What would you do ladies?

[glossyflower]

I'm 37+3 first baby.
This past few days I've been getting twinges, contraction type pains but nothing regular.
My dad has been poorly over the past year and a half and at the weekend was admitted to a hospital 50 miles away from where I live.
My mum has been driving the 100 mile round trip daily to visit.
I really want to visit daily too, but if I should go into labour whilst there DH would not be able to get there.
I know we can't tell when it's going to happen, and even if things do start happening there I could possibly get back to my local hospital in time. But, if anyone knows Cambridgeshire, the A14 in particular it may be that I give birth in the car!

What would you do?

[MumaBex]

I would go see your dad, sooner rather than later. You still have a little way to go. The odd twinge shouldnt stop you from going.

[BabyHMummy]

Go see ur dad hun but maybe take someone else with you just in case?! Can dh not get compassionate leave from work and come too?

[glossyflower]

I'm going today with my mum but will be away for about 8 hours.
Unfortunately the ward he's on has restricted visiting due to norovirus in the hospital (not his ward luckily). Visiting hours are 3-5 then 7-8. And they are very strict with that.
Mum likes to go for 3, hang around the hospital for two hours inbetween and stay until 8 to make sure he's settled for the night, especially as this week he has a new onset of confusion and keeps repeating himself or ringing her when she's not there.
DH has just got a new assistant managers job so while he could request compassionate leave I don't think it's necessary just yet.
I was there all day Sunday when he got admitted and I found it very tiring. I didn't get to eat or drink much and took me all next day to recover.
I don't mind where I give birth, even at the hospital my dad is at as it may help my dads recovery, but I just don't want DH to potentially miss out especially as its our first.
I guess we have to take it day by day.
Xxx

[Saundy]

If your dad is likely to make a recovery & leave hospital then I would say don't put pressure on yourself to go daily. Maybe go once or twice a week when DH can go with you.

[Havingkittens]

If you can manage, I would agree with the "go whilst you are able" comment. You still have a few weeks and for all you know you may even go overdue, despite the twinges. Just go prepared. Take snacks, drinks and fruit with you. Maybe even a blanket so you could go and have 40 winks in the car if you need to have a break. Maybe not daily, but a couple of times a week whilst you're up to it?

[glossyflower]

Whilst he's not critical he is quite poorly. He had a bone marrow transplant last year for leukaemia and is suffering from effects from that and all the medication he's on.
I'm an only child and I want to try and support my mum too who is ok but I know how hard it is to have everything put on you at once, work, home, finance, family as well as having to do a 100 mile round trip everyday.
Although my mum isn't pressuring me or anything to go but I want to do what I can.
God knows how I will cope once baby gets here as I really wouldn't be much use to anyone else.

[Mutley77]

I would go if I were you - but like you (esp when pregnant) I need to eat and drink regularly so take food/water with you if you can't get it easily there.

If you did go into labour there you could in all likelihood get back without any trouble - or worst case scenario DH would have to come to you - it can't be much more than an hour or so to drive and if he couldn't drive himself he could come by taxi. First labours are generally much longer than an hour and your mum would be there to support you by the sound of it.

When I was pregnant with DC 2 my DH regularly worked in an office 100 miles away - I had various complications in later pregnancy meaning the outcome was slightly uncertain in terms of timing and it wouldn't have stopped him going (!). My main worry was my DC 1 - as I could have managed in hospital by myself if necessary and DH could have got there at some point but I needed someone available to take DD if I was indisposed.

I wouldn't set off there if you think you are in labour though.

[Kafri]

Hi.

my sis had her baby when I was 32 weeks and I finished work early (I have a lovely boss) so that I was able to taxi my DM to the hospital to visit. I should add that DS knew baby had a heart condition and required transferring to another hospital 40 miles away from me and DM for surgery so was in hospital for a number of weeks.
Anyway, I felt absolutely fine but, from 32 weeks onwards my BP started to fluctuate a lot. It was creeping up and up every time I saw the MW and eventually she had me on daily checks from the community mw team.

I guess i'm saying that I certainly don't regret doing the trip each day to get my DM to see her daughter and GS but I do wish i'd taken a bit better care of myself along the way. In hindsight, I should probably not have gone daily, and I should have made sure I took adequate food and drinks with me.

You 'probably' do have a few weeks left to go so that probably won't be too much of an issue but do think about your own health otherwise too. I was kept in hospital a week as my BP refused to settle (partly due to DS developing an infection too though) and as soon as he was better I pretty much demanded that I wanted to go home and asked if I could see if my BP would settle if I were comfortable at home. Indeed, I arrived home at 11pm on the Thursday and the MW visited me at lunchtime on Friday and BP was spot on!

Is it certain that your DH wouldn't be able to get to the hospital your DF is in if you were to go into labour? You will probably have enough time to get him there so it would be the logistics of actually getting him there. (Though yes, some babies do arrive in a bit of a hurry)

All in all, I doubt very much that your dad would want you to put yourself or your unborn baby under any unnecessary stress so I wouldn't worry too much about having a rest day in between visits. Think how he would feel if anything were to happen to you or baby... (Honestly, i'm not trying to be mean, just a general comment that he would feel bad if anything happened to you or baby or if you dh missed the birth etc)

Visit when you feel able, rest when you need to, be prepared when you do go - have your notes, bag, food, drinks etc and go with how you feel each day.