13 19:27:23

I would wonder why you hadn't tried it for a few days, there are health benefits from BFing for a very few days.

But I wouldn't think you are a bad person, we all make different parenting decisions.

Namethattune Sun 12-May-13 19:35:42

After being absolutely determined to breast feed, I spent the first 3 months of my dds life in absolute misery, as it just didn't work for us. I felt so much better when I finally gave it up, and now I'm firmly of the opinion that if you're happy, then that's what's best for your baby (within reason obvs.)

lollypopsicle Sun 12-May-13 20:07:20

I think you get some negativity from people no matter how you decide to feed. I chose to bf and had negative comments like 'I hope you don't plan to carry on when he gets teeth' and then when I moved on to mixed feeding I had 'what's the point, it should be all or nothing'.

Anyway, my point is, on a subject such a bf, everyone wants to feel like they made the best choice for their own child so have very strong views that they (well, some) like to impart on you. You know what's best for your family and yes, you may feel judged at times but that's there hang up, not yours.
You will come across people who disagree or openly judge whatever parenting decisions you make. Screw them!

lollypopsicle Sun 12-May-13 20:08:58

*their. I hate mistakes like that! Baby brain blush

BabyHMummy Sun 12-May-13 20:15:22

Lolly is right. It's no one else's concern. Although you will always get ppl who feel the need to comment.

Even if I could bf I am not sure I want to as I want dp to be closely involved with feeding which he can't be if I bf and like you I like the idea of doing bottles together.

steakchipsandfriedeggs Sun 12-May-13 20:15:52

I feel exactly the same, and I also feel terrible for it. Not because I'm not 100% certain about my decision, because I am, and am totally comfortable with my choice. The reason I feel terrible though is because it seems that there is always someone there to make you feel like the worst person ever. It can be midwives, health visitors, parents, in laws, friends or just anyone with a voice and opinion. I'm still trying to work on building up my confidence to speak up against these people, but just remember that you have really thought it through carefully with your OH, and be true to yourself and your feelings! You don't need to answer to anyone else! X

ElBombero Sun 12-May-13 21:15:49

What makes you think it's not best for your DC?

beth27123 Sun 12-May-13 21:21:20

I think the emotional trauma on me would be too great and that would project onto my child. I cant have OH near my breasts and I avoid most contact with them, I won't go into detail but I have a past I have not dealt with yet and I don't want my child to suffer through that.

sittinginthesun Sun 12-May-13 21:26:11

Beth - if that is the case, it would be a no brainer for me. Formula feeding will not harm your child. Don't feel guilty.

The only thing I wonder is whether you feel ready to maybe get some help and support regarding your reasons behind this. I just wonder whether it may become more of an issue later, if you feel ready to talk about it?

I would say - don't rule it out. Breast feeding is totally different to any other kind of physical contact. I'm only saying, don't assume you won't be able to do it and not even consider it.
But choosing to FF for valid emotional reasons is fine and not selfish. Your baby will be just fine on formula. Not sure where this idea of idyllic family bottle prepping comes from though - it's not really like that! But good luck to you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now