Fit Note and first trimester - any advice? A little bit long, sorry!

[CBear6]

I am almost nine weeks pregnant and work in a very stressful job - our department has high rates of stress-related sickness and problems with staff retention due to it, so when I say stressful it's not just my opinion.

Since I became pregnant the job has bothered me more and more. I used to embrace the pressure and I really was one of those people who liked when it was busy because it made the day pass faster and I would constantly push myself to top my targets and break my own record and stuff. Now though I'm just stressed all the time, I don't know if it's hormonal or what but the pressure is getting to me. I'm picking at my food, I can't sleep and when I do sleep I'm waking up at least once a night and my mind is on work when I do, I'm weepy a lot especially on work days - I can be fine all weekend but as soon as Monday rolls around I'm crying when it's time to get in the car and go to the office. I'm even crying while at work whenever the slightest thing doesn't go to plan, very embarrassing when it's in front of clients and not at all like me.

Management aren't especially sympathetic. They can't reduce my workload as it's client dictated and it's impossible to predict how many we'll have on any given day but even then they won't take the fact I'm stressed seriously - they're even planning to move me to a different department where the caseload and time demands are even more stressful! Their attitude is that I need to suck it up and get on with it with hints that I can forget about promotion if I don't which just makes me feel even worse because I don't know why I'm having such trouble coping now when it never bothered me before.

I've had some bleeding in the pregnancy which caused me to have some time off and I went in to work because I felt pressured to, like I was being too precious about my pregnant state and being overly cautious by staying home to rest for a couple of days. I had a huge argument with one of the other managers on Friday about some extra cases they're trying to push on me and on Friday night I had a huge bleed. I had a scan and baby is fine but it really scared me as I have a history of miscarriage both spontaneous and missed.

I've been off this week because of the bleed, I'm due back Monday and I'm dreading it, I get short of breath just thinking of it - especially if they switch me to the other department like they're planning.

My husband wants me to speak to our GP and get a Fit Note signing me off the sick for at least a few weeks so I can decompress and relax for a bit without worrying about the office. He thinks the stress caused the bleed and that I need to take it easy and try let go of some of this stress. I know for a fact though that there'll be comments made behind my back at work about it and I hate being seen as one of those people who thinks pregnancy is an illness because it's not but at the time I know I can't go on like this.

Has anyone been signed off during their first three months? What did you say to the doctor and what went on the Fit Note? I'm worried my GP will just tell me I'm being silly and won't give me one. Any advice is appreciated ladies x

[greenzebra]

I think your DH is right you should get time off, but really your work has a responisblity to your health and they should reduce your work load. Or at least make it easier. Maybe get some time off, this will tell your work that you cant handle the pressure in your current state of health and that they should do something otherwise they could loose you for the duration of your pregnancy due to being signed off and they will have do something about your work load.
You have rights to a stress free pregnancy have alook at the internet get your rights sorted in your head before you confront your work. Do they have an HR department?
Theres another thread on here about antenatal appointments, and work not helping out. Have alook for it. You need to know your rights as a mother to be.

Also tell them that they have to provide you with a rest room by law to rest during the day, that will really muck them up!

Good luck and if they carry on mucking you about we are all here for you and to help you out, you are not alone!

[greenzebra]

Oh should have said I had an early bleed and got signed off for three weeks, I just told the doc that I was bleeding and that work wasnt helping I was stressed and worried and they signed me off. Work werent to happy but they had to deal with it. Just stand your ground and dont think to much about them it doesnt do you any favours.

[crochetcircle]

I was signed off for three weeks in early pregnancy too. I don't think the dr has to even mention the pregnancy on the note from what I remember, and HR should keep the reason confidential too when they receive it.  

It would be worth having an open conversation with your GP about it. I found mine very supportive. I felt that I shouldnt have time off for being pregnant, as I'd chosen to get pregnant. But I was really ill and pregnancy affects how quickly you can get better and cope with things. 

I was ill with a cold/virus but I totally understand the way you describe feeling different at work. 

I have a stressful job too, for different reasons to you, and I normally thrive on it. But when I'm tired or under the weather I often feel I cant cope. Early pregnancy was a bit like that too. 

I tried to break things down into smaller problems and make sure I kept to do lists to keep me sane and help me feel I was achieving. 

[CBear6]

Thanks for the advice and support ladies - so good to know I'm not the only one who has felt like this!

I've got another scan at the end of the month and I'm going to ask the doctor to sign me off until then so I can sort my head out and then see where I am after that.

The worst part of it is that I want to work. I'm going to see how I feel after a few weeks off and I think I might ask the doctor if he can put on a fit note that a move to this other department would not benefit my health - maybe then they'll believe me when I tell them I can't do it!

[theonlyhb2]

I am 13 weeks and have worked 6 days this year so far! My work knew about the pregnancy from the start and I have been signed off with hypermesis.

the best thing I did, about 4 weeks ago, was just to accept I needed to rest, work would survive without me and really, how important is my job over my health, the health of my child? One of the girls at work gave birth prematurely by 9 weeks last year and we think it was due to work stress.

Get signed off, turn off your fone, and relax.

I know how you feel about not being able to cope, I was in a terrible state over xmas/new year, panicking about not being there to manage the office, end of month, end of year, I wanted to work but I couldn't even string a sentence together in my head. as someone who has been able to work on no sleep, still fuelled by tequila and without it having any impact on my work, this pregnancy malarky is a shock to the system! My mum promises my brain will come back after its born

[flamegirl77]

Poor you, stress is horrible and it's very easy to get into a vicious circle where you are stressed, you work harder, you're tired, you cope less well because you are tired, and you get more stressed.

If you can take enough time off to recover fully (physically, mentally and emotionally) from the bleeds etc it will be easier to get things in perspective more. At the end of the day it's just a job - and it's illegal for your employer to sack you or discipline you for being pregnant.

Don't worry about your promotion chances being affected and don't worry about what people are saying about you. It sounds like you work in an environment where there might be a pretty high staff turnover - lots of those people might be gone soon!

Hope you feel better soon. And congratulations!

[nannyl]

Im nearly 10 weeks now and have been signed off for the past 3 weeks

am signing myself off for the next couple of days and i might go in wed, or just get dr to sign me off again, depending on how i am.

however ive been signed off with severe sickness / hyperemisis and have been admitted to hospital as a result.

if going to work is stressing you that much then allow dr to sign you off and dont feel at all guilty about it.

[moodymoo]

Hi, I am 30 weeks pregnant and have had 2 fit notes. Like you I work in a really stressful job which I really enjoy, but there have been occasions when things have just got too hard. I agree pregnancy is not an illness - but it does have stages where you need to sit back and slow down - your body is going through some major changes and you need to make some concessions for it.
If you do get a fit note make sure your doctor states that it is pregnancy related as this prevents your employer being able to discipline you for being off sick.
Both times I have found my doctor to be really helpful and supprtive so try not to worry too much - if you are nervous though why not ask for a telepone appointment? It may help that you don't have to be sat looking at them when you ask? If you didn't want to be signed off completely you could ask for a fit note for lighter duties? This would give your employers the opportunity to listen to you and adapt, from what I have read if they can't accommodate your lighter duties they should suspend you on full pay until they can or until you start maternity leave or until the problem passes. You would still be able to go back to your doctor and be signed off at a later stage if you felt that you needed it.
At the end of the day though the two people that matter the most right now are you and your baby - you have to listen to your body and do what you think is right - forget what people at work may or may not say/think - they are not important. I hope you get sorted out x

[lindy100]

I am 13 weeks today and will have had four weeks signed off by the end of this month. I'm a high school teacher - workload is quite high, including evening working (but I'm usually asleep! so it is easy tofall behind) with lots of teaching and kids who are unsympathetic (to be fair, they don't know yet).

I feel guilty about it, but am so, so tired I keep crying in lessons, and not being able to sleep at night. So I'm resting. Which is my right, as if I was at work now I know I would be falling apart. It is hard enough having nothing to do and being able to have a couple of lie-ins a week :(

[jezebelle]

I'm 22 weeks, and have just been signed off till i go on maternity !! I have a cyst on my ovary that is painful but relatively harmless, but the pain is such as worry after 3 mc's, one at 14 weeks :( My dr said its just not worth the worry, i work in a very stressful environment, he said i need to relax and enjoy my pregnancy, so here i am :)

[jenga079]

I haven't had to have any time off, but I just wanted to reassure you that any reasonable person would not begrudge you some time out. I agree 100% with your DP and all the sympathetic people on here. See your GP, tell them how you're feeling and have a few weeks off to relax / build your strength. Hopefully you'll feel physically stronger and a bit more confident in your second trimester. Good luck x

[CBear6]

Thank you again everyone for your advice :)

I mentioned it to my MW yesterday when I went to pick up the other half of my notes (which finally came into stock) and her attitude was basically "eff work". She told me virtually the same as all of you have - take some time out, see how I feel at the end of it, and for once in my life put myself first because pregnancy is one of the few times it's acceptable to be a selfish mare (her words, not mine).

My GP knows my history, he's been my doctor for years so has seen me through three year of unsuccessful trying, fertility testing, the first miscarriage, carrying my son, and the second miscarriage, and a whole lot more in-between. He's a pretty good guy and he usually takes my worries seriously enough, even if he does lecture me (in a nice way) about not getting too attached even though he knows I'm going to anyway.

I'm going to tell him how I'm feeling and ask if he can sign me off until after my next scan (4th March) and then review it at that point, also going to see if he can give me a fit note saying that I would benefit from not moving to the new department just yet. At the very least being off sick might prompt work to finally refer me to Occupational Health like I've been requesting them to and their nurse will be able to make recommendations too.

Thanks for the good info everyone - so good to know I'm not just one of those slightly daft pregnant ladies worrying about nothing!

[CBear6]

Saw the doctor and he's given me two weeks with another two at the end of of that if I want them, he's also said he'll give me a for note recommending I stay in my old department rather than go to the more stressful one.

Work possibly won't be pleased but stuff them. I'm going to ring them tomorrow and tell them I want my risk assessment redone to take it into account.

I feel more relaxed already knowing that I've got breathing space and time to get my head together. I've spent a lovely afternoon baking with DS which I haven't done is ages, even he seems happier today than normal.

[Rosedee]

Good for you. Enjoy your time off.

[slowangels1]

cbear I'm glad you've got signed off. Just wanted to say I've been signed off work pretty much the whole darn pg (since week 4!). I'm now 39 weeks and on mat leave and tried to return for a few weeks but just couldn't manage it. I teach cooking and have had horrific nausea throughout and found it impossible to be around cooking food, let alone be able to teach. I felt incredibly guilty for not working as I love my job and all I wanted was to feel well again and able to do my job. Once I accepted that I was just not capable of doing it it was a little easier.

ALso wanted to say make sure GP writes you're signed off for pg related reason on sick note to make sure it doesn't count on your sick record at work, and, if you do return to work and your GP writes you a fit for work note saying, for example, you can work but only reduced hours, make sure you are fully aware of your rights re: sick pay. I was shocked to discover that when I was signed back to work on a reduced timetable (at my request - GP was happy to keep me signed off) legally I was only entitled to be paid the altered hours that I worked - anytime I wasn't at work when I would usually be I was legally entitled to no sick pay (although depends on your companies discretion as to if you get anything). I don't want to give you something else to worry about, but I wanted to let you know so you can consider it so you don't get stuck in a position where you are actually doing yourself harm by trying to return to work and not realising this until it's too late.

[CBear6]

slowangels, thanks for that information. Thankfully I have good sickness benefits so I get full pay even on reduced hours, I know some people aren't as fortunate though so it is really important to check it out before making decisions.

I'm seriously tempted to just ask the doctor for the next 20 weeks off, planning to start my mat leave at 29 weeks anyway. Spoke to my boss this morning and they're still forging ahead with the plan to stick me on this other department, have told me I have no medical need to speak to Occupational Health, and that I can't have my H&S assessment redone to take stress into account.

I hope your last week flies over :)

[slowangels1]

go gor it cbear :) You might find that GP is very unsure to sign you off for so long though - I had to do mine in 2 week times and ring or email her every 2 weeks to ask it to be extended (which was never any problem btw). I admit I feel like a complete wuss not mnaging to work throughout my pg properly, but, everyone is affected differently and if your job is really stressful and affecting you, sounds like it might be the best thing.

[Monts75]

I’m hoping for some advice. I’m 46 and I’ve just found out I’m 5 weeks into an unplanned pregnancy. My boyfriend is 57 and has 2 teenage kids that live with him full time (he’s the sole parent and has been for 5 years now) we have been together for 11 months.
I don’t have any children and I actually had resigned to the fact that I would never be a mum as it has never happened before.
So I’m now torn with what to do. He has told me he doesn’t want to be a dad again especially at 57 and his health is not 100% so he doesn’t feel fit or able (low energy) to do this at this stage in his life. He loves me and I love him. He wants me to do what is best for me but has made it clear that if I decide to keep the baby then he will do his best to support me but only at weekends , he has quite a stressful job. I also live 100 miles away.
I don’t feel that I’m going to be able to do this on my own. I don’t have a massive support network. No parents to help and no siblings. I have a dream job which I would be willing to step down from but would have to make some drastic cutbacks and also move house as I wouldn’t be able to stay where I am now. I would also have to change my career going forward after the baby was born as I work 100 miles away and have been commuting 4 days a week to get to my job which is very specific to the skills I have. I feel backed into a corner to abort because I don’t feel I have the support to do this alone and I feel that this will eventually push me and my boyfriend apart.
Please can you share some advice?