WHEN will people realise it is NEVER ok to call a woman huge - pregnant or not!

[RoxieP]

Ok, so I know I should be proud of my blooming body, but just recently (I am 30+1) my bump has popped a bit - up until now apparently poeple were saying I was quite "neat" and depending on what I was wearing, poeple who didn't know rarely commented as I guess it was slightly ambiguous whether I was actaully preg or just a bit thick round the middle!

But oh my these last few days.... People have been asking when I'm due and when I say January, they look shocked as though I should be due much sooner and I have heard "wow you're huge!" and other such wonderful phrases! Thing is I don't think I am actually THAT big - I have seen women WAY bigger than me at this stage - I don't even have a proper outie yet, or a linea nigra or even a single stretch mark!

And yes I know they are commenting on my bump and not the rest of my body, but when they say things like that I feel like they're calling me a big fat whale! Do people not realise that it is NEVER ok to call a woman huge? Though I suspect that I may have been guilty of it in the past before I was preganant and knew what it felt like! I guess my logic was that it was ok as I was not calling the woman FAT, just commenting on how pregnant she looked, which I assumed was a positive thing. I now realise that this ain't the case! Don't get me wrong I love being pregnant and am fascinated by my changing shape, I just don't like the adjectives "huge", "massive" or even "fat" (yes one woman did use this one - and yes she knew I was pregnant and not simply fat) being associated with my body in any context!

Does anyone feel differently? Does anyone actually love being told they're massive?

[CrazyPlateLady]

I feel your pain!!

I have always been slim. I love being pregnant and having a bump but I resent being called fat or big.

With DS I was pretty big at xmas, 33 weeks and was called fat. Yesterday my grandad called me fat, I am 26 weeks. He didn't mean it in a nasty way at all but I hate being called fat. Its pregnant FGS!!

[goodlifemummy]

One of the dads in the playground said "Hi Big'un" the other day....luckily we are friends, and I think he just wants to explore my gorgeously round bumps!!

[CocoPopsAddict]

Say "I think you mean blooming, don't you?".

[sunfunandmum]

Oh god, I totally am with you (I'm 33 weeks pregnant). I have a really annoying complete stranger who I regularly bump into on my commute who loves to make personal comments about my pregnancy for all to hear.

First one: ooh, how far gone are you? Really, only four months, god you're going to get MASSIVE!

Second one: come on, stick your bump out, that gets them opening the doors quicker

Third one: what, still going to work?! You don't want to be doing that now you're so big

etc

I could say that these comments are not ok, but I suppose I daren't make a scene just think they are trying to be kind...

[sunfunandmum]

And the wierdest one lately was a guy sitting outside a pub, when I waddled past he cheerily shouted

"Have a good one!"

and raised his glass to my bump.

A good what? Labour? Child?

[SalaDo]

I think I'm a freak! I love when people say my bump is big!! Obviously dislike anyone saying "fat" but commenting on the bump size I like :) . . Just must be me

[Awitch]

honestly and truly, i think people who take offence at this sort of thing should have a long hard look at themselves and their own body image. particularly if the baby the are carrying is a girl, tbh. because make no mistake, you ARE huge, and it shouldn't be something that upsets you.

[mumbybumby]

I completely agree with you! My MIL is the worst, she actually isn't vindictive, just a bit dense.
Recently she said to me 'ooh you're SO much bigger than last time! And it's not just a bump at the front, it's EVERYWHERE!'.
I wouldn't have minded half as much had she even known how pregnant I was when she said it (24 weeks) and if what she had said was true (it is all bump, big bump but still in pre-pregnancy jeans!)
Grrr!

[PenguinsMummy]

I feel your pain!! I am pregnant with DC3 and have had this with each of my pregnancies. I love comments such as "you're massive"; "you're bump is huge"; "you've got how long to go - wow - you'll never make it that far given how big you are already"; "can't believe you are only X weeks given how big your bump is", etc, etc, etc.

And it's not about body image, it's that fact that anyone and everyone thinks they have the right to comment on you, your shape and your baby when you are pregnant as if you are no longer an individual person.

[pagwatch]

I was huge through two out of three of my pregnancies. I used to get the jaw droppingthing when I said I had x more months. And I was told I was huge at least once a day by random clients, people in shops.

I didn't mind. I was huge. It was true

[cotswolder]

I feel a need to wade into this one!

Awitch - I think it might be the words / terms used by people that causes the problem - not the size so much. I don't mind being called huge, large, big, massive etc as SalaDo seems to suggest - I am (even though only 30 weeks!). I do however object to fat as I'm not, it is baby!

I do not like the comments from some strangers however. Some middle aged bloke in local supermarket came up to me couple of weeks ago and said " who ate all the lardy cakes?" - then walked off cackling!. wish I'd had my wits about me and some clever comment. Unfortunatly words failed me at the time!

[RoxieP]

Awitch, I do see what you're saying - and if I'm absolutely honest maybe I do have body-image issues as I (like most women I have ever met) have always had a few niggles with my weight! And yes I am having a girl, and I am totally aware how these issues can transfer. My mild weight obsession was probably, to a degree, learned behaviour from watching my size 8 mother scrutinising herself in the mirror complaining how big her bum was! So I have always said that I will NEVER do such things in front of my daughter or ever make an issue about weight.

All I'm saying is if I wasn't pregnant and someone called me "fatty" I would be offended, whether I was fat or not - and now I am pregnant I am equally offended.

[AitchTwoOh]

oh it's completely about body image. if it wasn't, the comments wouldn't bother you.

[AitchTwoOh]

that last to penguinsmummy, don't know why it took so long to post...

[AitchTwoOh]

someone who says 'who ate all the lardy cakes' is a lunatic, and best ignored.

and the whole point is that they are NOT calling you fatty, any more than you are fat. they are saying you are HUGE, or your bump is HUGE, and that is either true or not true. if you know that your bump is neat for dates, say so, if not, don't take it personally because it sure as hell isn't meant personally.

[RoxieP]

I don't think there is a single person in the planet who is totally secure with themselves! I don't go around insulting people and thinking "well it will only bother them if they have issues with themseleves". The world would be a horrible place if everyone did that! Like I said, I am not disagreeing with you entirely, I just think people could be a bit more tactful. And it seems from the other posts that a lot of people agree with me!

Most of my FRIENDS when I see them just comment on how well I look, or say "oo your bumps growing!" and say nice things. And other nicer strangers ask when I'm due and then simply say "Well hope it all goes well". There's no need to say "fat" or "huge"!

[pagwatch]

ah. That may explain it then.
You regard 'huge' as an insult.
To me fat is an insult. Huge in the context of pregnancy is simply descriptive. And a huge bump is gorgeous.
I was huge - magnificently, gorgeously huge.

So if I called you huge I would be complimenting you on how fabulous you look. You would hear a version of fat.

[AitchTwoOh]

but those words ARE your issues. it is an insult to call someone fat (although whether or not it should be is an interesting one) but it isn't to comment that a person has a huge bump if they have a huge bump.

like most people, there are things i like about my body and things i don't but i was never insulted when people commented on my bump, not for a second. 1. i realised that they were just making conversation. and 2. i had a BUMP, it was worthy of comment.

[AitchTwoOh]

precisely, pagwatch.

and one should be veeeeeery careful of transmitting that to a child.

[ICantGetMuchSleep]

My mum has taken to calling me Tubs. Know she isn't trying to insult me so take it with the love she is saying it. When she was pregnant with me, they called the bump (me) podge. Maybe she's just carrying on the tradition!

[RoxieP]

Well maybe I am horrendously insecure! I guess I just don't like being scrutinised by complete strangers that's all. And often they say it like it is a negative thing, with a frown and "my GOD you're huge!" I don't mind if people say it with a smile on their face and comment on my "blooming" bump!

I suppose I do agree with you. I feel a bit attacked now! I was just getting something off my chest and being honest. Sometimes these comments DO offend me, and I suppose that makes me a terrible insecure person. BUT I would NEVER pass these insecurities on to a child. That's why I'm discussing this on mumsnet and not with a load of female small children!

[pagwatch]

Don't feel attacked Rosie

i am certainly not attackingyou

I am just trying to articulate that you may be walking around feeling judged and scrutinised when I for one would be thinking 'God she looks great, I remember that time and being able to feel the baby kick - isn't it fantastic - a whole new life in there. the very embodiment of life and humanity and love and all that good stuff'

My DH would be wildly nostaligic and a bit broody and my dad would want to ask you loads of questions to share the experience

You may be misinterpreting some people and that is a bit sad. That is all

the gitthat said 'who ate all the cakes' or whatever is just a wanker.

[motherinferior]

Hmm, Aitch, I do utterly take your point - and I myself am loaded - or possibly larded, in fact - with body image ishoos...but I did rather hate the fact every bloody person I came across commented on my enormity in my second pregnancy. Lorry drivers leaned out of their lorries as I weebled massively along the road (I'm only 5 foot tall). Friends sent helpful emails across the country saying how enormous I reputedly was.

I think it is OK, actually, to mind the fact one is massively (and I use the word advisedly) distorted in pregnancy. If you don't enjoy pregnancy much at all, which I didn't for a range of reasons not only the weeblishness.

[motherinferior]

I think also it is part of being, literally, on display in one's pregnancy. People ask very intrusive questions. They comment on the size of your bosoms. One goes from being someone who might possibly be quite attractive, to someone who is A Mummy.

[AitchTwoOh]

ah but i didn't say it wasn't okay to mind one's body being distorted by pregnancy... i just said that it's pretty much a waste of energy being offended that everyone else has noticed it too...