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Scan tomorrow- Partner wont come

(34 Posts)
NoVictim1 Sun 03-Mar-13 20:15:02

Tomorrow is my 20 week scan and partner wont come. We find out what sex it is tomorrow. He really wants a boy to carry his dads name on. We already have a daughter and he says he doesnt want to ruin the experience because he will initially be disappointed if its a girl.
But it will ruin it for me anyway knowin i have to deliver the news if it is a girl.
Should I make him come? Is he being unreasonable?

I'm glad that nothing was wrong at the scan and that you got to share the moment with your mum smile

katiecubs Tue 05-Mar-13 07:03:41

Well he sounds just delightful.

Having experienced bad news at a scan and being told our baby wouldn't survive I am quite frankly appalled that anyone could be so shallow. Poor you.

LouiseD29 Mon 04-Mar-13 22:10:39

So glad it went well - congratulations!

SeriousStuff Mon 04-Mar-13 18:29:45

I'm glad it all went well and I bet your mum was chuffed to bits. And yes, a few breakfasts in bed wouldn't go amiss... smile

NoVictim1 Mon 04-Mar-13 17:53:39

Thanks so much for your concern smile
My mother has never seen a scan before so I invited her to come with me. DH wanted to come in the morning but I just didnt want his stress and I wanted my mum to experience a scan. I already have a daughter with DH so I know he is a fabulous Dad.
I am having a boy!! So as you can imagine he is beside himself with happiness but I will now be making him pay for all the additional and pointless stress he put me through.
He would have loved the child regardless, he even told me this but after loosing his dad to cancer he was adamant he wanted a boy to continue his fathers legacy which is also a cultural name. There is alot of history to it but really I couldnt care less, as long as the baby was healthy. I dont think you can have the luxury to ask for sex either.
Ill be making him pay.
Thank you all for being so kind xx

rrreow Mon 04-Mar-13 13:23:48

I think gender disappointment is very real and need to be taken seriously and talked about openly. However, it is NOT acceptable as an excuse not to support you during the 20w scan.

At my scan they asked us if we wanted to know the sex. We said yes, but there was the option to say no if we hadn't wanted to know.

Dogsmom Mon 04-Mar-13 12:55:25

Hope your scan went well and your partner did go with you in the end, if the baby does end up being another girl there is a lot of information about gender preference online, it's very common.

Been thinking of you, really hope your scan goes well today.

I was thinking, if he doesn't care about his wife and unborn child enough to come along and support you, perhaps you could find out the sex but refuse to tell him? At least until he realises it doesn't matter either way?

If anything should be wrong that comes up today (god forbid) he will wish he had been there, and certainly wish he hadn't been so focused on something as unimportant as gender.

BraveLilBear Mon 04-Mar-13 11:59:08

Hope the scan goes well today NoVictim1 - have to agree with post above - just don't find out the sex. Checking everything is okay is much more important and is the bit that you need him there for - as well as the opportunity to 'bond' with your bump.

I would be livid if my OH refused to come to a scan for any reason. I have mine tomorrow and we have both taken a day off work so we can have a nice relax afterwards. I hope he went with you in the end.

Wonderland121 Mon 04-Mar-13 11:38:46

I hope your scan goes well today NoVictim1 smile

ButteryJam Mon 04-Mar-13 11:33:26

He should go along with you, however I went to my recent appointment at hospital alone, just because I didn't want DH wasting another 3 hours in hospital, and having to make up for the work by working till late. So you can of course do it alone, though I understand you'd want your partner to be there.

I know my DH would probably want our second to be a boy (just because he knows he wont get anymore and would like one of each!) but if it was a girl, he would still be over the moon, and really glad that our little girl was having a sister and would have someone to have that 'sisterly' bond with.

SeriousStuff Mon 04-Mar-13 11:25:44

I would be extremely disappointed - my DH has come to all my appointments so far and I didn't have to ask him once. He sees this as much his journey as mine, and for him, it gives him an element of control (which he doesn't have when I feel sick, or I'm crying over spilling some soup!)

I think it's one thing to not be able to go with you, as often it's not possible because of work commitments or childcare issues, but to refuse to go because he might be disappointed by the sex is ridiculous.

As SW11mumofone said, do you have to find out the sex? Would it be better to wait? No doubt he will fall in love with his child when he sees it regardless of sex, no?

Msbluesky32 Mon 04-Mar-13 11:24:13

chunky I saw a couple with their toddler at our hospital and they took her in with them. I think it can sometimes be allowed at the discretion of the hospital/ person carrying out the scan - it might be worth a try.

LemonBreeland Mon 04-Mar-13 11:17:13

He needs to grow up and stop being a pathetic idiot. He can't opt out of being a parent, so he shouldn't opt out of this.

Msbluesky32 Mon 04-Mar-13 11:14:30

He should go, as others have said the main point of the 20 week scan is to check for any abnormalities and as your partner he should be there with you.
My word I'd be livid.

PurplePidjin Mon 04-Mar-13 08:14:08

But they can't scan for gay. Or never gets married. Or doesn't want kids. Or infertile due to a freak incident involving a rugby ball and seven classmates from 8TG...

ChunkyPickle Mon 04-Mar-13 07:45:46

On the other hand (and not denying that his reasons for not coming are ridiculous) - it is a medical procedure, you are a grown woman, and you'll be fine alone.

I don't know if DP will be coming to my scans, because they don't allow toddlers, so if we can't get someone else to look after DS then DP will have to.

Splatt34 Mon 04-Mar-13 07:36:20

He should be there to support you should they find anything wrong (not the sex). This is your ANOMALY scan, not seeing scan. They not infrequently get the sex wrong at 20 week scan. Why not NOT find out? we didn't

sw11mumofone Sun 03-Mar-13 21:18:26

Why find out the sex now then? Surely he wont be disappointed that its a girl if he finds out as she is born. So go to the scan together and check for the important things and forget the sex of the baby for now.
But yes, agree with everyone else. He needs to man up and stop acting like a selfish two year old!!!

AmandinePoulain Sun 03-Mar-13 21:09:49

What if if is a girl? Will his disappointment be evident to her as she grows up? What if you then had a son, would he love him more?

I'm sorry but you seriously need to consider whether or not this man is worthy of bringing up your child sad

specialsubject Sun 03-Mar-13 21:07:58

wow, I thought Henry VIII was long gone.

disappointed at (I hope) a healthy baby? angry

Tell him that YOU will be disappointed in HIM knowing he's a sexist arse?

grin

Sorry. Just tell him he'll be disappointed whenever he hears it, but that YOU may need emotional support at the hospital, especially knowing that his reaction will hurt and upset you so much??

What a douche.

itsmyfirsteek Sun 03-Mar-13 21:03:16

As lovely as it is to find out at 20 weeks if you decide to the scan is there to check for any problems and that should be the focus. He should be there, god forbid there was a problem you would need his support

itsmyfirsteek Sun 03-Mar-13 21:01:03

As lovely as it is to find out at 20 weeks if you decide to the scan is there to check for any problems and that should be the focus. He should be there, god forbid there was a problem you would need his support

ChairmanWow Sun 03-Mar-13 20:55:55

Our DS and this baby have my surname. We couldn't decide and tossed a coin. It's no excuse to not support you at the scan, plus does he not want to see his baby? He should be excited!

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