Help....

[SavannahRose]

I am currently 27 weeks pregnant with my second by another.
My partner of 2 years has given me an ultimatum that i either sign a contract to say if we ever split he gets full custody of our baby or he leaves now before shes born and has nothing to do with her.

We have had a HUGE row about it and he has left at 7 this morning and have not heard anything since.

I would never let anyone take my children away from me and feel now i can't enjoy the rest of my pregnancy without living in fear. I mean is this guy for real? Because to me it clearly doesnt look like he is in it for me? I am hurting so much and dont know where to turn. I have lost all of my friends and feel i cant talk to my family as were not that close.
I feel so alone :(

[FluffyDonkey]

I can't help much with the specifics but didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

Do not sign anything (I don't think you will) and anyway, no court would give full custody to the father without a very good reason not to have the mother involved!!

He sound like a wanker to be honest.

[FluffyDonkey]

Hope someone else will come along with some better advice.

[Cyclebump]

What a twat!

I would never sign anything like that. Just who on earth does he think he is?

Is there a reason you're not that close with your family? Sounds like great time to get close to them.

It's a ridiculous request from what sounds like deeply insecure and nobly individual.

[LilQueenie]

I think you are better off without him Im afraid. He wants custody but yet is willing to leave and have nothing to do with the child at all? I dont know why but there is alarm bells here.

[SavannahRose]

:( i know something just isnt right, how can he do this to me and make me feel this way. I have been sat at home all day crying feeling guilty as my 4 yr old keeps saying she is bored.

My family just wouldnt understand i havent spoken to my muM, now for well over 2 yrs and have no idea where she is and my dad works away in LA. Never really been close to any others.

I am so afraid of doing this on my own and just want to be :) but you know when you can never see that happening? Everytime my baby kicks atm it makes me cry even reading your posts upset me but i know your only telling me the truth

[greenzebra]

oh dear poor you.

I think you should go to the CIB and see what they say about your legal situation. He may back down if you know all your rights for sure and his.

It is scary though, and obvisously he doesnt feel for the child coz otherwise he would have stayed.
Maybe its more of the control he likes, having you under his control by using the baby as a weapon, to keep you there. My friend went through this and when her baby was born he kept saying he was going to take the baby from her and send it to his family abroad. She was petified and slept with the baby in her bed with a chair up against the door, he wouldnt leave the property they were in and slept in the spare room. In the end he started to get violent and pushed her over the babies pram. She called the police and they made her leave with the baby and move in with her parents. The house was then wrecked by him.

Sorry I hope that story didnt scare you, i will say that the baby is now 8, she has remarried has two wonderful little girls and he trys to get in contact but because he will not go through the solictors he has no way of getting to them.

So go the CIB and see where you stand, it will help put your mind at rest.

[greenzebra]

Savannah Rose, are you in Britain? Just realised you said your father works away in LA. So you might not know what CIB is.

If you from the states, the CIB is the citizens advice bureau, they can help with anything giving advice to people on legal matters, etc how to find an affordable home etc.
Is there something like that out there?

[MummyAbroad]

Sorry you are going through this, it sounds awful. Have you ever read/posted in the relationships section of MN? There are lots of women there who have superb knowledge of your legal rights and advice about how to handle this sort of thing. Why not copy and paste your post over there too so as to get more views?

For what its worth, I dont think this person has your best interests at heart and its sounds like you would be much better off without him. However, being pregnant makes you feel very vunerable and if you dont have much of a support network you will find it VERY hard to leave your partner. You need as much help as possible from others, find out what support services are available to you, read books on the subject of emotionally abusive partners and try and look for help and support wherever you can. With a little help you CAN make a better life for you and your baby.