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Wedding invite 2.5 weeks after due date.

(59 Posts)
Bejeena Wed 27-Feb-13 09:56:23

We have a wedding invite for reasonably close friends and the wedding is 2.5 days after my due date. It is just under an hours drive from where we live.

Of course I would love to go and I know my friend will be upset if we decline but I am wondering if it is really feesible? Of course I could go overdue, could have baby early, might have to have a c section (althogh hope not) and be recovering, we just don't know.

Of course the friend doesn't have children and doesn't really understand how difficult it could be. Also since it is my first I don't really know myself. What if I am having trouble breast feeding and baby takes long to feed?

Also I am a bit worried about everyone wanting to touch and hold baby after been drinking and smoking and everyone just cooing over him/her.

Has anyone been to a wedding so shortly after?

I am hoping that my friend might be a bit understanding about it all and accept that maybe we might have to pull out. Also I really hope she'll understand that we can really only go for the day and not stay into the night (I am assuming she'd like everyone to stay at reception hotel as it is a big place and pre baby we wouldn't have hesitated to do this)

Or should we just decline from the start? I don't know what to do.

Bejeena Wed 27-Feb-13 09:56:50

Sorry I said 2.5 days in the post, I meant 2.5 weeks.

Flisspaps Wed 27-Feb-13 09:58:34

Personally I'd decline and send a card and gift - I had a rough time with both of my births though!

Totally not feasible. I was in a similar situation (except it was a week after my due date) and my friend totally understood.

You won't be looking or feeling your best, and most importantly, a tiny newborn and a wedding ceremony/reception just doesn't go together.

I'm sure some superwomen will be posting saying they went to a wedding three days after giving birth and all was brilliant, blah blah, but there's no way I would have wanted to.

Fluffy1234 Wed 27-Feb-13 10:03:09

I went to BIL wedding when ds2 was 12 days old and it was actually fine. It was over 2 hours away but quite a small wedding. I actually worried more about what I was going to wear than anything else. But came up with a good outfit that made feeding him really easy and discreet.

drjohnsonscat Wed 27-Feb-13 10:05:35

I went to a wedding two weeks after DS was born (by CS). It was a very important wedding so I didn't want to miss it completely but it was a bit overwhelming. I went to the ceremony with DS and then I went back in the evening for an hour at the reception. I took taxis there and back each time. I think my friends didn't quite get why I couldn't be there the whole time but I did as much as I could. Looking back at the pictures of it, I look quite odd - just out of it.

I would decline if I were you. I absolutely wanted to go and even then found it hard. If you are in two minds, don't go and then don't spend another moment worrying about it.

Fluffy1234 Wed 27-Feb-13 10:11:05

I forgot to say I only went because it was a family wedding. I'm not sure I would have for a friend.

smellysocksandchickenpox Wed 27-Feb-13 10:12:44

I would definitely decline

no 1 was born at 40weeks, was in hospital 5 days, still had clots falling out of me 2 weeks later and was still screaming every time he latched on. I couldn't have sat in a car for an hour my pads would have been soaked through!

no 2 was born at 41 weeks, a week and a half later even sitting on the sofa hurt, 1 hour sitting in a car - OUCH!!! woulda been like sitting on nails!

even if you're fine on the day, worrying about whether you will be fine on time is not what you need in the days leading up to it!

Blowninonabreeze Wed 27-Feb-13 10:16:16

For every poster who says you'll be fine, there'll be another who wouldn't even consider it. It's entirely down to you and what sort of birth you had and how you feel afterwards.

Fwiw after my 2 I would have been fine and would have really enjoyed it. (Although they were both overdue 10 days and 8 days- so would hav been days old at the wedding)

Ask your friend to be flexible, in reality you're probably only going to be able to make your final decision n the day itself.

CelticPromise Wed 27-Feb-13 10:18:23

My friend came to our wedding with her 10 day old. Was three hours from home for her. We just left it to her to confirm at the last minute, and I wouldn't have been upset if she didn't make it.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 27-Feb-13 10:18:50

Some friends of ours came to our wedding with a 2 week old, and she had had a section!

We put absolutely no pressure on them at all, it was entirely their decision to come along.

They had a room in the hotel and retreated there to change the baby and do some feeds.

But - it wouldn't be for everyone. She recovered very well from the birth, it was only a 45 minute drive from home, and they are very laid back but competent people and just take life in their stride - I wish I could be the same!

I would have a chat with your friend and explain that you may or may not be able to make it.
The thing is, if you have a fairly easy time of it and the baby is a couple of weeks early then you'll have a month old, you will have got the hang of feeding and you will probably really fancy a wedding!
We went to one when DS1 was 5 weeks old and we had a blast.

Flosshilde Wed 27-Feb-13 10:25:08

I've got one a week after my due date. This baby is likely to come early, so I've said we might be able to make it, but would need to bring the baby with us if we do. We have also said DH will try and go if I can't. Bride and groom are being totally flexible about it and understand completely, despite not having any children of their own.

I will decide on the day if I want to go. It is only 30 minutes away though and a short reception (starts at 5.30pm). I would definitely have declined an all day effort with hotels, etc needed.

smellysocksandchickenpox Wed 27-Feb-13 10:25:09

also, recently I saw pics on fb of a friend at a wedding with her newborn, her and her DH booth looked really stressed and she was still really bloated from the OP, they didn't look "present" IYKWIM

thats not to say you'll be feeling rough, you might be feeling great, but if your friend isn't flexible and easy going about you making a last min decision then the pressure to be ready for the day is a good reason to decline IMO

PrincessOfChina Wed 27-Feb-13 10:29:54

We had an invite for 2.5 weeks after DD was due and we agreed with the Bride and Groom that we'd go along for the ceremony and the evening, but wouldn't be there for the meal. That way they didn't have unnecessary cost if we couldn't make it. It was a local wedding though so no real travel involved.

We didn't make it in the end as DD arrived 2 weeks late by EMCS. If she had arrived on time I would have definitely gone, EMCS or no EMCS!

Bejeena Wed 27-Feb-13 10:34:15

I hadn't actually thought about them not 'allowing' the baby. I had assumed that she would know that if we were invited then we would most certainly be bringing the baby, going without baby is of course not going to be an option.

I am going to have a chat to her when I see her in person and try and see how she feels about it.

Also I have absolutely no intention of appearing in any photos and if she is expecting me to then I will most certainly decline. I am also hoping that she will be totally understanding about what outfit I wear, no guarantee I'll have anything smart that fits and won't be in a position to buy anything new.

Thanks for all the tips and experience, I was of course expecting a big mix of opinions.

I would really like to go as they made a lot of effort and went to a fair bit of expense to come to our wedding.

Snazzynewyear Wed 27-Feb-13 10:46:41

If your friend would be OK with you making a last-minute decision about whether you can do, then do that. If that's going to cause problems I would say now that you'll have to decline.

MyNameIsAnAnagram Wed 27-Feb-13 12:01:32

I would decline. my dc one would only have been 5 days old at 2.5 weeks post due date. No way would I have been up to going to a wedding! I think I was still at the constant tears and grubby dressing gown stage.

Good lord no. My Dsis had her engagement party about a week after DS1 arrived. We didn't go; they understood. I was crying all the time, bloated, feeding constantly and still relying on those nifty fanjo ice packs!

racheld33 Wed 27-Feb-13 12:20:35

I had 2 wedding invites, one 3 days before my due date and one 2 weeks after.
I declined both (with card and gift) explaining my situation.
Thank goodness I did, DS was 3 days early and a nightmare baby so was glad didn't have to go anywhere!

The problem for the bride and groom will be that if they reserve a place for you at the reception that is one place they have to pay for and can't use for someone else. The per head cost is usually considerable, as venues charge for food etc whether you turn up or not. I didn't mind at all when friends told me in advance that they could not come to my wedding, but I was a bit upset at those who accepted a place and then didn't turn up on the day. I felt it was rude, and money down the drain.

In your position I would tell the bride I couldn't be sure whether I would be able to make the reception so wouldn't take up a place, but would love to keep an option on coming along to the ceremony only if that was possible.

TobyLerone Wed 27-Feb-13 12:59:57

It's absolutely feasible if everything goes well.

I would accept with the proviso that you may not be able to make it. Talk to the bride. See what she would like you to do.

I've been to a wedding with a very newborn and it was perfectly fine.

annaitaliana Wed 27-Feb-13 13:26:39

I would recommend making a solid decision rather than keeping your options open.

From a bride's perspective... We had friends invited to our wedding who were due on the actual day - they never RSVP'd so we assumed they counted themselves out. The wedding was in Scotland, friends in London. However the baby came early. Not only did they want to attend, they wanted to bring the baby. We had a child-free wedding, but they argued it wasn't a "child," it was only a newborn. Very awkward chats ensued and some scrambling to fix seating arrangements. In the end only the father came. It caused DH and I a lot of last minute stress... However, it must have caused them even more! Trying to sort out travel, arguing with friends etc when they should have been enjoying a really momentous occasion in their own lives.

HenD19 Wed 27-Feb-13 13:32:12

No! After having two DC I would never have wanted to attend a wedding that close to their births. We went to one when our DS was 6 weeks old and that was stressful enough....

KaraStarbuckThrace Wed 27-Feb-13 13:37:49

I wouldn't go. What happens if your baby is late? or there is complications? Hopefully it will go well, but I really didn't fancy travelling anywhere very far in the first few weeks after the baby was born (both of mine were late).
Don't think it is recommended for babies to spend very long in car seats until they start developing head control either.

beginnings Wed 27-Feb-13 13:38:43

I would decline. Anyone I know who went to weddings that close to the birth of a child, particularly their first, had a miserable time.

If it's any help, some close friends of ours were due three weeks before our wedding and declined. We were fine with it. In fact, we were mortified when they then gave us a very generous gift. I'd invited them, knowing they'd probably decline, but not wanting to leave them out as they are part of a group of our friends. I've always hoped they didn't think they invitation was grabby, but have never had the guts to ask!

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