buggery bollocks am up the duff- handholding please!

[Thandeka]

DD is one in early feb. We half heartedly started trying for #2 this month but was more a couple of drunken xmas encounters and really didn't expect it to work so quickly at all (if we had thought about it properly (or knew it would work first time) we defo would have waited a few months longer!)

I had a traumatic birth (whole thread on that on childbirth at min!) and I CANT go through anything like that ever again.

At the min DH lives away in week and I am in sole charge of DD in a new area where I don't know anyone. In next three months- ie. first trimester we are completely renovating a house with me as project manager. Plus trying to work 2 days per week freelance. So its quite lonely and stressful at min, so am a little bit freaked out that I will have to deal with all the first trimester anxiety and bleugh on top of that (have history of MC).

I would never have an abortion but am finding myself sort of hoping there has been a mistake somewhere and the 3 positive tests are wrong (well they are all out of date as were from when was trying for DD!- plus am not even late yet- my period may still come). Don't get me wrong I don't want to have an MC (couldn't go through that again) but am just having a bit of a meltdown about going through it all again so soon when am still very traumatised by DD's birth.

[sh77]

Aww congrats! Wishing you a happy 8 months!

[Unwind]

Congratulations!

• Seek counselling for the birth trauma, from a specialist in that area. Don't let your GP refer you for CBT, as mine did me.
  

• Check in with your midwife early on , and insist on an appointment to see your consultant and discuss your options for the birth.
  

• Consider a doula for the next one
  

• and best of luck

[Thandeka]

Thanks. :)

Had lots of counselling already- but asked for more and waiting. Have a letter from my pyschologist reccomending ELCS next time.

Will make docs appointment for next week.

Have just made great pals with a midwife who says she will be with me at next one if I decided to VB again (not sure I dare incase it happens again- I could cope with forceps/episiostomy again and so long as epidural works first time it would be okayish if I was guarenteed not to have an oxygen starved baby at end of it. (DD was HIE grade 1 and scans showed "neonatal event" in her brain but no obvious damage- and so far developing normally thank god.)

[Marne]

Congratulations

Deffently get counselling. My first birth wasn't great, very long labour and lots of damage followed by infection . My second birth was the opposite thanks to lovely midwifes and lots of planning (also pain relief).

[humanfraggle]

Ah Thandeka hi! I remember you from the boards last year (you had your LO about 2 weeks before me last year)

I am also, 'up the duff' - slightly ahead of you this time as I'm about 9 weeks now.

I am also bloody terrified as to how we will cope with 2 so young, but everyone I have told has assured me it's a lot easier having 2 closer together. Not sure I believe them yet though, or if they're just trying to be nice We're not in a new area at the moment, but we're moving abroad not long after this one is born! Eeek!

Anyway, congraulations! I really hope you get a sticky (I have MC history too) & you start feeling better about it soon!

[Thandeka]

thanks guys.

Humanfraggle- wow- so 19month age gap? We are both very brave comletely mad

If this one is sticky I think 19.5 month gap lets say 20 makes me feel better.
Nargh!

[Flisspaps]

Thandeka - congratulations.

I remember you from the Feb 2010 board (I was under a different name and ended up being a Marcher anyway!)

Your MW friend sounds great, and I'm sure you'll have lots of opportunities to discuss what you want for this birth with MWs and consultant.

Wishing you the best of luck :)

[Coppernoddle]

I have just fifteen month gap between my first two and at first was horrible until you get into a routine, but then you'll find it's the best thing you've ever done as in no time at all they'll be playing and entertaining themselves together! And my first labour was long and traumatic too, but the second was a breeze!!! My first was 18 hours and my second 3, and I enjoyed every minute os the second! I'm now expecting my third which was completely unplanned as I've just started a business and suffer from hypremisis so have already had to stop work!
You'll be fine! Once you've got your head round it, you'll hopefully start to enjoy it, and if you wasn't that sick in your first, you'll be fine being busy with this one. Lots of early nights and snacks on the go, reduces the nausea feeling, naps if you can on your lunch really help! Get into a routine and you'll be glowing in no time x x x x

[suwoo]

Thandeka, firstly congratulations . It'll be great news once you have got over the shock! I know how you feel on two counts, I started a thread when I found I was pg with our surprise no 3. It consisted of mainly.

Fuck.

Ad infinitum.....

But we got over the shock and its brilliant. well it would be if he wan't menace child from hell.
Re the birth trauma, my problems with DD were different to yours, it was me that had the trauma with a fairly severe PPH and removal of products and blood transfusion under general anaesthetic (after my drug free labour). As I have mentioned before I also have ongoing fairly serious gynae ishoos.

My next two, on the recommendation of my gynae consultant were born via elective section.

I couldnt recommend it highly enough. There was no way I was risking anything repeating or my problems worsening.

Both were calm, organised and scheduled deliveries. Lovely.

(oh and we bf straight away- no prolem on that score either. Well apart from the ones that happened after. Different story.)

[Thandeka]

Well looks like that's that- "period" arrived tonight(a particularly painful one but not heavy yet) So was chemical pregnancy (prefer to think of it like that rather than MC at 5.5weeks- day 40 of cycle- testing positive since day 35- but cycles been longer since DD so fertility friend was telling me I was due today) at least I only had 5days to get used to idea rather than 6weeks like last time and it wasn't right time. Still a bit sad though as had started to be ok with it!

[emoo777]

Bless you, so sorry to hear that. Hugs. xx

[berri]

Sorry to hear that, hope you're ok. I hope you still carry on with the counselling etc so if you decide to go for it again in the future you'll feel ready & happy.

[nunnie]

Can I come in and take a seat. I am also pregnant just over 5 weeks I think. Had ds by EMCS only 16 weeks ago.

Feel like an irresponsible idiot for this happening so soon. Have no idea what the procedure is with my scar etc but I am sure all will become clear when I see the consultant.

I have a DD who is 4 in June, then DS and this one will have less than a 12 month age gap

[nunnie]

Ohh ignore my post, I am sorry to hear that your af has come.

[ZhuZhuhell]

so sorry Thandeka im going through the exact same thing.

[Thandeka]

Hmm well currently utterly confused as AF is v.light and intermittent and no clots yet so fat lady hasn't sung but am in a fair amount of pain (much worse than normal period pain) so am not hopeful. Sorry you are in same boat zhuzhuhell

[Thandeka]

It was ectopic and lost a tube. My uterus hates me.

[humanfraggle]

So sorry thandeka

Massive hugs x

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Oh no, Thandeka, so very sorry to hear that. You have had some tough times .

[Unwind]

So sorry to hear it. Take care of yourself.

[Northernlurker]

Oh Thandeka - am so sorry to read what happened. Thank goodness you have come through it. You need to take lots of time, rest up well and take v good care of you.