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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Sex after giving birth?!

43 replies

Renaissance227 · 10/05/2011 15:42

How quickly did you get back to having sex after giving birth? Both me and my DP have a very high sex drive, but I can't imagine wanting it as much after giving birth!

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SelinaDoula · 10/05/2011 15:52

Hmm, theoretically I think the advice is 6 weeks. But you could find you want it before or after that, depends on wether you tear or have an episiotomy etc
You may still be bleeding after birth for a good few weeks and if you are breastfeeding you could be dry and need lubrication.
Hormonally you may not feel like it, will have to wait and see!

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RockChick1984 · 10/05/2011 16:00

I bled for about 3 weeks after giving birth, tried to have sex once the bleeding stopped but was still too painful (despite using lube) so left it another week or so, and was better then but took another few weeks before I'd say it was enjoyable!

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MrsNoggin · 10/05/2011 16:02

I was a bit horrified at the thought after giving birth to DD. I think it took about three months in the end for me to even tolerate the idea. And a couple of goes to get it right after that.

But some people are happily at it a couple of weeks later. I think it depends a lot on how you end up down there, but also about your body image and whether you feel sexy or still a bit plump and ragged!

And SelinaDoula is right about breastfeeding and lubricant.

But we'll all get back at it in the end, I'm sure!

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reddaisy · 10/05/2011 21:55

I had an emergency c-section and felt the "urge" to with DP a few days after the birth, I think it was about physically connecting again after having a child together.

But we probably waited a few weeks for bleeding etc to stop. I used to find that it would make me leak milk as well when I relaxed!! But having a newborn didn't stop us much, it was more when the constant sleepless nights took their toll that it affected our sex life.

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TurtlesAreRetroRight · 10/05/2011 21:59

Took 9 months for us and even then it was infrequent.

Just see how you feel.

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nunnie · 10/05/2011 22:01

11 weeks for me, and never doing it again as that one bonk (protected) has left me almost 21 weeks pregnant.

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Flisspaps · 10/05/2011 22:17

2-3 weeks I think, and that was after a 3rd degree tear

The worst bit was trying not to make any noise so as not to disturb the sleeping DD (and deciding to use the squeaky bed!)

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sunshineandshowers13 · 10/05/2011 22:22

heehee 15 days.
Well it was millenium eve - once in a lifetime!

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magicmelons · 10/05/2011 22:42

About 3 weeks ( painful sutures) the first time and 2 the second time. The first time i was a bit by how weird it felt and vaguely remember crying to my mum on the phone that i would never be normal again she was fab and told me it was normal and that i would, she was right. I made a clicking sound for flipping ages after dc1.

I would recommend lube by the bucket load though hormones can make you very dry.

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magicmelons · 10/05/2011 22:44

oh yeah, don't forget to sort out your contraception though. Condoms can make things more uncomfortable but even if your BF don't take any chances.

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Dilligaf81 · 10/05/2011 22:48

After DC1 less than a week, about 2 weeks after DC 2 ( he was in scubu) but was expecting DC3 wehn DC2 was 3 mths old and a couple of days after DC4.
I always had a high sex drive and that has returned after each birth but I get properly back into my stride after 9 mths' ish or usually when Ive stopped BF (In that I feel sexier and less lights off cover up).

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WidowWadman · 10/05/2011 22:54

I think it was a week after cs for us

If you breastfeed don't forget the lube. And use condoms until lochia has finished, even if you have alternative contraception in place.

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CBear6 · 10/05/2011 22:58

I stopped bleeding after 13 days and on day 14 we decided to have an afternoon "nap" (which was how DS started in the first place). I'd had a 2nd degree tear so wanted to do it sooner rather than later for various reasons, plus I wanted to do it before six weeks so that if there were any problems I could tell them at my six week check. Got told off a little bit at the six week check for not using any contraception but other than that GP told me they encourage it as soon as both parties are ready.

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brightcopperkettles · 11/05/2011 04:49

12 weeks for us, I'd had an episiotomy and didn't even want to entertain the idea before then. I found I felt sore and swollen the first few times but after about a month or two it was fine.

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Renaissance227 · 11/05/2011 09:34

A "clicking sound" magicmelons??!!!

"Until lochia has finished WiddowWadman*?????

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nunnie · 11/05/2011 09:43

I waited until my first period had finished which was 11 weeks as I said earlier, and we did use condom for that one bonk, I have had fertility problems with my previous two so was very shocked that I fell pregnant after one bonk with a raincoat, but I am slowly soming round to the fact will hit me properly when in labour I think.
Don't let my situation put you off though please, I was just very unlucky I think, but in saying that I do now it is sinking in feel more lucky that unlucky.
Due to the fertility problems previously it had been a good 8 years since we used any protection so raincoat novices and the rampantness of the moment may have hindered the putting on.

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MonkeeMummy · 11/05/2011 09:52

About 4 weeks with DD1. Within a week of delivering... DD2. I ought to point out I had a very easy delivery with no tearing and didn't bleed much.

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CBear6 · 11/05/2011 09:53

Renaissance, I'm not sure how true it is but I was told by the post-natal ward midwife that while the lochia is still going there's a slightly increased risk of infection - I'm guessing a condom would help a little with protecting against that. I must have looked like a right animal rampant one asking the ward midwife just a few hours after delivery "when can we have sex again?"

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Renaissance227 · 11/05/2011 11:13

lol CBear6

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LifeOfKate · 11/05/2011 12:21

10 months for us (after about 2 months abstinence at the end of pregnancy because I was uncomfortable and knackered and DH looked slightly horrified at the bump :o). Sleep deprivation, hormones and a 2nd degree tear which didn't heal very well until operated on at 9 months postnatal pretty much killed any desire I had. And DH is a very patient man :)
There is no 'normal' time, seriously. Just go with the flow and see how you both feel afterwards :) DH and I honestly didn't even think about having sex for a few months afterwards due to being so knocked for 6 by having this new little human in our lives who literally didn't leave my side for the first 3 months. I'm currently pregnant with DC2 and doubt that we will wait as long this time (bar any further damage!!), purely because having a baby won't be such a shock to our lives this time.

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whatsoever · 11/05/2011 17:42

I'm really surprised how quick so many of you got back on the bike, so to speak! I was thinking it would be months.

DH will be delighted to know it might not be that long - although I have a feeling as he's squeamish and will be imagining all sorts of horror stories "down there" that I will be the one first suggesting it, not him...

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CBear6 · 11/05/2011 21:03

That was part the reason I wanted to do it so quickly whatsoever, because of my stitches and general childbirth stretching I was paranoid it would be like a wizards sleeve (pardon me being crude!). I pelvic floor exercised for two weeks solid post delivery and DH was ruthlessly quizzed politely asked afterwards if it was any different, he swore it wasn't.

Also I don't know if I'm alone in this or if it's too much info but I find it easier to get a "happy moment" since having DS. I've been told that the stretching, even though it's not noticeable after everything has healed, leaves more of the sensitive nerve endings exposed.

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lurcherlover · 11/05/2011 21:47

DS is 6 months old and we still haven't. We've tried and failed (way too painful for me) and following a recent gynae visit it seems I wasn't stitched up properly after the birth, so I'm booked in for a repair job at the end of June. By then it will be 8 months, and I'm guessing there will be some recovery time afterwards...so I'm guessing we'll be well on our way to a year post-birth before we're able to even contemplate returning to a normal sex life.

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MonkeeMummy · 12/05/2011 09:53

lurcherlover that's really awful. Didn't anyone check your stitches/repair? In my experience, GPs seem to take a bit of laissez-faire attitude to women's bits after they give birth. Good luck with your repair job.

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Bumpsadaisie · 12/05/2011 12:06

We tried after about three weeks - it was OK and didn't hurt but it was all far too tentative to be anything more raunchy than a rebonding session really. The earth didnt move etc but it was nice. It did all feel a bit different down there those first couple of times. Id had a straightforward episiotomy and it healed well (barring a minor infection which cleared up with ABs).

Probably it was a few weeks later when it all felt pretty much back to normal (perhaps very slightly different to before) and we were able to let rip.

Oops, ouch, poor choice of words!

What happens sexually isn't only to do with the state of your bits anyway. Breastfeeding and having a little newborn, combined with little sleep, does all sorts of funny things to your hormones. Some people are mad for it, others its the very very last thing on earth they feel like doing.