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Elective c section

(38 Posts)
SammyFirstBaby Tue 23-Apr-13 08:44:17

When do they do it from?
I'm in so much pain from this pregnancy and I don't think they'll induce me, and to top it of my partner has to leave for 3 week at the end of this week for a family funeral. He's going to try and stay not as lob but will be away for due date. Eh

coorong Thu 25-Apr-13 12:59:19

Sammy I'm really sorry you're in this position. Is there a religious authority who can advise your husband on this matter. I'm sure you can reach a compromise. In some religious, life is more important that death. I really worry about your health if left alone at this time.

Doctors make decisions on clinical concerns first and foremost. There is no way they would compromise your health for sake of convenience.

BabyHMummy Thu 25-Apr-13 10:10:54

How are you doing sammy

ExpatAl Wed 24-Apr-13 13:49:10

Sammy most religions have some leeway for familial obligations/needs. Perhaps your dh needs to look into that.
It's a tough one though. Do you have no member of family that can be with you?

Monka Wed 24-Apr-13 13:30:40

If you want a c section could you afford to pay for one privately? I believe that women should have their choice of birth taken into account but the NHS will push for a vb. my poor cousin had an emergency c section last night only after her husband insisted as she has been in labour for almost 3 days and wasn't progressing any further. This is just to illustrate how hard it is to get an elective c section on the NHS on non medical grounds.

Aoifebelle Tue 23-Apr-13 23:06:45

This is a tough one Sammy. I do think you need to prepare yourself for not being offered an ECS. Like many of the contributors on here, the NHS is unlikely to view your husband's religious committments as a valid reason for you to have major surgery.
If your husband does need to be away for such a long time, you will need to make plans for what happens if you have to labour and give birth without him there. Being on your own is not really a good option. You said your mum is helping after the birth, could she be there for the labour? Do you have any close friends/relatives who could be birthing partners? If not paying a doula may be the only option if you have the funds.

I understand why you feel judged by some of the comments on here. To put this into context. If I went into labour on the day of my partner's mother's funeral - I would expect him to be with me - no questions. Your husband's religion demands other priorities but for me this is really difficult to understand. I hope this helps explain some of the comments.

flowery Tue 23-Apr-13 23:02:27

Not sure what difference knowing the religion or relative would make in terms of whether I have a "right" to judge. Neither would change my opinion, certainly.

Sammy what your partner is doing would not be acceptable to me at all, but obviously it's between you and him, and I hope and assume you were aware of his priorities already and that his decision is not a surprise to you.

As I said earlier, I would judge your partner very much less if he were actively sorting this out for you, and taking all possible steps to ensure you will be fully supported at this crucial time, including arranging and paying for a doula, which I think is the least he could do tbh.

givemeaclue Tue 23-Apr-13 22:33:30

3 Weeks?

YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad Tue 23-Apr-13 21:12:19

OP if you were on your deathbed would your husband still be required to go away? I know it's not the same of course, but giving birth is a major experience, surely his family will understand?

You will probably not be granted an elective c section for reasons of convenience. That's why posters on this thread are asking about alternative solutions.

BabyHMummy Tue 23-Apr-13 21:03:24

flowery you have no right to judge him. You do not know the circumstances or what religion or who the relative is. The op asks for info on whether she could get elective c section not for you to pass judgement.

Sammy has explained its his religion and she obv is upset but is aware he has to go

flowery Tue 23-Apr-13 20:47:43

I don't think it's at all clear he has no choice. All we know is that he's going regardless of the situation the OP is in.

Unless he is being taken there at gun point he does have a choice, and is choosing to prioritise this particular religious custom over the OPs well being. Whether or not she is happy with his choices is between her and her DP, obviously. But she doesn't sound happy. She sounds very worried and concerned.

If he is going to make this choice he needs to be making arrangements to ensure the OP has enough support in his absence, such as paying for a doula. It doesn't sound as though he's doing that tbh, so I will judge him.

BabyHMummy Tue 23-Apr-13 20:25:10

I doubt her husband WANTS to abandon his wife and child but there are religions were death takes precedent over everything else. She is asking for info on whether or not she ia likely to be given an elcs not for your opinions on her marriage.

He clearly has no choice.

SammyFirstBaby Tue 23-Apr-13 20:19:29

IT'S HIS RELIGION

SammyFirstBaby Tue 23-Apr-13 20:08:41

IT'S HIS RELIGION

dopeysheep Tue 23-Apr-13 12:26:04

Exactly givemeaclue - surely the most important relative is your own child?

givemeaclue Tue 23-Apr-13 12:22:53

If you just can't do it alone your husband's must stay with you. Its nonsense he won't be there.

givemeaclue Tue 23-Apr-13 12:12:42

Why is your husband's relative more priority than you and your baby!

CareerGirl01 Tue 23-Apr-13 12:07:14

You can't count on your recovery being quick after a c section. We're not judging you just trying to help. Because we all know that very very few doctors/midwives will let you book a c-section for non-medical reasons (asthma and having to go up stairs not being one of them). I had a bleed at 30 weeks this pregnancy and my ob was still trying to convince me to have a vaginal birth up until two weeks ago. Unless you are going private. Worst case scenario, he's away but you give birth unassisted - if you are staying at your mums then in theory you won't have to worry about recovery and he misses the birth; then it's his loss which is sad.
Yoni I had to have a emergency c section with DD1 and have found mumsnetters nothing but supportive. I was posting how I thought I'd failed - but everyone was great, not anti c section at all.
And having had one, yes it really isn't the easy option as you will know!

dopeysheep Tue 23-Apr-13 12:04:47

Agree some comments are very much worst case scenarios. I am 10 days post section and absolutely fine, walking atound etc. BUT I have a partner who is helping out massively. How will you carry baby plus car seat for example? That isn't recommended.
I think it is hugely unlikely you will get an unplanned section at this late date for non medical reasons.

BabyHMummy Tue 23-Apr-13 12:02:18

sammy all you can do is discuss with your drs and mw. Due to the religious aspect they may understand but you may need to prepare yourself for them to say no. I hope you get the outcome you want!

Hope your dh is ok having lost a close relative and the stress of having no choice but to abandon you at this time. the suggestion of a doula is a good one if you don't have a friend who could be with you.

YoniMitchel Tue 23-Apr-13 11:53:33

FWIW Sammy I have a C section and found the recovery absolutely fine, went for a walk the day I came home from hospital to try out my new pram grin I also know lots of people who were fine after a c section. I find MN in general very anti c sections especially for non medical reasons. Do what you need to do.

flowery Tue 23-Apr-13 11:51:15

I'm judging him yes. There's no way he needs to be there for 3 weeks for a funeral, regardless of what religion he is, when his partner is about to give birth.

No the doctors won't do you a c section to fit in with convenient dates. If your partner can't/won't prioritise you and your baby get him to pay for a doula to be with you.

SammyFirstBaby Tue 23-Apr-13 11:47:23

In his religion it's a three week thing, I also believe its because his whole family will be there, end of the day he will not be here from Friday until 3 weeks from then. I feel like alot of you are judging me and him. I just wanted to know if the doctors can do anything, not a lecture on him being away

Fairlygrounded Tue 23-Apr-13 11:23:37

Why does your husband need to go for 3 weeks? That seems excessive for a funeral and especially given you could go into labour at any moment.

flowery Tue 23-Apr-13 11:23:37

If the funeral is the end of this week there is no need for him to be away for the due date. You are not due til a week on Saturday.

cupcake78 Tue 23-Apr-13 11:02:03

You need to speak to your midwife/ dr but please remember a c section is not an easy way out! Recovery from a vaginal birth is far quicker. Unless baby is at risk it is highly unlikely this will be an option for you.

The stairs to your flat with a c section will very probably be agony after a c section and will takes weeks to recover. You run the risk of infected wounds that make you feel ill and general discomfort. You will need a lot of support after a c section. A vaginal birth it's a matter of days to recover and you will mobile and be able to carry baby far more comfortably pretty much straight away.

Sorry but you need to seriously consider what's going to happen during and after a natural delivery and the funeral situation as this is probably what's going to happen.

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