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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

12 week scan: baby died at 5 weeks..help?

26 replies

Natalie2011 · 14/01/2011 19:15

hi guys,

see subject heading - at a bit of a loss.

have to wait until it all happens naturally at first, but just wondered if anyone can give me a time scale or how to hury it up? spotting started 5 days ago...

I feel like I can't move on until I've finished bleeding :( just want to know how long i have to wait.

Any advice would be very gratefully, tearfully recieved - this was my first pregnancy so it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel just now.

thanks everyone xxx

OP posts:

Report

Rosedee · 14/01/2011 19:17

I can't answer your question I'm sorry but wanted to give you hugs xx

Natalie2011 · 14/01/2011 19:18

thanks - really appreciate it xxxxxxxx

OP posts:

taytotayto · 14/01/2011 19:20

i really sorry, dont know what to say but thinking of you. xx

mummyshreddingnora · 14/01/2011 19:22

I have kind of been where you are - its a missed miscarriage, I had one diagnosed at 14 weeks, baby had died at around 7... (no 12 week scan in my area at the time)

I opted for a d&c (or ERPC) in the end, booked in for the monday but ended up admitted on the sunday night - I don't know how to say this but I was in agony, labour pains essentially - when I got to hospital I started bleeding LOTS, I am probably not a normal case though as they thought I was hemoraging and at the second scan the next day nothing had changed - hence the op.... have an unmnetty ((((hugs))))

Sparklies · 14/01/2011 19:22

I am so sorry, what a horrible, horrible shock

I've had two losses (including my first ever pregnancy) and if I hadn't had several early scans I would have been in the same situation as you at my 12 week scan. It's very common unfortunately for the body to just not realise for a long time after the baby has passed. I had D&Cs for mine as I could not wait any longer, but that may not be a choice you want to make or are even offered if you are only measuring at five weeks.

It could take any amount of time unfortunately but doctors don't like to leave it too long as it increases the risk of infection. There are drugs you can take to hurry it up - have these been offered to you?

Again, I am sorry for your loss and above all, look after yourself.

Magen · 14/01/2011 19:26

I am so sorry for your loss. The same thing happened with my first pregnancy and it is heartbreaking. They performed a D&C a few days after I found out. If this is an option, I highly recommend it because it gets it over and done with so you can get on with healing physically and emotionally. Best of luck, you will get through this and have happy days in your future.

CuppaTeaJanice · 14/01/2011 19:28

Hi Natalie,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through - exactly the same thing happened to me in november.

Unfortunately nobody will be able to tell you a timescale - everybody is different. Have your hospital been through the options with you - natural, medical or erpc? If you've decided to let things happen naturally, please take things easy and look after yourself. Keep your early pregnancy unit's phone number with you, and call them or get yourself up to them if the bleeding becomes very heavy or you are worried at all.

The miscarriage section of mumsnet is really good too, you'll get loads of support there.

And there is light at the end of the tunnel - since I had my miscarriage I've found out that loads of people I know in real life have had them too, and most have gone on to have healthy children. You're going through tough stuff right now, but your future is bright.

mememe30 · 14/01/2011 19:33

Hi, just wanted to send big big hugs so you know you are not alone. I've been through tis too. Thought I was 16 weeks but my baby had died at 9 weeks. No 12 week scan It is truely heart breaking. I opted for a d and c.

I now have two children.

cupofteaplease · 14/01/2011 19:40

I'm so sorry for your loss.

The same happened to me in 2009. I just had to wait for it to happen naturally. It didn't take long after spotting started. It was quite uncomfy, so try to have a hot water bottle and pain killers to hand. Take it easy, and don't rush back to normality just yet, you are grieving the loss of a planned future, which is hard for many people to understand if they've not been in the same situation.

Best wishes x

prettybird · 14/01/2011 19:52

How very sad for you.

I've had two missed miscarriages: first disccovered at 11 week scan (showed 7 or fewer weeks) and the second at an early (5 week) scan, but for which I had to go back for 3 weeks for repeated scans :(

In both cases I never had any spotting and had an ERPC - I didn't want to have to wait for something that didn't seem to be happening anyway.

If it helps, my best friend, who is a GP, said that the body sometimes starts to re-absorb (f that's the right word) the sac, so it can look like it is "younger" than it actually developed to. I've worded that really badly, but what I mean is that it maybe didn't happen at 5 weeks - it might have only been a couple of weeks ago.

I was advised by someone else who had had a miscarriage (it's amazing howm many people have) to really look after myslef afterwards and to remember that my hormones would be all over the place.

So {{hugs}} and make sure to be nice to yourself. Allow yourself to be angry, sad, whatever. It will pass - but allow yourself to grieve.

clareanna · 14/01/2011 20:08

So sorry for your loss- I had an mmc discovered at 12 week scan exactly a year ago, so know how you must be feeling. What options did the hospital give you? There are 3 - wait for a natural mc, medical management or having an erpc. I had an Erpc 3 days after my scan, and physically it was fine and I recovered well. Mentally I wad a complete mess. The miscarriage forum here is wonderful though as are other threads on ttc after mc on the conception thread.
Look after yourself and I hope you have plenty of rl support too. Your hormones and emotions will be all over the place so just do whatever feels right to you x

lilly13 · 14/01/2011 20:16

very sorry about your loss. what a shocking news... sending you lots of hugs!!! hang in there!

me23 · 14/01/2011 21:47

I'm really sorry for your loss

Srse · 14/01/2011 21:59

so sorry to hear your news...same happened me and i had no spotting, i also opted for a D+C as I was continuing to have morning sickness and i couldnt face it. it was horrendous but i immediately fell pregnant after and I am now 7 months so there is light...just take the time to grieve whatever way u need to...personally i locked myself away for two weeks and only wanted to be with my partner....know that u are not alone

minmooch · 15/01/2011 09:00

Hi sweetie sorry for your loss. I have had 7 miscarriages ranging from 5-12 weeks. I hVe had 2 d&c which were quick and easy to recover from. The other miscarriages were all different some no more than a heavy period but 2 I ended up I. Hospital. It all depends on your body and hoe much things developed inside. My last one at 9 weeks was no more than a heavy period as very little developed. Previous one at 8 weeks was rather horrendous. What I am trying to say is that every miscarriage is different. My advice would be to have a d&c as no more waiting around. If you decide to wait for nature make sure u have someone with you.

You will need time to recover physically and emotionally afterwards. But you will and you will find the strength to try again. I am currently early days pregnant again and hoping this one will work.

Wishing you gentle days.

Natalie2011 · 15/01/2011 10:01

Hi everyone,

I went to bed after I posted last night, and you have have no idea how amazing it is to wake up to all these comments. Thank you so much for your kind words and advice, just the fact that you have taken the time to help means so much.

I'll get through it, but it's rubbish, and it's somehow comforting to know that it's happened to so many of you and you're all ok now.

Thanks everyone,

Natalie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

OP posts:

knackered76 · 15/01/2011 10:56

Hi Natalie,

So sorry for your loss, it's a huge shock isn't it. My missed miscarriage was diagnosed at a 10 week scan and I opted for an erpc so have no experience of going through a natural miscarriage. As someone here has mentioned, the miscarriage board is really helpful and soooo supportive, sadly there are so many of us who have suffered a miscarriage. I just wanted to say you will heal emotionally and physically BUT give yourself time, a lot more then you (and others) think you need.For myself it was my first proper period after my erpc that totally threw me and I was a mess for days. Be kind and gentle to yourself.

lemonsherbet · 15/01/2011 11:06

Hi Natalie,

I just wanted to say how sorry I was for you. I had a missed miscarriage last year. I to would recommend the miscarriage board. I do not think I would of got through it without the support of everyone there. I went for the ERPC option because I could not bare the thought of not knowing when it would start. Everyone is different and you should do what is right for you. I was told it could take weeks for me to start "naturally" though. I would say make sure you are stocked up with pads and painkillers whichever option you go for.

Emotionally my hormones were all over the place afterwards and you need to give yourself time to grieve. Things do get better though. A big hug to you.

normathesurvivor · 15/01/2011 13:28

I am so so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage early sept last year and I was devastated. Even though I couldn?t tolerate the idea of the waiting for the natural process to take place, I didn?t go for the ERCP. This was for personal reasons as I struggle psychologically with such procedures. It passed out within 6 days. I hope you have all the support you need and please take good care of yourself and go for what is best for you physically and mentally. Hugs

harassedinherpants · 15/01/2011 17:08

So sorry for your loss, same thing happened to me yesterday too. I had an early scan (10+1wks) as had the tiniest amount of bleeding, and baby was measuring 7 wks with now heartbeat.

I'm going in for an erpc on Tuesday unless nture takes over first.

I've been posting on the miscarriage board and they've been so lovely and so helpful. There's another lady in out situation at the moment too. Maybe come over? ((()))'s cos it's shite.

Lotta123 · 15/01/2011 21:06

So sorry for your loss

I had a mmc and didn't have an erpc or managed miscarriage.

Ask for good pain relief. I found naproxen worked well.

Thinking of you.

nancerama · 16/01/2011 12:05

Hi Natalie,

I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a painful time. I went through something similar back in April. The day before my first scan I started suffering terrible cramps and later in the day some bleeding. I went to A&E and they referred me to the EPU. As it was late in the day by this stage they couldn't scan, but they told me I was probably miscarrying. I returned the following day and it was confirmed that the baby was measuring very small for dates and had no heartbeat. I was offered an ERPC there and then, but told that if I preferred I could go home and miscarry naturally as the process had already started. I chose to go home - to me it didn't feel right to go into hospital with a baby inside and to go home without.

Unfortunately when I went back to the hospital for a check up a week later, things hadn't progressed and I was advised to have an ERPC. They fitted me in on the same day and I was home by tea time. I felt a bit uncomfortable, but it wasn't too bad. I had the operation on a Friday and was back at work on Monday.

At the time, it was a devastating experience. I felt so lost and broken. I felt like my body had let me down. I was also amazed at how I could miss someone so much that I'd never known. Everyone is different, so please deal with this in your own time in the way that works for you. For me, the best way of dealing with it was to be normal. I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me. In my crazy mixed up head I decided that if people felt sorry for me there really was something wrong with me. For a few weeks I was normal by day and up and down by night.

I'll never forget the little person I lost, but I'm now 24 weeks pregnant and expecting in May. Despite 2 normal scans, I won't really believe it until he or she is safe and with me.

Things really will get better. I'm thinking of you. xxx

mummysweeangel · 16/01/2011 18:15

so so sorry for your loss - hope your bearing up and in time things will get better- xxxxxx

fredelliot · 16/01/2011 21:23

So sorry for your loss and big hugs, i too have had two MMC one at nine weeks and one at six, i optd for an erpc both times as i just needed closure, it depends how you feel about it but there are options and contact your local EPAU for advice. I do have a dd which i concieved and carried with no problems in between MC, my last MC was in nov last year and im now TTC. My best advice is to just be kind to yourself and give yourself some time, there is lots of support on here too. When you feel up to it i started a TTC after ERPC/MC thread on the conception board and your more than welcome its been great for me to chat to other women going through what im going through. Big hugs and take care x

cece123 · 17/01/2011 20:40

hi i am so so sorry for your loss, i have had two m/c and had a d&c for both of them. The hospital gave me 3 options, either have the d&c, tablets to speed things up or to let nature take it course. the doc said it could take weeks before anything happened naturally and that just was'nt an option for me as i needed closure. hope you be ok xx

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