Would you like to be on Mumsnet's research panel? We're especially keen for parents-to-be and new parents to join. You can sign up here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive on offer for your views.

Anyone else not wanting to breast feed?

(52 Posts)
Mariacbw Sat 06-Apr-13 08:26:49

I am 36 weeks pregnabt with my first and I don't want to breastfeed. I have done lots of reading on the pros and cons. There isn't one specific reason why I don't want to it just doesn't appeal to me. But, as 'breast is best' I feel like I am making the wrong or a bad choice. Does anyone else not want to bf? It seems like everyone does.

MillyMoo1113 Mon 08-Apr-13 09:17:58

You will just need to be firm with the midwives in hospital if you want to ff.

I tried to bf my ds after an emcs, gave up the minute I got out of hospital and had intense pressure whilst in hospital that this was best for baby etc etc with no regard for how much I hated it at all. It very nearly had an effect on bonding with ds.

With dd I was adamant all the way that I wanted to ff, despite the midwife trying to convince me otherwise whilst I was still on the operating table after she was delivered being stitches up Ffs! But i stuck to my decision and it was the right decision for me.

You know what's best for you and what feels right for you and your baby, be firm if you need to!

Good luck!

DolomitesDonkey Mon 08-Apr-13 09:17:47

It's a perfectly valid choice. I found the sensation physically repulsive and chose not to bf my second. Nobody on earth has the right to tell you what to do with your body. The science is decidedly "hooky" too - see fearlessformulafeeder.com for further details!

Congrats on your soon to be new baby.

givemeaclue Mon 08-Apr-13 09:16:49

You do what is best for you. I would be surprised though if you don't get a whole lot of pressure in hospital.stick to your guns and take everything you need to bottle feed with yet, don't rely on them giving you what you need or helping you.

I

Shootingstarsandcomets Mon 08-Apr-13 09:08:58

It's nothing to do with anyone else so do what is right for you.
Breast milk is better for them it is true and that is not under dispute however formula milk is not poison and will do your baby just fine.
See how you feel when baby arrives. I loved bfing ds and it helped me lose weight- back to a size 10 in 3 weeks smile there are lots of benefits for mum too but it's totally your choice.

doublecakeplease Mon 08-Apr-13 08:58:59

If you don't want to then don't. I didn't want to - no particular reason, I just didn't want to. DS was born prematurely by emcs and taken to scbu. A midwife brought me a pump and told me that my poorly baby needed my milk and that i must try. I tried, expressing pitifully for a week before trying to bf. I hated it (DS took to it relatively easily for a prem. I had no pain but hated it. ) DS was actually readmitted with a serious reaction to some meds i was on (was told they were safe to bf on) and we very nearly lost him. I had to stop bf - i still feel guilty for making him so ill. I was visited by a bf support worker who dismissed DS' reaction and repeatedly said that 'mummies milk is best' which did nothing for my guilt...

Sorry for hijacking slightly feel better now lol but if it's not for you then don't. Bugger all to do with anyone else.

weebleknievel Mon 08-Apr-13 08:43:15

I intend to FF, my boobs are for me and my DH and we get a lot of pleasure from them when I'm not pregnant (TMI sorry!) I can't even stand to look at them or let DH touch them when pregnant because of the hormonal changes which have made my nipples (in my opinion) look repulsive. Also I've been so ill with pregnancy that me and DH are looking forward to getting the old me back.

The thought of BF makes me feel sick and of all the elements of pregnancy and birth it's the one thing that makes me feel squeamish. I know I would be stressed by BF. My midwife says that whilst there are lots of benefits to BF, there is no evidence that FF is bad for baby and it won't make me a bad mother, quite the opposite as baby would pick up on my stress from BF which won't be good for either of us. Midwife has written on top of my birth plan highlighted and in big letters "wants to bottle feed" so I don't get pressured.

I do find that some women who BF (not all) are almost evangelical about it like it makes them a supreme being or something which of course it doesn't. You do what is right for you, anyone that passes comment just tell them to bugger off!

Decide when your baby arrives, as hormones are funny things. I'd always assumed I'd FF, and bought bottles etc in advance. Post birth I started to BF immediately and it felt right.

There is so much pressure these days women lie about bf-ing all the time. I know several who FF but now tell me they BF, just because I am. I think they feel I might judge them. I wouldn't at all.

Chunderella Sun 07-Apr-13 20:23:40

I read on here that something like 80% of women say whilst pregnant that they intend to bf. About 650,000 women give birth in the UK every year, 20% of that number is 130,000. Some of will be women who would prefer to bf but know they can't or shouldn't for whatever reason, but many will be women who feel as you do. So no, you're not alone by any means. As you didn't ask for anyone else's views on your decision or what others would do in your shoes, posts about people's disbelief and disapproval that anyone wouldn't do colostrum are at best irrelevant and at worst actively rude. But there's also been some useful stuff on this thread- it isn't uncommon for women to change their mind about preferred feeding method once baby is born. I respect the fact that the women who have phobias etc won't, but you don't mention anything like that. So I agree it might be a good idea to make sure you know about both methods beforehand, to make sure you can do either if you want. Good luck.

Sunflower1985 Sun 07-Apr-13 20:06:49

I got the impression from my midwife that if I don't bf I'm a bad mother - she really laid it on thick. When I told her I would want an epidural I might as well be saying I was going to ear pierce my baby as soon as it came out! Luckily she's at a midwife led centre, and I'll be going to the hospital so won't have to deal with her.
I intend to bf, but (and I've not old anyone this), I find the whole idea creeps me out. Makes my skin crawl. Totally relieved to know I'm not the only one.

lucybrad Sun 07-Apr-13 15:38:51

*sucessfully

lucybrad Sun 07-Apr-13 15:37:49

But I also had plenty of friends who breast feed sucssfully.

lucybrad Sun 07-Apr-13 15:37:10

I bottle fed twins and tried to BF my daughter but at two days old I could smell the keytones on her breath so I knew she was not getting the nutrition she needed. I switched to bottle and expressing. After a week of hand aching hard work expressing with a tommee tippee I switched to the medela swing electric and pumped away - I could then both give breast and formula via the bottle - satisfying my need to see she was actually eating, as I had friends whos BF babies did really poorly till they switched to bottle.

MammaCici Sun 07-Apr-13 09:34:20

I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to make a suggestion. Would you consider bf even for a week so your baby gets colostrum? Admittedly I am an extended breastfeeder and I have witnessed the benefits first hand such as DH and I both having a dreadful flu and DS breastfeeding his way through it without even a sniffle.
While I respect it's your choice you may feel even a little different after the birth. Perhaps a little of both breast / formula could work for you. Any breastfeeding is better than none for baby.
Best of luck.

glossyflower Sun 07-Apr-13 09:13:20

Don't feel bad! You do what's right for you and what you are comfortable with.
My baby is due in a couple of weeks and I do want to breast feed but I know plenty of ladies who haven't even tried with breast feeding and just use the bottle.
BF has only really gained popularity again in recent years.
20 years ago it was the norm to bottle feed and with some mums the thought of BF didn't even cross their minds!
All the best.

Dogsmom Sat 06-Apr-13 23:45:24

I'm another who didn't want to bf, I never had a single pushy or negative comment from any midwife or health visitor either.

My dd is now 4.5 weeks old and thriving, she'd gained 10oz by day 5 and 2lbs by 4 weeks old, she's very content which makes her a great sleeper and only wakes every 4-5 hours for food then off again until the next one.

It's so convenient and not too expensive, we've used 3 tins so far so it's worked out at about £24 for a months food.

BabyHMummy Sat 06-Apr-13 23:06:55

If you don't want to bf then don't hun. It is entirely your decision and as someone else said, just tell the hospital that you have made you choice end of.

I. Normally take wrong painkillers which cross the barriers so depending on how much pain i am in after i give birth will depend on whether i do or don't. I know plenty of ppl who bf and plenty who didn't...all kids are fine happy and healthy. Can't see it makes a huge difference if i am honest

polkadotsrock Sat 06-Apr-13 20:46:51

I bf ds and will most likely this one too. I never felt all that strongly either way and still don't, and I never ever came across anyone who did- or at least not to my face. I fed him everywhere, although reasonably discreetly, and never encountered an issue there either. Do what feels best but if its any help I didn't find it difficult at all, it isn't always a slog that you have to stick at to get right.

MrsMargoLeadbetter Sat 06-Apr-13 18:51:52

I am not sure I will this time.

I tried last time. He was biggish (9lb 3) and lost 12% of weight in the first week and which point the midwife panicked me into getting formula down him. He always seemed to be hungry after I'd fed him. sad I managed 9 weeks mixed feeding, but I really struggled feeling like every feed was evidence I was failing him. I felt much better - mentally - once I'd give up.

I hadn't been around many breastfeeding women at the time and have since seen lots of friends have babies. So I wonder if in retrospect if I didn't give it long enough to get established. However, having seen friends establish it, it does take time & commitment. I am just not sure I am selfless enough tbh.

I also don't feel comfortable about feeding in public and both mine & DH families weren't particular pro-bf so I felt like they all felt more comfortable when I'd give up.

I personally found the midwives were pro ff if anything! I was also told to give him a bottle in hospital after his birth. She said I needed to sleep (he was screaming through hunger) and to rest whilst I had my blood transfusion.

I am not sure I was every that pro, I just felt I should try as that is what is positioned as best etc.

It is worth keeping an open mind. Lots of friends think it is great and never want to give it up.

LandsN Sat 06-Apr-13 17:42:50

My ds was a big boy (9lbs at birth) and even though I didn't want to breast feed it was a good thing cos at 6 weeks he was put on hungrier baby milk as he was always hungry so it was better for me to see what he was having I didn't with my dd either and I won't with dc3 as I am 10 wks pg again both dc very healthy no problems at all good luck and don't ever feel pressured into anything it's your baby your choice x

Apologies for terrible autocorrects smile

Why not give it a go for a few days if it's not for you then ff. I bf both dc and have not even considered not for dc3 (39 weeks) my choice. ALL of my friends had an opinion with my dc, all ff and all made many many nasty rude comments to me. I carried on feeding smiling as whatever they thought I was doing what was best for me and my family. Just as if your choice is to ff you are doing what us best for you.

Unlike my 'friends' I coukdn't give two hoots how their dc are fed snd gave never remarked about their choices. happy and healthy more important than how.

Lydia161290 Sat 06-Apr-13 16:40:27

I've chosen not to breastfeed. It doesn't appeal to me at all, even the thought of expressing is just a no. But I have yet to give birth and see my baby, even though i'll be very surprised if I have that urge.

SevenReasonsToSmile Sat 06-Apr-13 16:25:43

I used formula with my 2 after 'failing' to BF both times due to them being a month early and not having a strong enough sucking reflex. I expressed for 6 weeks with DD but just found it so draining taking 30 minutes to express a few ml several times a day plus FFing every 3 hours. I felt I had really let her down when I eventually gave up, I never want to feel like that again, I would have enjoyed those first few weeks so much more without the expressing. I'm 32 weeks pregnant with DC3 and going straight to FFing this time.

If anyone says breast is best, I'll be responding with what's best is a happy mum and happy baby.

Voodika Sat 06-Apr-13 14:16:23

See how you feel when the baby is born.
I've done both and think there are pros and cons with both bf and ff. Sterilising, making and carrying bottles around is really easy, watching daddy or grandparents feeding the baby is lovely. Breastfeeding can take a bit of effort to get going but I loved the cuddliness and closeness and was able to read lots, you also have both hands free for Internet shopping!!
The worst thing was trying to express colostrum and milk for my firstborn. It was virtually impossible, exhausting and for me the worst of both worlds.

elQuintoConyo Sat 06-Apr-13 14:07:28

I'm one of the ones who tried to bf but couldn't (huge DS, voracious eater, tore nipples to shreds) and went to ff within 2 days.

I have never found it a faff. Babies are happy drinking cold milk, so no need to warm it up (I'd take a bottle out of the fridge 1 hour before I thought DS was going to need it so it wasn't too cold).

DS was born 3 months after DSIL's DD who is exclusively bf. We've never spoken about the whys and wherefores; however, her DP and her MIL have both made comments along the 'breast is best' line when I've been in earshot and I had to tell them to 'mind their own business'. If a stranger makes a comment like that, or 'I wouldn't ff MY DC' etc, I just say 'woopie-doo', quite frankly! (people annoy me!).

Bf/ff is just the first of many 'oh, you're doing X, are you?' comments you will get until DC are 18 years old! Too many baby classes/no baby classes, nap in the cot/on you, sleep outside in the garden/don't go for a walk it's too cold... blah blah blah.

Make a mental note of the particularly outrageous comments you hear and post them on MN as someone did a few weeks back - it was a hilarious thread!

Congratulations, by the way thanks

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now