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Help. Pregnant after recent MC and really not ready.

(18 Posts)
Quodlibet Thu 11-Apr-13 22:43:19

I don't know where to start really. I did three pregnancy tests this evening and they were all, to my surprise, very positive.
I had a miscarriage over Xmas/January which really floored me, and I ended up with depression and anxiety which is only just abating really.
To top it off, we have also bought a flat so the last three months have been maybe the most stressful and tumultuous of my life. We have spent the last 4 weeks trying desperately to decorate and get the new place ready. We move on Saturday. I haven't packed and we don't have a working shower in the new place. It feels like my life is all over the place.

We didn't stop TTC after the MC as last time it took 10 months to get pregnant, so I just kind of didn't really believe I would get pregnant again this fast. Neither of us can really take it in. I don't feel anything, really - I have got so many things to cope with at the moment it's like this just can't sink in.

And I don't feel pregnant at all - no symptoms, no achy boobs. But I've got three very definite pink lines staring at me.

Help?

mamababa Thu 11-Apr-13 22:46:14

Congratulations grin

Sounds like all the other stress has taken your mind off the TTC. Take care moving (no heavy lifting) try to rest as mich as poss and hopefully things will work out this time.

Try not to worry and enjoy this new start grin

Quodlibet Thu 11-Apr-13 22:48:31

Thanks.

I have been doing all the things you are not supposed to do. Drinking, the odd cigarette, haven't been taking my folic acid, exposed myself to paint chemicals etc. Last time I did everything by the book and was all mentally prepared for it; this time not at all.

mamababa Thu 11-Apr-13 22:51:38

Don't worry, I am sure well more than half the pregnant world were drinking etc before they knew. How far along do you think you are? You can't change the past few weeks, you can only do the right thing now. Also, wouldn't worry about paint fumes, nothing too nasty there just white spirit.

Quodlibet Thu 11-Apr-13 22:53:34

Can't be more than 5 weeks. It just feels so odd to be back here again, feeling so different to last time.

Fakebook Thu 11-Apr-13 23:08:42

Congratulations! It's good you've had other things happening to take your mind off the miscarriage and TTC.

Give yourself time. You've only just found out! This is my third viable pregnancy and although we were TTC I still had 3 weeks of fretting and thinking that its happened too quickly and it's not the right time. I felt the same with dc2, and he was conceived after 4 miscarriages. What you're feeling is very very normal.

As for symptoms, you're only 5 weeks, give it time. My last pregnancy I didn't have any symptoms at all apart from my missed period. That was physically the easiest pregnancy I've had.

UnrequitedSkink Thu 11-Apr-13 23:15:09

Just roll with it...don't expect to feel too much this early (both in terms of symptoms and your emotions). Don't over exert yourself but don't wrap yourself up in cotton wool either. If it's a 'sticky' baby it will stick, and once you've moved in you can start to concentrate on the pregnancy rather than the other stuff. And congratulations! smile

Quodlibet Fri 12-Apr-13 07:53:35

Thanks all. My job is about to get very very full on too, I just feel like its the wrong time and I don't have the headspace for this at the moment (and then I feel selfish for not feeling grateful to be pg). It doesn't feel real - I've refreshed my memory of things I'm not meant to eat or drink but it feels ridiculous somehow.

rosiedays Fri 12-Apr-13 08:46:08

I got my very very unexpected BFP in December..... and felt every thing you discribed and some!!! now 25 weeks and can't wait to start a whole new chapter in my life. (babys are |SOOOO much fun!!) confused Give your self time to get your head round it, it can be a huge shock.

pregnancy is a rollercoaster! your hormones will be all over the place at the moment. be kind to yourself.
good luck and try to enjoy your pregnancy (making a whole new set of plans.)

Audrey2013 Fri 12-Apr-13 13:00:34

You obviously want to have a baby so think how lucky you are to get pregnant again! That's great news! flowers

Even if you do everything according to the book you always feel 'I should have eaten more salad/exercised more/etc etc' it's only natural... The truth is, the baby will take everything needed from you anyway (that's what my consultant said).

It's just never the right time, isn't it?smile But actually it's not the right time to think about kids if you are 70 - otherwise, yes it will be tough, yes you'll miss out on some things, yes you won't be euphoric about the whole thing 24/7 but it's just part of the dealsmile

And then you get to see your little shrimp doing cha-cha on your first scan - and it's like the best movie ever)))

Honestly, don't force yourself to feel smth or feel guilty for not feeling it. Especially since you had such a hard time recently. You are pregnant and that's all that matters!

Congratulations and good luck!

whistlingdixie Fri 12-Apr-13 21:06:53

First off, congratulations and to use my BF and DH's pet phrase, here's hoping this one sticks!! smile

I've had several fertility treatment failure and several MCs, the last of which was fairly traumatic (ruptured EP that went wrong) but I made it out alive [drama queen alert blush ]. I was in the process of recovering and over Christmas we decided we'd had enough and that we would adopt. We were in the early stages of the adoption process when I discovered I was pregnant.

I was shocked and very unprepared.
I was still very wobbly physically (& unfit), was only just coming right emotionally and work had kicked into high gear (am now away from home 4 nights a week, traipsing around via plan, train and automobile working long hrs hmm).

I am now 13+3. Which is great but I am still not fully on board with the whole pregnancy thing. I really don't mean this to sound OTT but I am quietly waiting for the other shoe to drop... friends & family are celebrating post the 12-week mark, but not me. It all seems to be going too well.

In short long, what I mean to say is that I empathise with you.
I'm taking it one day at a time, I figure at some point I will know whether it's going to be ok and then I'll either deal with it or start to believe it's actually happening... then I guess there'll be a whole new world of unknowns to deal with. Until then I'll just keep living my life as normally as possible with perhaps less drinking and more asking for help with lugging my bags around.

What else is there to do, right? smile

Quodlibet Sat 13-Apr-13 20:53:31

Whistling I am sorry to hear of your losses and of how hard our journey has been, but wishing you well with this one. What you said really resonates with me, even though my own MC doesn't sound as traumatic as what you've been through. One day at a time and at some point the dots will hopefully join up! I think I am ringing the differences from my first go-around - symptoms are different, I've lost all that innocence and wonder about it, the pregnancy books don't really feel relevant to me any more. Maybe once I've passed where I got to last time I will feel differently.

Offering a huge congratulations to you op thanks
So very sorry for your loss, i hope your pregnancy goes smoothly with no hitches x

janey1234 Fri 19-Apr-13 09:14:57

Oh quod, can totally understand how you're feeling.
Congrats, though, and hope the news is sinking in. Have been thinking of you often. xx

janey1234 Fri 19-Apr-13 09:17:20

Oh, and having had a very similar experience to yours last time, with my mmc, for me at least things did get a lot easier once I'd passed that 12 week point. Hope the same happens for you too. thanks

crazyhead Fri 19-Apr-13 14:25:10

I so feel for you, you poor thing. Although I'm lucky enough not to have miscarried, I'm 11 weeks pg with my second, pg by accident on one occasion. I'm mid 30s and know I'm very lucky really BUT I'm finding it so hard to get my head around. We have major building work on, I'm just getting back into my career stride, we've moved recently too and have had endless change and I feel totally overwhelmed and unready.

All I'd say is that in a sense, pregnancy lasts for 9 months for exactly this reason. You don't have to get your head around it yet.

Quodlibet Fri 19-Apr-13 19:51:28

Hi Janey! Hope all is well with you, I have been thinking i will pop into the Elderberries and say hi when it sinks in a bit. Hopefully I will have an early scan in a couple of weeks which might make it all feel a bit more real.

Crazyhead yep your scenario sounds similar, and yep 9 months is a long time. Even a week has made a difference, and now we have finally moved I feel like we are over the hump with that one. Thanks everyone for the steadying words.

janey1234 Mon 22-Apr-13 16:02:03

Hi quod! Please do pop by after you've had a scan to say hi - completely and utterly understand why you wouldn't want to any sooner - I know everyone would be very, very glad to hear from you. Got absolutely everything crossed for you in the meantime.

Hope the news is continuing to sink in and you're starting to be able to get your head round everything, and that you're feeling well. xx

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