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Anybody else battling a wave of mess from lazy husband and toddler?

(13 Posts)
FergusSingsTheBlues Tue 12-Feb-13 08:56:05

Im 37 weeks. Despite explaining repeatedly that every time I have to bend over to pick something up, it's like being kneed in the balls, he still chucks his shit on the floor and doesnt ever instigate any tidying of his own volition.

Good at cooking, good at entertaining child, makes me plenty tea, does most food shopping.

But has (literally, he confessed) never ever put on a wash, or cleaned our bathroom and walks past my massive pile of ironing every day. Has never made our bed, never gets the hoover out, just doesnt care.

I cant stand mess, I cant stand nagging, I cant stand being a doormat.

Paradisefound Tue 12-Feb-13 09:54:57

Time to train your hubby.
Explain nicely you need his help.
Show him how to do it.
Expect resistance, you've allowed him to be a lazy arse!

Consider
Pregnancy can make some irritable
Nesting instincts can turn us into cleaning freaks!
Your husband's priorities may not match your own
A tidy house is a sign of a wasted life ( according to some women and most men)

Good luck and.....relax!

Missingthemincepies Tue 12-Feb-13 10:34:04

Yes, I'm with you! DH has improved though and I do recognise I'm pretty hormonal and grumpy. For us it's different standards. He would happily use every last dish in the kitchen and then just wash up what he needed. I need to get up in the morning to a clean kitchen.

With the washing, I got another washing basket for him, and only do my clothes and DS clothes. If he doesn't do a wash he has nothing to wear, simple.

He does most of the cooking, is great with our son and is generally tidy. But cleaning is a no go area for him.

Our cleaner saved our marriage! She does all the ironing too. If its possible financially it is so very worth it. Stops all the nagging and is the best money we spend each week.

Eskino Tue 12-Feb-13 11:16:09

You're right. He doesn't care... About made beds or ironing, but he does appear to care about your child, making sure you're eating well and have enough to drink and that you're not doing too much by getting the groceries in.

Time to concentrate on his good bits. I have a partner like this, I'd much rather he do things this way than have him grudgingly do the ironing at the expense of entertaining our toddler.

We have a newborn too and housekeeping standards do slip.

FergusSingsTheBlues Tue 12-Feb-13 13:08:05

He's a lazy arse for sure...but there is always a dilemma when one is a housewife....when does the drudgery end? And how much elp should I expect! I woud have thought any bending over is a no no or am I being precious?

Missingthemincepies Tue 12-Feb-13 13:12:16

Think you may have to learn to just leave it on the floor. I'm nearly 32 weeks and have spd so bending really is a no no for me. A 37 weeks you'd be on mat leave if you had a job, so I think you have every right to expect a bit more help and consideration at home.

Or a cleaner for 6 months.....

AThingInYourLife Tue 12-Feb-13 13:18:09

"Despite explaining repeatedly that every time I have to bend over to pick something up, it's like being kneed in the balls, he still chucks his shit on the floor and doesnt ever instigate any tidying of his own volition."

If this is your toddler, get your husband to help.

If your husband behaves this way, then I'm sorry you are married to such a shithead.

DH is messy. He does loads round the house though, so I tolerate it, usually; tidying is one of my jobs, which is fine. I am now 33 weeks pregnant and less tolerant. I can't see things on the floor so trip over them, bending is difficult and I am beginning to get nesting so my tidiness standards are increasing.

The final straw was when I found a jumper abandoned in front of the washing machine - in the most used part of the kitchen. I have no idea when he thought it might make the jump from floor to machine, particularly as it is hand wash only. After that bollocking I only have to look at the offending item and then at him and it is miraculously removed to a more sensible location.

At your stage of pregnancy it is not unreasonable to expect that he does everything. Literally. It's only a few weeks, it won't kill him.

[He] just doesn't care If your 'd'h really and truly doesn't care that his selfishness is causing his pregnant wife pain then tbh you've got bigger problems than a messy house.

FergusSingsTheBlues Tue 12-Feb-13 13:25:42

Im so fed up, thanks for your words, its v hard to know if im being a dragon or not. need perspective, so sick of alternating between patient explanations and almighty strops.

Ive managed to train my two years old to tidy his toys, scrape his plate and clean up any spillages. He even gets the loo brush out when he empties his potty......it Drives me mad that a 40 year old can be so inept in comparison.

Snowflakepie Tue 12-Feb-13 13:26:19

If I can't reach something, I ask for help as and when I need it. Not in a stressy way, more like 'I can't reach this, can you hand it to me please'. Meaning, right now. General comments about filth get me nowhere but I did find being specific made a difference. DH just has different standards, I have learned to deal with that because he is so good with DD and also cooks when he's home.

discobeaver Tue 12-Feb-13 16:51:15

Perhaps get one of those grabbers on a stick and a large bin/laundry basket. Then all his crap on the floor can go in there to be sorted by him or left for the bin men.

rainand Tue 12-Feb-13 17:03:19

Talk to him about how you feel. If you can't talk to him, send him what you've written in an email.

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