To tell or not to tell dilemma

[waybuloony]

Can anyone help with my dilemma? I'm 10 weeks pregnant with dc2 and due early September. I had an early scan at 8 weeks as I had a threatened miscarriage with my first pregnancy and a missed miscarriage at 7 weeks back in August. Fortunately the scan showed everything was going well .

So far we've only told four of our close friends, not even our parents know. We just agreed it was better to wait until the dating scan before spreading the news.

However, our ds is having his 2nd birthday party on the 20th Feb where all our family and friends will be there and it seems the perfect opportunity to spill the beans face to face. Would you? Or would you wait until after the scan three days later just to be sure everything's ok? Oh, what to do....

[Greythorne]

Congratulations! lovely news for you that all is going well.

The telling / not telling before 12 weeks is IMVHO really bizarre.

Put it this way:

-- if you wait until 12 weeks to have the scan and all is well, you tell everyone, all good

-- if you wait for the 12 week scan and (very sadly) it is bad news, you have two options, either tell no-one (because no-one knew, right?) and go through miscarriage alone or tell people that "I was pregnant but have had a miscarriage...in which case, you might as well have told them before the scan!

i really hope it goes well for you. But in your situation, I would tell close family, people you love and trust, people who - God forbid - you would take into your confidence in the event of a miscarriage.

HTH

Good luck.

[thedogwalker]

Tricky situation. I am an older Mum and so DH and I waited until after a scan at 18 weeks to tell our family and friends. But that was a decision we made jointly and one that we both felt happy with.

There is no right or wrong answer to your question, all you need to do is speak with you DP and then do what suits you both. Once you are happy with your decision, you will feel much calmer and then you will know you made the right choice.

Good luck

[Greythorne]

thedogwalker is right, of course, it is a personal decision.

But i would hate to go through miscarriage alone because nobody had known.

[waybuloony]

Greythorne - the few friends we've told would be our support if all is not well but I totally hear what you're saying. That was the situation we were in last time - announcing the miscarriage to those few friends rather than the pregnancy did seem strange.

thedogwalker - thanks for this advice. I do need to talk it through with dh more just to feel more comfortable with whatever we decide.

[nannyl]

I'm 9 weeks tomorrow and a fair few people know.

i couldnt have really hidden it anyway as ive been signed off sick with hyperemisis for 3 weeks and have been admited to hospital too.

OH doesnt drive so we needed people to drive and collect me from the ante-natal ward, which would have been a bit of a huge give away!

apparently extreme sickness is very good for baby and means baby is doing very very well, so fingers crossed all will be fine at my scan 3 weeks today

[JimmyChoo17]

Hi

I have had two previous losses and each time only told the people that if I lost it I would want to be aware or would rely on for support.

Fingers crossed u r safe and sound. My third bean has stuck so far and I'm 17 weeks and still worry but I finally toldtheworld just over 16weeks

Do whatever you feel comfortable and bedtime wishes hon xx

[JimmyChoo17]

Ps I had trouble early on with this one and scans at 5, 7 and 9 weeks were all ok so a heartbeat and healthy looking scan are good signs and reduce your risk. X