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I really really don't want to breastfeed.

(83 Posts)

I am 38 weeks with DC1 and really dont want to breastfeed. I understand the many benefits of doing so and feelvery guilty about feeling this way. But I find the idea of doing it very distateful. I know its natural etc etc and I dont find it wierd when other women do it, but its the thought of doing it myself I find repulsive if im quite honest. I am also worried about the demanding side of it, it seems to be almost constant in the first weeks and it just seems overwhelming not to mention the pain side of things.

Deep down I know that formula feeding is what will suit me and my mental wellbeing. However I do of course feel very guilty about feeling this way and I darent talk to anyone in RL about it- all the midwives are very forceful about breasttfeeding and all the girls from my antenatal are intending to breastfeed.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I the only bad mother to be around?! wink

DeathMetalMum Thu 04-Oct-12 17:34:35

I was going to suggest the cherry heely programme I would reccomend it definatley. Lots of different perspectives of peoples intentions before and after birth.

Do what feels best and don't feel bad.

Oh and not everyone had problems woth bf some just sail through. You very rarely hear the positive storys.

ledlights Fri 05-Oct-12 09:07:53

If you don't want to do it, don't. I breastfed my dc and it was the easiest thing ever but a very good friend of mine bottle fed hers from the start and both of our DCs are equally healthy, bright and lovely. If we ever have second babies we are planning to do the same, one thing works for one of us, another for the other. In terms of stupid judgemental comments etc we probably got equal amounts, she from the militant breast feeding brigade and I from the 'don't understand why anyone would breastfeed, it's so inconvenient/disgusting/stops your child sleeping through the night/gives you saggy boobs'.

charlienash25 Fri 05-Oct-12 09:22:39

Dont feel bad for decisions that you want to make!

I didnt breastfeed DD1 and she has turned into a very happy, bubbly clever 4 year old!

Currently 32 weeks and will not be breastfeeding this one either.

forpitysake Fri 05-Oct-12 10:32:08

I tried to BF DD1 and I managed for 5 days. I had to have a section so it took ages for my milk to come through and by the time it did I was chewed raw shock despite being told the latching on was fine.
I gave up after 5 days. I beat myself up cos I felt that I'd failed her, but actually she had the colustrum which was good.
She went straight onto FF and life suddenly got so much easier! DH could feed her too and bond with her etc. They have such a lovely relationship and I think a lot of it is due to being so hands-on with feeding etc.
I'm 34 wks with DD2 and I'd like to try again, but I'm not going to beat myself up again. I've also got a large (benign) breast tumour which I've been told won't interfere with feeding but we'll see hmm
DD1 has never had a day off school or nursery ill and she has thankfully been a very robust healthy and clever little kiddie.
No regrets here for FF.
You do what's best for you and sod everyone else.
My MIL tried BF with my BIL and had such a horrible experience she gave up and then didn't even want to try with DH. They have both been very healthy and strong. MIL was really supportive in my choice as was my mum who had BF me and my brother and sister for a while.
Previous posteres are right - you're well-being is very important esp at this stage.
Happy mum will help make happy baby no matter how they're fed.
Good luck!

DialMforMummy Fri 05-Oct-12 10:42:09

It's fiiiine, don't worry. Just refuse point blank to discuss it with anyone else but your OH. Not bf is not neglect.
Like you, I was never hot on bf, for reasons slightly different from yours.
From what I can gather, you have to be pretty committed to bf for it to be successful anyway, so if your heart is not in it, chances are it won't work very well.

Thank you so much ladies. I did watch the Cherry Healey programme which was what prompted my post on here really- the consultant saying how there was no comparison health benefits wise between formula and breast milk gave me a major attack of the guilts.

I'm not ruling it out completely though- as others have said when baby is placed on me I may feel completely differently, so we will just see.

Its really good to know I'm not the only one that has felt this way though.

violetlights Sat 06-Oct-12 23:33:05

I was formula fed and I'm a perfect specimen of humankind. ;) Had a ridiculously healthy childhood. Keep an open mind, but at the end of the day do what makes you happy. Mummy happy, everyone happy. x

princesslina Sun 07-Oct-12 17:09:18

I just wanted to add that already you are a great mum because you are thinking how can I be the best mum poss, what are the best choices I can make for my baby, myslef and our family to be.

I also wanted to add that I have worked with numerous families and their newborns, some mums choose to exclusively breastfeed, others only bottle but there are things inbetween, it does not have to be one or the other. I have worked with mums that have hated the thought of BF given it a go and loved it and vice versa. I have had mums who have chosen to do whatever it takes (either on the breast or through expressing ) to give their baby the Colostrum becasuse of the various health benefits for baby(the first thick creamy milk that you have in the first couple of days) and have then moved on to Formula. I have had other mums who have chosed to exclusively express for a few weeks and others who have chosen to express for a few times each day so their baby gets a little breastmilk and the rest formula, in the knowledge that supply will never really ramp up and so it has just been for a short time. And I have also had mums who have exclusively pumped and only given baby breastmilk for 6 months. However a lot of these options which have worked well for the families concerned (and their choices for doing so have varied from not wanting to have baby on the breast to not being able to for whatever reason and everything inbetween!!) were never even offered as an option by health care professionals it was either BF or FF and that was that. We are all different and whatever you decide to go for will be the right decision for you.

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