Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.
Boys, boys, boys...(107 Posts)
Just a random thought, over the months I've been reading threads on here I've noticed that there seems to be an underlying disappointment with many people when they find out that they're having a baby boy. I was just wondering if anyone else had noticed it? At present I really don't think I mind what sex baby I have but with my 20 week scan coming up I worried maybe deep down like other I do and I will have this feeling of disappointment for one sex or the other and that maybe I shouldn't find out at all...
I guess it's a modern thing, 80+ years ago most people expressed a strong preference for boys who would one day become a credit to the family name. Now the rage is for docile girls who will wear the prettiest clothes & strive to do well at school. Swings & roundabouts...
There's pluses both ways. By the time the scan and consultant and midwife people have mentioned a million things they are looking for that could be wrong, I was just relieved that they hadn't found any of those problems. Bits between the legs was like whether or not my cake came with smarties or gummy bears on top, I didn't much care any more. I suspect you'll feel the same.
Is this your first DC?
I have 2DC's and a 3rd on the way. One DS, one DD and another DD due later in the year. Perhaps for us there was only sheer excitement as have one of each so a third was just great regardless, but to be honest having tried again for a long time I would have been happy with a bear cub!
I have to say I loved having my son first, he is a great boy who is caring, kind and loves a hug.....even at the grand old age of nine! He is nothing but fab with his younger sister and if anything, a bit too nice to her (the boy fetches her everything!).
Growing up I would have loved an older brother and im very glad my girls have one that is so great!
Yes it is my first DC. At the moment I honest feel non-fussed which sex as long as they are healthy in my head I'm thinking boys have better toys, girls cuter clothes so benefits on both sides. I just have that fear after reading that so many are disappointed with the sex they have (mainly those with boys) that those feelings might creep in which I really don't want to happen.
I noticed this too, 3 years ago when I was expecting my first, who was a boy. I REALLY wanted a boy, so I was very pleased. He is great - yes he is energetic and bouncy and never sits still and has tantrums (but then he is 2 !) but he is bright and affectionate and veyr, very sweet. Over the years I have leant to ignore the pitying comments and glances from mums of girls. I'm now expecting a DD too - and I have to say was a little dissapointed at first when I realised she wasn't another DS. But now I see it as the best of both worlds. Not sure which is worse - diggers or pink! Actually I do know - pink! <must stop stereotyping emoticon>.
I think some people do feel a preference to one gender or another. Im 23 weeks pregnant with my 2nd LO. Both are boys. I found a lot of people expected me to have wanted a daughter as i already had a son. TBH i werent and am not bothered either way as long as it was healthy. With my due date and family in some ways a daughter would haev been nice rather than bringing another boy into the family but at the same time DS2 will not be replacing anyone so its irrelevant.
I would definitely agree there are far more clothing options for girls but dont think that is a reason really to prefer a DD.
I have a son with an ex and this second baby is a boy i was chuffed, im desperate for 4 boys, i think i'd be really upset if i had a girl, my dogs are my girls, boys are much cuter and stay cuter longer and a lot easier than girls, i compare me and my sister to my two brothers and there is no competition over which are easier, my brothers win hands down.
I'm a mum of 2 boys - and yes, I have noticed the trend you talk about.
It's been said time and time again, but this is why I don't think people should find out the sex before birth as it's very hard to be disappointed in a real baby.
You have nine months to fantasise about your children and their future, and inevitably have pictures in your mind re: what you child is going to be like. I think , purely because we're women, it's easier to picture a girl- a mini-me - and often , without consciously realising it, many women get fixated on that picture. When they hear it's a boy at 20 weeks, that image is shattered and they don't, at that point, have the real live cuddly baby to make up for it.
I didn't find out either time. With my first, I wasn't at all disappointed- I was so delighted to have a healthy baby, and so excited to be a mum for the first time.
With my second, I had thought he was a girl, and did feel a bit flat when boy no 2 first appeared. However, I can honestly say that these feelings diminished very rapidly, and,by the time he reached the really cute, squidgy baby stage, 4-5 months, I was smitten. A few months' on, I am completely gooey for him- many comment on it!- and I feel awful that I was ever disappointed.
All of this is really to illustrate that, if you do find yourself feeling disappointed, don't worry, these feelings are bound to fade and, a few months' down the line, disappear completely.
Also, I think gender is something mums fixate over in the early years, when the babies aren't doing much, and there's not much else to talk about, but, as they grow up and develop personalities, and there are so many other issues to think about, gender- as a conversation topic-fades into the background.
Also, please remember that the negative male stereotypes being bandied around only apply to a handful of children. It never ceases to amaze me that just because the media tells us that SOME boys are doing worse at school and SOME boys are more physically aggressive that girls, mums seem to think that ALL boys are like this.
FWIW my oldest son(3) is gentle, considerate and calm. He has never been aggressive, he is very friendly, and much less manic than many of the other 3 year olds I see around. Also, many of his (mostly)male friends are very similar. So I am constantly surrounded by many delightful examples of small boyhood! I sometimes feel I would like to invite nervous mums expecting boys to watch them all playing - I think it would make them feel better.
I don't wish to sound smug- for all I know, my son's personality may change completely further on down the line. Also, I don't want to attribute my son's loveliness to anything I've done - I just wanted to point out that there are many, many lovely boys out there!
My sister had her 20-week scan on Monday and found out she's having a boy. She's thrilled, because she wanted a boy. She did say, though, that she'd spent the past couple of months talking herself into the idea that it might be a girl, so much so that when she was told it was a boy, there was a very fleeting sense of almost-disappointment!
She's really happy about it, though, and so am I because I am firmly in the 'boys are awesome' camp (I have one of each).
When I was pregnant with DS and we found out he was a DS I had lots of comments along the lines of "oh never mind, you can have a girl next time" and "well boys aren't that bad, they're just hard work". I was really angry at the time, we tried for three years to get pregnant and I mc'd our first so I honestly didn't care whether DS was a boy or a girl.
Since he's been born I've been told that you know it when you have boys because you don't get a moments peace, that you can't get many nice clothes for boys, that boys don't stay clean five minutes, that boys are more rough and tumble and blah blah blah. There was even a comment about how it takes more of a man to make a girl! So annoying! DS is lovely. Yes, he's boisterous at times and he can be a stubborn little so-and-so when he gets an idea into his head, he loves running around and making a noise and a mess given half the chance - but show me a two year old who doesn't do those things now and then, regardless of gender.
Now I'm 29 weeks pregnant with a girl. We lost another baby between DS and this one so once again health was more important to us than anything else (which it would be anyway even without the mc's), I even had it fixed in my head that I couldn't carry girls (last mc was a late mmc and a girl) so baby would definitely be a boy. When we found out we're having a DD we were congratulated on "finally" getting our girl, like DS was a blip but we'd done it right this time. I've also been told I don't need to have any more children now because I've gotten my girl, as if attempting to have a girl is the only reason people with boys keep having children. You can get nicer things for a girl and girls are so quiet and play so nicely and you know you'll have someone to look after you in your old age once you've got a girl. I meN bloody hell! For one, DS is blatantly going to teach her all of his tricks and I'll have a double handful and for another why would I force any of my children to look after me in my old age?!
I can see why some hospitals have a policy not to give the gender at the 20 week scan.
I find this as well, there do seem to be more posts from women feeling slightly disappointed if they find out theyre having a boy. I chose not to find out, and am now 32 weeks.. but I find myself obsessively researching things like can you tell gender from bump shape etc! I was surprised to feel irrationally envious when my SIL (who is due after me) found out she was having a girl, kind of like my IL would be more pleased for her than if I have a boy, and since finding out she is having a girl I feel like I want one too, even though I have always loved the idea of having a little boy. Crazyness! I blame pregnancy hormones
I am now a little worried in case I feel the teenyist twinge of disappointment if I have a boy I am sure I wont but cant stop feeling anxious. Im still really glad I dont know the sex though, and the excitement of not knowing is keeping me going. I think maybe if you did have a strong preference it would be a good idea to find out so you can adjust to the idea, but then as elisio says, it is probably almost impossible to feel disappointment when you hold your newborn for the first time..
I think it has a lot to do with other people's children, and your friends.
When you are pregnant with your first that's all you have to go on. So you see girls (and most boys actually) playing nicely in the park, but what registers in your mind is the few little
shits boys running amok, shouting loudly, brandishing sticks and guns and terrorising everyone in sight. And then you look at your own lovely female friends who are happy to sit around for a coffee and a chat, or go shopping together, and (usually) are close to their own mothers, and you look at their partners and men in general - all football and lager and trainspotting and taking their washing home and boorish behaviour etc., and it does make having a girl seem more appealing.
However when you do have a DS you realise that he can be just as lovely as a hypothetical DD, and he isn't automatically going to take up the less savoury aspects of maleness.
This does seem to be a real trend, which I am bucking, as I have gender anxiety (not disappointment, anxiety!) about DC1 being a girl. I had a late gender scan to find out, which said she was a she, as I knew I'd want to deal with my 'issues' now, rather than when she's put in my arms.
I'm not disappointed she's a girl, just very anxious of how I'll relate to her (I do cars, tractors, spanners etc, and am not really into clothes and pink) and how I stop her turning into one of those little madam b*tchy girls. I just want to do the best by her.
Boys do seem ace though
i have 2 great DS (6&2) first one is really gentle, caring and laid back, 2nd is more outgoing and curious and always upto mischief! as you hear you never get 2 the same and im expecting my 3rd DS in 7 weeks and couldnt be any more happier!
I had all the usual comments like 'oh are you hoping for a girl' ,'a girl would complete your family' nonsense! my mum had 3 girls and thinks both my sons are better than us 3 put together.
Since finding out im having another boy im getting asked if im going to try for a girl next time! havent even had a chance to have this baby and enjoy him! plus this is my 3rd CS!
I think people just presume that if you have all boys you would want a girl, im quite happy with my lot thank u V much:P x
I have three boys and can honestly say I've never felt the slightest bit disappointed when I found out the sex (at 20 week scan all three times). I adore all three of them and they're all very, very different personality wise.
I got really pissed of by the "oh, what a shame" comments (yes, people actually said that) when I announced that I was having another boy with DS3. I have honestly been very happy to just have a healthy baby each time. I would love another baby (although unfortunately, I can't have one) and would love another boy or a girl.
Mom I know, has 5 kids, said big plus of not finding out early is that it gives you something to think about during labour!
I have a DD and I think there is something in wanting a 'mini-me' with girls. I am slightly upset that she isn't blonde & curly (well not yet anyways) as I was always the little blonde & curly one and I expected her to be the same. It's ridiculous I know.
I'm having my first and am 23+3 today. At the 20 week scan I was determined NOT to find out the sex and I didn't.
My DP would prefer a girl and I would LOVE a boy, BUT we will love our baby no matter what the sex with NO disappointment either way. There is nothing wrong with either!
Surely happy, healthy, and loved are the only things to focus on?!
i didnt find out with my first DC <awkward position on scan> and i was desperate for a son, im not a girly girl i dont do pink and fairies and all that
crap type of stuff, but when she came out ok i had a fleeting thought of ''shit its a girl i wanted a boooooy'' but within that fleeting second i was too busy seeing she was ok told the midwife her name etc and when i heard her crying thru her vit k injection i tried to get out of bed to stop the nurse from hurting my precious daughter we've managed well i gave into pink but she still had toy trains cars and dinosaurs as well as my little pony and barbie disney princess toys.
im now PG with a boy and for some reason tho i love him dearly, i find myself looking at girls clothes and pink pushchairs almost longingly? everyones over the moon we're having our son and keep giving us the ''right that'll be you done then with 1 of each'' it pees me off no end!!
This is one of the reasons why we haven't found out whether DC2 is a boy or a girl (I'm currently 37+6 pg). I have a 2 year old DS and he is wonderful wonderful wonderful. When we announced we were pg with DC2 everyone assumed we would want a DD. I'm genuinely not bothered either way and couldn't bear the thought of people assuming I was disappointed if DC2 turned out to be another DS.
I have two boys (aged 6 yrs and 6 months) and they are both fabulous. I also have a girl who is lovely... but most cetainly not docile. She is hard work at the best of times.
If you think you might be disappointed with one or the other, I would recommend finding out at the scan so you get your head round what you are having and think of the positives.
I'm really pleased to have found this thread because I am 26 weeks pg with 1st child, and have been really surprised by some "well never mind" reactions when I say it's a boy - I thought we were having a girl, tbh, and it took me some getting used to (as another poster said, it's probably that I was expecting a mini-me! - which no child would, or should, be anyway) but now, I'm pleased: I don't like pink, or princesses; and I was a real tomboy as a child anyway. But I have noticed how pictures of "cute" babies or toddlers - in magazines, catalogues, adverts etc - are SO often of girls; and there is an assumption that girls are somehow "better" which I really object to. So I'm very pleased to read posts from enthusiastic mothers of sons!
Funny enough I've had the opposite, have recently had dd3 and "NO my husband is not bloody disappointed". I'm sure one of them will be capable of kicking a football, mind you he's not
yes as a mum of three lovely and very different boys i've come across this time and time again. When expecting third boy it was really bad all the 'pitying' comments and 'oh will you have a nother/never mind etc' quick sickening really. Watching an episode of baby hospital on itv1 last night brings home how very lucky we are to have healthy babies no matter what the gender.
I am now about to have my fourth child apparently a girl i was totally amazed when told at 20w scan have since had two more scans so pretty certain they are correct!! But always saw myself as a mum of boys. Im delighted now of course, and just feel extremely fortunate to be having another gorgeous little baby to see grow up and develop just like my boys.
Join the discussion
Please login first.