Do you just know when you are ready to become a parent?

[xjenxo]

Hi not sure if i am posting this in the right place i am new here so here it goes,

My names Jen and im nearly 25 ive been with my partner for 6 years and ive always from a young age said i never wanted children, not because i dont like children just because i honsetly never felt like i wanted to be a mother. My partners always been fine with this and said that he too never felt like being a dad (he is 25). The thing is that in the last few months i really feel like i want a baby. I dont know why it just feels like all of a sudden i cant stop thinking about babies and i imagine what its like to be pregnant. I havent spoken to my partner about it yet or any of my friends or family. So really my qusetion is do you just know when your ready to be a mum? I wonder if in a few months i wont feel like this anymore which i think is why i havnt spoken to anyone about the way i feel just yet. I just fell incrediably confused.

[Eglu]

I think what you are experiencing is perfectly normal. I was different in that I knew I wanted children, but not until I was 30, was my original plan. I met DH when I was 21 and by 25 I was very ready to have a baby.

[Smiler80]

Hi xjenxo. I think it is very normal to never feel the need, but then at a certain age suddenly experience that "itch". Like Eglu I always knew I wanted children, but I didn't really feel that sort of physical need until late twenties or so.

I found it did come and go a bit, but I would say yes, you may well be feeling you're ready to have children. It is very personal though - some people never know!

If it is confusing you, I would see how you feel in a few months. Also, do bring it up with your partner that you may want children after all - he may even feel the same. And otherwise he'll probably need some time to adjust to it so you don't want to spring it on him only when you are completely ready to go for it right that minute!

You're only 25 so there's no (physical) rush - best to wait until you are both feeling comfortable with it and happy to go ahead. But there's no shame in changing your mind that you want children after all: it happens to lots of people!

By the way, all this advice is worth exactly what you paid for it, so feel free to completely disregard it I don't know your particular situation after all.

[warthog]

i think you're normal.

i never felt that itch actually. never felt strongly about kids, just knew that i wanted to have a family and envisioned lovely teenagers! (haha) so had kids as soon as it was feasible.

i don't think anyone is really ready for everything that parenting entails. tis the most difficult job in the world.

[PipPipPip]

In my teens and early twenties, I used to casually say "oh, yeah, I guess I'll have kids. But not until my thirties. I want to live first"

Then, I started dating my partner when I was about 23.

About two years into our relationship (aged 25) I went through the same phase as you. I was thinking "babies, babies, babies" constantly!!

But didn't act on it because it wasn't a good time. And I wasn't sure if it was just hormones. But it did make me realise that I wanted kids more than I thought I did.

Then last year, aged 28, I started to think about it again. By then I'd been with my partner almost five years and he was quite keen for babies. I started to realise that I HAD lived and that perhaps (after 10 years of working and partying hard) I was ready to prioritise someone else over myself.

I did discuss it with a couple of friends, and also discussed it with my partner. Even though we didn't have much money, were just renting etc - we realised that we had the important elements of love, health and family support. And our own parents were all fit and healthy, which was quite important to us.

So we decided to take a leap/risk/chance and see what happened...

Now 30 weeks pregnant and feel confident we made the right decision.

I remember finding it VERY hard to gain information/advice about the 'right time'. It is a bit of a taboo subject - suddenly people announce that they're expecting a baby, but nobody discusses whether or not to start trying.

The great thing for you is that, at 25, there's no massive hurry. You could just mull it over for a year or two, then see how you feel. You'll still be young and healthy in a couple of years.

GOOD LUCK!!

[xjenxo]

Thank you all for your replies. One thing i did notice is that i began to feel like this when i finally realised that i had our house the way i wanted, our finances are in a good place, we both have jobs we enjoy doing (most of the time that is)and generally we are happy. Although I know a baby would turn everything upsidedown. There are definatly some things i still want to do with my life. Getting married is one of them, im forever hinting about that haha. I think i do need to sit down and talk to my partner but in a way thats not going to scare him. As Smiler80 said i think ill say that maybe i do want children some day not tell him that i keep thinking about babies and secretly keep watching preogrammes like bringing home baby and baby tales - that could have him running for the hills :) . Again many thanks for all your thoughts on this

[AllBellyandBoobs]

I never wanted children, met my DP at 30 and now 32 weeks pregnant aged 33. Right person caused my opinions to change. Although I'll be honest, I'm still terrified at the thought of being a mum and I keep worrying I'll miss my carefree, money worry free, holidaying at the drop of a hat, days.

[PipPipPip]

I completely agree with AllBellyandBoobs - even those of us who planned our pregnancies still CRAP ourselves at impending motherhood. I think everyone is a bit scared about what they're giving up and missing out on.

As my Mum said, "there is no good time to have a baby".

I'm happily un-married to my partner, but if getting married is important to you then it might be worth doing it beforehand.

Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that you've got babies on the brain because you're a little bored now that you've got work, house and finances under control!! haha. Your baby cravings might come and go in the next couple of years, depending on what other challenges you're facing :)

[theonlyhb2]

Jen, I know how you feel! With my ex I thought that us getting married and having kids would be something I would like (I was 28). Then last year, at 29, we split and I got with my current boyfriend and all of a sudden I knew I wanted to have a child with him and I didnt care if it was now or in 4 years.

It happened a month after we moved in together, glad he was more excited than me!

All my friends and family and work mates are amazed that I am having a child. They never ever thought it would happen

[JBrd]

I also agree with PipPipPip and AllBellyandBoobs....

I never ever wanted children until about 2 years ago, when the thought about having a baby maybe being a nice thing started to very slowly creep up on me. Having met my now DP probably had quite a lot to do with it, although he never put any pressure on me. I'm 25 weeks now with my first. I left it quite late (I'm 39), but I just wasn't ready before.

There really never is a good time, so once you've made up your mind and discussed things really well with your partner, just go for it.

One tip - don't discuss it with your friends that already have children, because of course they will only ever say it's the best thing they've ever done, it's wonderful, their lives are now so much more meaningful and all that cr**!

Although I'm really looking forward to meeting my baby, I still think it's perfectly possible to enjoy live without children!

And yes, I have no clue whatsoever about being a mother and am freaked out about it all!

[trixie123]

It is something you just feel really. You have been with your partner for a while which is good, as although you are young you have built up some time together and have a history as a couple, not just as parents. As far as your partner goes, my DP thinks that most men never feel ready until it actually happens and then 99% of them are great and love it to bits but usually the impetus does come from the woman an the man goes along with it! You are only 25 so maybe float the idea but give him some time to digest it before you start "trying". A male colleague of mine has been given 18months "notice" by his wife so he / they can do daft and extravagant things for a bit first! Don;t be perturbed if he says he needs something like this.

[TooImmature2BMum]

That's interesting, because although I always knew I wanted kids someday, the impetus for 'someday' to be now came entirely from DH. I dragged my heels for ages due to a number of factors such as finances, lack of job security (when he first raised it we were both temping), but most importantly, because he was in a particularly low place and I was worried that he was just wanting children to cheer himself up, which didn't seem like a good basis for starting a family. Still, I'm 35 weeks pregnant now and I really want the baby!