Midwives: would this birth plan piss you off?

[racetobed]

Dear Professional,

Please give me gas and air during all internal examinations. I find them extremely painful due to previous surgery on my cervix.

Please give me an epidural as soon as medically possible. I am not Joan of Arc.

Please consult me on which position I would like to give birth in. Last time I had my legs prized apart like a sheep. It would have been nice to have been asked

If it comes to it, please save me before the baby. My 4 year old needs me more.

Thank you

[Bejeena]

I am not a midwife, but if I was I would refuse to treat someone who spoke to me/wrote at me like that. The smiley face doesn't cut it.

Your requests are not unreasonable but if written like that you sound extremely patronising!

[worsestershiresauce]

Do you want to piss them off? I think it would go down a lot better if you made your points without the wise cracks. It is often a good idea to be polite and respectful to the people who will be looking after you when you are at your most vulnerable....

[NoTeaForMe]

Your points are fine, but I don't know why you feel the need to write them like that!

[Fairylea]

I'd bear in mind that you may not get an epidural as quickly as you want or at all, depending on whatever else is going on in the hospital at the time.... I had an epidural with dd but with ds he was a c section that went horribly wrong and I had all the anaesthetists including the head of department in the theatre with me for 4 hours trying to stabilise me and prevent me from dying. If anyone had wanted an epidural during that time they would have had absolutely no chance.

No harm in asking at all. Just saying.

[steppemum]

this midwife isn't the one who didn't do it right last time.

with dc3 I wanted something different to something that had happened with dc2. The midwife was amazing and lovely and did just as I asked and I would have hated to think that she would have had snippy request becasue of a mistake the last mw made.

[racetobed]

haha, you're right, i does look a bit arsey...i think i am still carrying a fair bit of anger from the last midwife who made nasty comments about me 'not coping' and 'nobody else complains about my internals' adn then really roughly pushed my legs apart at the end.

But you're right, not fair to project that on all midwives. Lostonthemoors will follow yr advice.

[Kafri]

I was one of those who didn't get my epidural fairylea. Anaesthetist had put the thingywotsit into my spine and was over the other side of my deliver bay sorting out the drugs to attach to it when he fit called away to an emergency. I gave birth looking at what could have been my saviour!

I remember saying to my mw (through tears) 'he's not gonna get back in time is he'?

Well I lived to tell the tale and by leaving me and rushing off so did the lady who he rushed off too so that's all that matters! :-)

[TinkyPeet]

I think rephrasing it to make it more polite, perhaps instead of 'please give me' maybe something like 'where at all possible I would like' xx

[TinkyPeet]

Also, another non epidural, when I went into hospital to have my first I was already 9 cms and my son was out under 20 mins later, only a 2 hour labour so there was time for nothing!

[Catsdontcare]

Dear professional

Due to previous surgery on my cervix internal examinations are extremely painful for me so I would hope that these could be kept to the minimum where possible and when they become necessary that gas and air is available to help with the pain.

If possible I would like to have an epidural as soon as possible during labour

I am keen to find a birthing position that is the most comfortable for me and would like to be supported in achieving that.

Can't help you with the last one sorry!

[GingerDoodle]

I appreciate I will be in the minority but I found the writing style amusing and wouldn't mind!

[Santagotstuckinthechimney]

So you would rather your baby would have come through your bottom then? Cause that's what would have happened if she didn't open your legs ?

Any who - I think it would be better to phrase it differently .

It sounds condescending . Just a list of what you do or don't want would be better.

[AmandaCooper]

I'm curious about the legs pulled apart "like a sheep" bit?

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Perhaps add in that you are still quite upset from a traumatic birth last time & hope they can bear with you as you will be feeling vulnerable / sensitive.

Then thank them for reading!

[NAR4]

I agree with previous posters that it does come across as a bit rude and needs a little rewording.

I couldn't help but laught though at the Joan of Arc bit.

[AladdinOnRepeat]

It made me but I would change the wording too I think.

I am currently writing mine, as I will be needing it in the next couple of days and all I want to write is

Please give me gas and air, then leave me alone in a dark room until its time to push.

That's all I can think of writing!

[CajaDeLaMemoria]

Seconded about removing the 'please save me first' bit. It's a bit movie-like.

If that situation did arise, they'd save everyone possible, but it'd come down to guidelines and circumstances and not what you've said in a birth plan.

[racetobed]

hahah caja 'a bit movie-like'. I am a bit melodramatic, truth be told

[ladymia]

If I was presented with this birth plan and I was the midwife, that epidural would take a LONG time to get to you (it would certainly not get to you before the child's 1st birthday) and I will unplug the gas and air "oops it's not working, i don't know why"

[nannyl]

if i was a midwife i would be pissed off reading that, yes

[notso]

No-one ever asked for or looked at my birth plans and I have had four DC.
Good job the baby comes out through the fanjo not the mouth and you can still talk or scream don't you dare cut me

[Flisspaps]

I thought it was quite funny!

Agree with not needing the last line though.