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Question For Those Who Have Been Overdue

(43 Posts)
DaisyBug Fri 12-Apr-13 12:31:22

One of my best friends is now a week overdue. I'm wondering how to strike the right balance between showing that I care and am thinking of her whilst not annoying the hell out of her at what I'm sure is a stressful and anxious time.

So, those who have been overdue, how did you feel at that point? Did it really irritate you to get lots of texts/emails/calls from family and friends? Would you have preferred that they just left you alone and trusted that you'd let them know as soon as there was news? Or would you have felt alone and uncared about if others hadn't let you know that they were thinking of you?

Guntie Fri 12-Apr-13 12:42:26

Why not organize something fun to do with her. Accupressure/reflexology/moxibustion on the foot is supposed to help bring on labour. You could suggest going and doing together. She might appreciate that as something fun to look forward to where she can sit down and chat with you.

notso Fri 12-Apr-13 12:42:39

I think if you are important enough to be told if she is in labour or has just had the baby then you will annoy her if you ask any news type questions.
I've only been over due once but I would've appreciated people coming round to take my mind of things or taking me out somewhere rather than everyone leaving me alone to rest as it's soooo boring waiting for something to happen.

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Fri 12-Apr-13 12:43:08

Texts, emails and calls all annoyed me massively with dc1 (went to 40+13), but depends how they're phrased. The constant "any news?" "Any twinges?" were awful. Ended up just texting "no". Wanted to text, "oh yes had unexpected triplets 3 weeks ago" but never found the courage!! The texts which were generally chatty, amusing or better still invited me out of the house were great.

If you live close by maybe suggest lunch/coffee out at the weekend?

I'm term today with dc2 and doesn't bother me this time as always expected to go over again, but the first time was very hard.

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Fri 12-Apr-13 12:43:31

I went 2 weeks over with dc1, and if mil had asked one more time whether I'd had the baby yet I think I may have throttled someone.

Trust that she will tell you when shes had the baby. Presume that she hasnt until then. you could try distraction if you live local to her and Ask her if she wants to go out for a coffee?

I would definitely drop her a line, it would cheer her up. But yes, don't say any news or anything like that, just something like -- how are you feeling? let me know if there's anything I can do, I can pop by later if you like.

Gimmeechocolate Fri 12-Apr-13 14:45:28

I think you are a really nice friend to be so thoughtful. I agree that 'any news' type texts are very annoying but offers of coffee, lunch etc are fab! X

stuffthenonsense Fri 12-Apr-13 14:55:07

Having been horrifically (double figures) overdue three times, definitely avoid asking, don't make any suggestions for moving things along, and definitely no humour about size or eviction. At +3-5 it's slightly amusing, by the time +7 arrives it is more likely to induce tears than a baby and by +14 nobody can say/do a darned thing that will help and phones get ignored. A text saying your available for chat/coffee/whinge would be appreciated though.

vix206 Fri 12-Apr-13 14:56:29

I went 15 days overdue and I was grateful for any/all texts, calls etc. because I was going out of my mind with boredom and frustration at home!!

ButteryJam Fri 12-Apr-13 15:07:42

Why don't you take her out for dinner or tea? She may even fancy a walk and could do with company

StiffyByng Fri 12-Apr-13 15:19:12

I echo not making any suggestions whatsoever about ways to get things moving. She knows ALL of them. Ditto anecdotes about friends who were in the same position.

Distraction through company is an excellent idea though.

Distraction and entertainment were welcome. Anybody saying "any news" got shot! Been overdue twice and those that offered coffee were the most welcome, since I really, really, genuinely had an empty diary!

pippitysqueakity Fri 12-Apr-13 15:28:37

Personally, I really just wanted to be left alone! Even DH wound me up. Went +14 with DD1 then EMCS after failed induction etc, so when DD2 went +7 I just knew was heading the same way, and again did not want to discuss anything with anyone.
I would not have objected to a chatty text tho, as long as it was clear I could answer or not without causing offence. I literally had nothing to say to anyone I was so wrapped up in the moment.

popebenedictsp45 Fri 12-Apr-13 16:19:47

I agree about texting with offer of fun/distraction. I got really sick of emails and texts that said simply "any news?"

The funniest one was when I texted a friend to let him know I'd dropped his DVDs off at a mutual friend's house as I knew they were meeting that weekend. He texted back saying "thanks. Have you had the baby yet?"

Oh yes, I had the baby and as soon as it was born I thought "Oh yeah - I'd better remind Graham about his DVDs."

CityDweller Fri 12-Apr-13 17:27:07

As someone currently at 40 + 10 there is only a handful of people I want to talk to and I really appreciate their calls/ texts asking how I am. I agree that the last thing you want is a msg asking for news or where the baby is (grrr). Safest thing would be a msg saying something along lines of 'just to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope you're well. I'm here if you want to chat or need distracting/ moral support' then it's up to her if she wants to talk to you or see you.

jumpinghoops Fri 12-Apr-13 18:54:10

I think CityDweller has it spot on. I`m bang on 40 weeks and personally get driven mad with texts at this stage (went to 40+12 with first DC) but admittedly am very grumpy!

SneezySnatcher Fri 12-Apr-13 20:15:56

I'm +6 and have ignored any and all texts asking 'any news/twinges?'

Agree with above, ask her if she wants to do anything - if she's anything like me she'll jump at the chance.

marzipananimal Fri 12-Apr-13 20:21:42

I found any texts (unless completely unrelated to the situation) very annoying - even just 'thinking of you' type ones. I pretty much just wanted to be left alone and ignored

catsdogsandbabies Fri 12-Apr-13 20:28:01

I am +4 and was v late with DS1 and the worst texts/messages are about that 'oh hope he will be earlier than DS1' etc and 'any sign yet, any twinges'? The best ones are honest - sorry you must be v fed up, hope things get started soon' - those I mind less! Best would be offers of coffees etc

TeamEdward Fri 12-Apr-13 20:33:18

The "any news" calls and texts sucked, but I would have loved someone taking me out for a pedicure or even just a cup of tea!

Some lovely friends organised a beach picnic which was really nice and enjoyable, except that I couldn't get far onto the shingle beach at my whale-like size and was concerned that some do-gooders might think I'd been beached and would try to refloat me.

ohmentalnessisme Fri 12-Apr-13 20:33:57

I got really pissed off with all the calls and texts asking for news and offering advice to get things moving angry but one lovely friend who had been overdue twice herself sent me a text that started "I know you haven't had the baby yet so don't think this is one of those texts..." and then said if I wanted company to call her or ignore if I wanted to be left alone. It was so lovely and thoughtful of her and I really appreciated it as I was starting to climb the walls!

Beamur Fri 12-Apr-13 20:40:34

I was nearly 2 weeks over, but still quite comfortable and relaxed, so I quite enjoyed my friends keeping in touch and being interested in our progress.
I'd just keep in touch as you would a friendship under normal conditions and take advantage of the time to relax and do stuff before the baby arrives.

Quak Fri 12-Apr-13 20:42:11

I found people seemed to be getting cross for me for not having dd on time. I felt a bit silly even though there was obviously nothing I could do about it! How lovely you're not making her feel like that!
Simple things. Go out for a waddle/walk with her but stay within easy reach of a car/bus as she might be feeling anxious about her baby coming suddenly. Go to the cinema if she can sit for a decent amount of time. I started having contractions in the cinema!
Good luck smile

ohmentalnessisme Sat 13-Apr-13 12:37:17

Yy Quak, I found myself constantly apologising for not having produced the baby yet and then getting annoyed with myself for apologising!

I had a house full of builders who every morning pointed out that a. I hadn't had 'it' yet, and b. I must be really uncomfortable. I could have thumped them....

Much nicer was a lovely friend who regularly texted to see if I wanted to pop round for a coffee or join her on a dog walk. She never once mentioned anything to do with the impending arrival other than to say to call her if I needed a lift to hospital or the dogs minded.

Practical and moral support is helpful. Comments and advice are not.

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