How long before another?

[Dummyhunter]

Hubby and I are trying to decided if it is time for another child.

A quick survey please to see how many children you have, the age gap between them and the pro's and con's of that particular age gap.

Thank you

[Again]

There's a new post up in parenting about this

[LittleSilver]

TBH, not sure that other people's thoughts are going to help much; it's a deeply personal choice for YOU and your DH.

And having had two babies whilst a FT uni student and 2 whilst employed, can, with some experience, say that there is NEVER a perfect and absolutely right time; I don't regret the timing of any of them.

[beckie90]

dummyhunter, im sure you will know when the time is right for you you will be 100%
dont rush into a decision, i have just found out i am pregnant again my ds is 2 in december, and i came of the pill as i was half and half i thought oh having another wudnt be a bad idea, after 2x of sleeping with my partner unprotected, i fell pregnant. and tbh its abit late now but i should have waited till we were both 100% ready, and the time was totaly right. im still young only just turned 20. soo only you can decide, and like i said you will know when you know :) good luck with whatever you choose

[japhrimel]

Do remember that you can't have a baby to order. Okay you might get pregnant the first month of trying, but it could take a year or so even if you don't have issues and don't have any miscarriages.

[EndangeredSpecies]

If you're wondering if it's time to decide it probably is time.

But in answer to your survey there is an 18-month (more or less unplanned) gap between my two who are now 5 and 6 1/2. You don't see the pros of having them so close until they get to about 3, the first few years were just a whirl of nappies and bottles. I used to wake up in the morning to surround-sound screaming and literally have to decide who to see to first.
But now it's great, they love each other to bits and always have each other to play with.
And hopefully in Feb there'll be a number 3, so that'll be quite a big gap between the middle one and the youngest.

[LittleSilver]

Glad you knew when you knew becky90, I certainly didn't!

[Dummyhunter]

Thanks everyone - there doesn't seem to be a practical time for a gap looking at things. Either the older child is v young (lots of work for you) toilet training and stroppy at 2/3 yrs (lots of work for you!) or at school and fears being replaced/resentful. So I guess that means there is no time like the present. At least they will keep each other amused in a year or two!

[nancydrewrocked]

15mths between my first two. There would have been 3.5 years between my second and third but sadly my 2nd DS was stillborn. I am pregnant again and hopefully there will be just short of 5 years bewteen DS2 and DC4 so I am thinking I might have to have another straight after to "even" things out

[MumNWLondon]

There is 2.5 years between DD and DS1. DD started nursery when DS1 was 5 months old, would have been better if the gap had been a little longer so she'd have started before he was born because hard having 2 at home.

There is 4 years between DS1 and DS2 which had been great as both DD and DS1 much more grown up. Both at school (DS1 at 9am-3.30pm nursery attached to school) even before I told them I was pregnant so not displaced. No resentment either they both love DS2 (he's 4 months old) so much.

We did want shorter gap but things came up - I got made redundant so decided to wait for a bit then I had medical issue that needed resolving.

[mummytosquidgies]

We started trying for no.2 when DS was 6 months, as we wanted a small age gap, but it ended up taking 2 years to get pregnant. I'm having a section next week, and DS is now 3.

Although this wasn't the age gap we originally wanted, I'm quite happy with it now. DS is out of nappies, sleeping through the night reliably, and is old enough now to understand what's going on to an extent. He's also at nursery 5 days a week, so means I'll have plenty of time alone with the new baby, which is a big plus to me.

I do find that everyone seems to say that their age gap is the right age gap, so I guess that shows it really doesn't matter- whatever feels right for you and your DH.

[Violet5]

I have 5 children and a 6th on the way.

Have a daughter who is 12, a daughter who is 11, a son who is 8, a son who is 6, a daughter who is 2, and baby boy due in 18 weeks.

My son's who are 8 and 6 are extremely close, one without the other is like a lost lamb.

My two eldest daughters would have been like that too i think as just an 18 month age gap between them but my eldest daughter is severely disabled so it altered the dynamics.

It's been really hard work having them all fairly close but in my case i'm so pleased i did as they're such a close bunch.

The 4 year gap i'm actually finding is more difficult as my 2 year old understandably always wants to join in with her older brothers yet isn't of an age where she can really understand their games.

It works out differently for every family i guess, good luck with whatever you decide

[nancydrewrocked]

Oh yes I should have said that having two close together has been brilliant.

In the begining it was hard work: a toddler and a new born, two lots of nappies, two at home etc etc but with each month that passed it got easier and easier.

Since DS1 was about 18mths (so DD not quite 3) it has been fab. They play together, entertain each other and like violet5 describes they are a bit lost lamb without the other.

[molfin]

Hello, there is 22 months between my first and second. They are now 3 and almost 18 months. I found the first year very hard, much more so than I anticipated. But I had a slight change of circumstance in that I never had the same family support as I'd had previously and my husband was working round the clock literally, this obviously added to the general stress of having two small babies. On top of this my son has never been a great sleeper, and as my second this came hard as my daughter had been great from the start. Things are a lot easier now, and they play very well and do everything together. My daughter also has know memory of life without her brother which I think is quite nice. To throw a spanner in the works I have just found out I am pregnant with number three. This came as a huge shock as it was completely unplanned. Beginning to sink in now but I am concerned about life with a 4 year old, 2 year old and newborn. Any positive feedback welcome. Everything I read about having three kids sounds a bit hellish.

[Violet5]

Hi molfin, 3 was great take it from a Mum of 5, soon to be 6 lol.

Whenever a new baby comes a long though theres always a period of re adjustment and my experience of just having the 3 was lovely.

My 6, 8 and 11 year old were all at the same school together for a while (my 11 year old has left to start secondary now) and they loved that there was 3 of them there together.
The early years were tough at times but it went by fairly quickly and its lovely having them close in age now.

Everyones experiences are different but fingers crossed you certainly won't find it hellish

Oh and congratualtions x

[molfin]

Violet5; thank you for your comment.

I will hold your words close.

This will be our last baby so I am going to try to cherish it whatever the chaos. x

[Violet5]

Thats how i'd see it too .

My 6th will most definately be my last and i am very much going to cherish it despite any surrounding chaos that goes with family life sometimes.

Take care and best of luck with everything x

[highlystrung]

Molfin I have 3dc - with a 22 month age gap between DD1(5) and DS(3) (and baby DD2 is 8 months). I found the first year when DS was born to be really hard but going from two to three has been much easier. Going from one to two is a real culture shock but when the third comes along you know how to split your time - and the older two can play together while you deal with the baby.

[PacificDogwood]

My gaps are 1 year, 4 years, 2 years for my 4 boys.

1 year gap was hellish, would really not recommend having kids that close together, but they are now very close and great mates.

Having DS3 was the easiest with his older brothers being 4 and 5 years older than him.

DS4 is now 5 months old and I have to say, looking after him and 2 year old DS3 who is in the throws of tempertantrums is hard going but hopefully when they are a bit older DS3 and 4 will be playmates as well.

So - in conclusion - from my point of view the longer gap was easier, but shorter gaps I think are nicer for the kids.

Good luck to you and Molfin

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

23 months between DS1 and DS2

DC3 due in March and gap will be 5.0 and 3.3. HTH

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

sorry just saw pros and cons.

None really. The first 6 months with the boys were quite hard, feeding, making sure DS1 wasnt feeling left out etc but generally great and I love it. Oh and bloody double pushchairs.

This time DS1 at school and DS2 will start nursery so seems ideal.