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When to tell work and how?

(13 Posts)
offonajolly Wed 27-Feb-13 16:49:44

Thanks for everyone's replies, it is reassuring to hear. It is definitely hanging over me but I am reluctant to say anything until after the scan. My SIL also very sadly recently miscarried at 12 weeks so we also haven't told the family yet until we know things are ok as everyone has been through so much. I guess telling them too is weighing on my mind. I just feel like I'm in this sort of limbo secrecy world where no-one knows - it's odd and hard to keep it a secret too as I usually love my wine. So it is quite obvious. I honestly have no idea how my boss will react...which also make me nervous. I will be very relieved when I have done.

offonajolly Wed 27-Feb-13 16:29:19

Thanks for everyone's replies, it is reassuring to hear. It is definitely hanging over me but I am reluctant to say anything until after the scan. My SIL also very sadly recently miscarried at 12 weeks so we also haven't told the family yet until we know things are ok as everyone has been through so much. I guess telling them too is weighing on my mind. I just feel like I'm in this sort of limbo secrecy world where no-one knows - it's odd and hard to keep it a secret too as I usually love my wine. So it is quite obvious. I honestly have no idea how my boss will react...which also make me nervous. I will be very relieved when I have done.

weeblueberry Wed 27-Feb-13 13:24:17

I told my boss at 8 weeks because we had a trip planned to San Francisco and if I wasn't up to certain meetings because of tiredness or nausea I wanted her to know in advance. Also on a slightly more sinister note, had something happened while I was over there and I was bleeding etc I would have needed her support. She was very good about it all and completely respected my request for no one else in the office to know.

Had I not had that planned I probably would have left it til about 15 weeks. Just out of personal preference...

BB01 Wed 27-Feb-13 13:06:41

I told my boss about 6 weeks in as felt really poorly and had only just recovered from another illness. Felt much better after I did but then I knew he'd be fine with it. Few weeks later, told the rest of my team as still felt so blimmin awful and they were starting to worry/get suspicious!! Didn't regret and don't think I would have if anything had gone wrong. Preferred some people to know and then I'd have that support if it did. Also told quite a few friends, so as I said, that's just what I'm like!

roofio87 Wed 27-Feb-13 12:04:52

I've had to tell my boss straight away due to various health and safety risks at work that I didn't want to ignore. fortunately the way my work is I don't officially have to tell anyone higher up than her for now,but probably will after 12 week scan. I have to admit it is nice my boss knowing as I can explain why I'm not on my A game at the moment!!

photographerlady Wed 27-Feb-13 12:00:05

I told work after my 12 wk scan and told my boss just one on one after sending an email to him saying can we have a meeting. I said I was expecting in X month, that I will be taking leave, and that on two months I will let you know my plans on leave.

knittingirl Wed 27-Feb-13 11:55:27

I told my boss at 7 weeks, but largely because I'd had three days off due to morning sickness and I didn't want to start making up excuses. I told the rest of the office as soon I'd had the 12 week scan smile

I found that it did make it easier once my boss knew - if I was feeling off or tired I didn't have to pretend that everything was just hunky-dory, plus the stress of work not knowing had been getting to me and just getting the telling out of the way was a big relief.

As for how I did it, I just walked into his office and said "I'm 7 weeks pregnant". At which he told me to sit down! Maybe not the best approach for everyone, but I think how you do it depends a lot on your relationship with your boss and how you think he will take it. The one thing I would say is don't apologise for being pregnant! They may be surprised but will get over it - women get pregnant, it's how the human race goes on smile

It is a risk to tell early - but then, if the worst had happened and I'd needed time off to recover from a mc, I'd have had to let them know anyway. I think my boss did appreciate knowing early as they're able to start planning for any adjustments needed. Plus, once they know you are entitled to time off for all your appointments smile

offonajolly Tue 26-Feb-13 22:01:13

Its tricky isn't it ANE - you don't want to tell too early as you want to have that confirmation first but not too late either as you want to maintain good relationships...9 weeks might be too early though. I was thinking more like the 14 week mark - I think timing is important too and I know my boss will be leaving on a trip for 2 weeks at the end of April so this will give him time to digest.

I'm trying to come up with an action plan as to who will cover what and how things will work in my absence. As well as saying my cover can contact me with questions if they get stuck...I won't reply straight away but I will be able to reply.

Otherwise I was thinking to make sure that I conveyed it as exciting news (as it is!) rather than a sort of apology for the inconvenience I might cause sad

eeek it is hard. I am just desperate to have that scan.

Beatrixpotty Tue 26-Feb-13 21:52:15

I went back after 7.5 months the first time.It was quite hard as DS1 wasn't sleeping through and Ixwas tired.2nd time took 12 months off,but although good for my DCs was not great for my work as felt like I had lost touch a bit and took a while to get back into it.This time will be 10-12 depending on how things go.9 months is quite a good time to take off as it will be easier to get back into work,plus your baby will find it easier to settle in childcare as they tend not to show so much attachment at that stage,around 1 seems to be harder for them to be left.Good luck.

AnythingNotEverything Tue 26-Feb-13 21:48:04

Ooh - me too! Funny, I was thinking of starting a thread about this.

I'm only 7 weeks and like you have had no formal confirmation ... But I feel like I should tell my boss earlier.

We've got a massive amount of change in the business to lead over the next 24 months, and next week we're meeting to do objective setting and the business plan for next year. I don't think I can have that meeting and then 2 weeks later break the news! I put a lot if pride in my honesty and integrity and fear I could ruin my relationship with my boss if I muck this up.

What to do?!

offonajolly Tue 26-Feb-13 21:36:58

Thanks Beatrixpotty, I hope so though I think it will be a shock. I love my job and hope to go back after 9 months or so - how soon after did you go back? I can see myself working there for the next 4 years or so but I am just scared of the reaction.

Beatrixpotty Tue 26-Feb-13 19:15:07

I told work at 14 weeks all 3 times ..I was conscious of being a bit fatter & was sure people had guessed but actually nobody had.I would never have said anything until after the 12 weeks scan.I think I just said "I've got some news,I'm pregnant." Having been an employer myself ,if you have women working who are under 50 you kind of assume it may happen at some point so whilst it causes a few upheavals your boss might be half-expecting it ...

offonajolly Tue 26-Feb-13 19:00:26

Hi,

I'm 8 weeks and I'm still waiting to hear about when my first scan will be. For now it all feels a little surreal as apart from the 3 home tests I did, my Dr hasn't confirmed anything and I sort of want to see the picture to know its all real! (I know that sounds silly as I have many of the other signs apart from morning sickness so far).

My dilemma is I work for a high powered boss and I am nervous about telling him I am pregnant - I started in July 2012 and EDD is 12th October 2013 so I won't have been there a HUGE amount of time.

Can anyone who has been through this give me advice on when to tell and how to phrase it? Approach it please? It is making me worry.

Thank you!

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