Week 16 midwife appointment - Women only?

[Kayano]

Looking at my notes on what to expect I have noticed that it says my week 16 midwife appointment is women only
I also note I have to have a needle at this appointment....

Now as some might know from previous posts I am extremely needle phobic and so far have managed to have just one with about an hour or more of crying, very distressed, head buried in DH chest...

I can't have one without him there and quite frankly I wont. If I speak to midwife/ Dr. Do you think they would look at my notes and allow him to come? I have seen a psychologist and everything for this phobia and it is all on record. It is very severe and I don't think it's fair to put me through additional stress to have to go alone.

Any advise greatly appreciated x

[Guildenstern]

The only reason I can think of for it to be women-only is so they can ask you about DV.

Loads of people have their husband at every single midwife appointment. It seems strange that they've actually stated women only.

In your situation I would definitely take along your husband. If anything is said, explain your phobia. Your husband can always leave the room for the obligatory DV chat (that's what happened at my midwife appointments).

[ksaunders]

My OH didn't come to any of my midwife appointments last time round, but I don't recall him being forbidden from attending. That was only a couple of years ago but I guess things might have changed (I'm waiting on my first appointment for dc2). I'm sure they would understand you needing to have someone with you, just give them a ring and put your mind at rest.

[Cattleprod]

My midwife has not taken my bloods, it has all been done at the phlebotomy(sp?) dept which is full of men.

I would phone your mw and explain the situation. Even if he needs to leave the room for parts of the appt (although I think all the dv etc questions are done at 8wks) he should still be able to be with you for the bloods, especially if you're scared.

[BrandyAlexander]

I would take him. Your pregnancy, your rules.

I have never been asked about dv? What's this about?

[BrandyAlexander]

I would take him. Your pregnancy, your rules.

I have never been asked about dv? What's this about?

[Meglet]

I was asked about dv in my first apt, she just showed me the form and I had to say yes or no. Not sure that was the best way to deal with it as (X)P was with me. Possibly not the most subtle way of doing it. He came to a few apts first time round, I'm a control freak / worrier and didn't want to forget anything she told me.

[missnevermind]

Here the DV chat is done at the booking appt and the 12 week check / scan.
The Mum is called in first, then the partner before anything else is done.

[Fluter]

Ignore them - take him if you need him there.

The DV five second question was done at the booking appointment for me at 11/12 weeks. The midwife did do the bloods, but I've also seen people sent off to the phlebotomy guys as well.

Like someone above said: your pregnancy, your rules.

[KatyCustard]

Why on Earth is it women only? My DH came with me to mine. What a very strange rule. I would phone and explain too, I hope they are reasonable.

BTW...DV - what is a one?

[KateeTheBump]

DV = domestic violence.

To be honest, I haven't been asked about this at all, and I'm now at 27 weeks. Re the needles, the only reason you'd need a blood test at 16 weeks that I can think of is if you opted for the blood test only version of the Downs Test? If you had the nuchal scan at 12 weeks or opted out entirely you shouldn't need any needles anywhere near you!

I would ring your MW and just check - its probably just covering all bases, won't do any harm to ask!

[Purplebuns]

Hi, I am needlephobic, I always opt to see a phlebotomist (sp?) so they can use a teeny needle and I can lie down.
Also I have emla cream which numbs the area, you do need a covering for it which if you ask for a patch that covers an IV site they work best. Your doc or midwife can give you this, you can go to the pharmacy and ask for emla it costs about £3. You pust it on 2hrs before your blood test, do both arms.
I know how you feel, I have got better but I did almost faint at my 28 week test!

[BrandyAlexander]

I agree with Purple. I always ask for a phlebotomist or experienced midwife because I am not a fan of needles and have weak veins so I don't need an inexperienced midwife or worse student midwife practising on me. I always explained nicely when i asked!

[BrandyAlexander]

I agree with Purple. I always ask for a phlebotomist or experienced midwife because I am not a fan of needles and have weak veins so I don't need an inexperienced midwife or worse student midwife practising on me. I always explained nicely when i asked!

[TeacupTempest]

Never been asked about DV (well I don't remember being) and DH came to my 16 week appointment. He will be coming to all of them if possible. How strange.

[Crosshair]

My DH came to my 16 week appointment last week, we heard the heartbeat. :)

[YBR]

My 16 week appt was extremely brief (about 2 weeks ago) - blood pressure & urine tested, reports from the bloods taken at booking in and downs screen then "any questions" (half of which she didn't answer but deferred for next time).

Not yet been asked about Domestic Violence, and fully intend to take my husband to everything (since he only works 3 days a week this should be possible).

[PracticingBabycatcher]

Hi guys
a great many trusts are now implementing the women only 16 week appointment because most women bring their partner with them to the booking appointment and this makes it nearly impossible to raise the question of domestic violence
The reason it is an important issue to us is the risk of domestic violence increases during pregnancy and can affect 1 in 4 pregnant women, increasing the risk of miscarriage, and stillbirth
The reason the 16 week appointment is a good time is it is basically an information appointment with just blood pressure and urine tests taking place, oh and bloods are usually taken at booking and then again at 28 weeks
Hope this was helpful

[Septbaby]

My Midwife was quite clever about discussing DV during my 8 week appt, I was shown to the toilets to give a wee sample and she very discreetly mentioned it and that if I ever felt concerned or was experiencing DV that there are little tiny red dot stickers in the loo that you can just stick one to your wee pot and it will be seen when you hand it back. Very subtle and for those that do need it I expect an absolute lifeline!

[Slh122]

Why do people insist on resurrecting threads from years ago?

[gargalesis]

What a brilliant idea Septbaby!

Slh122: what difference does it make?

[RevoltingPeasant]

But babycatcher the 16 w check is surely also when you can hear the HB which is a really nice thing for a prospective dad to be able to do?

DH will come to my 16w check so we can listen together. Just like he will come to all the scans. If they want to talk about DV they can do it another time!

[MorphineDreams]

Revolting I think prioritising domestic abuse victims is more of a concern than the dad hearing the heartbeat, which he can do at appointments after.

Although perhaps a different week would be best.

[FTMK]

Guidance is not to listen for HB at 16 weeks so not all midwives will. Mine didn't even though I asked - she's youngish so perhaps following more modern guidelines? I went on my own.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

Slh122: what difference does it make?

Because you'll get more answers if you start your own thread, rather than everyone answering the OP from 3 years ago!

And things change. I totally do not get dragging up threads from years ago.

[squizita]

Babycatcher DV has to be pretty extreme to raise the chance of MC and stillbirth (physical trauma causing either of these is usually really quite severe, severe enough to cause hospitalisation). _This doesn't make it less of a problem: but the idea it's a problem mainly because it could prevent the woman carrying to term is incorrect (and in the wrong hands could reduce her to a walking incubator 'let her get beaten so long as baby is OK'). That isn't the main reason DV needs to be stamped out at all: it is for the sake of the poor mother because although it usually starts with pregnancy it rarely ends there. More usually, she's stuck sheltering herself and perhaps her kids for 18 years, or for the rest of her life: that is the most usual risk for most women.

Unfortunately I have a pretty encyclopedic knowledge of the causes of miscarriage from my personal life.
Thankfully - for me - I have an in-depth knowledge of DV issues through work not personally.

They asked me at my 12 week (before DH got there- he was late) but he came for my 16 week because it was a consultant not a MW and weirdly they seem not to have the same rules. I go to all my MW appointments alone anyway though, as I have so many to go to.