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When did you tell work & your family (advice please)?

(70 Posts)
Saundy Tue 05-Mar-13 07:52:42

Its really early days for me so I shouldn't have to be thinking about this just yet but I kind've do for the following reasons:

Work:
I'm asking for a pay rise & to be made full time today & don't want my boss to realise later on that I knew & didn't mention it. Feels a bit crappy not saying as I work for a good supportive company, BUT I'm only 5 weeks and it feels a bit early to be telling people.

Family:
I live away so will (most likely) only have 2 chances to tell them face to face either at the end of March - when I'll only be at the 8 week mark, or July when it'll be closer to the 26 week mark.

I quite like the idea of not telling anyone until July but can you hide it that long? My partner thinks not as I'm quite petite & he recons there's nowhere to hide it.

If anyone has any thoughts they'd be appreciated.

Msbluesky32 Wed 27-Mar-13 22:31:26

Also there was something really nice about just me and DP knowing for a little while without anyone else knowing smile

Msbluesky32 Wed 27-Mar-13 22:28:52

We told parents after our 12 wk scan and work at 13 wks. I would have left work til I was further along but I do a lot of manual lifting in my job so couldn't really avoid it.

I'm also quite petite and didn't really start to show until around 28 weeks if that's any help. If it's your first you might not show for a while.

Saundy Wed 27-Mar-13 19:23:02

Actually that's a well timed point you're making, I'm telling my family at the weekend partially because I don't know when I'll see them again & partially because people have found out here so I feel bad keeping it from them. It is sooner than I wanted to tell them but I'll keep that to myself. I had a 6 week scan that had a little heart beat so that takes away some of the nerves & makes it more exciting now. I think I was in the grips of a just found out over thinking everything panic with the first post. I am looking forward to telling them now smile

fl0b0t Wed 27-Mar-13 16:49:07

For another POV, when SIL told us she was pregnant at 7 weeks my first reaction was the "I don't want to know"- which was primarily because of her "reasons" for telling us. Reasons were: She'd been quite sick, she lives and works in a small community and some friends work at the hospital so "people" would know and she had told her parents (who live very nearby) and felt it was "unfair" not to tell us.... I would have preferred her to say that they wanted to tell us, rather than that they felt they had to......

Hooya Sat 09-Mar-13 04:30:57

Hello and congrats!

Just to reassure you re being far away from home when you announce. We are on the other side of the world from our family and did all our back home announcements by Skype, family at just over 8 weeks after scan confirmed a heartbeat, and close friends over the following 4 weeks - it was actually brilliant! As long as you have the video on you don't lose out too much in not being in person, except that you only get virtual hugs! It would have been lovely to tell in person but the Skype calls were so fun and exciting.

I told my boss at about 10 weeks as I'd read that earlier is better for trust and forward planning, and because I knew after a previous miscarriage which I had kept secret, I would probably want time off if I had another one. Also I live in a country where everyone is skinny and they really notice your weight, and I knew they were all wondering why I'm getting fat! smile

girliefriend Fri 08-Mar-13 11:06:23

I told my boss around 8 weeks, really so that I could be allowed time off for appointments etc. Most of my family and friends knew around that time as well but then I am not very secretive and liked having their support.

Even if something had gone wrong I would have wanted friends and family to know that there was a baby iyswim.

However I do get what you mean about telling people making it more real, I liked staying firmly in denial for the 1st two months!!

Saundy Fri 08-Mar-13 07:20:45

Thanks for your comments and congrats everyone.

I think that's a good point that people don't want to know early, I do tend to think 'whoa why are you telling me now' when that happens (unless its someone I'm close to).

I worry I might lose control of who knows and I am a private person too so unless I can't hide it for some reason its just for me & my partner to know until it gets a bit more real and I'm feeling a bit more secure - seems as I even freak out about fessing up on here!

RaspberryRuffle Thu 07-Mar-13 23:48:21

Oh Black Swan that's what my work is like, constant pregnancy suspicion and 'Why aren't you drinking?' questions, a colleague is pregnant and I have cringed at the speculation she was subjected to (she preferred to wait until after her scan to make the announcement).
I'm a private person and would rather not tell people for as long as possible.

BlackSwan Thu 07-Mar-13 23:33:51

No one wants to know early. If you're female, of a certain age, and married or in a long term relationship, you're under constant suspicion of pregnancy anyway, but no one really wants to have it confirmed until you're in the 'safe' zone after at least 12 weeks.

IdaClair Thu 07-Mar-13 20:58:07

I told family after the 20 week scan, I told work at 23 and some weeks, I don't believe in telling early.

Things can and do go 'wrong' after 12 weeks. I don't want to scare anyone but it's a bit naive to think that after 12 weeks everything will be fine. I hate inflicting grief on people, basically.

Tallyra Thu 07-Mar-13 16:14:11

Hi, I'm another person that's had HG - I told work at 5 weeks, having prior experience that it would knock me for six when I got to 6w, and it did.

You mentioned that you aren't really going to tell anyone if it goes wrong. Personally, I think that isn't the best way to go about it. You are already getting emotionally attached, and if something goes wrong you may need a lot of emotional support. If you don't want to tell lots of people, I would suggest telling maybe just 1 really close friend that you know you could turn to in the case of bad things happening (touch wood that I'm just being worried for you for no reason). Having had HG and miscarried 3 times so far, having people around me that knew why I was such a mess helped me recover incredibly.

knittingirl Thu 07-Mar-13 14:32:40

You have to tell work by 25 weeks (15 weeks before your due date) so if you wait to tell your family when you see them at 26 weeks then you will have had to tell work first. I don't know if that would bother you, but it's worth considering.

JethroTull Thu 07-Mar-13 12:32:43

I'm 9 weeks & lots of people know because it's an IVF sucess. I'd waited a long time for the IVF so lots of people at work knew when I was having the treatment, as a result lots of people know about the result. Sometimes I worry that too many people know too early but it's lovely having lots of people to support me at work - and I'm one of the bosses.

Each to their own - like Lexi says above, some people are private. I can't keep any secrets though!

LexiLoganberryBump Thu 07-Mar-13 10:28:09

Congrats on the pay rise.

I'm currently 16 weeks and have told a couple of friends who I would turn to for support if anything went wrong.

We haven't told any family yet, with my previous pregnancy we told our parents as soon as we got the positive result but my PIL couldn't keep it quiet and all of DH extended family knew before important members on my side which I found upsetting as we wanted to tell in a order of who was most important to us. I had a miscariage last year and didn't want to have to contact all of the people MIL had told. Me and my DH are quite private people and we're just going to tell when were ready.

We had planned to tell at easter when I would be 20 weeks because we were meant to be seeing PIL but plans have now changed so we're going to tell in a couple of weeks but will have to be over the phone because we don't live near any family.

Geekster Wed 06-Mar-13 23:21:03

Congratulations. In some ways it is nice to tell people early, and I think if you have to tell work you should tell your family. Due to the nature of the job I was in I had to tell them as soon as I knew I was pregnant which I didn't want to do as I had six miscarriages so had to tell them each time. I also told my family each time as if I had to tell work I told my family. The upside was I got a lot of support. Though I'm not saying for a minute you will have a miscarriage.

I told family as soon as we knew (4 weeks)

I told my work very early (maybe 8 weeks?) because I was suffering very bad morning sickness - being a nursery assistant and morning sickness don't mix well!

I told close friends at about 14 weeks.

I told others about 20 weeks.

loveclouds Wed 06-Mar-13 19:54:44

There is no rule, just whenever it suits you. I always told people straight away as soon as I found out 4 weeks. I figured that if there was something not right and I miscarried then I would tell my friends and family anyway as they would know I was upset. I told my boss when I was 8 weeks first time.

Pudgy2011 Wed 06-Mar-13 19:27:59

Saundy - he's a bit of a twat, I didn't feel guilty grin

QueenofClean Wed 06-Mar-13 18:55:05

For DD1 I didn't find out till I was 16 weeks. Told my parents straight away (her father didn't stick around). Once I had my scan I discovered I was 21+5 weeks. I told work then.

DD2 was planned with my husband and I told work pretty much straight away as had v.bad sickness and soooo tired sad then told both sets of parents and DD1 at 8 weeks. My mum guessed as I practically ballooned out straight away (am slim).

Currently in my 2ww for DC3 am hoping to keep it quiet from work this time round as DD2 only 14months and only been back at work since Oct. Will tell parents at around the same time as before.

Well Done on your payrise.

Yfronts Wed 06-Mar-13 18:48:25

both after 12 weeks unless you are very very close.

Saundy Wed 06-Mar-13 18:21:49

Thanks for all your messages guys - I hadn't realised there was a second page (new to this) and congrats to the fellow preggers!!

If something went wrong I wouldn't tell anyone, I'm not a very openly emotional person (though I do have my moments) so imagine the support would be quite stressful.

Hadn't considered skype or that fact that I've now had a payrise (woo) so although its not easy its not impossible to get home earlier. If I get offered an early scan at my booking appt on Fri & tell them if not I wont - its in the hands of the Gods now!

Will only tell work before hand if I have to I guess, hopefully i'll find a better opener than vomming in a shoe wink

CuppaSarah Wed 06-Mar-13 17:33:59

We told both sets of parents as soon as we found out at 3-4 weeks. But that was becuase at the time we lived with PIL's so they needed to know really and if they knew my parents needed to know too. Then I told work the day after finding out. Though that was due to my job, I worked with special needs teens and was with a particulary unpredictable class at the time. Siblings and friends all found out at 12 weeks.

I was happy to let people know early, but my friends and family are quite close knit so I knew if the worst happened I wouldn't be telling everyone again and again. DP and PIL's are the ones that suggested we waited to spread the news wider than Parents and work.

I told everyone, the minute I saw those blue lines on the stick! I had been trying for years though. smile

Xmasbaby11 Wed 06-Mar-13 17:22:32

I told close friends and family at 8 weeks. I wasn't planning to tell work until 12 weeks, but I had a chicken pox scare and then morning sickness so it was useful for them to know.

Pudgy2011 Wed 06-Mar-13 17:03:55

I threw up on one of my boss's shoes at 5 weeks. Kind of had to tell them (3 bosses) after that.

Told family the day I peed on the stick (via skype), close friends too. We live abroad and we have 6 week heart beat scan and then monthly scans thereafter so we told extended friends about 7 weeks in I think. Didn't bother announcing anything on fbk though and I never told anyone what our due date was (except family and close friends), to avoid that whole "have you had the baby yet?" bullshit that comes when you start nearing the date and/or exceeding it. Thankfully DS arrived at 37+6 so I didn't have to worry about that!

I'd do the same again, being aware that if we did lose the pregnance I'd want the support of my friends here, especially with family back in the UK.

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