Pregnant. Should I tell XP?

[autumnberry]

I am not sure what I should do. I moved on from my previous relationship over three years ago and am now pregnant (and happy) in my new relationship. I would not like my XP to find out about the pregnancy from anyone else, as I think he may find it upsetting - it is one thing not being in a relationship with him anymore, but having a baby with someone else is very final. However, I am finding it hard to pluck up the courage to tell him and also a bit unsure whether or not it is the right thing to do.
Any advice? What would you do? What have you done? Thanks.

[BooBooGlass]

You're not with him and it's none of his business. You don't owe him an explination and if he finds it upsetting that's not your fault. It's quite odd to say that having a baby with someone else is very final, don't you think? Have you always hoped the two of you would get back together?

[JBrd]

Are you still in regular contact with your XP? Do you see each other, talk, exchange news etc., i.e. have you stayed friends? In which case it might be nice to tell him.

If not, then really, it's none of his business, don't you think? Three years is a long time, you have - obviously - moved on, and so should he.

Sorry if I can't give any better advice, it's tricky!

[runmeragged]

If you have a child with XP, then tell him you are pregnant again. If not, I wouldn't.

[pinkyp]

If it was over 3 years ago i dont see why he would be upset to be honest. I'm guessing you still feel attached to him but he might not feel the same / not be bothered so i wouldnt worry.Congratulations on your pregnancy

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

On reading the title, I though you were going to say you have just split and were pregnant by him, to which I was going to say, yes, you must tell him he is going to be a father.

If you split 3 years or so ago then I don't think you need to tell him, I wouldn't. As others have said, i don't see that it's his business anymore.

Congratulations by the way. :)

[autumnberry]

Thanks for the advice and the congratulations. I have moved on, but he has tried very hard to remain friends (sending texts on my birthday etc, despite me having said that I couldn't speak to him anymore). He has been quite persistent! Apart from that we do not see each other or have any children together.

[CocoPopsAddict]

Congrats on your pregnancy.

The fact that he has been quite 'persistent' suggests that he may react to your news. I wouldn't tell him if I were you.

[autumnberry]

Yes, his persistence to maintain some contact sometimes makes me feel 'obliged' to tell him. Also, might help him finally move on? However, I am worried at his reaction.

[RoxieP]

I did this. My exP had a new grilfriend and so we weren't in any regular contact so as not to piss off mine or his new partners - but we had been through a lot and broke up amicably. Plus, I was due to also move away from the area so I thought it would be weird to not tell him that I was up the duff and moving away. He said he really appreciated hearing it from me and not from somebody else.x

[autumnberry]

Thanks Roxie. :) Your situation sounds similar. Still finding it difficult to actually tell him.

[geekygiraffe]

I had a 'persistent' XP, and for that very reason, have chosen not to tell him, despite being very occasionally (once or twice a year) in touch. I recognise the feeling of being 'obliged' so strongly recommend you don't tell him!

[autumnberry]

Yeah, I am a bit caught between Roxie's situation, which seems the right thing to do, and yours, geekygiraffe, where the 'obligation' feelings are making me feel a bit bullied into it. Thanks for the input.

[RoxieP]

I actually genuinely wanted to tell my ex, so don't feel bullied into it if you don't want to. And in my situation I'm fairly sure my exp and me would have stayed good friends if we both hadn't met new people (not nice to be in contact with your ex if you have new partner is it?) so he was not persistentr in an unwelcome way

I didn't even tell my new partner that I told him as I think it would upset him and he wouldn't understand why I did it - but I just felt for some reason that I should (It was the first and only time I've spoke to him since meeting my new DP). He was effectively my best friend for 4 years after all!

Trust your gut. Do what you really want to do.

[mummytoatribe]

He has tried to keep in touch and you have asked him not to, so you getting in touch to tell him this would be going back on that and making him perhaps think its ok to be back in touch with you.

Dont give him any info about your life, you are not responsible for his reactions or feelings anymore. I know you feel uncomfortable at the thought of a bad reaction, but how do you feel about him knowing such an important piece of information about you? Your silence about this, if he does find out, will confirm to him that you do not want any contact.

Enjoy your pg and dont give him another thought.

Congratulations :)

[autumnberry]

Ladies, I am touched by your support. I have decided that I will not tell him.

[thumbwitch]

That's good - and probably better.

Unless you see each other in social situations (which it sounds like you don't) or you have lots of mutual friends who will chat about it - in which case a quick text message might be kinder but still isn't necessary - best left unsaid.

[AppleyEverAfter]

I wouldn't expect my ex to tell me personally if his partner was expecting. I would probably hear it off his friends, who I still know. Would you expect your ex to tell you if it was him becoming a parent?