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Pregnant at 42, in a mess.(72 Posts)
I have felt rubbish all week and been waiting for the period pains to result in something to no avail. Yesterday I decided to POAS just to put a niggling doubt out of my mind but it was a very definite BFP. My dh is away till late tomorrow so I am on my own with this. Dc2 is starting school in Sept so we were looking forward to child care costs diminishing.
I am absolutely blown away by this result and apart from feeling really unwell I keep having waves of sheer terror wash over me.
I am aware women do have healthy babies at 42 but, really? I can't think straight. I can't talk to anyone in RL as DH needs to be first to know, I have no idea what his reaction will be but I'm guessing it won't be positive. Sorry for babbling, I am in bits here.
Any hand holding will be helpful.
Hi Sheer, just offering hand. So understand how you feel about seeing the light at the end of tunnel re childcare costs. If you did decide to go ahead with pregnancy could you think of changing hours of work so you & dh juggle all childcare between you?
Agree that it would be good if you could have dc shipped off for a few hours to give you & dh some time. Also thinking if he had a busy day yesterday which involved some alcohol his reaction may be different to if he was sober last night. Just a thought. Sorry you're feeling so sick & hope this passes. Thinking of you x
Just to offer my hand hold. Hope your dh responds better then you expect him to. I wish u well.
Some very good points. I will have to let him be jumped on by the dc's as they are excited as not seen him for over a week. Will try to wait till later on but he can read my face so I think he may even guess.
It is the childcare costs that is one of the hard points. Looking to extend the house, to replace the conservatory etc and have better hols. My age is also a huge consideration and I imagine feeling embarrassed when people know my age.
All a mess really. Won't be long now so will see how I feel later.
Hand holding here, hope dh isn't too shocked and you get some time to talk later.
You have options tho I totally get what you said earlier re not wanting to be pregnant but not feeling able to do anything to end the pregnancy.
How old is dc1?
Its a big shock and you have lots to think about.
No need to feel emmbarrased lots of people have babies at 42 and i know a few mums who got their youngest to school and then had a 'bonus' baby.
Whatever happens you have mnet and its support and advice at your fingertips!
Xxxx good luck xx
Just had a baby at 40 and no problems - in fact pregnancy was less problematic than that of younger friends/relations.
I did a course about health and medicine once and I remember them pointing out that throughout history it has been common for women to have their last babies in their 40s, it's just nowadays we start later.
I wanted to suggest staying off the internet -- you can scare yourself silly on any topic with enough Googling! Speak to DH, trusted friends, doctor etc.
I'm 37 so not the same age but currently 33 weeks pregnant with very unexpected ds3. We'd decided a long time ago that we were having no more, dh is 51 and when I conceived, ds2 had just started school so our massive debt problem was supposed to get a lot better. I had been childminding 7 and half years and with ds2 starting school, could increase my daytime mindees and had recently had 6 new starters and the income had finally increased. We had a plan for sorting ourselves out so when I POAS, I was in utter shock. I cried so much, felt sick with worry etc etc. Dh surprised me by not hitting the roof and we just had to adapt. I was worried about telling all the parents of children I cared for, especially all the new ones as this was terrible timing. Everyone was lovely about it although it did mean changes as they had to secure new childcare. My money got less and less each month and we have struggled, however, finances aside, this is the best thing that could have happened to my family! I believe things happen for a reason, for me I believe it happened to force me into stopping childminding (long story but had to change stuff in the house to fit new one in hence no room for minding) and to concentrate on my own family for a change. We'd been having massive problems with our boys and things have improved a lot! I'm now really looking forward to meeting ds3 Although I'll admit I still can't believe it all at times and that I'll be feeding a tiny baby again, getting up in the night etc. but it will be worth it. My boys are staggered by 5 years (got a 10 year old and ds2 will be 5 2 days after baby's due) which has it's pros and cons but one of the good bits is I'll have just baby whilst the others are at school and I want to enjoy that (as I had 4 under 18 months old once ds2 was 1 weeks old).
Anyway, that seems all a bit 'me, me, me' but I'm trying to explain how I've TOTALLY changed how I feel about it all and it doesn't have to be the disaster you first think it is. We both panic at times, especially as BOTH of us are currently out of work, BUT, I feel this is the right thing and believe the job/financial side of things will improve. I really hope your dh is ok with the news, do expect it to take time to sink in as of course it will be a shock but I'm sure you'll work round it if you both want to. Good luck, will be thinking of you as I was s***ing myself so I know what you're feeling right now. Best of luck xx
I had an unplanned pregnancy when I was 42. Like you my DH was away when I found out, but unlike you I rang him up and told him. He left his event early - missing a seminar on "managing difficult conversations"
Physically I didn't find pregnancy any different from the other times. I did have a little bit of antenatal depression though, obviously brought on by hormones but also exacerbated by DH being a real Eeyore about the pregnancy and that I had just got back to work in a job I loved, that I was now going to have to give up. But it wasn't too bad, and I got some help. I have always found the worst bit of pregnancy/childbearing to be what it does to your mind - my anxiety goes through the roof, and that was probably what I dreaded most, as I felt I had just returned to "normal." Well of course I did eventually return to normal again!
As a couple our view has always been that we would not terminate a pregnancy unless the baby had absolutely no chance of life, so we did not go for any invasive tests like amniocentesis. But I was very anxious about my age affecting the baby. The odds on me having a baby with DS at that age were about 40:1, IIRC. After the nuchal scan they lengthened to 80:1. The midwife said I could not have got a better result! It didn't feel all that good to me but I reminded myself that at those odds I would have to have 80 babies before I had one with DS, which put it into perspective. My odds were shorter than yours would be as DS was born when I was 43 - it's the age you are when the baby is born that affects it.
DS2 is 5.5 now and has always been absolutely lovely and a complete joy. We all adore him and the older two (now 11 and 12) really look after him and play with him. DH is thrilled with him. I feel, as I did from his birth, that having him was like winning the lottery without buying a ticket.
Oh and I got my job back eventually.
I'm thinking you may be having 'the conversation' with your DH right now so all that we say might be moot but I had planned DD2 just two months shy of 43.
I had other health concerns which meant all my care was consultant led, I was definitely more concerned about my age than he was. He said that obstetrically after 21 everyone had a higher risk of something so that made me much the same as a 22yr old in his eyes!
I had a private nuchal scan and bloods done which gave me a risk of 6800/1 for DS. After that I felt much less worried.
Had an easier pg than at 36 and VBAC, albeit with forceps.
DDs fight like cat and dog sometimes but mostly are so good together that I love to see them learning/playing with each other. I'll be honest and say I'd have preferred financial burden to have been easier before now re childcare costs but now DD2 at school its much better.
Long lies still a way off but Dd1 made me breakfast in bed which made it a bit better after having been woken early by DD2. Poptarts and OJ, bliss.
Good luck with whatever you do and hope your DH supports you through it.
Well, he guessed as soon as I said I wasn't having a glass of wine. Grinned like a Cheshire Cat but tried to be all serious and said he will support me whatever my decision. Yes we will be old parents and we are looking at more time and better finances but it is doable apparently.
I feel slightly less panicky but really overwhelmed.
Thanks for all the positives, I will keep you informed. There are many hurdles to get over yet, don't even want to think about screening options yet.
I need to think about increasing my fitness ASAP.
Wish this nausea would go, it is constant.
Glad his reaction was so positive and supportive. Hopefully that is a huge weight of your mind now .
Yay glad he is supportive, fingers crossed all goes well xxx
That sounds positive sheerpanic , having dh's support is pretty essential. I'm currently 30weeks with dc4 and surprisingly this has been my easiest pg yet. Not sure why that is, bit each pg is different and hopefully you will feel physically a lot better soon
Oh good news that he was grinning! So that's one down. Nausea will get better soonish hopefully, how many weeks do you think you are? Mine had gone by 16 weeks first time (lasted a bit longer second time round mind!)
I hope you start to feel a bit better ow you are able to discuss things with your DH.
Big hug x
Glad it went well . And you're not old. I'm 42 and have a 1 yo. She wasn't unplanned, but she wasn't exactly planned either.
your dh sounds lovely. I dobhope you feel better soon. If you continue to feel anxious perhaps,also confide in a friend or even your GP. remember, everything is a phase. very good luck
So glad your DH is supportive - congratulations!
I'm in love with your dh OP. Congratulations. It will all work out.
Just wanted to say thanks for all the support and amazing positive hand holding, it has meant so much and kept me from losing the plot.
Pretty exhausting day, lots of soul searching and discussing what ifs'
DH remains solidly supportive and sensible. Many hurdles to get through and hoping all ok.
I did however catch him looking at pushchairs on Internet earlier, flippin bloke is excited about all the hardware. Give me strength.
Having the support of your DH is priceless sheer hope it all goes wellx
How lovely to hear that your DH is so supportive.
Hope the nausea eases soon.
Just read all this thread - what a lovely DH you've got!
I'm 42 and we'd always hoped we might have another but kind of given up hoping really as we'd been trying ( or at least not trying not to) for 5 years and now I'm going in for my 12 week scan tomorrrow
Do have a look in at the Fabulous 40+ thread - it's been great for me as we haven't told anyone else yet and sometimes I need to talk and talk.
All the very best sheer
Great to hear things have gone well with your DH. Boys just love all the paraphernalia! One day at a time was my mantra at your stage. Hope all goes well.
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