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Pregnant with no 2 - too soon(47 Posts)
My dd is 18 months and it took us 9 months to get pregnant with us. We were worried it would take ages again and as I'm 35 this year thought maybe we should start trying. Somehow, I am now pregnant after only 1 attempt. This seems crazy given the amount of effort that went in first time round, we thought it might even happen for us a second time.
Now I feel sick about the idea of it. I love my dd so much, I hate the idea of another baby coming between us. I suppose this is an example of not doing something until you're ready to, but we just thought that if we waited until we were ready and then it took months and months from then it might make it really hard to conceive, esp as I have pcos and v irregular periods. Someone tell me it will be ok!!
Congratulations, you will be more than fine and will have a lovely age gap.19m between my 1st two and DC3 due imminently and will be 23 months younger than DC2.
If/when your DD is a naughty 3 year old you may well feel you prefer the new one!I totally adore both of mine but when asked if I have a favourite my honest answer is that my 3 year old provokes a much wider range of emotions within me as his behaviour varies from charming to ridiculous but my little one is much easier to like all the time simply because he doesn't do anything naughty..yet.But,you will love both of yours, it is totally possible and easier to understand when they are actually here.
And monkey I conceived DS2 when DS1 was 10 months, had stopped bf at 7 , had a couple of periods and that was it..and I was 37 then.
Yummy same anticipated age gap here, Dc2 is due in June when DS will just be 2. Im also 35 and wanted to get on with it, but hadn't expected to fall pg so soon as it took us 2 years to conceive DS.
I still have moments, mostly middle of the night, when I cry about upsetting DS's world - he's such a fun age at the mo and I'm bracing myself for dealing with more toddler challenges whilst wrangling a newborn. But I do take some comfort in the idea he'll have a friend and sidekick, my love will somehow expand to include them both.
Also, practically, it gets it done (don't know if we'll stop at 2 but expect we probably will) and as a family, in a couple of years I can refocus on my career and we can think about the next house move etc etc.
Just don't get me started on double prams.
mylittlemonkey - I got pregnant 3 times while breastfeeding (two miscarriages, sadly, but nothing to do with the bf). And fed throughout pregnancy and tandem fed them for 2 years (and dc2 for another year after that). The contraceptive effect of bf is only reliable if you are exclusively bf, i.e. no solids whatsoever, and not having periods (and even then it's not 100%). It will vary individually, but I think for most people there's no need to stop bf to ttc.
I got pregnant with dc2 when dc1 was 19 months - so was 2.4 when the baby came along. It's a wonderful gap IME. They adored each other from the beginning, are 7 and 5 now and have a fantastic relationship - not without their fights, but they play fantastically together and clearly love each other so much.
OP Dd is 8mo and I'm just over 5 weeks pregnant after ttc once! A little more surprising than most as DD was conceived on our fourth go at IVF!
I too am very nervous about the 16 month age gap, especially as my DH works very long hours. DD is a fabulous sleeper but I worked at getting her into a good routine and am just worried I won't have the time to do that with DC2.
DD is still BF by the way. My cycle came back when she was 5 months.
I once, on here possibly, heard love described as being like cake.
If your love for dc1 is like a cake. You don't have to half the cake and share it out when dc2 is born. You just get another cake.
Herrena we got some funny looks at the 12 week scan as well, especially as ds was having a particularly screamy day <sigh>
I'm loving all the small age gap solidarity
monkey I wasn't bf when I got pregnant, but I know others it has happened to!
I've been having similar worries OP, there will be 15 months between my DS and baby 2. Reading the replies on here has made me feel so much better!
OP what you're feeling is completely normal. Even with a bigger age gap you may very well have had the same worries about the affect on DC1 and your relationship. A few words of wisdom that I've picked up since having my 3 DCs.
The love doubles (or even trebbles!) it doesn't halve.
You are giving existing DCs a gift - someone to share life experiences with long after you and DP have gone.
The joy you will all have as a family playing and enjoying time together increases the more of you there are
There's a 20 month gap between my youngest two and it's no problem. You will adjust and it will be wonderful.
IMHO, 13 months is the ideal gap - my sister is 13 months younger than me and we just love each other
although we did fight a lot as adolescents but that's another story.
Don't worry, OP, you'll love your second baby just as much as your PFB, but maybe in a different way.
There is 21 months between my dc1&2. Since it took 3 years to get knocked up the first time, I thought we had better crack on, but like you I got pregnant the first month second time around.
I won't lie and say it wasn't hard, I was truly knackered in the last 10 weeks or so due to dc1 being a bolter, lumbering round like a small elephant after a lightning fast toddler was bloody hard work, and the first year or so after the birth was tough as dc2 was very demanding, and dc1 too small to understand why he sometimes had to wait for stuff. Unfortunately he was well able to get himself into mischief whilst I was otherwise engaged with the baby! You will need eyes in the back of your head for a while. Things did get a lot better once dc1 hit 3yo, and they do play together now, but they also fight a lot, and sibling rivalry is rife in this house
We have 16 months gap. OP I can completely empathise, infact I remember saying to DH "What have we done? I love DD1 so much, will I love DC2 as much? What if I don't?"
I do. Don't worry. It's a common feeling. Enjoy your pregnancy and the 1 to 1 you have now. Life WILL change but that's what happens. You will be a lovely family of 4 who all love each other
monkey I was still bf 7 month old, am over 35 and fat and STILL got pregnant withing 2 months of TTC!
Congratuulations that's lovely news, and by the looks of things a lovely gap 26/27 months or so. Sounds perfect to me.
I had 13.5 months between mine and it was hard. But now they are 3 and 4 it's getting easier and I think by next year once they start going to school it will be alot easier again.
19 months between mine which I was delighted about. DD and DS are currently tucked up in bed sleeping together (4 and 2.5 now) and spent most of the day watching cbeebies, playing going on holiday, playing cars, building a snowman and chasing each other round the house- without me.
It was always my plan for a lazy parenting role after the initial hard work!
Don't panic, lots of people manage with smaller gaps.
It struck me in your op that you say you "hate the idea of another baby coming between us". It is hard to imagine now as dc2 is just a small ball of cells, but it's not just "another baby", it's your gorgeous and wanted second child.
It's impossible to imagine loving a second child as much as your first, but you will. Congratulations!
Same with me, except our gap is smaller. You have 9 months to get used to the idea and it will be fine. I don't know about you but when conceived first child I wondered about how it would change our lives and affect the dynamics, as we were perfectly happy before. We're now perfectly happy as a 3 so, fingers crossed, we and your family will be as a 4. Good luck
I am an older mum with 23 months between my two DDs, who are 2 and 9 weeks. I was horrified to find myself pregnant again last time and really thought at my age (and I have a terrible obstetric history) I would just miscarry. I half hoped I would. I couldn't countenance messing up my happy family with my older DD and I couldn't believe with so little attempt (literally just one occasion!) and at my age (40) I was pregnant again just like that...
I felt absolutely like you did, to the point of feeling really depressed about it. try not to. It is pretty hard work but my two DDs are ok and my older DD is not too jealous most of the time (except when tired) and does not appear to resent the baby. She was upset for the first couple of weeks but has come to accept her younger sister quite quickly. She is really wanting my attention all the time (she knows she is now competing) which is hard work for me, but there are positives too - she is now being really nice to me and is mostly affectionate with her sister (though needs watching as she'll jump on the 9 weeks old whilst trying to hug her). She enjoys trying to help look after the baby
I'm not sure I love the 9 week old as much as the older DD yet TBH (I found it very different this time) but that is getting there too - I think I will eventually.
Sorry to go slightly off the topic but can I just ask whether those who got pg within 10 months of having a baby were breastfeeding or not as I am considering the possibility of having another quite quickly after this one due t my and dh ages but did not think you could until you stopped breastfeeding.
13 month gap here too - DS1 is 19mo and DS2 is just on 6mo. It is hard work but there are some lovely minutes when I come over to find them laughing at each other!
I didn't realise there were so many other 13-monthers out there it's a comfort, especially given how judged I felt by the other mums in the room when I turned up for my 12 week scan with a 7 month old baby! I felt like they were all disapproving of my clearly lax attitude to birth control....
yummy if you worry about whether you'll love your 2nd as much as the first, don't worry, you will!
think of it this way if you do (or let's say you do) have a nephew or a niece then a second one came along, you'd love them both, wouldn't you?
and they are not even your kids!
and to cheer you up - when my 9 months old DD was crying the other day, my DS5 (who is 23 months older) came running in and said to her "Don't cry Liza Baba, I'm here!" then he sat down next to her, put his arm round her shoulder and showered her with kisses! I melted at the sight of them......
We have 18 months between DD1 & 2, 2 1/2 years between DD2 & 3 and 22 months between DD3 & DS. It's hectic but fun.
I pthink r ermine when pregnant with number 2 thinks how will I love DC2 as much as DC1 but as everyone says our love or sent half it doubles. I adored DD2 as much as DD1 as soon as she was born. As will you adore your DC2.
Mine are close for the same reasons, ish, we were aiming for two years between but got 20 months cos it happened very quickly second time. You have nine months to get used to the idea.
Firstborn was quite soon helping us out by putting the dummy in baby dds mouth and he was saying No baby! Firstborn will adapt and might thank you one day that their sibling is close in age.
purplelooby yep, we're in the same boat! I'm pretty sure I got pregnant the first time dh and I had sex post-childbirth also. Go figure hey? When are you due? PM me if you ever fancy a chat
Yummy it might be worth reading Jools Olivers book, think its called Bump to Nine Months and she talks about TTC with Jamie and how long it took and then how surprise surprise! pg with no.2 straight away.
she wrote it well before dcs 4&5 came along, and there are some divine photos and nice little stories in about how well her girls got along.
Thanks everyone, I guess I am still in shock a bit as it's such recent news. Glad that I'm not weird in worrying about feeling I'm betraying dd - seems I'm not the only one. I liked the post about them holding hands, would be v sweet.
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