My mother is the bane of my life!!!

[BethAndHerBrood]

Last week i went for my 20 week scan. All's well, found out it's a boy. Very pleased by this, got what we ordered!!!!! Everybody thrilled.

Rang my mother to tell her.

1. She hadn't even remembered i was going for my scan, but could let her off with that, she can be a bit vague at the best of times.
   
2. She was absolutely gutted that it's not a girl!!!
   
   I just can't understand where she's coming from. I already have "one of each" (dreadful expression!) so it's not as if she's never going to have a granddaughter, a boy is what we wanted, and were hoping for. How can she be so insensitive and let her feelings out like this? We live 150 miles apart, tbh sometimes it's not far enough!!!
   
   I pray i never push my feelings onto my children like this.

[blueteddy]

Don't allow her to get to you (I know this is easier said than done, as my Mum can be the bane of my life too!) & spoil your happiness.
I don't think Mothers think before they speak a lot of the time!
Congratulations on your little boy.

[RedZuleika]

Obviously she should have been a bit more sensitive - but it sounds like you really wanted a boy: how would you have reacted if it were a girl?

[Fimbo]

My mother is the same, she makes no bones about the fact that she loves my dd's name and hates my ds's. My cousin made the mistake of telling her what she was going to call her baby before it was born and she told her she couldn't possibly name a baby that - my cousin went ahead with her chosen name anyway. I have a lovely relationship with my mil far better than I will ever have with my mother. Sorry to prattle on.

[Pinchypants]

((Beth)) honey, I can imagine just how upset you are by your mum's reaction. Sometimes people just open their mouths without thinking for two seconds about whether they need to broadcast exactly what they think or are feeling, like they've got some kind of social filter missing in their head!

My mummy and MIL have already playfully started saying 'grandson', 'no, granddaughter' at each other - expressing a preference based on the fact, I think, that they want to experience a baby different to the pair of boys and pair of girls they had themselves.

You mum's reaction was insensitive, but I'm sure it won't mean that she will love your new son any less than her other grandchildren.

Have you spoken to her about how you feel?

Pinchy xxx

[LilacBump]

beth, i had the same kind thing with my gran. she has been the only one to be negative about aspects of my pregnancy. we're having a boy and she was all annoyed about that and really disapproved of the name we've chosen, constantly making fun of it. she's still moaning that we can't use the girls name she loved so much (and we hated!). in the end, i have just given up on her and i'm ignoring it. as long as we as a family are happy is all that matters to me.

[fenny1]

I had an impromptu scan last week and was told we were having a girl, totally delighted (either would have been lovely). Rang my mum who went totally beserk and started shouting about me keeping sectets re the scan from her. Hung up and didn't speak for 3 days. Whe I finally told her it was a girl she said one word, delighted and phoned off. Then 2 days later told me about how excited she had been in a shop with some complete stranger who's daugher is also having a girl and how they spent ages looking at pink clothes. God Forbid I turn out like this to my daughter. At this rate it will be irrelevant if she likes the name because she won't get the chance to use it much!

[Nbg]

I understand.
My MIL has expressed her thought on this baby being a boy and we haven't even had our 20 week scan yet.
She doesn't want a boy, she wants another girl!

Don't let her ruin your happiness, especially if you wanted a boy too.

Congratulations

[moondog]

Jeeeezus,what a load of selfish nutters!
Ignore 'em.

[LucyLucyLonglegs]

My MIL was soooo disappointed when i announced last week we were having another boy. I am over the moon as we have a ds and lost another at 17wees pg 18months ago.

She is expecting me to try for another after this but i have told her to get over it.

Tell your mother to get over it and move on. As long as its healthy thats all she should care about.

And congrats.

[mythumbelinas]

Beth, congratulations to you! Don't let your mother upset you :)
When i gave birth to my dd1, my mum was hovering outside the room telling everybody i was having a boy! She came rushing in with outstretched arms to see her 'grandson' and when dp handed over a little baby girl, she pulled her arms back and her mouth dropped open .. then she sighed 'oh, nevermind' and took my baby.
That upset me at the time, but soon it became apparent that my mother was besotted with this particular grandchild :)

[InternationalGirl]

Congratulations Beth on expecting a son! How fantastic.

Re: mother's/mil's reactions on gender, for goodness sake - it's not like we can choose - some people are so insensitive. Any baby is a wonderful miracle - boy or girl - and they all have their own little personalities and should be celebrated for just that - the wonderful little miracles they are.

Beth - You just enjoy that little miracle growing in your belly and ignore anyone who tries to take away your joy.

[Boopert]

Did you know you are more likely to have a boy? Apparently 51% of babies born are boys. Hmmmm. Explains it then....

[Eve2005]

moms can be bitches, my mom was such a nightmare last time i was preg, and since for that matter, that i still haven't bothered to tell her i'm preg again, i'm 18+ weeks .

also, when preg last time i mentioned to my dad that i thought it might be a girl and he looked shocked and said 'of course it will', still not sure how he would have taken it if i'd been wrong

[RedZuleika]

When I had my first miscarriage, I didn't tell my mother straight away, because she'd had a lot of fertility problems herself and I thought it might bring back a lot of issues. I told her subsequently and she immediately became antagonistic, shouting 'You had a miscarriage and you didn't tell me!' Like it was all about her.

When I got pregnant again, I thought I'd tell her straight away, so she didn't get the hump. She failed to realise that technology has progressed since the 70s and you don't have to be three months pregnant before a doctor will look at you. Her first words were 'That's not a real pregnancy.'

I could go on...