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Pregnancy

I'm fed up too...and scared

9 replies

boredbuthappy · 16/02/2011 11:16

36+5 with first baby, so still some time to go but I started mat leave at 34 weeks. Had all these plans to do this and that and have not had the energy or motivation for any of it. Instead I've been buying things online because I don't know what else to do. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.

I have been fine emotionally up until now, but am starting to freak out now. I'm scared shitless of labour, I'm scared I won't be able to cope with looking after a newborn, I have this tiny little side of me that is also scared I won't love the baby when it finally arrives. I think this is why I've been shopping needlessly online, my brain maybe figures if I just buy a lot of stuff I will be prepared, but I'm also realising that the real preparation is emotional and every time I think about it I start blubbing. I'm terrified.

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

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AllBellyandBoobs · 16/02/2011 11:25

Hi, I'll join your gang too. 35 weeks now, still at work which keeps me busy, but I keep getting moments of complete dread about the future. Hard to remember sometimes that I actually wanted this baby (and I still definitely do, if there is no movement for 20 mins or so I start panicking). All the same things as you really, will I cope with labour and post labour? Will I love my baby? Will my baby be healthy? Will me and DP be able to maintain our loving, happy relationship?

I'm telling myself it's normal and shows we'll be good parents :)

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boredbuthappy · 16/02/2011 11:32

Looking back I wish I could have stayed working longer, but it was becoming too difficult. I was calling in sick too often so I thought I would quit while I was ahead and stay in good graces with work (been strugglilng with anaemia/low hemogloblin throughout).

I'm sure these are normal feelings as you say but what worries me is that as the time comes closer, the feelings have gone from worries I pnder about to an utter feelings of terror. I like you wonder if I actually want this baby and like you, of course I do....or do I?

I really hope this feeling goes away I can go back to being excited.

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AllBellyandBoobs · 16/02/2011 11:40

I imagine that the feelings will go away once you're holding your baby, or shortly afterwards. This is the biggest single life-changing event that you can put yourself through so it's only natural to be afraid of it and question your own sanity in making the decision. I keep telling myself that my baby has no idea what a 'good' mum is, all it'll want/need is warmth, security and food. I can do that. Everything else me, DP and baby will learn together.

If you've been having a tough pregnancy then that won't help your emotional state either. Tiredness is excellent at blowing things out of proportion. Try and make sure you get plenty of rest while you're on maternity leave and do nice things for yourself

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boredbuthappy · 16/02/2011 11:46

Thank you for your thoughts. You might be right, as soon as I see baby's face maybe it will all fall into place. I sure hope so!

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AllBellyandBoobs · 16/02/2011 11:56

I hope you don't think I'm being dismissive, I really do feel the same way as you sometimes, sheer panic and a wish to turn back the clock. I just think it's normal but perhaps not common place to admit it. After all, people don't ask if you're starting to have second thoughts, they just ask how excited you are, which means it's easy to think you're fears are abnormal.

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boredbuthappy · 16/02/2011 12:05

Not not at all. I am however relieved to know I'm not the only one. You're right about second thoughts thing, I never looked at it that way. People wouldn't expect any expectant mother to say "I'm having second thoughts"!

I'm sure that is a crime in some places!

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stegasaurus · 16/02/2011 14:44

I agree. I'm 29 weeks with my first baby so have no experience, but I think this is probably normal. After all, having a baby is going to be completely life-changing so it is no surprise that we are scared and worried. My baby is completely wanted and planned and I had years of fearing I wouldn't be able to get pregnant, but I still have times when I worry how I will cope with the birth and with a newborn and the fact that everything will be different once it is born. I just try to reassure myself that having my child will be more than worth it, that I have to get through the birth because the baby has to come out somehow and that with DH's help I can cope with whatever will happen.

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PermaShattered · 16/02/2011 20:35

Your feelings are, I think, totally normal. I was never naturally maternal - and I will never forget when I had given birth the first time and my husband left me alone with the baby to go home I was ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED. The responsibility was overwhelming.
But this did pass - and I'm now expecting our 4th in 5 wks time - and am an old hand now!

The first one IS lifechanging - but if you bear in mind that newborns generally only sleep and feed for the early days it does give you some breathing space. It's not completely and utterly full on....

Try not worry about the labour: bodies are made to labour and you will be in the best possible hands with pain relief on hand. Hope that helps! and Good Luck.