Hi All
Ok a little about me....without sounding like a head case and thanks for your patience if you get to the end!
I am 25 weeks pregnant and really want a homebirth. Since finding out I am pg I have been PETRIFIED about giving birth, for a number of reasons but I suppose there are two main factors.
- Firstly, I am very squeamish and don't like anything medical related ? i have been known to pass out on hearing peoples medical stories. Linked to this, is a completely irrational ?fear? of hospitals. If I make it to visit people, I sit there, cannot look at anything medical like things that are used for drips etc and end up waiting outside until the other people I go with are ready. I even faint at the sight of a needle, let alone having blood taken.
- Secondly, I have a thing about cleanliness in public places!! For example, when I visit people in hospitals, I reluctantly sit down and if I do, when I get home, I take everything off at the washing machine and have a shower. I cannot/will not sit down on public toilets, wait for someone to come in so I don't have to touch the door handle after i have washed my hands etc and always have anti bac hand gel on me, I even used to have a shower when I have been on public transport/the tube (but this got a little tiresome when I was travelling so much with work and having 18 hour days)! Having said that, my home is far from immaculate, and we have a dog, which has meant I have had to curb the hand washing. It is only in public places, and some peoples houses.
I really wanted a home birth, but hubby doesnt want me to, and after doing a lot of research, felt that hypno birthing would really help me. So, I persuaded hubby that if we paid for a course of hypnobirthing, I would go to hospital!! The hypnobirthing has been AMAZING ? the first fear, of giving birth, tearing etc doesnt bother me know, in fact I am ready to take on the ?challenge?, and feel I completely understand the whole process now ? its a complete turnaround to where I was before.
However, it hasnt helped with the ?fear? of the cleanliness in hospital. Plus I want a waterbirth, which i know isnt guaranteed at home. The thought of having to share a toilet, bath, shower etc is horrendous.
I have said to hubby I want a home birth, and he is adament he wants me to go into hospital for a number of reasons, and I think he is a little frustrated I have gone back on the deal with the hypnobirthing (which i had no intention to do at all, and I can completely see his frustration ? he probably feels like i manipulated him, but that wasnt what I wanted). The reasons being:
- We have an ?open house? policy, ie, no one has to call to pop round, if the cars are home, then you are more than welcome to pop in for a cuppa! Hubby is worried someone will turn up (most llikely one of his mates that has the impecable timing!).
- My mum lives around the corner and she has already dropped hints about being at the birth (which so far I have just ignored). Hubby is worried she will come around.
- He said he wants it just be us, and for him not to have to deal with people turning up ? he wants to be there for me 100%, and for him to have to deal with that will just cause him to stress.
- He is also not in agreement with the homebirth camp anyway, and wants me to be in hospital in case I/baby needs medical attention.
I am now really stuck, I cannot see him budging, but I really don't want to go into hospital unless I really have to. I?d rather be at home, where I can be more relaxed and not have to worry about walking bare foot anywhere, or sitting on the toilet etc. I just worry I am working so hard with the hypnobirthing that when i go in to the hospital and see any dirt/blood/stains etc I will lose the plot!!!
I just don't know what to do ? For weeks I have been grinding my teeth, something I do when I am mega stressed, and the only thing I can put it down to is this. Work is not busy ? far from it which is my other usual stress factor.
Is there anything you lovely ladies can suggest? Any thoughts would be gratefully received!
Thanks again if you got to the end!!