36 weeks and feeling low not excited

[cambodia]

I'm new to this site. I'm 36+4 and people keep asking me if I'm excited. I'm not. I feel quite low and flat and scared. I keep thinking I want to go back to pre-pregnancy days and stay there. I was always quite ambivalent about having kids, but was actually really pleased to get pregnant. I have had a very good pregnancy and felt lovely at points. Is this feeling I have hormonal? I worry I won't love my baby or bond and that I'll hate the changes. My husband is wonderful and is supportive. Am I a freak?

[dinkystinky]

You're not a freak - you have a big change coming and its fine to feel abit unsettled about it, and to be in denial about it. But there's no turning back now and it will be fine - you will love your baby (you may not get that instanteous rush of love, but you will love them) and they will love you and this time will all feel very long ago when you have your baby in your arms.

Try and do something nice each day to pamper yourself and congratulate yourself for doing an amazing thing in growing this baby inside of you - and enjoy doing those pre-baby things you think you'll miss (theatre, cinema, meals out). You will get to do them again after your baby has arrived but getting your fill of them now may stop you mourning for your pre-baby life too.

[ReshapeWhileDamp]

I think this is very, very common. It's natural to be ambivalent (at best!) about a chance that you might have wanted, but know will change your life utterly. It's such a culture shock! But after a few weeks, you get used to it, bond with your baby and can't imagine any other way. (babies have a way of mindwashing you...)

Are you in an antenatal group, or planning to go to post-natal classes? (The NCT runs postnatal groups in some areas and are a good way of meeting other new parents in your area.) I found my antenatal group a total lifeline. We were all in the same boat with sleeplessness, changed body image, feeding and culture shock, and it was great seeing our babies growing up together. Alternatively, you can look around (now, while you have time!) to see what new babies groups there are locally. Surestart and Children's Centres run them, as well as the NCT, local churches and community centres. I can't emphasise too strongly how valuable it is to get out of the house and chat to other new mothers. And some of them welcome mums to be as well, so you get to talk to people about childbirth and having a new baby.

I think yes, mostly this is hormonal. I'm on my second pregnancy and due in about 5 weeks myself, and feeling very ambivalent. DS is fabulous and I couldn't do without him but I'm wondering how on earth a new baby will change our lives. Sometimes I also wish we could go back to just having one. But I think this is a normal part of pregnancy and hormonally-led. If you're worried you might actually be depressed, see a GP or HV.

Hope this is some help?

[KristinaM]

I wasn't low at 36 weeks, i was bloody terrified, Especially about the birth. It's a total change of your life and it's normal to be worried a bit. Especiallyl if you are a worrier like me.

But you will love your baby. It might be instant but for me it took time. And you will hate some parts of being a mum, most people do. But you will love others parts and your baby will be worth it I promise you

You must MUST join a mums net ante natal thread so you can talk to other mums at the same stage. You will soon find out you are not a freak at all

[cambodia]

Thanks very much. All helpful replies. I am doing NCT and I do have many good friends who I have close, open relationships with, so there are people to speak to. I'm not worried about the isolation - I work at home for myself and am used to a very unstructured, isolated lifestyle. I'm just upset that I feel like this when I'd prefer to feel excited. I have suffered from depression at points in my life and will keep an eye on this. I just want to know I'll love him and enjoy some of it (not delusional enough to think I'll enjoy all of motherhood) and yet it's all the big unknown. Thanks again

[KristinaM]

If you are prone to depression you need to watch out for pnd. And don't judge all of motherhood on the first 6 weeks, they canbepretty crapy with stitches, bleeding, sore nips, babies munching through the night and these bloody hormones

But once was through that things got better. I have 6 so it can't have been that bad

[cambodia]

Six kids. Wow. I tip my hat to you.

I think what tipped me over the edge a little was an NCT breastfeeding session. I knew babies fed a lot but 10-12 times a day in the first two months. To be honest, it overwhelmed me. It was like someone was putting their hands around my throat.

[dinkystinky]

Cambodia - yes, they do feed alot in the early days - but think of it as extra cuddle time for you and your beautiful baby and it doesnt feel so threatening/restricting. It will be fine. Let your partner know what you're feeling - bet your partner is feeling pretty unsettled too about the change that's coming. But it will all be worth it - Ive only got 2 kids but having them is without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me.

[goodlifemummy]

Cambodia - that would tip me over the edge, I am due in about 5 weeks, (I already have 5 year old twins)and you don't have to breast feed, I won't be but thats my choice, give bf a chance, it might go brilliantly, but if it doesn't, don't beat yourself up about it, there's so much more to beat yourself up about!!

I am also feeling a bit low today, as DH announced over breakfast "I've had enough" Of what I asked "Everything..." Oh right, just what I want to hear. Think he's gone too long without nooky, that usually puts him in a right old grump! Will have to try and rectify for the whole family's sake!

Hope you have a good day xx

[cambodia]

Thanks - yes, I do talk to my partner about it. He's been great. I need to just go with the flow and remind myself that time passes quite quickly and no stage remains the same. It's all just fear.

[KristinaM]

its ok ( normal, even logical? ) to be scared of the unknown. and every birth and baby is different so its unknown every time.

and yes, small babies do Bf a lot. and if you imagine that you will be " back to normal" and leading your ordinary life while Bf a newborn then you are setting yourself up for failure.

its different if you have older children, but if its your first you are perfectly entitled to sit on the sofa or lie in bed with your baby and feed / sleep for most of the day. there is a reason why many societies have a lying in period of 30 days, where that's just what happens. other family members do the chores.

i really hate this superwoman ideology where women boast about popping out the baby in the morning and inviting 30 people round for dinner that night. its probably lies and if its not, its just sheer bloody stupidity

you will never EVER get back these precious few days and weeks with your newborn

paternity leave is not a reward to your Dh for procreating. Its a chance for him to wait on your hand and foot while you recover from the birth and feed / cuddle your baby.

tell him i said that