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Loss Of Amniotic Fluid at 20 weeks

(147 Posts)
Tashymondo Sun 05-Jun-11 17:22:08

So Let me set the scene, it has not been an easy pregnancy but the day of my 20 week Scan was to make up for it. I booked the day off work and it was my sisters 24th birthday which mean that we would all go to dinner after. I couldn’t be happier.

Then we find out that what I thought was just me having an accident Saturday night a family party whilst waiting in the queue for dinner was actually me leaking all of my amniotic fluid. When the nurse taking the scan told me she just said I'm so sorry but it’s all gone. I'm so sorry I don’t know what to say, I can't get a good look at the baby as its not moving. Neither did I know what to say, I just cried how could this be? We were all so happy and now this.

It was explained to me that the baby was at high risk of being underdeveloped especially in the lungs area. There was little to no chance of it surviving and it was made clear to me that my strongest option at this stage was termination.

I did not for a second want that or think that was it. Everyone at the hospital was just full of apologies. What about the good news, where was the silver lining I kept thinking??

I was taken to the labour ward a doctor that I saw only weeks before said she couldn’t understand on the scan I had then everything was fine. She explained the risks to me and the baby and that there was little hope or little that we could do. My partner was in tears, to see him cry just felt like it was over. But I didn’t want it to be over!!! How can I fight this?? I only lost my waters 4 days ago surely there is hope???

I was asked to call my dad how was innocently making his way to the restaurant, he was egar to hear what the sex of his first grandchild was. I told him through tears that there is a problem and you must come to the hospital. My sisters where in bits in the waiting area. I felt awful for weeks the thought of bringing new life into the family kept me going made us all happy and now this.

My dad joined us, again I had the risks and outcomes explained. Then i was poked and jabbed with needles. Come back tomorrow they suggested you have been through enough today.....

That night I felt my baby or Peanut as we affectionately call it and in the morning we felt is heart beating away. Its then I decided that I should fight; I should fight because that is what my Peanut is doing. Through all the risks surely there is some hope. Surely there can be something we can do!!??

At the hospital I was sure to get answers, I found out that as long as I don’t go into labour before week 24 then they will revive my Peanut. A san showed that there were NO abnormalities as yet I am free from infection and today I have felt my wonderful Peanut kick several times. So the fight is on.

I am trying to be positive but I need to know what movements are baby and what feelings I should go to hospital for?? I.e. going into labour. This is my first baby so I have no idea what that would be like.

I am mostly worried that Peanut will try to come out earlier then 24 weeks and the doctors will not help him/her. I'm not ready to lose!! I really am not ready to accept what the doctors are saying neither is my partner nor is our Peanut. Am I crazy??? Any advice any one can give would be great!! xxxx

VioletV Sun 05-Jun-11 17:27:13

Can I just say you sound so brave and I wish you all the best of luck. I don't have any answers for you other than rest and if anything you feel doesn't sit right then get to hospital. When is your EDD? xx

I also don't have answers, but I want to wish you best of luck and all the support you need. I am 18 weeks pregnant, so I can understand at what stage you are! Please hang in there!

WorzselMummage Sun 05-Jun-11 17:36:35

Have a look at this website

I lost all my waters with my ds at 22 weeks and we were told to expect the worst. He was born at 27 weeks and is now 2.5 and fighting fit.

i'll be thinking of you and willing your peanut to stay put.

I cant type much more now, i have a thumping headache but i'll pop back tomorrow. There are lots of us on here who have had a p/prom, some with good outcomes and some sadly with bad. You are not alone and the DRs are not Gods, they cannot tell you what will happen, just what could.. and while they will tell you lots of negatives there are people with healthy living children after a really early pprom so try not to lose hope.


WorzselMummage Sun 05-Jun-11 17:39:32

I'm sorry that kink doesnt work and i dont know why confused

WorzselMummage Sun 05-Jun-11 17:41:11

Sorry, the servers down apparently.

[http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_66565645322 try this facebook group]]

WorzselMummage Sun 05-Jun-11 17:41:32
Jemma1111 Sun 05-Jun-11 17:49:17

I'm wishing you and Peanut all the luck in the world ! x Stay positive!

Coppernoddle Sun 05-Jun-11 19:42:23

Tashymondo, wishing you and peanut all the best, I really hope things work out for you and your family! Must be a very difficult time for you all right now!! All I can say is that I'm surprised they wouldn't keep you in hospital as you are now open to infection! My only reasoning is because your still very early on! Hang on in there and were all here for you every step of the way! Big cuddles x x x x x

Tashymondo Sun 05-Jun-11 19:54:23

My partner and I thank you for the messages ladies!!! I will look at the link straight away. xxxx

oh and my

My EDD is 14/10/2011


Tashymondo Sun 05-Jun-11 19:59:06

That link is great by the way WorzselMummage. Thank you xxxx

Thank you all xxx

midori1999 Sun 05-Jun-11 22:54:47

Also look at www.blissmessageboards.org.uk for info on PROM and also on premature babies so you know what to expect.

My waters went at 14 weeks 5 days in a twin pregnancy last year. My outcome wasn't good sadly, my waters had gone too early and although I hung on until 23+5 an undetected infection made me go into labour and although they did try and help my girls, I had been refused steroids and they were just too sick/too early.

Bed rest can help, as can drinking plenty of water, it will help baby keep producing amniotic fluid and laying down can help keep that fluid in as long as possible and hopefully give baby's lungs a chance to develop. Even a small pool of fluid near the face/mouth can be enough. There is hope.

Although your hospital has told you they will not help your baby until 24 weeks, there is every chance they will if you do your research and want them to help your baby before then. Some hospitals now have a 30-45% survival rate for babies born at 23 weeks. Steroids have recently been proven to increase the likelehood of good outcomes, even if given before 24 weeks (I was told they wouldn't help, but now know they might have done). If you ring Bliss they will send you a copy of the Nuffield study, which is the guideline used by neonatologists to decide about resuscitation of premature babies. There can be complications with very premature babies, and you may well have to argue very strongly for help before 24 weeks, (I did) but help is there if you want it. Hopefully though, you'll sail past 24 weeks.

You might find the following links useful:



Tashymondo Mon 06-Jun-11 14:49:46

Thank you for sharing your story with us midori1999!!! I really admire you for your bravery and willingness to help others!! I will look at those links staright away!!

Many thanks


Renaissance227 Mon 06-Jun-11 16:22:34

I'm nearly in tears reading your story because at 20 weeks +2 with my first I can imagine exactly how you are feeling.
Fight, fight, fight all the way. I'm willing your baby to stay put. So glad you didn't just give in to what the doctors were saying.
Take good care of yourself and rest as much as you can.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you and hoping everything ends well. smile xxx

thegingerone Mon 06-Jun-11 17:42:56

Just wanted to say how brave you are and I'm sending all my positive thoughts to you,your OH and your very determined Peanut.

Tashymondo Tue 07-Jun-11 00:08:10

Thank you for all the advice and support everyone. last night and today there has been blood present in the fluid I have leaked. Every time I have gone to the toilet I have leaked a watery red fluid. I rang the the hospital and my midwife yesterday who said the bleeding would be normal as long as i was not in pain, which I'm not. The appearance of the blood has worried me is this normal? I am in hospital tomorrow for one of my twice weekly checks. I just feel a bit hopeless to be honest! Still trying to be positive though! XxX

midori1999 Tue 07-Jun-11 00:20:58

I had some light bleeding at arnd 18 weeks. The minute I saw it I panicked and though that was it, but it stopped.

Lots of women I know of who have had pPROM have also had bleeding. One of the possible causes of pPROM is a clot, so not sure if that is why?

You could ask for a scan if you are worried to see if they can see where the bleeding is coming from? They should dcan you often anyway.

Good luck for your appointment tomorrow.

I'm sorry I have no advice or experience but I just wanted to wish you all the best and I hope your little peanut can continue fighting! You sound so strong, don't give up x

imip Tue 07-Jun-11 05:26:23

I'm very sorry Tashymondo. I do know exactly what you are going through. I lost my amniotic fluid at 21 weeks, was told foolishly by my gp that it was far too soon for that to happen and it was not confirmed til a week later. I stayed pregnant until 25+4. For me (and my daughter) the outcome was devastating. She died as a result of a cord prolapse - we never got the chance to see if she would of survived. The info you have above is good. Pls be vigilant about infection, take your tempreture regularly. Be aware also of the risk of cord prolapse. No one had mentioned this to me at all. Ask your drs all about this. We received good support all things considered and I spent most of the time in hospital, Consider bed rest. No sex/baths etc, it may sound extreme, but consider wahing you knickers in boiling water, anything to reduce the risk of infection. I thought I was free of infection but ended up having choriamniosis (spelling??). I'm sorry to post a sad story about this, but I wish I had known more information when I was pregnant with my daughter. She was my first and we'd battled infertility to conceive her. I'm not the praying kind, but I'll be praying for you xxxx

Tashymondo Tue 07-Jun-11 22:16:07

Thank you for the kind words and hopefull messages ladies. Today I impressed the doctor with all the knowledge that I have learnt about PROM. I went armed with questions and counter facts even suprised my partner. She has booked me an appointment with the Paediatrician for my 23 week and is going to book me in for steroid injection at 24 weeks! I also heard my babies heart beat, what a beautiful sound! Considering there is no fluid it is very strong! I am very confident and happy today! Couldn't have felt that way without support and advise from you ladies so thank you again! Just laying in bed and for the last wonderful hour I enjoyed feeling my peanut move around continuously. What a lovely feeling. Very happy now!!

midori1999 Tue 07-Jun-11 22:29:44

I'm glad your appointment went well. Might be a silly question, but have they had you on antibiotics? How have they suggested management? Have they given you TED stockings or anything if you are going for the bedrest? (I ask as I developed bi lateral pulmonary emboli after 7 weeks of bedrest) Sorry for all the questions... blush

Have you considered asking for steroid prior to 24 weeks? Is that something you would want? As I said, I was told that they were of no benefit prior to 24 weeks, but the latest research shows that isn't the case and certainly for every surviving 23 weeker I know, the Mum had had steroids prior to the birth.

Keep going!

Tashymondo Tue 07-Jun-11 23:18:45

hey midori1999,
They will put me on anti biotics at week 23 which is in nearly 2 weeks. From there I will meet with a Paediatrician and discuss further options and outcomes, week 24 I will have steroid injections but not before. I have not been offered TED stockings and I actually have never heard of them before, do you use them currently??


midori1999 Wed 08-Jun-11 00:38:11

Are you aware that guidelines are and studies show that the most successful outcomes with pPROM are where antibiotics (erythromycin is the suggested one, 4 x a day) are given for ten days from the rupture of membranes, or ten days from the discovery of the rupture? Did they explain this to you? Infection is the biggest risk to you and your baby now, so it's vital to do everything possible to prevent it. The RCOG link I posted has all the guidelines for how to deal with pPROM and how to monitor for infection etc. Minor infections can be treated, but if you get choriamnionitis (an infection in the bag of waters) the only treatment is delivery.

I hadn't heard of TED stockings until I was in hospital either. They help prevent DVT's if you are on bed rest or hospitalised for any reason. They can show you how to do leg exercises too to help keep up circulation.

Re: the steroids. I was repeatedly refused steroids before 24 weeks. I was told they wouldn't help. However, the new guideline issued in Oct. 2010 (my twins were born in April) suggests they do help improve survivial rates in babies born prior to 24 weeks. I didn't want to go into 'my story' too much because the outcome wasn't good and I don't want to make you worry, but my twins were born at 23+5 weeks. I had known since the start that if there was any chance for them I wanted to take it and despite my hospital having a strict 'no help for babies nbefore 24 weeks' policy, I got every bit of info I could and argued my point with the neonatologist during labour. They agreed to help my girls and although the twin with the ruptured membrane, Megan, was too sick to survive long, the second twin, Imogen, did well at birth and they got her into NICU. She lived and fought for 9 days and was actually doing very well until she got a bleed in her lung. Steroids might well have prevented this. I don't know for sure, but had I had the steroids, my baby girl might be here now. Plus, they don't only help the lungs but they help prevent bleeds on the brain, which are one of the things that can cause some of the disabilities later on in very premature babies. They give very poor outcomes for babies before 24 weeks, but my friend's 23 weeker (23+2)) is 5 years old and doing great, with some fairly minor learning difficulties. She had steroids a week before she gave birth when her waters broke.

I hope you don't think I am being overbearing by keeping posting, if I am then please feel free to tell me to sod off. However, hindsight is a great thing and I had been so sure I would go past 24 weeks I will alway sfeel I didn't argue enough for steroids that could have made all the difference.

Renaissance227 Wed 08-Jun-11 08:44:55

I've still got my fingers crossed for you. (Plus just wanted to bump your post to the top again so it doesn't get lost!)
Glad you're feeling more positive and still feeling peanut move! xx

Coppernoddle Wed 08-Jun-11 09:59:35

I'm still here too! smile I have everything crossed for you and little peanut! Wishing you and your family all the best, and every day that passes is another day stronger for your little one! Keep going, don't give up x x big hugs x x

Owlingate Wed 08-Jun-11 10:08:33

Hi so sorry to hear this. My waters broke at 18 weeks and I went in to labour a week later after I got a serious infection (chorioamnionitis I think it was called). Unfortunately I was not scanned or given antibiotics. A clot caused the ruptured membranes. My waters turned pink straight away and I continued to bleed on and off throughout the week.

Please ask for antibiotics - you should at least have them to protect you from infection. I find they are very willing to write the baby off but at least will try to help you.

Your best chance is if the waters reseal / replenish themselves - this can happen. The best time for waters to go is 22 weeks plus because a key stage of lung development will have taken place by then. Having said that my baby's post-mortem found that process was already under way at 18 weeks, so there is a chance.

Make sure you are doing everything you need to do to feel you have given your baby the best chance - whether that is badgering the doctors or staying in bed.

Ask them for antibiotics for you - ask them to measure your CRP count. Ask them for steroids. Ask them what level the neonatal unit is in your hospital - you need a high one in case your baby is very early.

Tashymondo Wed 08-Jun-11 13:47:26

Hello again midori1999,

You are such a wonderful woman to stand up and help others!!!! I have read through the PPROM document in detail and made notes my next visit to the hospital is Friday which will be my 10th day of diagnosis. I am going to insist that I am given Eythromycin given all the good it can do to help both me and Peanut I think it only right that I don't wait any longer to have it. I really do want to give us both every fighting chane!!

I will also look into the steriod injections too!!!

Thank you so much

Tash & Peanut

Tashymondo Wed 08-Jun-11 13:51:03

Thank you to everyone else who has posted on here! I do appreciate all the messages!!!

ninedragons Wed 08-Jun-11 13:53:48

Wishing you both the very, very best of luck.

Tashymondo Wed 08-Jun-11 19:13:19

Hello midori1999,

Firstly thank you for the help you have given me so far. Secondly earlier you posted this

Re: the steroids. I was repeatedly refused steroids before 24 weeks. I was told they wouldn't help. However, the new guideline issued in Oct. 2010 (my twins were born in April) suggests they do help improve survivial rates in babies born prior to 24 weeks.

where can I find these guidelines regarding steroids issued in Oct 2010 as i want to use this evidence when I go for my check on Friday!!

I hope I'm not being annoying by asking.

Many, many thanks for the help you have given me so far!!!


midori1999 Wed 08-Jun-11 20:10:15

Not annoying at all.

You can find the info on the RCOG (Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists) link I posted earlier in the thread, in their Green Top Guidelines, the one referring to antenatal corticosteroids to reduce neonatal mobidity. Here in fact:


This is copied and pasted from part of the document.

"A retrospective cohort study on 181 infants born at 23 weeks of gestation revealed that thoseexposed to antenatal corticosteroids had decreased odds of death (OR 0.32, 95% CI 0.12–0.84),with no significant differences in the occurrence of necrotising enterocolitis among survivors(15.4% compared with 28.6%, P=0.59) or severe intraventricular hemorrhage (23.1% compared
with 57.1%, P=0.17). Only a complete course of corticosteroids was associated with a decreased odds of death (OR 0.18, 95% CI 0.06–0.54).4 The study concluded that neonates at 23 weeks of gestation whose mothers completed a course of antenatal corticosteroids had an associated 82% reduction in odds of death."

This is the Green Top guideline relation to the management of pPROM:


This is part of the document:

"Twenty-two trials involving over 6000 women with PPROM before 37 weeks of gestation were included in a meta-analysis.41The use of antibiotics following PPROM is associated with a statistically significant reduction in chorioamnionitis (RR 0.57; 95% CI 0.37–0.86). There was a significant reduction in the numbers of babies born within 48 hours (RR 0.71;95% CI 0.58–0.87) and 7 days (RR 0.80; 95% CI 0.71–0.90). Neonatal infection was significantly reduced in the babies whose mothers received antibiotics (RR 0.68; 95% CI 0.53–0.87). There was also a significant reduction in the number of babies with an abnormal cerebral ultrasound scan prior
to discharge from hospital (RR 0.82; 95% CI 0.68–0.98).There was no significant reduction in perinatal mortality, although there was a trend for reduction in the treatment group."

I would imagine the reason they are reluctant to administer steroids prior to 24 weeks is because if there is undectected infection (usually choriamnionitis) present, the steroids can make it worse which is then a risk to the Mother. Choriamnionitis is one of the biggest causes of matrnal death associated with childbearing/childbirth from what I understand and also with neonatal morbidity. However, the the first guideline published it does say that steroids choriamnionitis isn't always a total contra-indication to antenatal steroids, or something along those lines.

Also, please telephone Bliss and get as much informtaion on extreme prematurity as you can. If you post on their message board there are lots of ladies who have had pPROm and lots of ladies who have had babies around 23/24 weeks. Obviously ideally you'll be pregnant much longer than 24 weeks, but it's a good idea to know probable outcomes and potential disabilities associated with babies born so prematurely and whether you would want a child who potentially had those disabilities. (of course, they may have none and for the purpose of the statistics, wearing glasses is counted as a disability, believe it or not!)

Not all, but some hospitals are very difficult to convince to help babies born before 24 weeks. If your hospital is one of these, it might be worth asking about other hospitals that do specialise in babies born at the cusp of viability and at 23 weeks plus. Had I have had the option, I would have asked for my care to be transferred to one of these, but I am in Ireland, so my options were limited. These hospitals will be mor eopen to steroids before 24 weeks and also helping your baby if born before then. However, the Nuffield study does say that parenst wishes must be taken into account and if you have done your research and know what you are talking about an dinsist, any hospital would be on shakey ground legally if they refused to even assess your baby at birth after 23 weeks gestation. That is what we wanted, for the babies to be checked over and assesed for resuscitation and helped if they were showing good signs of life, not help for them at any cost. The neonatologist I saw just before my girls were born said I am the only woman who has ever quoted the Nuffield study to him whilst in labour! I genuinely believe it was because I knew what I was talking about and that I absolutely insisted (read: wouldn't take no for an answer!) that my girls were helped at all. Obviously we still didn't take a baby home, but the odds were against us, at least we know we did everything we could to give them the best chance. Survival rates for 23 weekers are improving all the time.

I hope this helps you. Keep your spirits up, a positive attitude must help in some way!

Owlingate Wed 08-Jun-11 20:12:00

Tash I think she might mean the updated RCOG guidelines - they are on the website but as a PDF which for some reason I can't currently open...have a look here.

Owlingate Wed 08-Jun-11 20:13:42

Cross posted. Choriamnionitis is what I ended up with. I'm assuming they have swabbed you for infection? (NB I didn't get it until a week after the waters broke)

imip Wed 08-Jun-11 20:44:03

5.5 years ago I was given a steroid shot at 23 weeks (midnight). Also I was not constantly on antibiotics as i was told that they masked true markers of infection. I think it affected your white blood cell count. You should be getting blood tests to ck this. I think bed rest is vital.

Also, my daughter's psot-mortem showed that at her birth (25+4) her lungs were gestationally correct. So her lungs continued to develop on little fluid. During a scan, whoever is doing the scan should be able to tell whether your baby is swallowing the fluid. This is the critical factor for lung development.


Tashymondo Wed 08-Jun-11 21:30:14

Thank you again midori1999, xxx

I have had a swab test which showed I have an abnormally high level of good bacteria which can also be bad as ideally you should have a level amount of good and bad. They enquired with the lab as to either treat with anti biotics or leave it as it was not a major threat. the lab advised that treatment wasn't needed at this stage. The swap also showed that I had thrush which I suspected any way before I god the results and treated myself with a store brought pessary! I am worried about the thrush coming back though!!!

I have been checking my temperature on a daily basis and my results are normal.

I feel that I should get the anti biotics because of the benefits it offers my ickle Peanut. However I am very apprehensive about the steroid injections as the consultant said that the injections could throw me into early labour. this they would be happy with after 24 weeks but not before! So I am in two minds!!

midori1999 Wed 08-Jun-11 22:04:12

From what I can agther, the reason steroids may put you into early labour is that they may exacerbate an underlying and undetected infection. However, I could be wrong, but certainly my consultant's only concern was that they would make an underlying infection worse and that also they had no proven benefits prior to 24 or even 28 weeks, which the updated Green Top guideline disagrees with, but that was published in October, I had my babies in April, so it was too late for me.

Maybe ask for a second opinion about the steroids and early labour? Certainly I know of ladies with pPROM who have had them prior to 24 weeks and didn't go into labour and didn't have this cited as a reason not to have them.

Is the 'good bacteria' gardenerella? If so, I had an excess of this a couple of times and was treated with metronodazole.

Tashymondo Thu 09-Jun-11 13:09:30

Thank you again for your advise!!

I'm not sure what the bacteria is call. will find out tomorrow! xx

Coppernoddle Fri 10-Jun-11 09:55:54

Good luck for your appointment today x x be thinking of you with my fingers crossed for you. X x

Coppernoddle Sat 11-Jun-11 08:27:47

How did it go? Hope everything ok smile

Tashymondo Sat 11-Jun-11 11:18:26

At my appointment I was given a course of anti biotics, we spoke about moving the steroid shot to week 23 instead of week 24 but as I will still be on anti biotics steroids can mask an infection. So the plan is to finish my 10 day course and by that time I will be ready for a steroid shot. This will minimise risk to me and baby. So now I just have to sit and wait.

I have been having some very, very strange dreams and for some reason both my hips are causing me a whole world of pain when I go to sleep at night. This mixed with pain from my boobs means I am not sleeping very well at all. I worry that this is not good for the baby. What do you ladies suggest I do??

xxxx Tash xxxx

Rootatoot Sat 11-Jun-11 13:37:43

Do you sleep on your side? Try putting an extra quilt on bed for support. I wake up with stiff/painful hips now and I think I need some extra padding under me. I don't know about painkillers as such in your situation. I know they say paracetemol ok generally (but not asprin/ibuprofen).

I'm glad you have been given your anti-biotics. I would just suggest you rest even if you are not sleeping. Feet up on cushions, and relax as much as you can.

All the best.

Tashymondo Sat 11-Jun-11 14:18:43

Thank you, I have tried extra pillows under me but they still hurt!!

Safariboots Sat 11-Jun-11 22:03:51

Hi Tashi,
I've followed your OP but not posted as I have no insights or experience on this; I am keeping you in my thoughts and hoping that Peanut makes it safe. Coincidentally we share same EDD so I hope you can come through it ok. Best regards,

lollystix Sat 11-Jun-11 22:09:32

Yes thinking of you tashy - I'm about a week after u. Just take each day as it comes. Big hugs to you.

Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you- we have the same due date. I hope you and Peanut are doing nothing but resting x

Owlingate Sat 11-Jun-11 22:19:38

The lack of sleep won't affect the baby, only you I'm afraid. I know you can't have a bath or anything but what about a lavender pillow? I took cocodamol and paracetamol in my pregnancies.

For hips try pillow between your knees.


WhipMeIndiana Sat 11-Jun-11 22:21:19

good luck to you Tash xxx

imip Sun 12-Jun-11 22:05:23

You may be feeling more pain because of the lack of fluid. When my baby kicked me it was really quite painful because nothing was cushioning the blow. Also, are you moving a lot less because when you move you are gushing fluid??? That could also be the cause? Don't worry about the lack of sleep, it won't harm the baby. Hips might also be down to simply being pregnant???

PoppysMom Mon 13-Jun-11 03:41:30

Good luck Tash x

Tashymondo Mon 13-Jun-11 15:09:17

Thanks again for all the messages guys!!! As long as lack of sleep does not affect my baby I'm happy!! xxx

I tried the extra blanket on the bed by the way Rootatoot and its more comfortable then before so thank you for the tip! xx

Rootatoot Mon 13-Jun-11 15:35:13

Hey Tashy, glad to be of some use (for a change! ;) Glad to hear you sounding really positive. smile x

Coppernoddle Tue 14-Jun-11 12:43:54

How far are you now?it's been over a week now since your first post and your still very positive! Hope this week goes well for you x x

Coppernoddle Thu 16-Jun-11 20:07:27

Well, I'm sincerely hoping no news is good news! Really do hope that your doing well whatever your outcome with this pregnancy! My thoughts are with you tasty at this difficult time. All the best to you and your family x x x

Coppernoddle Thu 16-Jun-11 20:08:26

Sorry, tashy not tasty! Bloody iPad!! shock

cmm Fri 17-Jun-11 09:56:19

Just seen your thread, not read all but just wanted to say thinking of you. I have a friend whose waters went very early, can't remember the exact weeks now, around your time, and the baby was 1 lb 1 oz, it's a little girl and it's been a long journey but she is now 9 and doing great, normal and healthy. My friend went on to have another and got to 30 weeks with the next girl. Again all ok. I remember how difficult those times were for her. Big hugs.

I am on a placenta previa thread, been in hosp 3 weeks today! Everyones support means a lot. Being able to log in on my phone and keep chatting so helps xxx

Tashymondo Fri 17-Jun-11 21:41:03

before i start my rant I would like to thank Coppernoddle, Rootatoot and cmm for your messgaes I have not yet replied to. I'm not ignoring you at all xxxx

I am now 23 weeks and today I had to visit Oxford's John Radcliffe hospital for a more accurate anomaly scan as a combination of loss of AF and high BMI has made it hard for my hospital in Northampton to get a decent scan done. I left disheartened and upset at the Dr's attitude he seemed to take enjoyment in explaining the risks to me and my partner and his assistant seemed to smirk at us as though our optimism was wrongly placed!! This hurt a lot, I know the risks I am no fool!! But until someone shows me that my baby has an abnormality that my partner and I are simply unable to live with I WILL NOT terminate. It’s all well and good waving the risks in my face but if Allah forbid my babies lungs can't cope and it dies shortly after birth then in my opinion that is a different scenario to the one I am faced no. All I want not is for someone to tell me if my baby has an abnormality!! THEN and ONLY then my partner and I will have to make a decision based on that information. As yet they have not found anything wrong with my Peanut!! The scans give limited information due to my BMI and loss of Fluid I get it!!! But today I was so upset that I cried a lot. I passed a small clot whilst out to dinner after my visit to Oxford hospital with my other half and rushed straight back from Oxford to Northampton to have a check up with the Midwives at the hospital. They took my blood pressure listened to my babies (very strong) heart beat did a urine sample and everything seemed fine. Why should i give up?? The Dr's ARE NOT God. They have NO right to tell me or make me feel like I am in the wrong to be hopeful without proof that something is wrong with baby in my womb right NOW!!!! NOTHING other than having no fluid appears to be wrong!!! They could not see my babies face to tell me different but everything else although limited in information was visible and normal. So all I can say is I still have to fight as Peanut is still moving and normal. I may leak fluid all day everyday but I'm not in pain and the clot I passed to day caused them no concern at the hospital!!! Sorry to go on but I had to get it out!!! xxxxxxxxx

Tashymondo Fri 17-Jun-11 21:44:20

By the way cmm, I wish you all the best with your situation. It can't be easy for you!! Just stay positive and remember that sites like this are vital to staying positive the Dr's are not gods and there view of the world is very limited!! xxxx

thaigreencurry Fri 17-Jun-11 21:53:21

Fingers crossed for you and Peanut.

My waters went at 33 weeks, I hadn't even noticed and then a routine antenatal appointment showed that the fundal height was 4cm smaller than it should be. Managed to hold on for another 4 weeks and then picked up infection so baby was delivered.

You are doing so well, I really hope everything works out.

Tashymondo Fri 17-Jun-11 22:46:35

Thank you thaigreencurry!!! xxx

Coppernoddle Sat 18-Jun-11 17:15:33

Gosh, well said tashy!! I think it's disgraceful how they can terminate a pregnancy that late anyway! The only thing I can think of isto why there being such shits about it is money!! After 24 weeks they have to do all they can to help baby, before that, it's to the hospitals discretion! How they can decide on no evidence whether your baby will be well or not to terminate it makes me sick!! You hang in there, and peanut is obviously got your fighting streak too with a heartbeat like that!! I'm wishing you all the best and really have everything crossed for you and your little one! Take it easy and get yourself a heap of dvd's and a couple of boxes of choccies and rest!! X x

Tashymondo Sat 18-Jun-11 22:20:29

Thank you Coppernoddle!! It really helps to have ladies like you on my side!! Today I have leaked a lot nearly every time I stood up or sat upright! It makes my heart sink every time it happens!! So reading things like that helps me stay focused and smile!!

MrsSnaplegs Sat 18-Jun-11 22:47:08

Only just seen your thread, hope you and peanut are holding on! If you need something to read look for the thread by southsearocks. Her waters went whilst she was over in USA and she had weeks there waiting! Positive outcome so positive thoughts to you and your peanut, sounds like you've had some really good advice and support here smile

MrsSnaplegs Sat 18-Jun-11 22:50:59

Sorry she was 28 weeks but is worth a read if you cant sleepblush

TCOB Sat 18-Jun-11 22:51:02

Tashy - you are incredible. I have no experience unlike so many of the brave ladis posting here, but just wanted to add that I am rooting so hard for your Peanut. He/ she already has the best possible chance by having such a strong, determined, loving mother.

Tashymondo Sat 18-Jun-11 23:31:49

Thank you TCOB & Mrssnaplegs for your messages!! xxxxx

WuzzAndBuddy Sun 19-Jun-11 09:08:51

I've only just seen this thread and read each post hoping for a more positive next post!
You sound like you're being so strong Tashy, fighting every step of the way for your little peanut.
I can't offer any advice as I've never been through anything like it but I just wanted to wish you, your OH and your little peanut all the luck in the world xx

Coppernoddle Sun 19-Jun-11 09:51:56

I followed the southsearocks thread too! It was very moving! So much support and waiting for her, was lovely to read her threads everyday to see how she was doing! You should read it, even if you just read her postings, it's worth it! I would probably lay down as much as possible then, watch tv on your back today! Don't do too much! X x
Have a lovely fathers day x x

cmm Sun 19-Jun-11 09:58:20

Tashy, sorry been a while since messaging. Strange in hospital, so little yet so much going on at the same time.

Just wanted to say the way you are handling is amazing, so admire your strength. I know there'll be hours or days when it isn't like that but keep fighting. My friend who had the 24 week baby, they fought and meg Is, although a long journey, fine. They went on to have another too. Every day and week longer is good. Like you say, definitely right to fight. Peanut sounds like he is! Thinking and praying for you xx

Conchita Sun 19-Jun-11 18:33:27

Tashy you are so incredibly brave and I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts. Keep fighting and keep asking questions xx

Tashymondo Mon 20-Jun-11 14:02:49

Thank you everyone for Posting. Tomorrow I meet with the paediatricians who will talk me through my options and next steps! I remain positive that my Peanut will fight to the end and so will I, I owe my baby that much!!! xxxx

Coppernoddle Mon 20-Jun-11 15:41:52

Tashy I round of applaud you!! Think your doing amazing!! The good news is, is that your still leaking fluid so you must still be producing plenty for baby to develop! The longer baby is attached to your cord, peanut has every fighting chance!! Good luck for tomorrow and I bet you'll find now your nearly at 24 weeks, the pead's would have changed their tunes on how to deal with the situation! Wishing you and your family all the best x x

Katiebeau Mon 20-Jun-11 15:53:32

Just a note to say "Hang on in Peanut"! Keep fighting those Drs Tashy. If Peanut says they are OK - they are OK!. I have no experience or words to help but wish you buckets full of good luck xxx

Tashymondo Mon 20-Jun-11 16:02:29

As tomorrow I am meeting with the paediatricians to talk through my options and next steps this time I want to be prepared because when I went to Oxford hospital for a more detailed scan I was not prepared for the doctor to be soo negative and it threw me completely. This time round I want to go in with my fighting head on. What should I ask?? Other then for myself & Peanut to be booked in for a steroid shot A.S.A.P??? Also the DR @ Oxfors said that I had little hope as I had a high BMI does or did anyone else?? And does or did anyone else's scans due to lack of fluid always come back with little to no information?? Lastly my darling Peanut has been in breech position since loss of fluid. Is that what everyone else experianced?? Sorry to ask so many questions!! xxxxxx

Any suggestions at to what to ask when my partner and i go tomorrow will be greatly appreciated!!???? xxxxxxxxx

Tashymondo Mon 20-Jun-11 16:05:53

Oh and thank you Coppernoddle & Katiebeau very kind words there!! xxx

WorzselMummage Mon 20-Jun-11 16:48:25

I'm glad to hear you're still pregnant Tashy!

The Dr's and Midwives were all doom and gloom with me too, I think it was to prepare me for the worst.. easier to cope with good news if your expecting bad than the other way round I suppose. Have you asked them to show you round the NICU ?

Prom scans are notoriously hard, without the fluid babies are so squashed it's almost impossible to get a detailed picture. I never had any fluid left at all on my scans with George, Have they told you how much fluid you have left? are you leaking a lot ?

My DS was breech after the prom and he was fully wedged deep in my pelvis. I wanted to have him vaginally and that is what had been planned but then had an abruption so had to have an EMCS and tbh I am glad I did as he was so small and fragile.

AS for questions, I don't know. You need to think about what you want to know. We expected George to be very poorly when he was born and it was important to me to know exactly what would happen in every scenario.

Tashymondo Mon 20-Jun-11 17:25:51

I have no fluid at all hun!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR POST!! xxxx

Geepers Mon 20-Jun-11 17:40:57

I've only just seen this thread, glad to see you are still hanging on.

I had twins in January last year, after my waters around twin 1 broke at 18 weeks. I was never encouraged to terminate, but made it clear that I was optimistic and confident we would all be fine.

I had the steroid injections at 23+4 and 23+5, and the babies were born on the evening of the second injection.

They were obviously very tiny, just over a pound each, but are perfect and we seem to be in the very small minority that have no disabilities.

Best of luck.

katherine2008 Mon 20-Jun-11 17:59:58

good luck tash - have been following your thread and am praying for a good outcome for you. sounds like you are both fighters! x

MrsSnaplegs Mon 20-Jun-11 21:02:58

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Tasha smile

WuzzAndBuddy Mon 20-Jun-11 21:30:45

Hope tomorrow goes well, will be thinking of you.
Please let us know what the news is xxXxx

cmm Mon 20-Jun-11 23:55:49

Tash, thinking and praying for you and peanut tomorrow, you're being so brave. Post an update as soon as you can, hugs xxxxx

AnnaAndBump Tue 21-Jun-11 08:23:33

Hi Tashy, I've been a lurker up until now, but wanted to wish you good luck for today.

Coppernoddle Tue 21-Jun-11 10:30:43

Good luck for today tashy! X x x

HorseyGirl1 Tue 21-Jun-11 19:47:42

hope you and your baby are keeping well. xx

imip Tue 21-Jun-11 19:54:03

I just wanted to let you know that some of the abnormalities won't be visible on a scan. My daughter had talipies (no major problem, a club foot due to compression b/c of lack of fluid - it could have been fixed), which was not identified. However, something like cerebal palsy can't be picked up on a scan, and if iirc, perhaps not until the baby is one or two years??? I know the feeling of such negative scans. I was told if I delivered my child at 24 weeks, I may as well have put a gun to her head. Amazing heh? That is what a consultant said to me! At 25 weeks when I was encouraged to have a c-section because she was in distress I refused on the basis of what that consultant said. She was born the next day after a cord prolapse. If only I had had her the day before as was recommended, but I was convinced everyone wanted me to terminate the baby and my determination to protect her as long as I could prevented me from recognising good advice when I saw it. A regret that will live with me, and my partner, forever... I know I don't have a happy ending to my story (we've been very lucky to go on to have a further three dds and I'm now 6weeks pregnant), but I hope my experience can give you good info. I had none when I was pregnant and that was our downfall x

WorzselMummage Tue 21-Jun-11 20:22:30

sad imip

You're right though, some disabilities are obvious and some can take years to become apparent. My ds is fighting fit, he's a miracle and I wouldn't change him for the world but but he can't run, or jump, and his physical development sis way behind that of his peers. he's been late of reach all of his physical mile stones but is bright as a bottom.

Extreme prematurity has all kinds of hang overs and you will never know how things will pan out but that's much the same with term births.

Hope it went ok today Tashy smile

imip, what a sad time for you sad

Tashy I hope you are ok today x

AKP79 Wed 22-Jun-11 14:47:11

Bump.... Think about you often, how's it going?? xx

WuzzAndBuddy Wed 22-Jun-11 19:52:52

Was just thinking about you and thought I'd pop in and see how things were going?
Hope you had a more positive day today xXx

MrsSnaplegs Thu 23-Jun-11 07:18:02

Hope you and peanut are ok Tashy smile

WorzselMummage Thu 23-Jun-11 09:41:55

Tashy are you ok ?

WuzzAndBuddy Thu 23-Jun-11 17:10:50

Thinking of you still... xx

midori1999 Thu 23-Jun-11 18:26:46

I hope you and your little peanut are doing OK Tashi? I have been thinking of you lots.

I had no fluid at all either, but I also know of others who had none at all and had a good outcome. Try and remember that the scans are just a snapshot in time and you will have been walking around prior to each scan, which means fluid will drain out, whereas when you are laying down it's possible it is building up.

I hope you are keeping your good spirits and positive attitude up, it's so hard to be 'brave' during such circumstances, but what else can you be? Thinking of you. xx

Tashymondo Fri 24-Jun-11 08:46:50

Thank you so much everyone. After seeing the Paediatrician I was left feeling a bit hope less as there is just nothing I can do. This whole thing is just a big waiting game the longer baby stays put the better I have a new aim of 30 weeks. Today I am 24 weeks exactly this was my first mile stone and I am so thankful that I made it this far!! I just want to so desperately go as far as I can really!! xxx I finished My course of anti biotic's yesterday and was started on my first dose of steroids I go back later today for my second shot. baby has been moving and so far I am thankful to say I had no major problems. Its the unknown that fills me with fear just now but have to take it a day at a time. xxx

Coppernoddle Fri 24-Jun-11 09:52:34

Congratulations and well done for making it to 24 weeks!! Massive milestone! Must be a sigh of relief! Keep being positive and at least you know now that things are moving forward and the doctors are taking you seriously! Glad your having the steroids, and hopefully little one will stay put for a few more weeks. Maybe start preparing yourself now for having a prem baby, there are lots of support groups out there with heaps of advise. It's very good that baby is still active and happy in there. Well done x x x x x

speculationisrife Fri 24-Jun-11 09:58:01

Tashy, I've been lurking, too, and just wanted to say you are being incredibly strong and a brilliant mum to your little one. Whatever the outcome you should feel very proud of yourself for looking after your baby so well. 24 weeks is a great milestone to have reached. Take care of yourself and just keep doing what you're doing. xx

WuzzAndBuddy Fri 24-Jun-11 10:36:40

Oh that's brilliant news!
I'm at work and thought I'd nip on for a sneaky check! Glad its good news xx

MrsSnaplegs Fri 24-Jun-11 15:46:02

Tashy that's good news glad you and peanut are ok todaysmile

Tashymondo Fri 24-Jun-11 15:48:33

I am worried silly enough about where to get Prem baby clothes from... I know that is the least of my worries right lol. I have been on Bliss website for Prem baby info and on Tuesday i am going to look around the hospitals NICU. I think I have digested everything i have read however nothing can prepare you I don't think for seeing you baby hooked up to several wires and machines when it is so tiny. I also don't know how I'm going to feel I mean i feel hopeless now but I can control things like what I eat what I drink how often I wash and change my pads all these things I can do to help my situation. But when Peanut comes out it will be up to the doctors and Peanut to fight rather then me and Peanut. I worry about feeling even more hopeless!!

On a positive not I will do what ever it takes to make it work, I have every belief that as long as stay away from infection, rest as much as possible and eat and drink health my darling Peanut will stay put fro another 6 weeks, it will go quick and all will be fine!! xxxx

Scheherezadea Fri 24-Jun-11 15:56:45

Most places do prem baby clothes - mothercare, tesco - anywhere that does normal baby clothes smile

thinking of you - good luck!

Great news that Peanut is still inside at 24 weeks. I'll be counting along with you until 30 weeks. smile

Conchita Fri 24-Jun-11 20:12:29

Oh I am so pleased to hear your news Tashy and I'm thinking of you and Peanut. You have reached such an important milestone and every day that passes now is a victory. Sending you lots of love

Rootatoot Fri 24-Jun-11 21:45:18

Tashy..you and peanut are doing so well. 24 weeks is a really great milestone to get to. If the little one is like his/her mummy, he'll be strong too. You've done great so far pet. Keep going xxx

p.s. My friend had her little boy at around 25 weeks ( he was born in April but due end July i think), he spent a while in hospital but he is a bouncingly healthy 7 year old now, with no problems at all. It can work out. Keep positive.

WuzzAndBuddy Sun 26-Jun-11 09:37:24

Just been thinking about you, hope you're having a nice quiet weekend Tashy xXx

Tashymondo Mon 27-Jun-11 08:13:26

Keeping positive!!! Just had a rather nasty scare though as the fluid have have been leaking has blood in it so yesterday evening I spent a very nasty 5 hours in hospital where they discovered that it wasn't anything to worry about as there was no infection and the blood wasn't coming from my cervix. So all in all Peanut is doing ok just giving mummy and daddy the run around!!! xxx

Coppernoddle Mon 27-Jun-11 09:51:57

That's good news! Hang on in there!! You'll soon knock off another week!!

WuzzAndBuddy Mon 27-Jun-11 09:58:32

Oh Tashy! Sounds like you've got your hands full with your little Peanut already! grin

Glad you're sounding so positive, hope you're managing to enjoy some of this lovely sunshine?

MrsSnaplegs Mon 27-Jun-11 10:10:05

Glad you are all ok, peanut is really making his/ her presence knowngrin
Relax and enjoy some sungrin

Tashymondo Mon 27-Jun-11 17:45:35

Not in the sun as its far too hot am being baby sat by my sister, have a fan on and am doing a cross stitch of Tiger lol I'm living the dream ladies!!!! xxxx

Coppernoddle Mon 27-Jun-11 18:25:15

Hehehehehe!! When I was in hospital, my sister bought me some knitting stuff to pass the time! I ended up knitting a worm as I couldn't do anything else which actually looked more like a willy sock than anything else!!! grin

lollystix Mon 27-Jun-11 22:18:51

Been watching out for you Tashy as I'm due 10 days after u. Huge congratulations on 24 weeks. 40 days to go till 30 weeks. Keep staying so positive - you're doing an amazing job. Well done and please keep us updated.

Coppernoddle Thu 30-Jun-11 11:47:03

Hope everything going well tashy! How's peanut doing today? You must be coming up to 25 weeks now?

Tashymondo Thu 30-Jun-11 20:58:56

At 5.44 On Wednesday 29th June 2011 after just over 14 hours of chemically induced labor i gave birth to a very handsome boy called Zain Shoqat Ricardo Badat Hoyte. As my poor boy's cord popped out more then 24 hours before he did Zain was born sleeping he weighed only 1.5lbs and is very loved. I am so proud of my Zain for the fight he put up over the last 4 weeks and 5 days xxx.

Thank you so much everyone for the messages!!! My boy was cruelly taken from me before I even heard him cry. I would like you all to know that due to me loosing my waters prematurely at 20 weeks and 1 day my beautiful boy Zain had to struggle against all the odds to make it to 24 weeks & 5 days this was a very tough journey and when my cord dropped on arrival to the hospital under the circumstances Zain should have been gone. However Zain still had a little fight in him he still had a heartbeat MY boy was still trying to fight!!! I am posting this as inspiration to you all against all the odds you should always fight to the last breath!!!!! Fight, as life is sooo worth fighting for thank you Zain for teaching me this lesson!! I promise you I will make you proud and stay strong!!! I love you sooo very much!!!!! xxxxxx

Kimmie30 Thu 30-Jun-11 21:13:06

You are such a brave brave brave lady and i really admire you. Sending you much loves and hugs. Well done xxxxxxxxxxxxx

You have been so brave. I'm so sorry Zain was born sleeping. Sending you lots of thoughts and best wishes x

lollystix Thu 30-Jun-11 21:32:40

Oh Tashy - I'm so, so sorry. I'm in floods here. Be strong and take care. Hugs and love brave lady.

TCOB Thu 30-Jun-11 22:05:08

Tashy what an amazing mother you are, and what an amazing little boy. Congratulations on your lovely little man (and what a wonderful impressive name for him too) and I am so so so sorry that he was born sleeping. But he will never be gone as long as his family have him in your hearts, and I am sure he is there forever. Wishing you all the strength in the world.

MrsSnaplegs Thu 30-Jun-11 22:26:50

Oh Tashy I am so sorry for you. Zain sounds like a wonderful boy and I'm so sad he was born sleepingsad
Take time for yourself and know we are thinking of you smile

Tashymondo Fri 01-Jul-11 02:11:08

Thank you so much ladies I could not have got through the last few weeks without your guidance and support!!! You are all beautiful women thank you for sharing in mine and Zain's journey!!! xxxxx

needsanswers Fri 01-Jul-11 07:07:40

hi tashy i have been watching your thread and i wanted to say how deeply sorry i am for your loss, you are an incredible women and you had an incredible wee man that has taught us all a lesson to stay strong and fight as he did! i wish you and your family all the very best,, thinking of you xxx

Coppernoddle Fri 01-Jul-11 10:17:13

Oh tashy! I'm deeply sorry and very admired by your strength to fight!!! Congratulations on your baby zain who was much loved! Glad you got to meet your little soldier and he'll be in your hearts forever. Big hugs to you and your family x x x x

StyleandBooty Fri 01-Jul-11 13:03:39

I'm so sorry. Wish I was better with words.

H007 Fri 01-Jul-11 15:54:37

Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time! Hugs x

I've only just found this thread; Tashy, I admire how determined & brave you (and Zain) were to continue with your pregnancy.
I am sorry for your loss. xx

WorzselMummage Fri 01-Jul-11 16:16:07

Oh tashy I missed this yesterday. I am so so sorry that Zain wasn't strong enough to stay wiith you. You have been very strong and dignified throughout this whole horrible process, I've been in awe of the way you have dealt with such a horrible, scary time. It's not fair that your little boy couldn't be with you now, life is cruel.

Be kind to yourself now and grieve in your own time.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Fly high little angel x

imip Fri 01-Jul-11 17:32:53

Oh Tashy, I am so very sorry that this has happened to you also. This is exactly how I lost my little princess at 25+4, through a cord prolapse. I hope you have been able to spend time with your beautiful boy. Those hours spent with my baby after she died were so very precious. It hurts sooo much in the first weeks, days, months... time is a good healer but you never ever forget. My eagerness for another baby was overwhelming and I was pregnant with my first period five weeks later. If your milk comes in, please ask for medication to stop it. I had mastitis because they would not stop it for me. And ask your consultant for answers if you are considering another baby already (I know this doesn't replace the baby you've lost, but I understand the need to still have a family no matter what). I had a cervical stitch in my following three pregnancies due to a possible weak cervix, and possibly another soon as I am 7 weeks. 5.5 years on, with the chaos and madness that ensues with three dd's 4,3 and 15 months, I can never forget how dark the world seemed after i lost my first daughter. How desperately tragic everything seemed and how painful it was. You'll never forget Zain and he'll inspire you in ways you never through possible throughout your life... Much love to you, Zain and your family xx

emmazed Fri 01-Jul-11 17:54:25

hi tashy

i have been reading ths from the beginning and thinking of you both. I am so sorry for what has happened, but your courage and your Zain's fighting spirit has been so inspiratonal.


speculationisrife Wed 06-Jul-11 16:40:23

Tashy - have been away, and just caught up with your thread. I just want to say how sorry I am that Zain was born sleeping, and how very strong you both were to keep going as long as you did. A friend of mine lost her boy at 20 weeks this time last year, and in honour of her and her son I just signed the SANDS petition for more research and funding into stillbirth. If you haven't already been to their site it's www.uk-sands.org/ They have loads of support there and I'm sure you'll continue to get support here too if you need it. Look after yourself. xx

katherine2008 Wed 06-Jul-11 16:46:40

Tashy, I somehow missed your tragic news, so just wanted to add my voice to everyone elses. Thinking of you at this difficult time. With love to you all.

Tashymondo Sat 30-Jul-11 14:15:43

Hello ladies,

Thank you for the further messages since I last posted!!! XXXX

I have spent the last week and a bit pretty much in bed. I was so determined to keep positive and keep going after Zain's passing. I arranged the whole funeral as quick as I could, I rang round the whole family and told them of our fight without tears. In fact I barely shed a tear, I just kept busy. In a horrid way I used the funeral and looking after my partner and my families emotions as a distraction for how I was really feeling. Now its over and my beautiful boy is at rest. I am at a loss as to what to do with myself. I am not working as I have decided to take the maternity leave I was entitled to. So I have no structure no plans to my day. I am happy that Zain is at peace and not suffering as if he survived labour he would still be in NICU and that wouldn't be nice for him. But I am so lost and empty.

Me and the other half (Sam) were supposed to be getting away for a while. I don't know what is happening there. I don't want to be the one in control of everything any more. I kept it cool and I was in control for over 28 weeks, I kept my emotions under control and I stayed strong and gave others strength. But I'm tired of that. I literally am soo exhausted I sleep most days. It's like over the last 28 week or however long this has all been my body has stored this up and now its saying no, just stay down I'm tired and the head has worked me too hard. I didn't give in to it before because I had Zain or I had to put Zain to rest or I had to make sure that everyone around me could see that i could cope. Now I don't have to do that and i have no new focus I have given in. I am staying down.

Just want someone to pick me up. Trouble with that is everyone is so used to me being the sensible strong one that no one will. They will only join me, I'm the one who cheers up others when they are down, not the other way round. When I am down I am really down and this is very hard for people to deal with. How can I pick myself up from this?? Where is the silver lining. It was everywhere just a couple of weeks ago. Then WHACK I woke up one day and it was gone I couldn't find a positive in anything.

Loosing Zain was awful but I had solace in the fact that he wasn't in pain. Now I just feel empty. I have had the odd good day or moment but the straight after the feeling of empty is soo intense it hurts and I can't breath. I know that I need to snap out of it as being like this is making my partner sad. I would normally snap him out of it and go somewhere just to get out the house. But I just can't do that just now.

Sorry to rant on, thgank you again for the support and for reading my posts!!! xxx


Katiebeau Mon 01-Aug-11 10:27:23

Oh Tash, I followed your thread silently. Please please allow yourself to grieve for Zane. It isn't your responsibility to hold it together so you don't upset others. They need to be there for you now, it's important that you grieve. Not something anyone likes to do but speak to a grief counsellor, reassure yourself that these are natural stages of an inevitable process. You have been so so incredibly strong and you need time to rest now and let others carry you alone for a while. xxx

Katiebeau Mon 01-Aug-11 10:28:09

Along for a while... xx

mrsrvc Mon 01-Aug-11 11:22:07

I am so sorry for your loss. The grief of loosing a child is all encompassing and totally overwhelming. I lost my son a week after birth due to a birth accident, and I know only too well the feeling of total emptiness. Please take time to heal and grieve and spend time with your partner. Please also contact your local SANDS group who will hopefully be able to offer you support ( there is also an online forum which I found a great help.
Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you and your beautiful boy.

SusieQ73 Mon 01-Aug-11 13:53:33

Reading your story made my heart race as it is almost exactly what we went through in November. Our outcome was not good but please rest, rest, rest, drink lots of fluid, avoid infection and get as many opinions as possible. We were referred to UCH in London to a professor of fetal medicine. Read as much as you can and stay positive.

SusieQ73 Mon 01-Aug-11 13:58:20

So sorry, I had just read the first page. Deepest sympathies. We lost our son at 24 wks + 3 days too. Stay strong x.

Tashymondo Thu 04-Aug-11 16:18:10

Thank you everyone for posting xxxxx

Tashymondo Sun 04-Nov-12 10:58:03

Hello to all you wonderful women who helped and supported me through such a difficult time!!!

I just wanted to say that I am pregnant again and am 6wks + 1 and I'm totally petrified so I have started a new phone thread called Second Pregnancy after loss of waters at 20wks and still birth last year.

I would be so grateful if you could help me with my latest concern... I am having cramps every time I need a bowel movement. Is this something you have had or have? Any suggestions as to what it might be? XxX

NAR4 Sun 04-Nov-12 20:54:28

Sorry I can't help with your concern, but I just wanted to congratulate you on your new pregnancy and wish you every happiness for the future. X

Ghoulelocks Sun 04-Nov-12 21:49:54

More congratulations, and wishes of future happiness from me.

It might not be the same but I had dreadful wind/ constipation etc through the first trimester of each pregnancy. I'd be in agony in the morning. It simply seemed to bemy version of morning sickness, this time it was so bad I couldn't get off the floor before 8am! Normal periods upset my bowels a bit, early pregnancy wasjust an extreme form of this.

Tashymondo Mon 05-Nov-12 19:01:50

Thank you NAR4 and Goulelocks. I hate to say it but I am trying not to get to excited I am hoping for the best but expecting the worst, sounds awful I know but I am so scared and it is just to good to be true.

Goulelocks I am glad I am not the only one who suffers these symptoms, when did it stop for you and did you go on to have a healthy pregnancy/ baby after???

Love to you both XxX

Really sorry to hear about your loss!
I lost my little boy at 23 weeks he was called Riley. Mine was due to an infection to my placenta and a weak cervix... I was fighting to keep him in their until he was 24 weeks but he came out sleepig because they had to break my waters.

Really hope your coping, I always sit up at rileys gtave and speak to him when I have problems, if tue windmill spins left it means no and if it spins right it means yes... it sounds silly but I think he answers me... I've had another miscarriage sice, I'm guessing its not my time yet.

Hope this pregnancy goes well for you. Surely there giving you extra care? And ofcourse congratulations :-D! My fingers and toes will stay crossed for you, rest in peace zain <3

SoYo Mon 05-Nov-12 21:12:56

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. Glad all's going as well as can be expected in the circumstances and that Peanut's hanging on in there. I've seen this go both ways and have seen babies like Peanut get to 32/40 and beyond!

I think it's very unfair that someone has said there's a 30% chance of survival in some hospitals at 23 weeks, this just isn't true and the survival at 24 weeks is still very low and the survival without long term problems is very small indeed. I'm not telling you this to be negative as I have everything crossed for you that peanut will still be messing around kicking at 28+ weeks! If I were you I would ask to speak to a paediatrician well before 23 weeks because they're the only ones that can give you the proper up to date information and also you can discuss early resuscitation if this is what you would want. Some places will consider it after 22 weeks if the baby weighs greater than 500g at birth but you really do need to be informed of Peanut's likely outcomes.

The poster about chorioamnionitis is correct also, current evidence from the RCOG is that 10/7 erythromycin from PROM gives better chances. The guideline can be found on www.rcog.org.uk under Women's Health and then greentop guidelines (all obstetricians use this for advice and guidance and most local guidance is based on this).

As for steroids I believe there's some (I think it's sketchy) evidence from 22/40 but the reason for not giving them at this stage is that steroids only give around 4 weeks of effectiveness and there's no point giving them before 24/40 if you're not going to attempt resuscitation as you're better off having the effect for longer at times you will definitely be looking at a better outcome!

Don't know if this is any use at all and I really do have everything crossed for Peanut and you!

Ghoulelocks Mon 05-Nov-12 22:12:24

This is the 4th healthy pregnancy with horrific wind/ cramps for most of the first trimester. This time I found out I was pregnant because I went to the doctor about my awful constipation/ wind. He agreed it felt bad but asked if I was aware I was pregnant after feeling my belly.

SoYo Tue 06-Nov-12 19:23:08

I'm so sorry, my computer must have crashed because it said I was on page 3 but it must just have been the bottom of page 1/2. So sorry for your loss but your attitude and fight is inspirational. Zain is lucky to have had you as his Mummy. x

Tashymondo Tue 06-Nov-12 19:40:03

Thank you for responding Ghoulelocks. That has made me feel a little less panicked, knowing you have the same symptoms but a good out come!! XxX

Thank you SoYo for your lovely messages xxx

Rileylee my heart bleeds for you and I would share you all the best for any future attempts. Thank you so much for you wonderful words XxX

Lollyheart Tue 06-Nov-12 20:01:34

Just wanted to say sorry for your loss sad

Congratulations, praying all goes well for you .

Tashymondo Fri 09-Nov-12 18:41:24

Thanks lollyheart XxX

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