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Help who may the dad be

(133 Posts)
leigh1991 Sat 27-Apr-13 11:36:35

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and i made a stupid mistake drunk and had a 1 night stand early hours on the 27 th march this year i found out this month april 11th i was 3+ weeks pregnant so am not sure hu the dad is if i was pregnant to the one night stand shouldn't the test say 2 weeks as 27 th to the 11 april is not more than 3 weeks plus i did take the morning after pill the day after i had a one night stand on the 28 th of march , but i still not 100 percent its just crazy how all year av been with my fella and march i get pregnant and had a one night stand , i calculated my last period which was the 4 th march so i used a due date calculator and it showed days where i was fertile and he day i may of conceived and it showed dates before the 27 th (one night stand) It said i conceived around the 18 th so i may already of been pregnant before the 27 th i am so scares and worried but when i took the clear blue the test said i was to far gone for it to have been the 27 th march ?????

leigh1991 Sat 27-Apr-13 11:41:44

Will the midwife work it out on my 1st scan ?

MumfordandDaughter Sat 27-Apr-13 11:47:57

Hi, Leigh.

Even if the midwife told you a conception date, I'm afraid it won't be 100%. There's always going to be that doubt in your mind.

The only way you can be 100% is to get a DNA test done when the baby is born.

You ought to be honest with both men just now, to make the test as simple and swift as possible once your baby is here.

Teaandflapjacks Sat 27-Apr-13 11:48:39

sweetheart - the first scan can certainly date but it can be out by about a week or so. You can ask for an early dating scan in the UK I believe - but normally you don't get one until 12 week (another poster can correct me). The tests work out your HCG levels (pg hormone) and take this based on an average to see how pregnant you are, hence the three weeks. If you have regular periods, on a 28 day cycle, then in theory you ovulate around 14 days after the first day of your period - this is the start of the new cycle. So yes you can certainly have been pregnant earlier, and the morning after pill is essentially a massive dose of the normal pill, and does not always work. It only works most effectively 24 hours after - so again this could mean that you were already pregnant.

It sound like you have a lot to work through - please get yourself to the doctors, try and see a female doctor if you can - perhaps at a family planning centre? or one you feel comfortable talking to about all of this. They should be able to refer you for an early scan if you have good reason. And you may need some help then deciding what to - don't be afraid to reach out. xx

yadiyadiya Sat 27-Apr-13 11:49:22

so ... you had unprotected sex with two different men?

Teaandflapjacks Sat 27-Apr-13 11:49:49

p.s. mumfordanddaughter has some excellent advice there too.

leigh1991 Sat 27-Apr-13 11:55:58

I cant tell my fella and the one night stand lad has a family and a gf we dont want anyfin from this he wants to live hos life and mine too but this has happend i just hope its my bfs am so scared there is no wat i an tell my bf he will leave me and there will be so much trouble caused i wish i new because if it was the other lads i would have a termination ,how do i ring for a early scan or talk to some one ? I need help i think about this ever hour of the day i hate myself

leigh1991 Sat 27-Apr-13 11:57:49

Yes my boyfriend and the stupid mistake i made on the 27 th i had morning after pill but i no its not 100% it had worked in the past tho

McBalls Sat 27-Apr-13 12:00:33

You can't not tell him, that would be massively selfish and controlling. He should not be led to believe this child is his when you know it's 50/50. You don't have the right to deceive another human being to that extent.

In your situation I would terminate but only you can make that decision. If you keep it then he has to know its not definitely his.

ihearsounds Sat 27-Apr-13 12:01:17

You need to come clean with your boyfriend and let him know. You also owe it to all concerned to get std tested.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 27-Apr-13 12:01:33

Go and speak to your GP to discuss your options, or go to the family planning centre.

It is extremely unlikely that they will be able confirm who the father is, you would have to have a paternity test after the baby was born if you decided to go ahead with the pregnancy.

Definitely go and talk this through with someone asap.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 27-Apr-13 12:02:47

Yes I agree you have to tell your boyfriend. You cannot allow him to think that the baby is his when there is a very good chance that it isn't.

leigh1991 Sat 27-Apr-13 12:05:15

Its easier said than done i will have to speak with someone professionally

scaevola Sat 27-Apr-13 12:10:58

It's a goid idea to speak to a professional, but be prepared for the likelihood that they won't be able to give a definite answe.

And you do need to get an STI check (despite girlfriend, if he's had 1 one night stand,, there may be others, and you must put the health of both yourself and the pregnancy first).

leigh1991 Sat 27-Apr-13 12:15:27

Yes do i ring the hospital as i av no midwife yet ? Or my doctors , i have depression already so am worried

Maryz Sat 27-Apr-13 12:26:23

I think if you are genuinely scared, and don't want to tell your boyfriend you had the one night stand, and also if you would consider an abortion if it wasn't your boyfriend's baby, then maybe you should consider having an abortion anyway?

Because you can't be absolutely sure until after the baby is born, no matter what scans or tests say. There will always be doubt.

You sound very young - is there anyone in real life you can talk to about this? Someone to go with you to the clinic to discuss all your options?

leigh1991 Sat 27-Apr-13 12:45:29

Am 22 and i have mates bu i cant even face to tell my best friend sad i dont no what to do in my mind there a good chance its my bfs but i will always have doubt untill the baby is born

Maryz Sat 27-Apr-13 12:51:08

Suppose it was your boyfriend's, what would you do? Would he be pleased? Do you want to be pregnant at this time, or would it be better to wait a bit?

Suppose it isn't your boyfriend's, what would you do? Would you definitely have an abortion?

If your boyfriend wasn't on the scene at all now, what would you do? Would you continue with the pregnancy or have an abortion?

If you can answer those questions, it might clarify things a bit.

I think you need to decide what you want to do for you. If you really want this baby, then have it. But be honest with your b/f. He may love you enough to stay, or he may not. But at least you will know from the start where you stand. And remember, even if it is his baby he may not stay around - you are both young, you haven't been in a relationship for very long. So you may end up a single parent.

If you feel that you are not ready at this point in your life to have a baby, then you need to consider other options. You can talk to your gp, or your practice nurse, or go to one of the pregnancy advisory services in your area and you can talk it all through with them.

The one thing that I am 100% certain you shouldn't do is continue with the pregnancy, let your b/f think the baby is his and hope for the best. Just watching Jeremy Kyle will show you how badly wrong that can go.

Wishing you all the best.

whattodoo Sat 27-Apr-13 12:52:28

I really think you should try to talk to someone in RL, who can help you through this.

Situations like this aren't quite so scary if there is someone to hold your hand.

You do need to tell your boyfriend, and get STI checks.

Go to your GP asap and explain the situation. Ask if they could put you in touch with either a friendly midwife or a local non-judgmental organization to help you work through your options.

leigh1991 Sat 27-Apr-13 13:01:39

My bf is 28 and made up i am pregnant sad. If it was his i would continue , if i was on my own or if it was the other lads i would get rid i just dont no what to do i cant stop crying ino its my fault but it was a stupid mistake

Maryz Sat 27-Apr-13 13:10:17

Yes, it was a stupid mistake (((((((hugs))))))

But it can't be undone. And the sooner you tell him the better. Honestly, get it over with, and then you can make a decision about what to do next.

The fact that you are so upset means that you won't be able to hide it. You won't manage the next 8 months pretending it is all ok, especially if you are depressed anyway, this is too much pressure to cope with.

You need to talk to someone very soon. Even if you called someone like bpas they might be able to tell you who to talk to.

When you tell him, no matter what his reaction (whether he will stay or leave), at least you will know.

WouldBeHarrietVane Sat 27-Apr-13 13:10:37

Really sorry to hear you are going through this worry op sad I won't lecture you, because I think you know already this was daft.

The difficulty with being sure about conception is that you can never say in retrospect exactly when you ovulated and scans are not 100% accurate.

To try to work out when you ovulated, you count from the first day of your period as day 1. It is probably more likely on balance that it is your bf's based on the likely ovulation date. This is because unless you usually have a really long cycle, for you to get pg on the 27th, you would probably have had to ovulate on around day 25 at the latest, which would be day 21 of your cycle. Average ovulation in a standard 28 day cycle is day 13-15, so around 17-19 March. You were probably already pg when you had the ons.

If on 11 April the digital pg test said 3 weeks plus that means you probably got pg no later than 21 March - again making it much more likely it is your bf's baby.

HOWEVER you can ovulate much later than day 15 - I have ovulated on day 21 myself, for example. I can't find the accuracy of the clear blue conception indicator, but of course it will not be 100%, so only a DNA test will tell you for sure.

Maryz is right that you need to think about whether you want a baby right now.

I think you need to ask your GP for RL help and please take care of yourself. Can you confide in your best friend? A true friend would not judge you, but would be there to support you.

WouldBeHarrietVane Sat 27-Apr-13 13:12:14

Op x posted with you - sending you hugs. We've all done stupid things in the past - I know I have.

WouldBeHarrietVane Sat 27-Apr-13 13:23:09

Right, I've found the leaflet. If you used cb digital on 11 April the leaflet is here:

www.clearblue.com/uk/pdfs/Clearblue_Digital_with_Conception_Indicator.pdf

This says their conception indicator is 92% accurate (see question 3 on the leaflet). There is only 8% chance you conceived after 21 March, so it is much more likely this baby is your bf's.

That would also tie in with your cycle dates if your cycle is normally 28 days or less.

leigh1991 Sat 27-Apr-13 13:24:31

Thanks thats helped alot , the likey hood like u said i may be my bfs but ill never be 100 %. And the next step is to tell my best friend because i cant be on my own through this mess , and the fact i took the morning after pill 28 th made me think its more of a percentage for it to be my bfs , i went to cornwall on the 29 th thats when to and the easter weekend i had period pains but never came on so i thought would that be to soon to have pains only 3 or 4 days after the 1 night stand ?

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