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Pregnancy

Working mums...

31 replies

Basketcase28 · 20/09/2010 13:54

For financial reasons, it's necessary that i return to work fairly soon after the birth of my child. By fairly soon, i'm thinking of possibly 4 months after. 6 months if we can survive on the statutory maternity pay for that long.
I feel absolutely wretched about this. :-(

I'm in a stable relationship, and this is our first child. Very, very much wanted. I tried unsuccessfully for 7 years before conceiving (polycystic ovaries) and discovered i was 5 weeks pregnant during a scan to further investigate my infertility (ho ho ho). I'm now 18 weeks pregnant.
My partner and i both work full time, and whilst we are not very high earners, we have always managed. We don't have extravagent lifestyles and are cutting back already as much as we can, however, it's obvious that we can not survive for long on just his wage and the SMP.

I've looked into nurseries, and it's looking to be about £860 per month, and it's making me feel quite resentful that we'll be paying someone to effectively raise our child, when i make a great deal more than that monthly.
I do want to return to work eventually, and i do enjoy my job, and would miss it, but the thought of having to leave my baby at such a young age is heartbreaking.

We don't have any family to help out either as all my family are in Scotland, and his live over 3 hours drive away. We have no real close friends either.

I'm a bit clueless when it comes to things like finances and entitlements, but i'd be interested to hear how other working mums cope with leaving their child.
The thought of it is really upsetting me. :-(

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Basketcase28 · 20/09/2010 14:02

Edit...That's supposed to say i don't make a great deal more than the £860 monthly.
Sheesh.

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MaudOHara · 20/09/2010 14:04

Sorry posting and running as got to dash off but have you considered Childminders? Either as a child care option for you, or becoming one?

Given that you don't earn much more than you would pay out you may pay less with a CM or be able to work from home being one

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123nellyc · 20/09/2010 14:04

Me and my OH are sort of in the same predicament so will be watching this thread.

Does anyone know with the new government what the threshold is to receive working tax credits/help with childcare fees?

Sorry i cant help.

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Kiki84 · 20/09/2010 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

louisesh · 20/09/2010 14:15

I know exactely where you re coming from!!!!! I m due on 1st Oct and due back at work on 7th March.Returning full time as a specialist sister in a clinic.I understand what you mean that our baby girl will only be 6 months old when we put her in full time care.Its an uneccesary evil.My family live 3 hours away my MIL is in capable and both me and DH work full time.We will only get approx £40 per month child tax credit and that stops in April as we earn "too much"!!!!!

Our nursery fees are £650 per month.I take it from your post. you re not entitled to occupational mat pay? We can just about survive until 6 months as i get half pay occupational mat pay plus SMP.Eery time i ve tried to save money upto this point something else has come up we ve had to pay for!!!!! Soo no savings up to press[ just had to fork out £650 to get our car road worthy and drivable again!!!!]

Think it sucks we ll get no help for childcare when theres plenty of people out there with no intentions pf working.The only way i can try is to mentally prepare for the fact i will feel incredibly guilty and very sad when March comes around.Have a look at tax credits see if you can claim anything.Like you we ve been trying for a while and had 3 mcs in the last 2 years soo our child is also very much wanted....But sometimes feel you re penalised for working and providing for your child.

Rant over!!!!!! Good luck XX

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louisesh · 20/09/2010 14:22

123nellyc
In April child tax credits only apply to households {2011] with a annual combined earnings of £40 000 or less.So , for the likes of myself and my DH we ll only get £40 per month and that will stop in April,[just as i return to work in March]...It makes me soo mad!!!! Particularly , when we ve both paid in to the system for the last 20 years!!!!!!

Any more info have a look at the child tax credits [government ] website.

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Mahraih · 20/09/2010 14:28

DP and I are in the same situation - childcare doesn't cost much less than my salary - so ridiculous.

We're going to try and tough it out for 6 months on SMP and DP's salary. It should be just about manageable if we budget for absolutely everything.

The ideal solution is that DP gets a higher paying job, and that will tide us over until I go back to work - he's looking into it at the moment. I don't want to pressure him at all so am just keeping my fingers crossed that it goes well!

I'm also looking into working from home (part time job of some kind) but not sure if I can do that while on SMP - anyone know?!

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sotough · 20/09/2010 14:37

hi there
first of all, six months off work may actually seem a lot longer with baby than you think it sounds now. each day is a very very long time with a tiny baby and if you don't have any family help (i didn't) going back to work can be a bit of a relief in some ways, much as you love your little one!
i took six months off and was reasonably happy about going back after that - having worked full time for 12 years or so, half a year at home really did seem an amazing and special time. so you might not find it as hard to go back as you imagine.
however, if the difference between your outgoings on childcare and your income after you return to work is really so marginal, and you feel so strongly about not going back so soon, then could you or your husband find imaginative other ways to make up the margin until you are ready to go back to the job? (rent out a room? sell stuff on ebay?)

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jammiedodger2 · 20/09/2010 14:40

Hiya
I could be wrong but I have a feeling that working tax credits with the childcare element should be able to help you out a bit. Also you'll have about £90 a month coming in from child benefit, not a huge amount, but every little helps. I am also a working mum but I reduced my hours after ds as it meant that we just sailed in under the threshold for working tax credits so got some help with childcare costs but also managed to stay afloat. that said we reckon we go into about £6000 in debt in the first five years with each child (can't believe we are doing it again!)They are worth it tho!
I would def look into whether part time work would be an option.
jx

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websticks · 20/09/2010 17:34

It is horrid having to leave a very young baby, When i had my son 12 years ago maternity leave was only 16 weeks.So he started nursery fulltime at 4 months old although it was horrid for me he didnt know any difference really as long as someone cuddled, changed and feed him he was happy. Its much easier to settle into nursery at that age than it is at 7,8,9 months when babies are much more clingy to mum by then.( i work in a nursery so have first hand experience of this)

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Cher87 · 20/09/2010 18:09

I totally understand how you feel and think you are well and truly entitled to have a rant! In fact Im going to join you!

I am 39+5 weeks and am now starting to think oh Sh*t how are we going to cope money wise! I earn more than DP and have luckily managed to save up some money over the last year so I know I have that but I really hate the fact that because I own my own house have a good job and pay my way I am unable to spend the time I would like at home caring for my son.
I am very lucky in that I have to give my work place notice to go back so I can return pretty much when I want within the next year but I know that I will have to go back sooner than I would like. I also havent even started to think of childcare costs etc :(

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saoirse86 · 20/09/2010 18:11

I currently earn about £140pw working 3 days in my partner's business and 1 day in a pub. Maternity allowance will pay me £127pw for 39 weeks so I'm going to take the full 39 weeks starting this week (I'm due on friday).
However, it's really hard to know what to do after the 9 months. I don't want to go back to work in the pub but wouldn't mind working the 3 days in my partner's business. This would mean I'll take home £115pw but putting my child in a nursery will cost £114pw for those 3 days.
I do want to go back to work and would prefer to work part time but I'll be no better off financially. I'm not qualified enough to get a job with higher pay either.
How does anyone get their head around all this enough to make a decision?!

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Cher87 · 20/09/2010 18:15

Saoirse86 if I were you I would enjoy as much time at home with your DC as poss if you will literally be working to pay for child care.
Im seceretly jealous! :)

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saoirse86 · 20/09/2010 18:21

I'm just quite lucky (in a weird way) that I'm not used to earning much so live happily within my means (although DP earns about £27k so we're hardly poor!). Maybe you're right and I should stop whinging. I just quite enjoy working. I've just asked DP what he thinks and he said "why don't you just bring her to work with you?" Hmm

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Cher87 · 20/09/2010 18:32

well thats even betteryou can work and still not have to ay child care! Im sure what ever you do will be the right choice for you! Good luck!

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formerdiva · 20/09/2010 18:43

Very sensible words from sotough. I spent my maternity leave with DD1 dreading the day I would have to return to work and leave her with someone else, but it turned out to be...well...quite nice really. Not many people brave enough to say that it can be a lovely balance.

Best of luck with it Smile

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Basketcase28 · 20/09/2010 18:51

The main thing for me isn't really the money. Although, yeah, that obviously is an issue. My main worry is that with putting my baby into child care so young, will they be affected? Will my bond with them suffer? My head tells me that it's how i use the time with my baby that's important, no matter how much or little this time may be. But my heart tells me that i'm going to be heart broken if i miss the first time she takes a step or says a word. I do want to return to work. I manage a home for adults with learning disabilities and i really enjoy it, but unfortunately that line of work is not well paid! However, i know that we're financially better off than a lot of people so i shouldn't grumble or fret. But i am beginning to turn into a foaming mouth Daily Mail reader when it seems like my partner and i are being penalised for working!

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Basketcase28 · 20/09/2010 18:56

The main thing for me isn't really the money. Although, yeah, that obviously is an issue. My main worry is that with putting my baby into child care so young, will they be affected? Will my bond with them suffer? My head tells me that it's how i use the time with my baby that's important, no matter how much or little this time may be. But my heart tells me that i'm going to be heart broken if i miss the first time she takes a step or says a word. I do want to return to work. I manage a home for adults with learning disabilities and i really enjoy it, but unfortunately that line of work is not well paid! However, i know that we're financially better off than a lot of people so i shouldn't grumble or fret. But i am beginning to turn into a foaming mouth Daily Mail reader when it seems like my partner and i are being penalised for working!

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BusyBeeMommy · 20/09/2010 20:46

Hiya, a late joiner here. I am a full time working mum. My DS who is now 3 has been going to nursery ( 5days a week, 07:30-05:30 ) since he was 7 months. We didnt have alot of choice, even now when I leave at nursery I feel guilty. He does full day as we do at work! however one thing I can say (atleast in our case ) the bond with Mummy and Daddy has never suffer. They do know to distinguish between family and carers and have their own places in their heart.

We always found our DS loves his carers, but outside of nursery no ones like Mummy and Daddy. I was really worried sick as you are, but the babies can handle amazingly well, with my second I would be very sad to leave home at nursery, but I am not worried. Hope that helps a bit...

One choice you could consider is Au-pair. My friend has au-pair at place and it has worked out very well..

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Basketcase28 · 24/09/2010 10:14

Busybee - thanks for that. My main concern isn't financial (that's just a side issue - albeit a worrying one!) but is about the bond with my child. I know i'll feel horrible leaving my baby whilst she's so small and vulnerable (but i'll probably still feel that way during her first day at high school!) but one of my friends said that putting the baby into nursery earlier means that they become used to it, and it won't be such a shock to them, than if i did it when she was, say, 3 years old.
I dunno if she was just trying to make me feel better by saying that though.

However, i'm reassured by what you say about your bond not suffering, and as i've said, i do realise that it's more about how i use the time with my child, rather than how much of it there is.

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Lulabel27 · 24/09/2010 11:03

Can I hijack this a little bit and ask people a general question about how much the difference is between childcar and salary which makes it worth while going back to work?

In Richmond childcare costs are astronomical, full time nursery will be £1,400 (childminders and nannies are more). This will mean after train season ticket I'll be bringing home £600. This will hit us hard. Obviously not as hard as not earning that £600 at all but wondered if it's worth the stress of getting the baby to nursery, getting the train, making sure i'm in work for 9 then leaving at 5 (this will be difficult in itself) to make sure I'm not late picking her up. And it's 40 minutes travel each way. (My DH works very long hours so it's out of the question he can help)

I really don't know what to do!

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runningmonkey · 24/09/2010 11:12

Sorry have only skim read first few posts so this might have been said but please look into childcare vouchers - really helps in our house as it comes out of salary before tax.

(That said I am worrying about forthcoming DC2 and how the hell we'll pay childcare!)

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slimyak · 24/09/2010 11:30

When I had my DD I didn't know how I would feel, but soon realised I couldn't have left her at a young age. I'm in a similar situation as others and full time childcare plus the cost of me going to work pretty much took up my salary.

In the end I took a year off and the last 3 months of that was hard with nothing coming in from my side of things. Then I when back to work 3 days per week.

For me this worked out best. I kept my hand in with work and had another outlet, as I'm not cut out to be a full time SAHM. But I also avoided that feeling of working my ass off to pay someone else to raise my child.

We chose a childminder rather than nursery as we felt it kept that more homely feel and DD now goes to the Childminder and School nursery for 1/2 a day, which again I felt was a gentler ease into the big wide world. Here Childminders are a comparible price with nursery but alot more flexible - we pay for the hours we book not a day rate and with DH going into work early and me a bit later we can keep DD day shorter, costs down and still both do a full day at work.

Due DD2 in January and plan to follow the same route. It will probably be easier this time as DD1 will be at home with me and at School nursey in the afternoons so those costs disappear for a year and she will be in school full time when I go back to work.

It's awful when money has to be the main deciding factor for these things but I really felt that I would regret not spending the time with my child(ren) when they were young, it really does fly by.

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slimyak · 24/09/2010 11:33

Runningmonkey I agree with the Childcare voucher thing, it saves us alot. And registered childminders can be paid this way too.

If you can, you need to both register. With DH and I both paying tax we split the childcare bill and claim the full ammount of tax back. This is obviously dependant on whether your employer runs the scheme.

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Strix · 24/09/2010 11:52

I am pregnant with baby number 3. I have worked out that I can afford to stay home for 2 or 3 months. I will return to work full time, with possible travel (home on the weekends). I am not happy about the travel with a young baby, but I may have to accept it because I can not afford to not work.

Unfortunately for me, nobody owes me anything. No government body is going to help me pay for childcare or food, or anything else I need along the way.

Such is life.

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