Support thread for 'late' potty-trainers and/or gentle/slow training?

(253 Posts)
badchat Sat 03-Aug-13 21:02:27

DD has just turned 3. We've had a potty for a year. I've been reading potty books, talking about using potty/toilet etc. for months and months, and watching and waiting for signs of readiness. So far nothing. She shows no awareness of doing a wee or a poo, or of needing to. She has been uninterested in, or hostile to, the potty and knickers up until recently, and she doesn't seem to mind having a dirty nappy at all. Also, up until quite recently she would sometimes wake with a poo in her nappy.

She is meant to be starting at a nursery/pre-school in mid-September, which will require her to wear knickers, although if she is not potty trained they say they will work with me to try and help.

So, for the past few weeks I've been getting her used to sitting on the potty, e.g. regular reading on the potty after breakfast. For the past week stepped it up to wearing knickers or nothing for a few hours a day as well (she asks for nappies quite quickly and I encourage her to stay with knickers but if she gets upset I don't want a power struggle over it so I go back to nappies).

So far, nothing in the potty, just a few wees on the floor. She says she doesn't know when she is about to go.

I am trying to stay positive - we have moved on at least from refusing potty/knickers to giving them a go. But I am finding it really difficult - I am worried about her going to nursery and having a horrible time being worried about it, or being teased. My sister is very disapproving and seems to think that it is my fault she isn't potty trained yet. I have mentioned it to a few friends and they have responded with slight shock, and e.g. "oh, x was dry before she was 2"... I don't know a single other person in RL who is struggling or has struggled with potty training - everyone seems to tell me that their kid wanted to train, or responded quickly to adult-led training.

Anyway, sorry this is so epic. Just hoping some of you out there are in same kind of position and will come and huddle here for support!

ChocChaffinch Sat 03-Aug-13 22:03:49

it's probably more common than you think. My own dd was a challenge, I personally loathed potty training !!
My niece is 3 1/2 and is in a similar situation.
I think they will suddenly ''get it'' if you know what I mean and pick it up v v quickly.
All kids are different; all will do it eventually.
Maybe she is picking up on your anxiety, enjoying the extra attention,
so first - she is not constipated? or has a urine infection. They are common in little ones, and can affect them with not wanting to wee.

let her choose a pretty toilet seat at the shops? choose her own big girl pants? choose a step up for the toilet? put food colouring in loo? make it all pink for girls grin
await a quiet week and hide all daytime nappies at back of cupboard, and just get ready for a bit of mess?
I think once you start you have to not look back, as it were... howabout a starchart? or simple sweetie bribery for performance on the pot/loo
for nighttimes use totally diff style pullups - these are bedtime 'pants' tackle bedtime after dry days.
lots praise for performances.
Im sure other MNetters will have better ideas - best of luck!! you'll get there.

snickers251 Sat 03-Aug-13 22:05:06

We've certainly struggled!

Ds is 3 in a few weeks and has only just started using the potty after a very bad attempt earlier in the summer resulting in poo withholding.

He's getting better and has only just in the last couple of weeks started using the potty for wee. Poo is still an issue but we've had a few now so it's really improving.

The only thing that I found worked for us was bribery, star charts meant nothing but if he was promised a treat for a wee, he soon clicked on and forgot about the treats after a while (although I still give him them for poos) he had a lot of moaning and plenty of accidents for a couple of days but he's really getting there now.

I don't think people realise how they make you feel when they say what early age their children were potty trained, it wouldn't surprise me if they have just forgotten the stress and pressure potty training brings.

badchat Sun 04-Aug-13 08:12:58

Thanks for all the tips

I have offered a bribe of a toy dd saw the other day for the first succesful wee in the potty (clearly not every wee will get a toy I just want to motivate her in the first place to try it). I'll think about smaller rewards after that - we've never had star charts before so I'm not sure how much they would appeal.

She has chosen her own knickers and likes to choose which animal, just doesn't actually want to keep them.on! We have 3 potties now, and a toilet seat, so I don't think I want to let her choose another of those

I can't hide daytime nappies as I have 15mo ds also so need to always have nappies around and Dd lnows this. they wear the same size so I can't pretend they're baby nappies. may try getting pull ups though so they are clearly hers and more like knickers and then perhaps can hide those in time.

I know you're right snickers about other people. It's nt their fault I am so sensitive about it! Best not to talk abot t too much at the moment I think for me, so I can just concentrate on doing it how I and Dd are comfortable with.

anyway great to hear you are having some success. I had to encourage a little bit after the initial "dont like knickers!" but dd put her knickers on this morning and has had a go on potty already so we'll see how we go today.

redwellybluewelly Sun 04-Aug-13 08:23:20

Hi, I've a 3yo who just is not ready to full on PT however yesterday did come and tell me she'd done a poo in her nappy which I think is progress.

I loathe changing her nappies, it sounds strange but I hate it, she's a tall girl for her age and all bit one of her peers at nursery are fully potty trained, one for almost a year. DD goes into the big preschool room at nursery in September and she'll be the only one in nappies.

That said there are reasons I think why she hasn't managed it but I don't want them to become excuses IYSWIM? First is a speech delay and second is a development delay of about six months, she also has mild CP so isn't well coordinated to get her clothes on and off.

I'm trying to wait until she tells us she is ready. Im also thinking of switching to cloth nappies as a friend told me they have a greater awareness of weeing in those.

badchat Sun 04-Aug-13 20:19:56

Hi redwelly. It's good for me to hear about another 3yo who's not ready yet! (although not great for you obvs) Weirdly enough I don't hate changing nappies yet - it's a pain, but worrying about wee and poo on the furniture freaks me out more, which doesn't help with the potty training motivation from my side, and keeping the anxiety levels down!

Moved forward a little bit today. DD wore knickers for most of the day; just put nappy on to go out for a couple of hours in the morning, and then from 5ish til bedtime, when she was tired and upset and demanding a nappy not knickers after second wee accident of the day. No wees on potty, and she didn't seem to recognise need to go, just knew she had weed after the event.

My sister says she just took hers out from day 1 of potty training, and stuck to her guns on no-nappies, knickers only, but I'm not feeling brave enough to try going out and about with knickers on. (Also it limits our options somewhat - clearly I can't risk her having accidents in e.g. soft play room as it's not fair on the other children). We don't know many people to playdate with here as not long moved, so that's not really an option either.

So, tomorrow I think I will just try and do knickers all day, except for going out, and hope we get something in the potty.

I'm not sure if this is all just pointless and I am going to just spend days clearing up and then giving up and waiting again, or whether being in knickers and wetting herself will help enable her to recognise when she needs to go and get to that next stage of trying to get to the potty. We shall see...

RugBugs Sun 04-Aug-13 20:28:50

DD is a bit younger, 2.8, but is very reluctant to go nappy free.
We've been trying but after the first accident of the day she gets hysterical and begs for a nappy. She understands she gets a sticker if she goes in the potty but just doesn't seem bothered, dirty nappies have never bothered her either.

DD2 is due in less than 2 weeks and I was really hoping to not have 2 in nappies but hey ho.

badchat Mon 05-Aug-13 19:56:17

Good luck w dd2 rugbugs! I have had two in nappies for 15months now - it's not been too awful, but I can definitely see the appeal of having older one out of nappies!

We havent really moved forward today as out and therefore in nappies most of the day. Knickers in morning and evening at home and a few potty attempts but nothing in or out of potty.

I'm trying to get dd to take more responsibility whether in knickers or nappies - she takes trousers down, opens nappy and has a go at wiping after I've wiped.

Been reading heaps of mn potty threads and getting more than a bit obsessed. Think I will probably cry with joy when we get our first wee in the potty...

Thereonthestair Tue 06-Aug-13 17:07:25

Hi I shall join in my ds is 3, 5 but was 3 months prem and is another child with CP but in his case can't walk and struggles to stand so getting trousers down is an issue. I have decided that life is too short to obsess and tbh also decided that given the CP he was always going to be late to train.

I didn't even start to try until a couple of weeks ago. last weekend was a bit of a disaster although we made progress when he was happy to sit on the potty which he had done a few months earlier then taken against. We are on full on bribery he gets to buy a toy he chose if he earns enough stickers (which he also gets for walking with his walker) and he got the last one of the 6 he needs for a poo. he then chose the world's most annoying tractor which goes cock a doodle do amongst other things. That is now only allowed out if he sits on the potty (otherwise I would go bonkers). and that works to get him sitting there As do peppa pig magazines and sometime pirate pete's potty. Last night he giggled at me and said mummy I am not potty trained. So he knows what he is doing.... and I suspect playing me. But I ampicking my battles.

We went cold turkey on nappies, but that was a disaster and he missed so much being cleaned up after accidents. So now again we are doing a mixture. I don't care that people say don't go back once you switch it wouldn't have worked but going into nappies and giving DS the choice is now getting to the point where he can and will chose to sit on the potty. he did his first wee last night and then delighted in showing us. But back to nappies overnight.

we have decided to take what comes. I think the CP affects my attitude because it means I really don't care what people think in his nursery/preschool about him not being potty trained. I can always blame CP if they ask and then they will back away. It doesn't mean I won't try but it does mean i care more when he walks than i do when he goes to the toilet. He'll need to do both in order to be independent.

However because I don't care I also do find it funny how much some others obsess. There is a boy in DS nursery who is 2.11 and the nursery have told the parents he is not ready so don't try. There are also quite a few who were 2,10 through to 3,3 ish who trained in that window. I am sure the parents were desparate to get things sorted, because there were and are many who train earlier. However none of DS year were trained when they moved rooms in the nursery which they do from 24 months. So persoanlly I do not believe all these tales of children who sucessfully train early. i think far more are late than anyone admits to.

I suspect DS is now the oldest who is not potty trained, but he will get it in time.

Also fwiw I have a friend overseas who says that it was only her UK mother that pushed her to train her dd when she was over 3 the locals in her european country don't even try until they are 3.

badchat Thu 08-Aug-13 21:03:32

That is all very reassuring about the nursery and other country thereonthestair.

I think I am going to have to try to emulate your stance and try to relax and care less. After 5 days wearing mostly knickers, we have had plenty of accidents, and quite a lot of sitting on the potty, but nothing actually on target...

I almost thought we had it today when DD ran in, scrabbled off her pants, and plonked herself on the potty, all of her own accord. I thought I'd stay calm, no pressure, just let her get on with it. A few minutes later, she pipes up "I've done a wee", so I go over to check, thinking how it is perfect timing for us to all get out the house and dance to the corner shop to buy the celebratory cheap pink play shoes I promised her for a wee in the pot... And nothing. A minute later, hear a big bang and DS crying out in next room; rush in and find he has slipped over in what is clearly a large puddle of wee, is bruised and soaking.

Not sure I can keep pushing it any more without getting any sign that DD is getting anywhere. It's just going to drive me crackers. I think I will offer her knickers or nappy tomorrow and let her lead the way. If she is getting nowhere by the time we start pre-school then I'll have to just work out a strategy with them and hope that peer pressure...

Ugh, it's kind of exhausting. I think I shall have to think up a bribe/prize for myself for when this is all cracked...

Thereonthestair Fri 09-Aug-13 10:23:59

badchat. After we went back to nappies ds has now sucessfully managed 3 wees in the potty, in the evening. It is also the easiest time to get him to sit there. i am beginning to suspect he will sit on the potty to wee when he needs a wee, and won't if he doesn't as as he puts it "I'm too busy mummy". he is also telling us when he needs to go. So for the moment this approach of going into nappies seems to have made more progress than us forcing him into pants.

badchat Sat 10-Aug-13 15:19:28

Thats really interesting there - especially as I am feeling a bit of a failure for putting dd back in nappies. My mum has started to weigh in too with her opinion that it is 'just training' and 'just needs to be done'. not particularly helpful.

ChazDingle Sat 10-Aug-13 21:29:22

my DS is 3.3 and i'd previously had a couple of unsuccessful potty training attempts where i'd given up after a few days, one at easter and then again around May/ June time.

He wasn't showing any signs but i had a two week window starting last thursday where we didnt have anything organised so i thought i'm just gonna go for it and give it two weeks. From the start it was just different this time and he just seemed to get it more, its been a week and 2 days now and he is now doing all wees on potty or toilet, very few accidents, he's not as reliable with poos yet but getting there. I really though he was never gonna be out of nappies.

yawningbear Sun 11-Aug-13 08:42:07

I haven't read all of the thread and I know you have the pressure of the nursery thing but I would be tempted just to stop for a while I think.

We tried with DD when she was about 2.8 I think and the nursery said after a couple of days she wasn't ready and just to leave it a while. Left it until she was over 3 and she got it immediately, it just clicked.

I did start to get a little anxious the longer I left it as she seemed to be the last one in nappies etc but I think developmentally she just wasn't ready and when she was, it just worked. I now have a DS who is coming up 2.7 and I am planning on leaving it as long as possible with him too although every now and then I feel the MIL'S societal pressure to take him out of nappies, hence looking at this board, but I am going to try and stand firm and hold off for as long as possible, unless he actually starts taking himself off to the potty that is grin

elsiewoo Sun 11-Aug-13 20:44:28

Can I join in? DS has just turned 3 and is yet to get a single drop of wee in a potty or toilet. We did cold turkey with nappies last month, but after a week and a half, there was no progress, just constant wetting/pooing in pants and he didn't seem to mind/notice when he had done it.

I feel like such a failure, but it's comforting to see that he's not alone.

badchat Sun 11-Aug-13 21:25:17

chaz - how soon could you tell that ds was getting it this time? I'm tempted to try again in a week or so, slightly different approach to last couple of times, but not sure how long to leave it before I decide it's working or not. Partly of course it depends on how long my sanity lasts out...

and yawning - when you tried again with your DD at 3, could you tell she was more ready before starting, or as soon as you started, or did it take a while still?

I have read through all the various lists of readiness and not readiness and the things that DD hasn't ever ticked on the readiness list are 1.telling me when she's about to have a poo or wee, 2. stopping/being quiet/finding a quiet place etc. when doing a poo/wee and 3.being interested/keen in knickers/potty. She understands the concept, and will sit, but she doesn't want to. She is also not particularly regular with pooing - between 0 and 3 a day and at all different times. On the positive side, she is dry for several hours between wees and can get herself to the potty and just about get her clothes on and off.

elsie - a week and a half with no progress shows some serious determination on your part, so noone can say you haven't tried! I know what you mean about feeling like a failure - I am constantly questioning myself at this point about whether I have taken wrong approach in the past etc. etc. - but at the end of the day we have no power over the physical readiness of their bodies and we can't make them wee in the potty so I guess we do need to accept how things are and trust it will all work out in time. It's comforting as well for me to see of others at similar stages, so thanks for posting!

yawningbear Mon 12-Aug-13 07:09:39

I am not sure that I particularly noticed before we started the second time round that she was more ready, I certainly wasn't anymore confident. She had been doing some of the positive signs from the list for a good while though, like standing in far corner of the room with back turned whist hotly denying any poo action but she had been doing that before we tried the first time. So I don't think there were many more signs IYSWIM but straightaway it was obvious that this was the right time. I think we had one accident on the first day and that was it, whereas the first time we literally had rivers of wee running down the living room floor, flat had subsidence so it all flowed downhill grin

I think I used the no cry potty training book, at least it is on the shelf here so it was probably read at some point.

elsiewoo Mon 12-Aug-13 20:38:09

badchat - snap! DS has shown none of the signs of readiness and also to the irregularity of pooing (although up to 5 times in our case!). My instinct tells me he's not ready, but others think he's not potty trained because I haven't forced the issue - aaaarrgh!

badchat Tue 13-Aug-13 20:37:53

It is frustrating isn't it, when others assume you are just not firm enough... Has been so useful having input here from people who know what it's actually like.

That is useful yawning - I think we will try again in a week or so, but given what you've said, and what others have said about how quickly they get it when they are actually ready, if I see no progress within two days I'm going to have no qualms about quitting and waiting again this time. This makes me feel much less daunted than when I was envisaging another week of battling rage and frustration and mopping up accidents.

I realised I have another problem today - DD still sleeps in a cot. She has had a bed ready in her room since she was 20mo, but although she tried it one night, she hasn't wanted to try it since, and every time I ask insists on sleeping in her cot. She quite often poos early in the morning before I go in to get them up, so even if we crack the daytime, night-time is going to be a whole other big thing. Anyway, will cross that bridge when I come to it.

Fishandjam Tue 13-Aug-13 20:49:05

Placemarking for a time when I can post properly - but just to say that I will see all your "just turned three" prodigies grin and raise you my DS, aged 3 years and 8 months, who has only just started potty training. And by only just, I mean in the last week.

Lifeiswhatyoubakeit Wed 14-Aug-13 22:01:16

I also have a DS 3.1 yo not taking to PT. By not taking, I mean deterioration in 3 days with pants on to complete hysterics (scratching and pinching) when I put him on the potty to poo.

Wees were generally successful - in potty after prompting to sit. Poos in pants every time and today has been asking for nappies to do a poo in after 'witholding' (see other thread, When to give up?).

After feeling like a failure and sobbing in the kitchen (after he pooed in pull up I put on him for pm nap) I rang up children's centre and advice was to back off. Not only am I not ready (crawling 6mo not helping), he isn't either. He has to show some willingness to poo in potty otherwise it's futile. So back to nappies/pull ups but I will encourage wees on potty (or poos if tht miracle ever occurs) but no pressure. Worst thing is guilt I might be failing him by not giving him opportunity. Also bad is pressure from mum, MIL, nursery...

I don't think it's that uncommon. My neighbour didn't PT DS until nearly 4. No SN. And children's centre lady said it was still early for PT.

Fishandjam Thu 15-Aug-13 14:36:36

OK, got time to post now! DS is, as I have said, 3y 8m old. Until really recently, he showed no sign of being ready for potty training - didn't tell us when he was doing a wee or poo; irregular bowel habits; couldn't care less if his nappy was pooey or so wet it was dangling round his knees; no interest in the toilet, where the poo and wee went, etc. We bought a potty and toilet seats well over a year ago and placed them in prominent positions in the hope it would pique his interest....nope. We took him to buy big boy pants; he chose some but then wasn't interested in wearing them. When I did manage to wrestle him into them, he just weed/pooed into them with no attempt at even telling me he was going to do so. We tried bribes, stickers you name it - he's not motivated by that sort of thing, so it was a non-starter. In the end I decided that sufficient unto the day was the evil thereof, and as I had a colicky, screamy, non-sleeping baby DD to deal with as well, I would ditch the potty training for a good bit.

A few months ago Nursery told us they'd get him started, it was time, etc. OK we said, on you go. Sure enough, after multiple accidents, they said that they didn't think he was ready and that maybe we should leave it for a bit longer... I nodded and smiled.

But in the last 10 days/fortnight, he's started showing an interest. He's managed to wear his pants and pee in the potty a few times, though we're still getting accidents. He has also done one gigantic stinking log poo, to great applause from me. We're still two steps forward and one step back, but the big difference is that he's ready to give it a try.

But I feel all your pain re the pressure that can be put on by family and friends. I am a bolshy old trout who can shrug off most of it, but even so it has been niggling away at me that DS's little mates are all sorted and he's the one still in nappies. Especially when one of the little shits them says things like "fishandjamminor is still in nappies, he's a wickle baaaaaaby". Had to resist giving him a flick on the ear for that, didn't I just.

muchadoaboutsomething Thu 15-Aug-13 16:03:28

hi. I have namechanged. But I have also given up for a bit at the moment with my ds with CP. mainly because trying to potty train him has made the rest of his behaviour very difficult. If he is being potty trained he misses out on too much at nursery. he already misses out compared to his peers because he can't walk so get to things too late, so then he does wet himself but won't move because he'll miss even more. No fun for anyone so in the greater scheme of things have decided to keep up with nappies. keep sitting him on the potty but relax the rest as i can't have his behaviour deteriorating because he doesn't want a wee. he is interested in potties/wees and toilets, but not as much as trains, tractors and flapjacks!

ChazDingle Fri 16-Aug-13 12:22:26

badchat> Sorry been away so haven't replied till now. It was just different from the start this time. Alot less accidents and he would say if he needed a wee, although i usually would have to ask if he needed prompt him.

Two weeks and a day in now and i can't believe how well he's done never thought we'd get there. He hasn't had a wee accident for days now, can't remember the last time, (hope i'm not tempting fate). He's still not there with poos yet and had a poo accident the other day but i suppose you get less practise with them!!

Also suprisingly he seems to also be dry at night. I've still been putting a nappy on him but its dry every morning and he just goes on potty and does a big wee.

Joining thread as DS who will be 3 in December will now sit bare bummed on potty but won't wee or poo. Accepts choc buttons for trying but after 2 hours and huge amounts of dilute juice begs for nappy!

At least he will now sit on the potty.
Has mild autism.
Is going through very oppositional stage.
Has awareness of when doing poo and wee just won't release when sat on potty .
Nor will he wee on loo, outside, sitting up or standing up, on trainer loo seat or big seat.

He just holds it in. Should I try later?

Ps don't mean he sits on potty for two hours! Just on and off during that period with treats and praise and stories for sitting.

badchat Sat 17-Aug-13 20:52:31

ooh great news on your recent progress fishandjam... Hope it is still going well. I would have really struggled to resist responding to the 'wickle baby' comment! At the very least there would have been very icy glaring!

and brilliant news also chaz - two weeks in! this is all giving me much hope.

I got very excited the other evening when DD suddenly stood still in the bath, looked a bit worried and held her bits. 'Do you need a wee?' I said, and she shook her head, but sure enough, wee in the bath a few moments later (no potty to hand to whisk her out and on to). Poor love looked really upset, but I was terribly excited about her seeming to know it was coming, and told her that now she knows what it feels like etc. etc. she can remember next time and get to the potty, and really hoping this is a Good Sign.

trucks - the more I read the more strongly the message comes through that if there's no progress it's probably best to stop and try again later, however clearly I am no expert. I have seen a few threads where people encourage the opposite - i.e. battling on in the face of little happening - and say it has worked for them. To some extent I guess it depends on how happy you are with the whole situation, how stressful it is to keep trying etc.

building up for another go starting on Monday I think...

He managed a few wees in potty because so full of liquid he couldn't hold any more and was rewarded and praised. But today we tried big boy undies and he cried and cried.

I think not ready so we've put potty away for a few weeks; he is not ready sad

DS1 is 3.6 & still not potty trained. We try & try but he has a few days when I think he's getting it, then it all goes to pot again. We're just gently persevering & eventually he'll get it. Glad it's not just me struggling.

spinaltap Sun 18-Aug-13 14:06:28

Phew, we're not alone! DS is 3.2 and shows all the signs of being ready and yet refuses to wear pants. We had a couple of days where he wore them ok (with accidents) but since then he's gone off the idea again. He had a meltdown when I suggested he do his poo on the toilet/potty when I caught him nipping off to the understairs cupboard where he goes to do them in his nappy.

It's frustrating as I hate changing his pooey nappies and you do feel like your child is the only one. I don't agree with bribing him so waiting it out seems to be our only option. Age 3 isn't actually "late" to potty train, it just feels like it!

5madthings Sun 18-Aug-13 14:19:48

You are all doing the right things, my dd, youngest of five has just potty trained at 2.8 and was clearly ready as in the hot weather I was letting her be naked and she would ask for a nappy as she needed a wee and then demand it off again as soon as she and weed! So I thought right we will do this, she was a bit wary at first but within three days and crackled it.

Mine have all varied,'my eldest trained at 18mths all of his own doing as I had no interest in potty training him but he wanted to!

Ds2 was about three and was harder but again once he got it, he got it in days, ditto ds3.

Ds4 was not remotely I terested and was 3.5 when he potty trained and even then that was only for were and pops were done in his night time nappy for a bit... Plus he refuses to use Amy toilets other than our one at home which made going out difficult, he got very good at holding it in! In the end a camping trip away meant he had no choice but to wee when out, a few accidents and then on the second day of camping after Mich coaching from older brothers eh weed in a bush with them! It still took a while' after that for him to be properly comfortable to wee anywhere and even last year on holiday he was a bit wary of pooign in a different toilet. He is now five and absolutely fine!

Really my five have shown me that they are all different! Summer is great for being naked and with boys the novelty of weeing outside Ina bush/against a tree often helped.

Otherwise it was patience and being relaxed, when they are ready they do get to quite quickly ime smile

ShoeWhore Sun 18-Aug-13 14:29:40

My dcs are older but can I share my experience? All 3 were relatively late to potty train.

Dc1 has lots of friends who are 6 months older and was keen to join in the whole potty thing when they were doing it. So I thought I'd go with it and from about 2.5 we tried in fits and starts but it wasn't terribly successful - sometimes we'd have a day or two that went quite well - and he was brilliant at going at nursery hmm but then he'd lose interest or focus (he is a v v laid back child!) and we ended up going back to nappies. Then a week before dc3 was born (dc1 aged 2.11 at this stage and I was beginning to think I'd have 3 in nappies!) he said again I want to wear pants now Mummy and that was it, we were off. The odd accident in the first couple of weeks but I am literally talking 2 or 3 mishaps.

I learned a lot from that! With dc2 I tried in May half term when he was 2.10, total disaster, 5 wees on the floor before lunch time. Decided we couldn't spend all of half term chained to the house so put him back in pullups. Tried again at start of summer hols - so 6-7 weeks later - and he got it straight away. We had 1 accident on day 2 and by day 4 went for a long day out where he mastered the art of weeing behind a tree grin

You can imagine that by dc3 I thought I'd got this potty training malarkey well-sussed grin Oh dear. Dc3 showed no signs of readiness at all. 3rd birthday came and he was downright hostile to the idea. At 3.3 the nursery staff suggested I was being a bit slack and offered to have a go - I said sure be my guest - after 3 days they agreed he wasn't ready and suggested pullups! grin The months dragged on, I applied for his school place, still not interested. I wondered if he was going to go to school in nappies. And then suddenly at about 3.8 he started showing signs of understanding he was having a wee and then quickly that he needed a wee. I decided we needed to brazen this one out so we went for it - I told him he was a big boy now and needed to wear pants - the first few days weren't brilliant (but not awful) - but after about 5 days or so he got the hang of it. He had more occasional accidents than his big brothers though and it took about 3 weeks for him to get the hang of poos in the toilet (I threw a lot of pants away <boak>).

I don't really think 3 is all that old in the grand scheme of things. I know plenty of children who trained around that age - and more who were officially trained before then but were still having regular accidents hmm

By the way, your nursery isn't allowed to insist that they are toilet trained, that is considered discrimination. So don't stress about that aspect of it.

I know it's really tough, especially when they look far too big to be in nappies or all their friends are already trained - but they do all get there in their own time - I am sure you lo will too. I really am a big fan of the back off and try again in a month approach. It's a lot less messy and stressy! grin

ShoeWhore Sun 18-Aug-13 14:33:01

My friend's ds cracked the wee thing quite early but they had terrible trouble getting him to do a poo anywhere but a nappy. she used this technique which really worked for them - start by getting them to sit on the potty in their nappy to do a poo. Once they are comfortable doing that then try undoing the nappy at the sides. again wait until they are comfortable with that and then next time open the nappy out more - basically gradually remove the nappy until you feel brave enough to suggest they try without!

filee777 Sun 18-Aug-13 14:47:05

My ds is 3.1 and I haven't even broached the subject, his speech is behind his peers and he shows no signs of being ready.

I don't really care what people think of it, the most important thing for us is that he is happy and that things happen naturally.

It's hard having 2 in nappies but I am sure he will be ready eventually and we can move forward. He is July born and I have kept him back an extra year at nursery, I don't intend on him going to reception until he is five, so we have another couple of years until then.

Hi all, can I join in {flops down with a sigh and gets out wine and a hanky}

My DS is just 3 and I am feeling slightly teary as I have just aborted out second attempt at PT after 8 days. We have done everything the books and advice tells you, all the shopping for Potty and pants etc, bribery with sweets and stickers, toys etc and non of it has worked.

He showed no real signs up until a week ago when he suddenly asked for his big boy pants. We had the accidents you would expect and did all the reactions you are advised to do and we made little bits of progress for about 4 days then he just started going all over the floor and outright denying he wanted to go then 2 minutes later going all over the floor. He knows wees and poos are done in the toilet and knows what should happen he just outright defiantly won't do it. He only wants to use the toilet (which is fine) and flatly refuses to use a potty.

I have been determined that we would get through it the time and not go back (the books tell you not to go back to nappies) but I have just cracked after cleaning up about the eighth puddle today and put him ack in a nappy. I'm the same as everyone else, have DM hovering and tutting and all his nursery friends trained. Feel completely crap now.

BrianTheMole Sun 18-Aug-13 15:14:37

My dd was like this. She had a potty but wouldn't use it. A friend suggested that I take her out and let her choose a potty for herself. So we went out, she spent hours choosing it and then came home and did a wee on it. We really turned a corner. Might be worth a try.

Fishandjam Tue 20-Aug-13 14:16:16

I dunno about progress badchat - we're still struggling! The main problem seems to be that DS doesn't yet get the idea of holding onto his wee until he gets to the potty/toilet, and telling us he needs to go. So he can wee if we take him on a schedule (every 30 minutes or whatever), but then if he wants to go at other times, he just goes. For example, this morning he was keen to wear pants and sit on the cludgie (with one of those kid seats on), but minutes later, while eating his cereal, he did the most enormous wee all over the chair and floor. No warning, not even an acknowledgement that he'd done it. <sigh> Back into nappies for a bit, I think...or take out shares in the manufacturers of 1001 carpet cleaner grin

fifi, I think you did right to put your DS back into nappies (though as you'll see from my posts, what do I know about successful toilet training!) Don't feel crap - your DM can tut all she likes when she's the one mopping up the piss puddles.

Hi filee. I have two in nappies and frankly I'd rather that than one in nappies and one in piddly/pooey pants. Scraping turds out of underwear not much fun!

filee777 Tue 20-Aug-13 19:14:40

That's my thoughts exactly fishnjam he has not the communication skills to be reasoned with right now so I will wait until he has improved in that area to actually converse with him about it rather that push it upon him!

We're finally getting progress, he has started to tell us he needs a wee (or says he's started to do a wee) but can actually hold it until we get to the potty! grin

badchat Wed 28-Aug-13 22:18:33

hello again...
Well, didn't end up trying again last week as I was feeling super exhausted and really not prepared, but we had a clear run of days with nothing on this week so we gave it a shot again yesterday. And...

FINALLY - WEES ON THE POTTY!!! grin

I put DD in just a t-shirt - no nappies or knickers - and watched for signs of needing a wee. Then once she started wiggling around a bit I suggested a potty sit, and - it seemed like a bloody miracle - she finally got a wee in the potty. After that I prompted another time, but then she told me the next time she needed to go, and apart from one accident around dinner time when I wasn't paying any attention to what was happening, we got everything (including a poo) on target.

Today - day 2 - we have been to the cafe and park (have a Potette to take out and about) - she's told me every time she needs to go and we haven't had any accidents.

It is SUCH a relief. Fingers crossed progress continues. Definitely think backing off and waiting to try again was the right thing anyway given how different it went this time to last couple of times.

I loved reading the stories of your 3 and 5 dcs shoewhore and 5madthings - really does show they are all different and you can't just 'train' them according to your will.

matana Mon 02-Sep-13 15:38:52

Ds is 2.9 and has done several wees on the potty while we have given him time without his nappy and have reminded him to use it when he has obviously been holding himself. However he will not tell us he needs a wee and will tell us he doesn't need a poo right up until the point he has done it on the kitchen floor and trodden it through to the lounge!

A very reassuring visit to his new nursery today though. The owner's reaction when I told her he wasn't potty trained was to tell me he's still quite young! She said 2.5 for boys "at the very earliest" and "3 and still in nappies is nothing unusual". I could have kissed her when she told me that women get too much pressure from older generations and end up pushing their dc before they're really ready!

Rhubarbgarden Tue 03-Sep-13 10:40:45

Hi, wish I'd found this thread earlier! We are on day 7 of PT 3.2 year old dd. It is our third or fourth attempt - I've lost track. Tried everything to no avail. Pressure from nursery made me promise to try again over the summer holidays so here we are again with cabin fever setting in from being stuck at home for a week.

This time around we did the Potty Fairy. Lots of hype for a couple of weeks - "The potty fairy is coming soon!", then one night she she came overnight and took all dd's nappies away and left a pile of presents in their place. She got to open one straight away then one for every wee/poo in the potty.

The presents were very motivating. The first day she was very enthusiastic. When they ran out we moved to a giant jar of gummy bears.

We've certainly had more success than previous attempts. As long as we prompt and remind, she goes on the potty. If I don't tell her to go though, she just wees wherever she is and doesn't care at all. I'm not sure how we move things forward.

I find it all immensely stressful and frustrating. Also have a 15 month old who is very demanding so it's been an exhausting week. Determined not to give up this time though.

Pounamu Tue 03-Sep-13 15:14:13

Hello, can I join in please? We have been continuously potty training my DD (3yrs 8 mths old) and she still isn't fully trained.
I think she knows when she needs to go but refuses a lot of the time, so ends up doing some in her knickers. I then tell her to sit on the potty, which she does for maybe 30 seconds then says 'there's no wee coming' before getting up and wandering off.
We have tried regularly asking if she needs the potty, 'no thank you mummy' (followed by a wee in her knickers shortly after). We've tried making her sit on the potty to see what happens, and she will either wee, or just get straight up and say nothing is happening.
The trouble is she gets so engrossed in what she is doing when playing she will forget to go, or just say no when I ask/tell her to sit for a bit. She still has a nap some days and wears pull-ups to bed, so will just hold on all morning then fill her pull-up, then hold on all afternoon.
It's really annoying because I know she can do it, some days she has no accidents, then she can have 3 accidents every day for a week. She also sometimes does a poo in her pull up before getting out of bed in the morning.
We've tried reward charts, giving her loads of praise for using the potty and not telling her off for the accidents. It has been going on for so long now though I am getting fed up, and have been telling her off for the accidents blush.
She wet herself just before her nap today (she still needs a nap some days) so I put a nappy on her for it, which she absolutely hates. She wears knickers when out of bed, so I have said once she gets up, if she can stay dry all afternoon then she can wear a pull up at bedtime and not a nappy.

Sorry for the rambling - It's just so frustrating and I feel like we are not getting anywhere.

RugBugs Tue 03-Sep-13 15:39:21

Hurray badchat that is some significant progress!
Potty training has taken a back seat here, DD2 arrived 3 weeks ago.
DP and DD dropped something off at his mother's house last week whilst I was at the drs round the corner. DP said the minute they were through the door she had DD stripped and sitting on a potty! I was not amused.

Rhubarbgarden Tue 03-Sep-13 16:12:23

Pounamu I hear you. Sounds very like our experience here. We got to that stage where there was no progress and I was getting too frustrated to be constructive any more, so I put her back in nappies for a few months.

I'm starting to feel that way again today to be honest, and this time around it's only been a week.

Rhubarbgarden Tue 03-Sep-13 16:14:34

RugBugs my MIL does that. Brings new pants every time she visits and plonks her on the potty. It isn't helpful.

StrawberryMonkey Tue 03-Sep-13 17:39:53

My last 3 kids all learned to take themselves to the loo about 3y old.
One took a week of a few mishaps, then was fine. The next slung her nappy off a week before her 3rd birthday and started using the loo rather than potty also...again maybe a few accidents but a week later all quite reliable. Last child was 3y 4m (boy) and his older sisters "trained" him in a day (with lots of praise and clapping when he got to the loo on time)!

Rhubarbgarden Tue 03-Sep-13 17:54:09

I think I'm going to give up.

Ivytheterrible Wed 04-Sep-13 11:26:18

Any words of wisdom for me - really need help as DD 2.11 is not getting it at all.

Just given up after 14 days of hardcore no going back pant wearing. 1 wee in nursery toilet nothing at home for the whole time.

She ticks all the boxes for being ready and is very articulate, been dry at night for months, asks for pants etc.

She tells me she needs the potty after she has been in her pants.

Have tried everything! Bribes etc. Nursery were really pushing for her to be trained and even they have said to give up for the moment!

Do I just wait until she "gets it?" How long if she is ready now according to the books etc?

Ivytheterrible Wed 04-Sep-13 11:28:30

I also have the MIL who rings every other day to give 'helpful' advice as "her dad was fully trained at 18 months."

Driving me insane...

dairymilk27 Wed 04-Sep-13 17:41:43

Ivy - I have a small ray...

My DD was the same at 2.10. Had total control knew what she was doing, hid to do wees etc... But just point blank refused to go anywhere near a potty! So gave up after 2 weeks of hell as she got a chest infection. Left till she was 3 and tried 2 days after her bday, she had one accident on the first day and has been dry at home since (nearly a week) she takes herself to the loo and I don't need to remind her. Only issue we have now is nursery, she isn't keen in the loos, so refuses to go anywhere near them. Think I'm going to suggest the potty in the garden to start with!! HTH

dairymilk27 Wed 04-Sep-13 17:43:29

PS - MILs are a pain in the backside. Mine is the same claims hubby was done at 1.... I mean come on!!!

Ivytheterrible Wed 04-Sep-13 21:22:24

Thanks dairy you have given me hope! DD2 is due in 8 weeks and I'm torn between pushing it a bit more now so I don't have 2 in nappies or waiting until things have settled down when the newborn arrives - but that could be a long time!

I think I'm going to try for maybe just 4 days when she is at home in Sept and if no joy drop it until next year.

How come everyone else's children have got it so fast or taught themselves? confused

Rhubarbgarden Thu 05-Sep-13 13:53:35

We didn't give up in the end. Dh saw I was losing my marbles over it and worked from home yesterday to give me a break. Then today, day nine, BREAKTHROUGH. Unprompted, spontaneous wee on the potty. Can't describe how relieved I am.

Papyrus02 Mon 09-Sep-13 14:24:22

Glad I've seen this thread. My DD is 3 and nearly 5 months and we have numerous tries at potty training. At 1st she clearly wasn't ready. In recent months she just wasn't interested and refused to even contemplate toilets or pottys.

Yesterday, late afternoon, she decided she wanted too wear knickers like a big girl. Two wees in potty, her saying she needed to use it. Great, she's getting it! Or so I thought. Today all wees and a poo in knickers. No interest in her potty. Aggghh. Might need to wait a while longer. She wees such a lot. And this is girl who doesn't drink much. I have to remind her to drink.

My MIL says DH was out of nappies before he was a year and dry in the night a couple of months later. I always reply by saying he must have peaked early and it's all been down hill since then. She hates that.

Fishandjam Tue 10-Sep-13 12:52:56

Just checking in here - we're still hit and miss but I've bitten the bullet and said no more nappies in the daytime, at all. Not even pullups. I am checking the warranty on the washing machine even as I type....

BranchingOut Tue 10-Sep-13 13:15:14

Coming on as a bit desperate about my lovely boy, who has just had his 4th birthday...

In summary:

Not really interested in being a 'big boy'.
Likes chocolate, but not really motivated by it.
Can hold his wee for nearly a day sad
Has been in pants for nearly a year
avoids drinking too much
Never poos in the potty - just in morning nappy, then in pants at night.

Some moderate success with leaving him to go 'by himself' over the last few days, but still only one wee per day. No progress on poos whatsoever. Some days he does not visit the potty at all!

All help appreciated. Feeling a bit blue about it.

Zipideedooda Wed 11-Sep-13 21:04:41

Hi new to Mumsnet joined to get some advice on this issue.

Have just checked and we've been potty training my ds 3.2 for 9 weeks (small sob) he pooed in potty on day 2 ( he was not impressed) and has only gone in pants ever since.

The first few weeks he did really well with wee in potty and was dry in the night in the first week. great.

Then he had chicken pox about 4 weeks in and after that things deteriorated now he doesn't stay dry for more than an hour or so and he doesn't seem to notice or care. He's so stubborn he resists most suggestions of trying for a wee. I can't even begin about pooing..

I got so fed up a couple of weeks ago I bought some pull ups to give us both a break. When nursery saw he had them on they more or less blamed them and therefore me for the accidents aargh.

Not sure whether to take a break or troop on??? sad

tinypumpkin Wed 11-Sep-13 21:10:20

Glad to be in good company. Dd is 4 in October and just will not potty train. I truly have tried everything. It is a control issue and I can't get past that. I have called in the HV and on advice, we are not talking about it for a month. Will be trying the pants under nappy after that on their advice and also that of ERIC.

Feeling like an utterly crap Mum. I am sure others think that I cannot be bothered but I just am at my wits end with it all. I would love to know the magic answer as I would do it if I could!

tinypumpkin Wed 11-Sep-13 21:34:58

Ironically DD3 is doing wees on the potty and is not two yet (next week). Not consistently and I am not pushing it but even this has no effect on DD2. I thought that might do it, no chance. She is a stubborn madam smile

BranchingOut Thu 12-Sep-13 11:41:47

Tiny pumpkin, please keep posting as our two are the same age and it might help to share ideas.

In our case, i managed to get him into pants, by 'running out' of nappies - I would then mysteriously find just one nappy each evening for night time.

We have had some progress with wee, but none whatsoever with poo.

I am just about to move all changing stuff into the bathroom, in the hope that moving the locus of everything poo related nearer the actual toilet will help in some way. It did occur to me that we have been expecting a change, but not changed the way that we were handling it ourselves eg we are still changing him on a mat.

Does anyone change standing up for poos? How do you wipe them? Has it helped at all?

Fishandjam Thu 12-Sep-13 13:11:16

tiny, you are not a crap mum! If your DD isn't interested then I suspect nothing in the world is going to force her to do it. She'll do it when she's good and ready and not a nanosecond before.

I'd be interested to know if all the children discussed on this thread are like my DS: stubborn, uncompliant, marching to the beat of his own drum. Getting him to do anything he doesn't fancy doing has always been a major struggle (getting him dressed, changing his nappy, bathing him, you name it).

I have some progress to report - he spent all day in pants yesterday (twas a nursery day) and he had no accidents at all! And this morning his nappy was virtually dry and he did a gigantic wee on the potty just after getting up. Usually his morning nappy is like a cannonball so that's encouraging. Though I am ready for the two steps back that we usually take with him on stuff like this smile.

Fishandjam Thu 12-Sep-13 13:13:27

branching, I started changing DS standing up as it was killing my back to either lift him onto the change table, or mess about on the floor. I get him to bend over and touch his toes - this presents his posterior in a perfect position for wipeage! (ooh, that was a lot of Ps there, sorry...)

tinypumpkin Thu 12-Sep-13 14:16:39

Thanks ladies, it is so hard not to take it to heart! I have tried it all. and yes, DD is like your DS, stubborn. We have started swimming and the stubborness is the same, she will not kick her legs for the teachers. No bribes or encouragement can make her do it. I saw the link with potty training, both are control issues for her and she is stubborn. I am stubborn but have met my match! DD2 is a truly a lovely girl, just knows her own mind!

Yay on the progress Fish, that sounds fab.

Branching, we also moved all the changing stuff into the bathroom. It hadn't occurred to me until ERIC pointed it out. I don't chuck the poo down the loo but need to start doing that. Ironic since she used to be in resuables when younger. I think that is something we need to do too.

Roll on October when the potty training resumes; pants under nappy and lots of praise when on the toilet (if I can get her there).

Good luck ladies and thanks for making me feel a bit better about myself. Was feeling down about it yesterday as the only child at swimming who won't do anything the teachers say and also to be in nappies. Made me feel rubbish on both counts.

Fishandjam Thu 12-Sep-13 14:48:56

tiny, I haven't bothered booking DS in for swimming lessons for that very reason grin

I look at it this way; DS may drive me nuts at the moment, but when he's at school later in life, I suspect he will not easily be led astray. I can envisage a scenario where he's behind the bike sheds with some mates (or whatever passes for bike sheds these days) and one of them says "here, try this" and DS will say "Nah. What for?" and walk away.

BranchingOut Thu 12-Sep-13 15:33:53

Mine hasn't been a fan of swimming either! What a funny set of coincidences, that they all have been resistant to swimming.... I wonder if it is something sensory, as he has always been a bit resistant to new physical experiences: climbing, going down slides, scooting. He now enjoys doing those things, but it has taken him a looooong time to get on board with them...

He can be quite stubborn, but on all sorts of things he can also be persuaded as long as you find the thing which works for him.

However, we have yet to discover what that is in the field of potty training!

tinypumpkin Thu 12-Sep-13 20:10:36

Tis very interesting indeed! I too am trying to find that thing, no bribery on any scale has worked so far........

Fingers crossed they decide that potty training is the way forward soon!

Rhubarbgarden Thu 12-Sep-13 20:58:12

Just to say hear hear re stubbornness - dd has always been most uncompliant and it takes a lot to get her to do something she's not keen on. I think the potty thing turned into a power struggle after a while; she knew I really wanted her to do it and so she had one over on me.

She's really cracked it now though. We still have the odd accident when she refuses to use the loo, but so far she's been willingly back on board straight after each slip up.

Things that finally worked for us were the nappy fairy with all the presents to unwrap, a massive and very visible jar of sweeties for each wee/poo on the potty or loo, and a star chart with the rewards of a treat for each completed row (ice cream or cbeebies magazine) and a big special treat of a trip to the zoo when the star chart is completely full. She only gets stars when she goes to the potty voluntarily without being prompted. The zoo has really sealed the deal - it turned out to be that 'thing' that really motivated her. It took a lot of searching to find that 'thing' though!

I have to say I'm pretty sceptical about this 'wait till they are ready and they'll just do it' attitude that people trot out. I think dd would have been quite happy to go to school if not university in nappies; peer pressure has no impact on her whatsoever - she'll be another one walking away from the bike sheds with a shrug, hopefully!

BranchingOut Thu 12-Sep-13 21:03:15

yes, I have just come off a thread about potty training and nurseries, where a number of posters said things like 'oh, don't worry, my nursery had it cracked for me in a couple of weeks as the peer pressure really helps' grin hmm

My lovely boy has a sophisticated theoretical understanding of the whole process - but for months and months you could tell that he thought it only applied to other people, not him. grin

tinypumpkin Thu 12-Sep-13 21:14:56

Branching, our children sound very similar. DD gets it, she just doesn't want to do it!

Thanks Rhubarb, you are giving me hope. Sounds like your DD is doing fab smile

Rhubarbgarden Thu 12-Sep-13 22:35:14

smile Glad I've given you hope. I spent a looong time despairing before this breakthrough.

We now have the unexpected side effect of ds, 15 months, regularly going to sit on the potty (fully clothed), visibly concentrating, looking into the potty afterwards and then pointing at the sweetie jar and shouting insistently! confused

Maybe I should just bung him in pull-ups and see what happens...

Fishandjam Thu 12-Sep-13 22:40:37

tiny and branching, you don't think there's been some covert genetic experiment going on, do you? Because our kids sound like clones of each other!

tinypumpkin Thu 12-Sep-13 22:46:38

Oh I do Fish, something odd has been happening I think. I think they have created some sort of masterplan to fox their parents. I wish I could find those responsible. I would make them watch The Tweenies on 24 hour repeat for at least a week.

Rhubarb, you made me laugh about the sweets. DD3 is almost two (this sun) and is really good at doing wees on the potty. She is very insistent about the chocolate reward too.

I am going to try the pennies jar for DD3 when we restart this as she is quite money orientated. Thanks for the reminder. Having it out to see is important as you say. Sweets didn't do it for her it but coins just might!

tinypumpkin Thu 12-Sep-13 22:47:53

Balls, the jar is for DD2. Clearly it is time to stop marking and go to bed! Goodnight ladies, thanks so much for making me feel better about this. We will get there.....

tinypumpkin Tue 17-Sep-13 21:12:11

Popping in to see if any news. We are just waiting for the not talking about it stage to pass .....

On the upside, DD3 did three wees in the potty (plus one on the booster seat and a poo on my carpet). An eventful day! No impact on DD2 though other than upset at the lack of choc reward for weeing/pooing.

Swimming tomorrow. We will see if the stubbornness continues as I have upped the bribery majorly with a Nannie sleepover. Bloody hope it works.

Fishandjam Tue 17-Sep-13 22:21:39

Hi tiny! Hang in there, you'll be back into potty mode with DD2 before you know it.

We're making progress; DS is regularly weeing on the potty with only the odd accident (usually when he's engrossed in something), and he's largely dry at night. Poo, however, is still a vale of stinky tears. I know it often takes longer to get that sorted out but it does make me grind my teeth, when DS craps his keks within minutes of me asking him if he needs a dump! My cheery "oh whoops, let's get you cleaned up" is beginning to sound very forced...

Bossybootsmum Tue 17-Sep-13 23:01:43

Hi, can I join in please?

I have a DD who was three last month. She has started doing some weeks and poos on the toilet, on one of those toddler seat thingies. I haven't worried too much about it until recently, as she seemed to know when she HAD done something, but not that she was GOING to do something if you see what I mean.

The other day, she came home from nursery, and had been going on the toilet there all day. Was really pleased for her but felt weird that nursery had decided to potty train her. Now I can't decide if I was being really lax before ( we'd done some trying with the potty, but would get really upset because she just did not know she was going to do a wee until too late ) or whether I was right to follow my instincts, because she suddenly seems to have clicked.

What do people think?

threepiecesuite Wed 18-Sep-13 19:30:50

My DD is 3.8yo.
We have persevered with potty training now for 15 months. She has had a few small phases of being dry for a couple of weeks - apart from that, she has at least 3 wet accidents per day. No pattern, rhyme or reason to it. We have tried everything, including:
choosing pretty knickers
rewards
bribery
ignoring it and not getting angry
massive praise
bringing potty downstairs
putting her on every half an hour
no drinks after 6pm

The only thing she can tell me is that she 'doesn't know when a wee is coming'. I really need some help with this, our relationship is breaking down. I am shouting at her all the time. Do we still have access to Health Visitor services at this age, I don't know who else to contact.

tinypumpkin Wed 18-Sep-13 19:41:49

I don't have any advice as I am also struggling and DD2 is 4 in Oct. Have tried all you have done too. We definitely do have access to HVs, mine came out and was quite useful to be honest. More so than the GP who just said go for it (that makes it worse for my DD and she digs her heels in even more!)

[http://www.eric.org.uk/ ERIC]] is also helpful. I rang them and they gave me some good advice too. Not sorted yet but definitely support out there.

It's so hard isn't it, I feel so judged as a parent for not 'having bothered' to potty train my child. Would love them to have a go! Good luck smile

Fishandjam, yay for your DS. Hope you can keep the not to worry line sounding genuine smile

Bossybootsmum, that sounds like your DD is making good progress if I have understood correctly. Hope it continues, Everyone has an opinion on potty training (and parenting generally!) so I would not worry too much if your DD is doing so well. I hope we follow your footsteps.

tinypumpkin Wed 18-Sep-13 19:42:38

Sorry, thought I had sorted the link. I should have previewed.

Here it is. ERIC

threepiecesuite Wed 18-Sep-13 20:28:08

Thank you for the link tinypumpkin- I've sat and had a really good read. I know it's not an easy problem to solve and we may have a long road ahead, but it's good to know some people are in the same boat.
I've felt very down about it - esp when my DDs peer group all seemed to potty train practically overnight and we are still dealing with at least 3 wet accidents on a daily basis.
DD has just gone to bed. She said to me 'I want you to get me some nappies because I don't like all the shouting'. I came downstairs and had a little cry.

Bossybootsmum Wed 18-Sep-13 21:24:13

Thanks Tiny.

She has done all wees at nursery on toilet today, then came home and weed in her pull up pants! Think its the peer pressure of all her friends going to the toilet that's doing it. Ah well, I suppose they all get there in the end. There's not many kids that take their GCSEs in pull ups :-)

tinypumpkin Wed 18-Sep-13 21:25:45

Oh threepiecesuite, I am sorry that you are feeling so rubbish about it. It's so hard not to take it personally isn't it. It feels like a slight on your parenting. My DD's peer group have done the same and I just can't get her to do it. I also don't know what else to do. Perhaps a chat with your HV might help. I did call ERIC and found them useful. Just good to know that you are not alone sometimes.

Can you just try and relax for the rest of the evening, tomorrow is another day. As you say, a long road ahead but one step at a time. That's what I am trying to tell myself anyway. You are not alone I promise. I felt better just finding this thread tbh.

Fishandjam Wed 18-Sep-13 21:52:12

three, I really feel for you. It may sound like a regressive step, but could you put her in nappies/pullups for a few weeks, and sit back? Cos if you've been trying for 15 months, it seems like she really isn't ready (I know, I know, that's what everyone says!) And I bet you're all fed up with the stress...

Fishandjam Wed 18-Sep-13 21:57:46

DS is still having poo accidents...

stillenacht Wed 18-Sep-13 22:02:22

My DS is v late to train. He is 10 and still in nappies (he does have autism though). My aim is to get it done before 12, dreading puberty with nappies! I guess I should really discuss this on a SN thread but ah bugger it. Good luck to one and all!I am heartily sick of nappies!!!!grin

tinypumpkin Wed 18-Sep-13 22:02:37

We are in nappies here still if that makes you feel any better three.

Sorry to hear that your DS is still having poo accidents fishandjam.

tinypumpkin Wed 18-Sep-13 22:04:01

Missed your reply Bossy. That sounds good about nursery, perhaps you are right about peer pressure. Ironically has no effect on my DD but sounds great if it works for yours smile

Good point about the GCSEs, I will keep remembering that!

Fishandjam Wed 18-Sep-13 22:21:15

tiny, DD (aged 15 months) has had a hideous dose of the shits lately - really horrible, smelling of rotten eggs and squelching out of her nappy left and right - so it's one long festival of turds in our house sad Even the cats joined in; one of them pinched one off on the bathroom floor sometime last night, little bastard.

tinypumpkin Wed 18-Sep-13 22:28:36

Oh Fish, that sounds horrendous. Bloody grim indeed. Hoping the turd fest stops asap.

BranchingOut Thu 19-Sep-13 10:21:47

Coming back to the thread to report some minor steps forward with my DS, 4.0.

We did several things all at once, in a potty-focused day towards the end of last week!

He and I moved all his changing gear from his bedroom to the bathroom, just to change the dynamic a little bit and move it closer to the toilet. This involved lots of cleaning things with soapy water, hoovering and he thought it was all good fun. We couldn't have done this where we were living before as the bathroom was too small.

Established a sticker book that he can only use on the potty. I also have a whole reward system that I am keeping in reserve, as the sticker book is being quite succesful at the moment, see below.

Had a callback from the HV, who said that we were basically doing everything right, but just needed to 'wait for it to click'. Her main recommendation was to try to move to changing standing up after poos.

Introduced the idea of wiping, as I thought that I might as well allow him a year or so to get used to the idea!

Bought a load of new pants, which he has been eagerly awaiting.

What has happened:

Still resistance to getting cleaned up after poos standing up, but I am going to work towards it by first of all just taking his trousers down standing up, then progressing to pants.

Potty sticker book has been very succesful - he loves using it and we have got several wees out of it - he then also awards himself a sticker from the book!

He has voluntarily done some wiping, front and back, after a wee.

He actually did a wee standing up into the potty yesterday, which he has never done before and might make it so much easier when we are out and about.

Still no progress on the poo front, but I am hopeful that we are making some progress in other areas.

Keen to hear others' posts and views. I really am happy to have this thread to not feel so unusual in a world of professional toilet-going toddlers!

tinypumpkin Thu 19-Sep-13 13:59:18

Branching, that is utterly fab. Go your DS grin

It's really encouraging to hear your progress. Thanks for sharing.

mrsfrumble Fri 20-Sep-13 16:25:46

Can I join in too please?

My boy is 2.10 and it's been about 4 months since his first successful wee in the potty. Things are progressing at a snail's pace partly because he's the most strong-willed child on the planet, and partly because I have no idea what I'm doing.

He's completely reliable for wees at home, but absolutely on his own terms. He will take himself off to the loo and flush by himself, but he will not wear pants. He will not go if I prompt him, which makes the "one last wee before we leave home" impossible. Out and about is tricky; he has only once submitted to using a public toilet. Otherwise he screams and slides off the seat when I take him, even if he's told me needs to go beforehand. So we're in a limbo of bare-bottomed at home, training pants for short journeys (which are always wet by the time we get home) and pull-ups if we're going to be out for longer than an hour or so.

He will only poo in a pull-up, but I'm not concerned about that yet, I just want to get wees sorted. I feel under pressure because no one in my family or DH's family has ever trained so late before.

I'm considering a sticker / reward chart for wearing pants, hand washing and using public toilets. What do you think?

BranchingOut Sat 21-Sep-13 14:08:48

I think a reward can only help! I think just focusing on one thing for now, wearing pants, would be best.

Maybe give up on the public loos for now and just take a potty with you if needed, rather than wearing pull ups.

BranchingOut Mon 23-Sep-13 13:10:18

Update: yesterday he said that he wanted to put the potties away as 'they are a little bit small for me'. So far so good, he is using the little loo seat!

A bonus is that I have finally found a seat to fit a square loo - tippitoes seat.

Still no progress on the poo!

Anyone else have any updates to share? Even if it is just to say that things are still the same...;)

tinypumpkin Mon 23-Sep-13 13:43:57

Still the same sadly here but we are in the don't talk about it month at the moment.

Yay for finding a seat that fits and for putting the potties away. Love the reason smile

thedicewoman Tue 24-Sep-13 16:25:59

Hi, can I join please?

my DD 3.2 has been training since easter, so 7 months (god, is it really that long...). She has occasional days when she is dry, but more often than not she has umpteen changes of pants every day. this is mainly due to her doing little bits of wee in her pants before finally going to the toilet, it's like she's just relieving the pressure a bit. I am finding it so frustrating and all consuming because I KNOW she can do it (because she has previously!). I was actually so relieved to read your message threepiecesuite, as this is exactly like us and we too have tried everything, from rewards to threats and everything in between; it really is a bit comforting to know you're not the only one!

As for poos, she had been doing really well with these, but has started doing them in her pants, it's like she can't get to the toilet quick enough sometimes, although her poo is solid so there isn't an issue there. she tells me that she "didn't notice" that she needed, but I also see her holding her bottom and she has told me more than once that she just "pushed the poo back in" (?!). Also, she sometimes says I need a poo or I need a wee, then goes to the toilet and the opposite thing appears and she seems quite surprised.

Another thing that she routinely does is tell me she doesn't need, even when I can see that she is a bit wet and she is sticking her bottom out to try to stop herself going, I just don't understand it!!? why won't she just go?

So I guess in summary, she definitely knows what to do, knows that she needs as she will go of her own accord sometimes, though more often she is taken/made to go. I'm not sure what to try next, though I will have a good look at the ERIC pages...

BranchingOut Tue 24-Sep-13 17:49:45

Welcome aboard! The more the, er, soggier!

On this thread we have no use for phrases like:

'Ooh, I can't remember, she just trained herself'

'One day she woke up and said she didn't want to wear nappies and never wet herself ever again'.

'Surely he is trained now, he is nearly 3/3.6/4/5...?'

thedicewoman Tue 24-Sep-13 22:48:51

Sorry that was so epic!! It's been a long haul....

threepiecesuite Wed 25-Sep-13 21:21:41

Hi thedicewoman and others.
I posted about my DD who is 3.8 last week, when I'd reached the point of desperation.
I tried 3 new things this week, not the most orthodox methods and you probably won't see this advice in books, but:

-told (and reminded a few times) DD Father Christmas could see her having lots of accidents while he was busy making toys
- warned her she might have to go to the doctors and 'have a tube put up her bottom' to find the problem
-went back to pull-ups at night and for a portion of the day, usually 5pm-bedtime when she's tired and most accidents were happening

And guess what? 5 dry days in a row (still wet at night in pull-up). Seriously, this has never ever happened before. So we are cautiously moving forward. And I have a little more patience with her.
Not counting my chickens just yet though!

thedicewoman your DD sounds like mine. She just won't go sometimes, even though she and I knows she needs to. I honestly think part of it is laziness. We only have one loo and its upstairs and I sometimes believe she just can't be bothered.

thedicewoman Thu 26-Sep-13 22:43:29

That's excellent threepiecesuite, unorthodox as it may well be, I'm also at the stage of not caring how it's achieved so long as it is achieved! I've gone back to a reward sticker chart with rewards such as playing on iPad or computer for 5 stickers, we've had two days of only one accident each but I refuse to be even cautiously optimistic, we've been here before...

I definitely agree that a lot if the time it is laziness on my DDs part!

tinypumpkin Sun 06-Oct-13 10:08:40

Not posted here for a while but I feel so upset and frustrated by DD2's lack of progress. We have spent a month not talking about training as suggested and we are back on training. Rewarding for 'trying' on the toilet so at least DD2 does sit on it. She doesn't try though, she crosses her legs and holds herself, anything to stop herself weeing or pooing on the toilet. She hasn't used the potty/toilet in about a year, I kid you not.

We are doing pants under nappy and I just bought some chap pants so I can throw then away after poos. Bad for the environment I know but DD needs to know there are consequences and nursery also suggested this.

Everyone thinks they know how to sort this but they have no clue. I have tried every reward going. She has a see through sweetie jar for just sitting on the toilet for a bit which helps to get her there. Trying distraction with special toilet books and also bubbles but nothing will let her relax to see/poo. if you ask her about it she just says she 'does not like it'. Agh!

Nursery want me to go for broke and remove all nappies but she will just hold and hold and then wee everywhere. Huge puddles. It would mean that I truly could not take her out at all and this will keep up for weeks. I have tried before. ERIC have also suggested a slowly slowly approach. Why does everything think they know better than me?

BranchingOut Mon 07-Oct-13 11:19:28

Hang on in there, tinypumpkin. You are not alone.
I will give it a bit of thought and post back.

tinypumpkin Mon 07-Oct-13 12:48:40

Thanks Branching, I appreciate someone reading in all honesty. I am just so frustrated and even more so at others thinking they know best when they do not live it 24/7. At nursery she will often hold if put in pants so it looks fine, not the case all day though!

Sorry for typos in my earlier post.

steppemum Mon 07-Oct-13 14:04:57

I wondered if you have tried toweling lined knickers?

I tried these for all of mine. The advantage is that when they have an accident it gets absorbed by the toweling lining instead of going all over the furniture and carpet. They also feel wet to the child so they are much more aware of when they have weed
But they look like pants/knickers and pull up and down like pants

tinypumpkin Mon 07-Oct-13 14:18:55

Thanks steppemum, I have not tried towelling lined pants actually. I will have a look. We have pants under nappy so the feeling of wetness but contained. She does not seem to care at all sadly. Agh!

steppemum Mon 07-Oct-13 15:05:09

I think I went cold turkey during the day using the towelling. The knickers helped me not to despair over leaks and spills, and with long time without nappies, the message did get through (eventually!) I only had one slow one, the other 2 were early learners.

My slow one didn't seem to have a the message from bladder to brain to say that she needed to go IYSWIM. So we did get to the point where she would wee on potty and so i could keep her dry by regular potty visits, but she was very late before she initiated the potty trip. The wee always seemed to take her by surprise.

steppemum where did you get the towelling pants from? Think I need to get something similar for DS2 who is driving me mad with his endless alfresco pooing.

thedicewoman Mon 07-Oct-13 17:47:25

So I was right to be pessimistic...we had a few good days then it just reverted; yesterday we had two proper full on wee accidents and a poo on the floor, today I have lost count of the number of wet/damp pants I've changed. I've had enough. I'm seriously, seriously thinking of putting her back into nappies, even tho it's been 8 months and she is 3.2. Is this really so bad,I just can't do these days any more :-(

BranchingOut Mon 07-Oct-13 18:09:48

Tiny pumpkin, I would definitely look at the towelling pants option - Bright Bots or Motherease are the ones we used.

steppemum Mon 07-Oct-13 20:40:20

they were hard to find the mothercare ones are massive (although to be fair dd1 was tiny and we started with them when she was 2) Thye look like they shoudl go over a nappy

a friend found some in Wilkinsons but a few years ago.

try on-line

BranchingOut Mon 07-Oct-13 21:01:05

I think that what I am learning with this long, slow process is that as a parent I have to slowly keep changing the status quo, otherwise how do they know that they have not already arrived?

I think that the trick for you might be to just try to slowly increase the amount of time that she sits there for - using a timer? Unwrapping a present? Someone suggested a card-table on another thread, so she can do drawing and colouring there.

I found it quite helpful to encourage him to climb up there at odd moments even when the lid was down. Maybe towel dry her there after her bath?

If you are interested in the training pants then Babykind is a very good website.

PS. We are still no further forward with poo, but he put his pyjamas on by himself the other day!

Elfhame Mon 07-Oct-13 21:13:22

My son was not potty trained until he was four.

All advice from the health visitor failed.

His nursery tried and failed.

Don't get stressed, they do it in their own time. Ignore the smug 'mine was potty trained by two' What are they trying to prove? it's not a race FFS

It's not a reflection on parenting. I had previously potty trained my DD at an average age. They all have their own individual timescale and nothing you can do will change that.

tinypumpkin Mon 07-Oct-13 22:12:37

Thanks ladies, I know I am getting stressed about it. Mostly because others are trying to help. It is appreciated but it adds to the stress if that makes sense as often such people have different approaches.

I try to put it all into perspective and be grateful that she is here at all (her twin did not survive). I should know better than most for this reason.

tinypumpkin Mon 07-Oct-13 22:13:24

PS- Thanks for the ideas re babykind pants and colouring tables etc. It is all much appreciated as is the chance to let off steam and get cross with those who potty trained their children when they were 6 months (maybe not!)

tinypumpkin Mon 07-Oct-13 22:13:53

I am dim, yay about the pyjamas branching smile

BranchingOut Tue 08-Oct-13 10:09:54

Oh tiny, so sorry for your loss. That must add an extra layer of difficulty to any situation where you feel cross or frustrated with her...

tinypumpkin Tue 08-Oct-13 14:25:07

Thanks Branching, it really does. Not many people understand that so thank you for being so thoughtful. I didn't meant o go off topic. Apparently she will use the toilet when she is four and the girls' birthday is less than two weeks away so we will see. I don't believe it though!

Fishandjam Tue 08-Oct-13 15:51:40

Hi all, just popping in. We're making a bit of progress - DS is now doing very few wee accidents, but has gone back to having a very wet nighttime nappy. And he still poos in his pants. Still, I do feel like we're getting there now, albeit slowly. And I'm mentally a bit more chillaxed about it all - there are worse things than a kid who's not a toilet genius by age 2!

tiny, I'm really sorry to hear you're still having problems, and so hear about your DD's twin. I think you just need to be very kind to yourself, and to really try not to worry about your DD. As regards all the different approached, could you take the approach that you think will work best, and just nod and smile when anyone says you "should" be doing it a different way? Because of course what worked for them will be what worked for their children, and your DD is not their child.

Some wise words from elfhame there smile

The other day I did get to do some developmental one-upmanship - I don't usually boast about DS being a genius because everyone's children are geniuses. But one snotty mum started banging on about how her child was toilet trained at 18 months... I smiled sweetly and asked when he could write his letters? Because DS knows all his and can write them all (backwards because he's left handed but she didn't need to know that), as well as writing his own name and that of his little sister. I got a real catsbum face in response grin.

tinypumpkin Tue 08-Oct-13 16:03:04

Love the anecdote fishandjam. DD3 has 10 letters in her name so can't see DD2 managing to write her name!! That did make me smile a lot smile

Glad to see some progress for your DDS, it's all in the right direction.

bettybadger Wed 16-Oct-13 22:43:30

Evenin’ all. May I join you?
Your stories sound so familiar – even the bits about them being awkward in swimming lessons!
Tried potty training DS2 at the beginning of the summer holidays when he was 3y2m. He was quite simply not interested. The bribery that worked so well with DS1 proved ineffective. Don’t think bladder control is an issue. He can hold his wee if he wants – I sat with him for 3 hours once – not a drop. Till I got up to grab a book (funnily enough was going to re-read the chapter on stubborn toddlers in Toddler Taming), then he went off to the hallway and peed all over the floor – arrrrghh! The only time any wee went in the potty was the first day when I dragged him to it mid-flow. He wised up to that and next time I tried it he clamped shut. I struggled on for 10 days (as I had a wobble on day 4 when training DS1 but persevered and succeeded) but I knew it wasn’t going to work.
Scraping the barrel a bit but I count as small successes the fact that a) he actually wore pants (after being bribed first time with sweets) and b) he would sometimes sit on the potty and for longish periods.
As for wees/poos in the potty though, utter failure.
Haven’t had any negative comments really. Think MIL and DH thought I was being a bit soft/rubbish/inconsistent till they had a go themselves one day. Mwoahahahahha! After those few precious hours, DH finally conceded that I could give up training for the time being.
3 months on and I haven’t tried again though I feel I should. I have bought a toilet trainer seat that doesn’t wobble (the Pourty one) and a non-slip step should he decide that going straight to the toilet is the way forward but that’s it. He shouted ‘NO!!!’ when I showed him the new kit (he does that a lot, doesn’t like new stuff, even presents, until he’s decided it’s ok/got used to it).
Seeing SALT people for the first time tomorrow as his speech is a bit delayed, and a paediatrician in Nov for a developmental assessment (after I contacted HV re certain behavioural issues). Might wait to see what they say…..
Sometimes being really firm with DS2 is the only way to get him to do something (eg holding my hand whilst walking on the road) but you can’t do that with stuff like PT and eating. Glad I’ve met others in the same boat and good to hear others say it will all eventually fall into place. Just don’t feel like trying and failing again and actually making things worse.
Sorry for interminable ramble! I blame the wine smile

bettybadger Wed 16-Oct-13 22:45:00

Sorry about lack of paragraphs in previous post blush

tinypumpkin Thu 17-Oct-13 22:00:14

Welcome bettybadger. Sorry to hear that this is an issue for you and your DS too. It is such a pain! Hope you have a useful appt with SALT. Thanks for the tip re the non wobbly seat, I may source that one. Cheers.

I have no wise words as we are struggling on and I am feeling really frustrated (although trying not to show it). DD2 is four on Sunday and apparently will use the toilet/potty then. She has been telling us, nursery, GPs and the CM. I believe none of it as I have heard similar before. Wouldn't it be nice though?!

Good luck to all. We are still doing the pants under nappy thing which is a total PITA when she does a poo. Not making one iota of difference though. Going to give it a few weeks longer and try calling ERIC again to see if they have any other ideas.

thedicewoman Sun 20-Oct-13 23:28:28

Just wanted to update with some good news, my DD has been diagnosed with a urinary infection which I suspect has been underlying for the past 8 months... she has had about 3 episodes of damp pants in the week since she started her antibiotics. This is totally unheard of, usually we are through 6 changes a day or thereabouts. Lots of people had suggested this as a possibility and I had dismissed it until she complained of being sore when urinating. The future himself did not expect the urine test to come back positive and thought she was just sore as her skin was raw from wetting her pants.

It seems to have solved the problem for us and I cannot overstate the difference it has made to my life and my relationship with her! Maybe something worth getting checked for others with similar symptoms...

thedicewoman Sun 20-Oct-13 23:29:03

Doctor, not future!

BranchingOut Mon 21-Oct-13 13:11:06

Oh hooray for the antibiotics making such a difference, dicewoman! And pleased that your DD must be feeling so much more comfortable.

Situation here is more or less the same. He is quite pleased to use the toilet with little seat most of the time, but still only for wee! No progress on the poos....However, I have been moving him closer and closer to the loo when changing him and now often do it standing on a step-stool, next to the loo.

I think I'll come and hang out with you guys, DS is making me tear my hair out.

He's 3.3yo and just doesn't care. His key worker at nursery agrees, he just isn't bothered about being wet. It is infuriating, especially because he quite likes using the toilet!
He doesn't seem to know when he needs to go either. We tried pants again yesterday after giving him a break from trying, and it just didn't work. I think he holds it in until he can't anymore, then just goes without thinking about it ...

Some of your stories are heartening, though. I know he'll get there in the end, and we're definitely not pushing him, but I could really use the extra money from not buying nappies anymore blush

Papyrus02 Mon 21-Oct-13 17:43:25

It's so good to read this thread. My dd is 3 and nearly 6 months. She would rather use a nappy than a toilet/potty.

5 weeks ago it seemed there was a breakthrough and she asked to wear knickers and use potty - was successful for a day. This was a Sunday. Next day (Monday) started well but after morning at preschool she seemed to be less keen on knickers and potty, as she had had a few accidents. The next day there were more accidents and she asked to go back to nappies. Tried lots of encouragement but she was adamant that she preferred her nappy. She was quite tearful and I didn't want to push it. Previous attempt to train had resulted in painful constipation. Furthermore, I knew I didn't want to push it as she likes to have something to be defiant about. IYKWIM.

Was hoping to try next week in half term... But she's ill at the moment and I'm hoping that she's better by the weekend so we can try again.

She knows when she's weeing and pooing - she tells me. But suggestions of rewards and toys doesn't really do it. I've promised all kind so disney tat but I seriously think she'd rather go without.

I too hate all the "she just did it overnight at age of 2... " - "she told us she was ready". Aggghh - I feel bad enough as it is. I feel like I've done something wrong along the line.

Fishandjam Tue 22-Oct-13 15:10:16

Hello everyone! Welcome to the newcomers too. dice, yay for the antibiotics, it's great they've made such a difference.

We're still a mixed bag. DS hasn't had a wee accident for several weeks. But he still poos his pants. He doesn't seem to know when he wants to go, and when I ask him why he didn't go on the potty he usually says something like "it just came out!" His bowel movements are really irregular anyway, always have been - I suspect on-off constipation - and as he often smudges a bit too, I can't help worrying that he's impacted and has lost the feel of when he needs to crap. Certainly the poo I'm emptying out of his kecks is pretty solid and evil-smelling! (Sorry for the TMI.) There's a limit to the amount of water I can get him to drink and the fruit I can get him to eat, so if it continues I'll see the GP and find out if there's a gentle laxative/bulking agent I could use.

Good luck to all weary fellow travellers on the Road To Toilet Training!

WheresMyCow Tue 22-Oct-13 16:43:25

Have just been reading through this thread and think I've found a new home on MN!

DS was 3 on Sunday, and we haven't even started yet with the toilet training. I sometimes feel the pressure from other people, even when it's not there! At his party he was the only one still in nappies sad

We ask him to sit on the potty, and he does but does nothing. Then usually goes in the bath and stands there doing a wee all pleased with himself!!

But I don't want to pressure him as we both work FT and he's either with one set of Grandparents or the other, or he's at nursery. I don't think it's fair on him or his grandparents and their carpets to try to push it too much. He has had pull ups on at Nursery before now when he's seen the others going to the toilet. So, hopefully, when he starts there more in January the peer pressure will help him along - it did with his cousin who was about the same age when he was trained.

Hope to today had brought some successes for the toilet trainees grin

thedicewoman Tue 22-Oct-13 22:10:53

hmmm, methinks the celebrations might have been premature :-( DD wet many times today, 2 days after antibiotics finished. Have been reading up online and it seems that low dose antibiotics are sometimes prescribed long term for this sort of thing. Not sure how I feel about that really, but will take her back to the doctor as she really was doing brilliantly on the antibiotics. worried that there's some underlying issue now. The funny thing is though, that it made no difference to her having wet pants off and on today, she didn't really seem to mind!

papyrus and others, I honestly would wait until you really think they're ready, if I had my time over again I know I would, as it's really been a miserable 8 months!

Papyrus02 Wed 23-Oct-13 08:52:38

I am thinking of waiting. Perhaps until the new year. My Dd is such an emotional little girl and if she's pushed in think it will make things worse. I just feel the pressure from others so much. I think she may be physically ready, but not emotionally ready.(or is that a cop out?)

DD was a late walker, nearly 18months and I wonder if there is a link with delayed gross motor skills and potty training. She's only just got the hang of climbing the stairs properly too and someone said the muscles for stair climbing are the same muscles at that help with bladder control. Maybe I'm clutching at straws.

She's also quite articulate and is able to think of very good reasons why she shouldn't do something. I want to take her to the doctors today because she's been poorly and she said it would spread the germs around - I know she's probably heard me mention that idea in some other context, but I was quite impressed.

Thedicewoman - sorry to here about your DD and the antibiotics. It's frustrating when things get worse again. It feels as tho everyone else has found all this straightforward and simple - argh!

Fishandjam Fri 25-Oct-13 20:02:40

Argh! Four shitty pants episodes today! I need gin and lots of it.

BranchingOut Fri 25-Oct-13 21:25:48

Sympathies...I am ashamed to say that I lost my temper a bit this morning when he decided to shout at me whilst I was cleaning him up. But we said sorry to each other and made it up. smile

I have decided to take my expectations back a notch and have told him at least to stand in the bathroom when he does a poo. Maybe it is too much of a leap to jump onto the loo in one easy step...hmm

BranchingOut Fri 25-Oct-13 21:26:41

So were any babies on the thread early walkers eg. Before 12 months?

RugBugs Fri 25-Oct-13 22:05:48

I have been meaning to come back and update for ages but 10wk old DD2 is such a distraction.
I got fed up of changing two lots of nappies so one Sunday in mid Sept I told DD1 that there would be no nappies tomorrow. She was happily repeating it the rest of the eve.
We had a few accidents the next day but she didn't get hysterical like she did before hurray!
We had maybe three further accidents after the Monday, mainly when she was engrossed in what she was doing. We did ask her a lot to think if she needed the toilet and the accidents generally happened when we'd not for a while.
We had about a week of her saying she needed a wee after bedtime then not going. Not sure if that was her confused or delaying sleep tactics but its stopped now.
Fish recognising an impending poo took a while longer than wees here. We had a lot of near accidents in the first 10 days, no idea if she has more notice now she just slinks off quietly!

DD was walking at 11 months but didn't sit unaided until a week before 9 months.

Fishandjam Sat 26-Oct-13 09:50:10

DS walked at 18 months. So no early start there!

I just wish he showed any sign of knowing when he's about to poo. Usually the first I know of it is the smell sad. He's now saying he doesn't want to poo, and when I explain that he has to, and that it's our body's way of getting rid of waste, he says "well my body's naughty cos I don't want to!" Oh dear...

Great progress rugbugs, that's really encouraging to me!

tinypumpkin Sun 27-Oct-13 20:33:42

Glad to hear some are doing well. We are not. Aggghhhhhh. I so hate this. DD will not use the toilet at all for anything.

BranchingOut Sun 27-Oct-13 20:40:54

Hang on in there, I am definitely amazed that we have made the progress we have. However, I for one, am not leaving this thread any day soon!

Blipthepunkinpowercarver Sun 27-Oct-13 21:15:39

I wish that I knew about this group before!
DS is now 4.1 and day time pt trained, finally. All of your tales sound so familiar, in the end it was actually starting school nursery that kicked him into action - literally the day he started age 3.3 he never pooed his pants again. He still,however, sits on the loo shouting "mummy, wipe a my bottom!".

However... It was a further six months before he stopped waking with a poo in his nappy and we have still failed to stop using a nappy at night. He understands and occasionally he is a little sheepish about it but he does not seem to be able to tell when he needs a wee at night. We have even tried going cold turky-no nappy or pull up- but a wet bed doesn't wake him up.

That's it, sorry for butting in but thanks for reading

tinypumpkin Mon 28-Oct-13 11:58:26

Thanks Branching, just feeling so fed up and disheartened by it all. I truly can't see DD making any progress at the moment at all. I have not come across another child who will never wee/poo in the toilet. I mean never, not in the last year at all.

Glad things are going well with your DS blip. I hope you make progress with night time nappies etc in time.

Papyrus02 Tue 29-Oct-13 10:05:38

Tinypumpkin - I think I know how you feel. My DD is younger than yours, She's 4 in April. Either she's not bothered about using potty/toilet or she's adamant that she won't do it. Actually the toilet doesn't figure at all - she thinks she's going to fall in so won't go near it.

Saying all that we started trying her without nappies on Sunday. We've had a long break from trying to train and a long break from talking about toilets/potties.

Initially decided that we would not prompt her or make her sit on the potty as this approach had caused real battles in the past. No success Sunday; just three accidents. Yesterday she wet her pretty dress in the morning; she was upset about that so I thought that the consequences of wetting herself might prompt her to think about using the potty. No chance! I gave in and bribed her with chocolate to sit on the potty for the first wee. Second wee she went on her own. Then had to bribe her again with the tv and iPad. Used potty 5 times which was great.

Today she has sat on potty but only at my suggestion and has not stayed for long. She knows she gets stickers and sweets after using the potty. But doesn't want to do it as playing is more fun for her. It's been about 3 hours now since her nappy came off so I'm sure needs to go. I've suggested sitting on the potty but doesn't want to do it. No poo since Sunday either - last time we tried this she became really constipated so I fear this is happening again. Aggghhh.

On Sunday she did a wee on the floor and she said she didn't know it was coming and she got quite upset. I mentioned this to my Mum and she said of course she knows it's coming. She told me to tell DD that of course she knows the wee is coming and to stop being a silly girl. I was furious. Not going to talk about with her anymore.

Still, going to keep trying this week.

Just read this... Don't know if it will help anyone....

www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers/easy-toilet-potty-training

Papyrus02 Tue 29-Oct-13 10:52:49

Just has read through of some previous posts again. My DD is also incredibly stubborn. She also hated swimming and when we do go occasionally now she pretty much does her own thing! She has also been very slow to try new physical experiences, for example climbing frames, slides, bikes, scooters, stairs.... She'll try them eventually but only after lots of observing others doing these things. Going to nursery/preschool has helped enormously as she has been able to view other children doing these sorts of things. Thought it might help with potty training, but no.

I too avoid swimming lessons as I know that DD will be only one in nappy. Missed a swimming party because of this. Just couldn't face it. Will also be avoiding play dates etc. if they come up as no one wants to deal with toddler in nappy if I'm not around.

starsandmoonandback Wed 30-Oct-13 13:14:21

I am so glad I found this thread! It seems everyone around me have children who potty trained really young or very easily! My DS is 3 years and 3 months and we are attempting potty training today! Staying in with no nappy or pants on. He generally refuses to sit on the potty but has done a few times for a chocolate button as a reward. He only sits in it after he's wee-d though and is all wet! He can stay dry for a while if he has no nappy on, but how do I know if he knows when he's about to wee? He doesn't seem to know its coming. And how will he learn to associate sitting on the potty 'before' weeing, rather than after! I find this quite daunting!!!! My friends little boy at 2.5 just woke up one day saying he wanted to use the potty and no nappies!!! He was potty trained in no time! My DS is a stubborn thing and knows his own mind and any amount of persuading doesn't work in general! Any advice would be really welcome. Thank you smile

Papyrus02 Wed 30-Oct-13 13:29:53

Wish I could help. But I do know it takes time and practice. Can you time how long between wees and then sit him down when you think he might need to go. Perhaps in front of TV so he stays put for awhile. The when it happens give a really good treat and cheer, sing, dance etc. We did this with DD - she did really well on Monday. Yesterday and today not so good. Is refusing to sit on potty and has wet 3 pairs of knickers so far.

I'm surrounded by people whose DC trained easily or, like your friend, just woke one day ready to use toilet. It's so infuriating.

Fairydust29 Wed 30-Oct-13 14:05:23

Hello everyone ..today you have all been my saviours..i too have a three yr old ds.
He one of twins..first twin near enough potty trained himself in july ..just out of nappies one day doing wees/poos on potty and toilet straight away with no problems.
My problem is twin no 2...like others who have posted about their dc showing no interest... I am relieved to see I am not alone in my quest for getting ds potty/toilet trained before he goes to secondary school.blush
Weeing everywhere ..pooing whenever/where-ever...he is full of praise for his twin when he goes to the toilet but isn't the slightest bit bothered that he soils his pants or even just does it anywhere. Today I have admitted defeat for the 3rd time..and resorted back to pull ups after he had done a huge poo at the top of the stairs, and decided to squelch it in his hands, thus wiping it down the wallpaper coming downstairs to tell me he had done a poo! He isn't aware that he needs a wee/poo..only after the event..i have tried bribary, treats, stickers , ignoring accidents, praise to no avail..he is just happy in his pull ups.
Its just nice to see I am not the only one having a struggle. Particulary seeing as my other 4 children had no problems. Shall keep an eye on this thread to see how all your dc progress and hope mine will too .

Maybeloogle Wed 30-Oct-13 17:05:59

I am sooo glad I found this thread. My DS2 is 3.6 and couldn't care less about toilet training. DS1 was done and dusted by 3yrs and, as far as I remember, fairly quick. Although I may have blanked out some of the experience in the same manner as we forget about childbirth. I know they are all different and he does have a more vigorous personality than my first but I am finding it really hard to stay positive. We've been trying for about 2 weeks now, after a couple of abortive efforts in the Summer. We have toilet trainer seats, potties, have scrapped the nappies and he's been generally dry in the night and if we go out but at home he just doesn't care about being wet or doing his business anywhere he likes. DH gets quite cross about it whilst I've tried the "Never mind, let's try the toilet next time!" chirpy chirpy approach. I'm really at a loss.

starsandmoonandback Wed 30-Oct-13 19:57:02

Hi everyone.
Well after nap time, DS got do upset at the prospect of not having a nappy on and screamed about having pants on or nothing and I gave in and just put his nappy on when he asked mid upset. So I feel a bit rubbish about my attempt. If he doesn't know he's going to wee first does that mean he's not ready? Or does it mean if we carry in he'll get it? It's all so confusing! And emotionally he doesn't seem ready because he keeps telling me he's not a big boy (who wears pants) but he's actually very small!! And he hates the idea of not wearing his nappy and using the potty!!

How did everyone else get on today. There seems to be a real variety of potty training issues on this thread. I wish everyone lots of luck. smile

Papyrus02 Thu 31-Oct-13 07:51:44

Hi Starsandmoon

I'm not sure about readiness... Does training help them to realise they need to go? Or do they need that understanding first? Does night time dryness happen after good daytime habits or do they need to be dry at night first?

Our day wasn't great. Wees and a poo in knickers all morning. Didn't want to sit on potty and tried chocolate as an incentive, but didn't want any.

Went out in the afternoon as we were all stir crazy. DD wouldn't use potty before we went out. After about 20 minutes she did a wee in her clothes, unfortunately she was on climbing equipment at local park at the time, it got soaked, she then wouldn't come down. I'd just asked her if she needed a wee - I think she forgot she wasn't wearing a nappy....

Got her changed and we then walked home. On way home she asked if we could go back to park so she could wee on the climbing frame again and then tell me that she needed to be changed (I'd noticed she wet herself - before she said anything) ... I explained it was the other way round; tell me, then we find toilet to wee in!

Going to press on today. She's sitting on potty at the moment whilst watching cbeebies.

starsandmoonandback Fri 01-Nov-13 10:44:11

Hi Papyrus smile

I'm not entirely sure of the answers! Lol. How is your day going today? Any improvements? I think it must take them a while to remember they aren't wearing nappies, they've never known anything else, have they? Is there any other reward or food your DD might be persuaded by. My DS is a stubborn little thing too and he has to want something a lot to be at all persuaded!

Yesterday, I had so much to do out and about I didn't think about potty training. But today we are trying again. So from Day 1 where he didn't want to sit on the potty or wear pants, he is now, on day 2 wanting to sit on the potty every 2 minutes!!! Think it has to do with the reward of a chocolate button for sitting on it! Lol. No wee in it so far though and we've had wet pants once. I feel more positive though - at the moment anyway!!

Good luck to us all smile

starsandmoonandback Fri 01-Nov-13 11:45:45

P.s. I definitely think focus on awake time. Nappies on for sleep for a while.

thedicewoman Sat 02-Nov-13 16:46:46

Hi, just wanted to update that it seems my DD does have an ongoing uti. Despite the health "professionals" telling me there was no secondary uti, and refusing to give another round of antibiotics,I persuaded them to culture the urine, and lo and behold, there was another infection and she is now back on antibiotics and no wet pants straight away again. They have said that if the same Pattern happens after this round then she may be put on low dose prophylacticly. So, only what I suggested about 2 weeks ago but hey ho...

papyrus I wonder if it's worth getting your DD checked out as mine also always said she didn't know she was going to do it, it's almost like the message doesn't get through.

Fishandjam Sat 02-Nov-13 20:56:44

dice, I'm sorry to hear about the UTI, but at least the professionals are now listening!

Meanwhile, for the first time ever, DS DID A SHIT IN THE POTTY!!! <flips t-shirt over head, runs round with arms in air, then a knee slide to the corner flag>

More or less unprompted too. I don't mind if he doesn't repeat it for a while either, it's 100% better than we've had so far.

thedicewoman Sat 02-Nov-13 22:19:54

Excellent!! That is brilliant... jeez, how sad has life become when these are the things we are celebrating, but I'm totally with you!!

InsultingBadger Sun 03-Nov-13 09:13:41

Hi all! My dd is almost 3 and becomes very aggressive and upset when I even mention the potty. She will up without nappies but will just hold it then have a huge accident.... Where to start?! Nice to know you aren't judgey as people in real life are.

Fishandjam Sun 03-Nov-13 10:04:30

Hello badger! Welcome to our faintly pee smelling thread. With my vast experience of toilet training grin maybe your DD isn't ready yet? Maybe leave off for a month or so (but leaving the potty where she can see it)? And you'll need to develop the hide of a rhino, obviously.

Fishandjam Sun 03-Nov-13 10:05:59

dice, yes it's a bit tragic really! Never thought I'd talk about excrement quite so much....

missingink Sun 03-Nov-13 11:20:01

Just wanted to say that DD was 3.9 and I was wondering if it would ever happen and whether I would ever think about anything other than wee and poo. It happened because she decided, and frankly I'd been banging my head against a wall to no purpose whatsoever before then.

BranchingOut Sun 03-Nov-13 17:24:29

Hooray for the poo!

Please send poo vibes my way, if you can smile

Fishandjam Tue 05-Nov-13 21:59:57

No poo vibes here, I'm afraid. I took DS to the GP to talk about the problems he's been having. She asked me to look at the Bristol Stool Chart (a chart of poo! Who knew?) to show her what his doings look like, and when I pointed to number 2 (arf) she said that meant he was constipated. Movicol ahoy. He's not pinched one off since Sunday, so the poor little chap must be bunged up to the eyeballs just now. The prescription will be ready tomorrow so I'd better batten down the hatches for a tsunami!

Fishandjam Wed 06-Nov-13 10:40:03

Have just picked up DS's Movicol prescription. I read the patient information leaflet and came across this little gem. Bearing in mind that the medicine is to be used for "children aged 2 to 11 years".

"Movicol Paediatric Plain can be given during pregnancy and whilst breast feeding. If your child is pregnant, trying to become pregnant or breast feeding, ask your pharmacist or doctor for advice..."

confused

Papyrus02 Wed 06-Nov-13 20:43:11

Hello all,

I have good news. DD is using potty (and even toilet) for wees. She's doing really well. Have even been out and about and she has been doing well at pre-school too. Only problem is poo - she wants to use potty but every time she sits down she springs back up again saying that it won't happen now, eventually poos in knickers. I'm sure we'll sort it soon.

I used a combination of rewards and being kind of aloof; in that I don't remind too much. She seems much happier now as I think she feels she's in control.

She was even dry overnight last night.

Quite honestly I'm gob-smacked it's worked out after our previous attempts. Good luck to everyone else.

Fish - that really made me laugh. And feel quite scared too.... Who thought that advice really was required?

Papyrus02 Wed 06-Nov-13 20:46:47

I looked at the below link last week. Helped me to stick with it...

2point5kids.com/articles/parenting-potty-training-tips-for-stubborn-children-that-work/

Fishandjam Tue 12-Nov-13 11:12:22

Great news papyrus! Really pleased that you're making such good progress.

DS is now shifting after several doses of Movicol, which is good. Less good is that he's still doing it in his pants, and now it's all softer it's harder to shake out down the cludgie. Ah well, you win some, you lose some...

Had to laugh yesterday though. I was trying to work out why DD (aged 18 months) had sopping wet socks which smelled of wee, while the rest of her was dry. When I went into the bathroom, I realised. I'd forgotten to empty DS's potty (it's one of those padded jobs with a bowl insert, which you lift out to empty). DD had emptied the cold wee all over the bathroom floor, and then jumped up and down in it - probably pretending it was a puddle. She likes jumping in puddles.

Papyrus02 Wed 13-Nov-13 12:06:44

Thanks Fishandjam - Good news about your DS, hopefully things will continue to improve.

It's still going well here. Apart from poos; she's finding that all quite difficult.

Understand about the younger sibling and potties. DD2 is obsessed with the potty chair. Always taking it apart and putting the padded seat or insert bit somewhere else. The other day she was walking around with padded seat in her mouth! I'm hoping she will be easier to train as she's showing such an interest already.

Moosey21 Wed 13-Nov-13 17:36:48

I am so pleased to have found this thread!!
I have been really struggling with getting my ds dry. He's 3years, 3 months and has been wearing pants for around 6 months now and we'd been coping with the odd accident or bad day but I just feel as though we're going backwards again.
We've been able to take him out and he tells us when he wants to wee but never poo. The last 2 days he's wet and soiled his pants apparently without caring. I have caught him crossing his legs so I think he may be a little constipated and is holding it. No matter what I say about it being better out, he refuses to tell me he needs to go. It's got to the stage where I can smell poo, I ask him if he's been and he says no when he has.
Reading your comments though, has just made me realise he's probably telling me no because he's ashamed.
I'm just so frustrated with the whole thing I'm wondering g whether to go back to pull-ups? That just feels like I'm going backwards though, especially when he was doing so well in his pants! We've tried a sticker chart, rewards, bribery, everything! It's got to the point where I'm so sick of soiled pants and so frustrated with it all, myself and my OH are arguing about it.
I started potty training when his nursery suggested it but I'm wondering whether he was actually ready!
Has anybody here started again having worn pants got so long?
X

Papyrus02 Wed 13-Nov-13 21:21:10

I'm honestly no expert Moosey, but all I have read suggests backing off when they get older and are training or having issues. Perhaps stop reminding him. He'll have an accident but should then take responsibility not to have another - well that's the theory. I looked up potty training resistance for some ideas. And link posted above might help. I don't know about going back to pull-ups - but, I'm sure you'd be able to get him out of them again. Good luck !

Rejoining the thread. My DD1 is 3.4 and we've not tried a full on pt attempt yet as she has been so utterly against the idea, if toilets were mentioned she'd wake crying with nightmares. Nursery decided they knew best and eventually I had to tell them firmly to back off.

She has development delay and if I could wait over two years to hear her say just one word I figured I could wait a while to pt. But when her 20mo cousin cheerfully showed off her new pants yesterday and I saw my DD1's face crumble I decided enough was enough.

So today she made her poo face as I was serving up lunch, I swiped her off her feet and plonked her on the loo. Bribed her to stay there with promises of pretty pink princess pants and feck me she pooped. Then after her nap I said it was time for a wee and I read her a book and after that I discovered a mammoth poo (which reinforces my thoughts she was withholding) ans she did another wee on the loo tonight before bed.

She been in pullups for months as nursery requested them, and we have done loads and loads of talking about poo, wee, nappies, toilets etc ans although I don't hold out huge hope that we've cracked it after only half a day I do feel better for having at least started.

She is literally the only child I know not pt, other than babies and the looks I get from others and the advice too has made my blood boil.

BranchingOut Thu 14-Nov-13 12:30:55

Welcoming people either joining or returning to the thread. I hope that this is a safe place to talk about these woes - I certainly need it myself!

Sympathies for the judgy looks. Why is potty training/slower potty training such a competitive subject amongst parents? Mastering the process of eating with cutlery is probably just as complex, but you never hear parents talking about that...

CrocodileScream Thu 14-Nov-13 12:51:25

Hi I've lurked on here from time to time as DS (2.10 at the time) was hostile to anything pant / potty related. He would do a poo and sit in it for ages if I hadn't smelt it.

Anyway I wanted to share with you all our experience. He went from pant and potty hostility one day to ready to start potty training a few day later. I'm not entirely sure how but I just 'knew' this time that he was ready. It's been 3 and a half weeks and it's been a breeze. I've been so laid back and it all just happened so naturally.

Loads of accidents at the start - weeping on potty but not pulling pants down - pants down - poo in potty - peeing in potty when out and about - peeing and pooing on toilet when out.

It just shows that when they are ready it can be so easy!

Good luck to all.

CrocodileScream Thu 14-Nov-13 12:52:47

Weeing on potty not weeping! grin there has been no weeping!

CrocodileScream Thu 14-Nov-13 12:56:12

I should also say that I didn't keep asking if he needed to do a pee as it annoyed him so much. He would get a choc button for 'sitting and trying' at certain times throughout the day but no reminding other than that. He seemed to learn from each accident / set of accidents.

Moosey21 Fri 15-Nov-13 09:25:19

Thanks papyrus02 I've decided to persevere with the pants as he happily takes himself to the toilet when he needs to pee. I'm just going to completely back off. No reminders, nothing. If he has an accident I'm just going to clean him up and carry on. I've got a new reward chart, that he chose too so hopefully that will help.
Failing that, a friend has suggested some mild laxatives to stop him withholding. I'd like to think I've tried everything else first though.
Wish me luck! smile

Papyrus02 Fri 15-Nov-13 20:46:03

Moosey, Good luck! Apples or pears are a good natural laxative. I give DD some apple or apple purée when I know she's withholding. Those organix tubes of purée are quite good - boots do them. Or some apple juice.

The less I remind DD the better she gets at working it out for herself and getting to loo/potty on time.

purpleflowerlove Mon 25-Nov-13 21:46:11

I've just sat reading this in tears (of relief), that other people are in a similar situation. My DS is is 3.2 and in the last couple of days has shown a very minimal interest in sitting on the toilet with training seat after 2 failed attempts in last 8-10 months. (Caught 1 wee in last 2 days and still lots of refuals to try toilet and asking for nappy back on). Still convinced he actually knows when he needs to go etc. Had 3 sits on toilet in past 2 days and period with nappy happily off today. That is a break through from a little boy who wouldn't even not have trousers off when we first started. Feeling MASSIVE PRESSURE from family and peers who all have trained DC's of same age and worry about development generally etc as a result. Not sure what to do next. Do I gradually increase nappy off time go for broke tomorrow and whip nappy off all day? (I also have an 18 month old DC which makes long period sat on loo challenging). SO STRESSED!!!

purpleflowerlove Tue 26-Nov-13 20:09:28

So, went with nappy off all day. All accidents, poo and wee. One wee accident minutes prior to refusal to try sitting on toilet. A couple of successful toilet sits whilst read a story and bribery of chocolate button afterwards. Decided to leave and try again after Christmas. It's so difficult. Feel embarrassed when we're in public and people see he's still in a nappy!

purpleflowerlove Tue 26-Nov-13 20:10:56

when I say successful toilet sits I mean just that..nothing actually went in it! sad

BranchingOut Wed 27-Nov-13 20:08:54

Hello, purple. Welcome to this damp but comforting thread...
Well done on the successful 'sits' - that is all progress! Keep going and keep posting here.

TerrariaMum Fri 29-Nov-13 10:43:12

May I join? Am relieved to have found this thread.

DD1 is nearly 3 and we have had a few attempts but none successful. She just doesn't seem to have much interest. And now, I have to struggle to even get her to change her nappy because she is busy playing. I have tried to explain that if she learns to use the potty, she can just use it and go back to playing and it will be faster than struggling with nappies.

We also have some difficulties in that every book I have read assumes that there is a toilet in the bathroom or that all houses have two toilets. Our house is a late Victorian/early Edwardian build with one toilet on the ground floor, a bathroom with just a sink and bath on the landing, and no toilets on the second floor.

Any advice?

And as to the nighttime dryness, I read that that is entirely biological in that they won't be dry at night until they produce enough of the hormone vasopressin. And we can't speed up biology.

Amethyst35 Wed 04-Dec-13 20:06:41

My DS is 4, never used a potty or a toilet, with holds poo so has 7-8 dirty nappies per day. He's been referred to CAMHS for anxiety over toileting. Starting to lose my mind a bit.

SinisterBuggyMonth Thu 05-Dec-13 17:58:53

Yep. 3.5 yo am desperately trying to potty train him but he's already weed all over himself, sofa and me today, and I've had to chuck the last pair of clean pants because they are stuffed with poo. Feel like the most shit mother in the world right now. He is supposed to start school next September and I can't es how he will be out of nappies ever, let alone by then.

purpleflowerlove Thu 12-Dec-13 20:06:55

Sinister. I totally get the feeling like a bad mother bit. We've given up for a bit (DS 3.3), after he woke the other night having a bad dream and when I went he shouted out 'I don't want to sit on the toilet!' fsad. Not going to mention / push it all for a while. Tried a few days before with pull ups but my DS is so against any change he noticed a different picture on the front and wouldn't entertain then at all (when I wrongly forced it a bit he just ripped it off and said no). Hoping it might just click one day and he might be one of these dry in 4 days types (if they exist) hmm. All very stressful.

I've come back again after we quit PT because after what seemed like a few days if success she simply gave up.

I would appreciate advice on how to deal with the 'rage' associated with clearing up. I just cannot change her now after she does a poo in her nappy/pullup/floor, I am aware my reaction is unhelpful and I do know I have to remain patient but some days after asking and asking and asking her and the second my back is turned she poos I have shouted at her so so much.

if you ask her she parrots back that wees and poos go in the toilet. She kniws when shes going. She can pull her trousers down. But no. Flat out fucking refusal.

Rewards don't work. Punishment doesn't work. Even nursery have said that they give up. Ultimately its a hygiene issue because she smells and other children are teasing her - in a room of 30 children she is the only one untrained. HV just simpers and vaguely suggested it was our fault for leaving it so late.

So how do I control the rage?!

Oh and dd is 3y.5m and she does mammoth poos which are foul to deal with.

BranchingOut Tue 17-Dec-13 12:16:32

How is she with wee, Big Welly?

The only thing I can suggest is leaving it up to her for a while- we found that helped a bit in making progress with wee. I think he had got sick of us going on about it....hmm

We are still no further forward with poo. Might have a concerted effort over Christmas - just to add to the festivities!

I was just looking at this thread to see if there were any helpful tips:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/1815316-If-you-had-a-DC-who-refused-to-poo-on-the-loo

Doesn't even try for wee - it is affecting my relationship with her now. Just before lunch we'd had a great fun morning she literally walked in front of me - squatted and poo'd in her nappy - then walked off.

I mean how do you even rationalise that? She knows full well exactly what she is doing and when. Won't use a potty or a toilet. She has eczema and getting her out of nappies would help so much as well because we have to wash her down after poos or if we notice any odour.

Nursery have no ideas apparently.

PseudoSanta Tue 17-Dec-13 13:23:00

Marks place to read and join in when I get a free minute. Hello everyone smile

Sigh
Just sigh.

DD1 has just had a tummy bug, granted the nappies were a godsend but her refusal to even try and do the poos on the potty or loo has meant she has been left with bleeding and red raw nappy rash. In the meantime a friends child who has just turned 2.5 is dry in days.

I am SO fed up. Please can we have a group hug or something? Right now I feel like an atrocious parent.

BranchingOut Sat 21-Dec-13 19:14:52

Hug for you BigW!

BigW how old is your DD? Mine is 3.5 and totally not interested in training sad I'm thinking about maybe getting some professionals involved.

She is 3y and 6m.

And right now I fully confess I do not like her behaviour much.

purpleflowerlove Thu 02-Jan-14 22:31:40

A belated big hug BigW. My DS is is also totally unresponsive to rewards punishment etc. Generally very well behaved other than this issue. I also note that when we have a potty training phase our relationship deteriorates for which is not helped by my stress / frustration re accidents / lack of progress / dragging round DC2 (20 months) in/out of toilet while DC1 (3.3) decides whether he can bare to sit on toilet/potty. I've got no advice sorry, just support xx

BranchingOut Fri 03-Jan-14 11:52:53

It is so difficult and tiring too, always having to think around the whole poo/wee issue.

We have had some small but pleasing steps forward:

A wee in an unfamiliar toilet! At the swimming pool no less, albeit made somewhat tricky by the fact that we were both cold, wet and hampered by clammy swimwear. But he did it, for the first time, to much celebration!

Willingly going for a wee at bedtime - I am thinking of bracing myself for trying to go nappy less at night.

I hope that these small successes do encourage others - this was a child who refused to sit on a potty at all at age 3.

Still no progress on poo though!

purpleflowerlove Sat 04-Jan-14 20:27:04

Branching - how old is your DC and how long have you been 'progressing'? Sounds you're at a really advanced stage! Well on the way. Well done xx

Amiable Sat 04-Jan-14 21:06:33

Hello everyone, could I join in? DS is 3 yrs 5 mths & is just not getting it either.
We've tried on and off since he was about 2.5, but every time stopped it because he really isn't bothered about peeing and poking wherever he is, then sitting in it refusing to acknowledge or accept it. My poor sofa has really suffered, and constantly smells of lavender Febreze. grin Better than the alternative I guess!

He's been at nursery since September, and they are now putting pressure on us to get him out of pull ups. Don't get me wrong, they know it's no use if he's not ready too. It's frustrating though when they keep asking about it!

Amiable Sat 04-Jan-14 21:39:17

Just realised that should be peeing and pooing! Oops!!

BranchingOut Sat 04-Jan-14 21:40:37

purpleflower We didn't really make much progress at all until about 3.2 when I finally managed to get him into pants (Bright Bots trainers) by 'running out' of nappies. ;) He was still terrified of the potty at that stage and it was 3.7 before I ever saw him voluntarily use the potty, although his grandmother claimed that he did previously use it from time to time on his days with her - she was v supportive btw, no MIL issues.

Hi Amiable - welcome, hope that you find it supportive here. You are not alone! Will he sit on the potty at all? I recommend the Bright Bots pants as a useful staging post out of pull-ups.

JADS Sat 04-Jan-14 22:46:59

Hello. May I join this thread? Ds is 3.1 but was a late walker and just getting to grips with his speech. He knows poo though. We have had potty wees first thing and after his bath. He will only do it standing over the potty. Probably need to get him some pants but I am worried about pushing it. Plus I work so need to sort some leave for a long weekend of pt. What a great use of a/l!

Jint Sun 05-Jan-14 15:58:59

Can I join too please. My gorgeous boy aged 3y5m is driving me crazy, we started training last May when he was 2y9m. He hadn't shown any interest or willingness before then and with my girl she'd been the same but when we did it with her at 2.9 she was trained day and night within a week. But my DS..... no progress whatsoever from May to Oct. literally nothing, just wee'd and poo'd in his pants every bloody day through to Oct. Can't begin to tell you how annoying it was. We flitted back and forth between pants and pullups in that time as it made zero difference what he was wearing and it drove me demented after 3/4 weeks of non stop changes. He started pre school in Sept and day 1 was in pants and same story, I thought maybe peer pressure would help, but no, he really couldn't give a goddamn! In about Oct he suddenly got wee'ing and he's now dry day and night, even wakes up for a wee, which is great but let's be honest, who cares about night time. Problem is poo'ing, he steadfastly refuses to poo in the potty or the toilet. It's not at all unusual for him to stand next to the toilet and poo in his pants. He seems to get totally freaked out if I can manage to get him on the toilet and he can feel poo coming. The pre school are worse than useless (generally, not just this) and I'd take him out if he didn't love it so much. He goes to school in Sept and after 8 months, I just can't see any light in the tunnel.
He has no other developmental issues and is a bright boy. He absolutely knows when he needs to poo, he takes himself off on his own, but just doesn't want to do it where he should. I've been patient, angry, gentle, bribed, punished you name it. None even register! Today I said I'd put him back in nappies like a baby (okay he said) then I said I'd take his dummy away (which he only has at night and needs to go anyway) and he said 'but babies can have dummies' (smartarse). He just doesn't care.
What the hell do you do??

Fishandjam Tue 07-Jan-14 13:00:38

Hello to everyone - and Happy New Year!

Will come back and reply to new posts later but an update from us: DS is now 4, and is still shitting his pants every time. Not one poo on the potty, ever (save for one where we knew it was coming and forcibly plonked him down on it). He says he doesn't know the poo is coming. The Movicol has worked in that his poo isn't hard any more, but it's still erratic and comes in smudges and blobs rather than all in one go. I am so sick of chucking away soiled pants and feel like I'm living in a permanent smell of shit. (We tried going back to pull-ups for a bit but that just made him lazy on the wee front.) I suspect that his bowel has become overstretched and numb after the constipation, but I don't really know.

Will take him back to the GP this week and see where we go from here sad.

Jint Wed 08-Jan-14 10:27:13

Hi Fishandjam, sounds very familiar. So frustrating isn't it!

CouthyMow Wed 08-Jan-14 10:43:45

DS3 will be 3 in a couple of weeks. He knows when he has DONE a poo, but isn't yet able to TELL me that (he has Global Development Delay and speech delay, amongst other things). Wees? Nope!

I have 4 DC's, and every single one was potty trained at a different age...when THEY were ready! My DD finally came out of nappies day and night at 4yo - but she wasn't clean until she was 7yo, and she wasn't dry during the day till 10y7mo, and at night at 12y4mo. (She has SN, and she also had to have her bladder expanded before she was able to stay dry).

My DS1 took his nappies off at 18mo, was instantly dry day and night, and has NEVER had an accident. Sod all to do with me, he is stubborn and had decided that nappies were for his baby brother, and that was that!

My DS2 was dry in the day at 2y7mo, and at night at around 3y6mo. He is 10 now, and is only clean with the aid of daily medication, as his hypermobility syndrome affects his bowels.

My DS3 also has hypermobility syndrome, so I'm not rushing it, but we are very gently trying. It's just an issue with the wees as he has no clue what's going on before, during or after a wee.

At least with poos he now knows when he has done one.

CouthyMow Wed 08-Jan-14 10:53:06

With movicol , you need to give it at the same time every day, for a good week or so, to start to see any improvements. DS2 has been on it for 5+ years now, he's currently on 2 sachets a day, and if we miss a single dose he gets backed up, and if a dose is more than around 20 minutes late even.

If you give the Movicol at the same time(s) every day, it regulates their pooping times. Best advice I was ever given about Movicol. (Thank you to the poster on the SN board that gave me that advice!)

CouthyMow Wed 08-Jan-14 10:57:20

My DS3 will happily sit on the potty or 'torlit', but has never done anything on there. He often gets up after 5 minutes or so, and pees as he walks away...and then jumps in it saying "muddy puddle, muddy puddle".

My poor carpet...

CouthyMow Wed 08-Jan-14 10:59:20

The vasopressin thing is utterly correct, and the reason my DD wasn't dry at night until over 12yo!

CouthyMow Wed 08-Jan-14 11:10:22

After a faecal impaction, it can take 3-6 months for the bowel to go back to what it was before it was stretched. Relax on the pants front, Tesco pants are cheap enough. I gave up trying to clean shitty pants about three years ago, and it was the best thing I've ever done.

So much stress gone!

Just bin them in a nappy bag and buy a new pack with your shopping each week. Hang the expense! It just makes PT so much easier if you don't stress about shitty pants.

Actually, this has reminded me that as DS2 is getting backed up again, I need to add an extra dose of Movicol in - he's grown, and 2 sachets a day aren't doing the trick, as he's blocking the loo again with his logs...

Sometimes bowel problems can need years of treatment with Movicol. DS2 is headed to rheumatology, as Movicol isn't as useful for them once they are 11, so they need to work out what to do next.

This thread is, however, giving me the balls I need to have another go with pants with DS3. Having two DC's not fully PT when one is 10yo was putting me off somewhat, but I now have the kick up the arse to try again.

Anyone got any good story suggestions for a boy? I have Skylanders pants (his current obsession thanks to DS2...), potty and toilet seat.

CouthyMow Wed 08-Jan-14 11:15:54

His pooing is also complicated by the fact that due to his allergies, he is on a very (VERY) restricted diet, and also on a milk replacement that he has to have at night (bleurgh to the night time feed at almost 3yo...not slept a full night since I was 6 month pg...).

It makes him very irregular, as it is nutritionally complete (he does eat food during the day too), but he has different amounts every night. Some nights he only has half a sachet, other nights he has up to a sachet and a half. Which means that he poos anything between one and 5 times a day, at very irregular times!

Fishandjam Wed 08-Jan-14 14:03:19

Crikey couthy, sounds like you're having a right old time of it. A good tip on the Movicol though - DS does have his at the same time each night but every so often I do forget to give it him. He's only on half a sachet but maybe I need to up it a little.

Jint, indeed. And the pitying/incredulous comments I'm starting to receive ("What, isn't he toilet trained yet? What's wrong with him?") are seriously boiling my piss.

CouthyMow Wed 08-Jan-14 14:06:52

If you have any apple 'things', download Pillboxie. It's a free App that gives you a notification when meds are due. We have so many in my house, it's invaluable for ensuring that nobody's meds get forgotten.

CouthyMow Wed 08-Jan-14 14:13:39

If you haven't been told that you can adapt the dose as needed, and been given a minimum and maximum dose, the please speak to the prescribing HCP before changing the dosage!

It is based on height and weight, and I know that while 2 sachets a day was working for DS2 before he grew and put on weight, his maximum dose is 6 sachets a day.

That is going to be very different for a 2-3yo!!

If you are giving the dose at night, are you finding he is waking with a pooey nappy? Usually it takes LITERALLY 12 hours from Movicol dose to poo, it's practically like clockwork! (Another tip from the lady in SN on here)

I find that a 7pm dose ensures a poo at 7am, and a dose at 7am produces poo at 7pm. Basically decide when is the easiest time for him to poo (for you!) and give the dose 12 hours beforehand.

If you up his dose (after medical advice), then give the other half sachet in the morning - 2 smaller poos are much better for someone prone to faecal impaction or bad constipation than 1 larger poo, as it heals the bowels quicker.

CouthyMow Wed 08-Jan-14 23:28:31

Aaarrrggghhh! DS3 is soooo irritating, yet has really cheered me at the same time.

I try and try with potty training, not one piss on the potty or toilet.

I go to College tonight, my Ex was here looking after the DC's. DS3 ASKS for the potty, sits on it and then pees.

YAY for his first success, but FFS why do it for his Dad and not me!!

Both grin and angry and confused all at once. But mostly grin.

BranchingOut Wed 02-Apr-14 15:15:45

I don't know who is still watching the thread, but I thought that I would share:

I went to pick up my DS from nursery and a jubilant key person informed me that he had done a poo on the toilet!!!!!

His first proper one, ever!!! Age 4.6!

I actually cried a little bit...

grin grin grin
Hooray!

Toastmonster Wed 02-Apr-14 16:33:22

I've gone cold turkey with my 3 & a half year old DS for the last 4 days, indoors in just pants and fleece top / socks. So far today, we've had ten accidents in his pants, one poo in pants. He quite happily will sit in it and it doesn't bother him whatsoever. I remind him every half hour, been sitting on the toilet which he will occasionally not mind doing. I sat him on toilet as I saw his little dance, sat for a few minutes. Wanted to get off. Within a minute of getting off he had done a wee. He hasn't the speech to say 'need wee' and I'm seriously doubting he even makes the connection. Feel such a crap mum with various digs from family, even 'is he autistic as not talking fluently or using a potty?' 'You've been too soft!' Etc - I wouldn't say I'm soft or lazy with him learning to potty train, I just don't want to push it with him when I'm still not convinced he's ready but I can't understand why. Someone please put up a success story!

Thereonthestair Fri 04-Apr-14 13:44:53

Ok I will post a success story. I was on this thread last August when we had first tried to think about potty training. We finally went cold turkey with DS at the weekend and put him back into pants having made a few slow steps in the intervening months about getting him to sit nicely etc.

I did have some support from a private OT, but that was mainly around seating positions etc as well as clothing given DS disability.

TBH I was dreading actually potty training DS again, and sure it was going to fail. I had been thinking I really must do it for a couple of months but what with DS being ill, me being ill and the extra crap which comes with a disabled child I had put it off.

Anyway the weekend was a disaster, no success at all. lots of accidents. Took him to nursery on Monday and thought oh well they can deal with it. 3 accidents at nursery and one at home. had a medical appointment on Tuesday which I had to drive to. Took a deep breath and a lot of changes of clothes/towels but then kept DS in pants, we managed the full 90 minutes without an accident (couldn't believe that). 2 accidents after that. Same 2 accidents on Wednesday, but then yesterday nothing, no accidents all poo/wee where it should be. This morning also dry nappy from overnight and waited until 60 mins post breakfast to wee.

I am not saying we have it sussed. It is still to early to say. I am also very much aware that I am still prompting DS/Taking DS to to bathroom every 2 ish hours (but then he can't walk so I figure that is OK) so there is a bit more support than perhaps there should be BUT even with his disability it feels very different this time. And I feel different this time.

I am not sure what helped apart from DS being older. We do have a specialist book about potty training children with special needs. There are really two fantastic tips in there. The first is to get a record of what your child's pattern is (how many accidents/how many successes and tiems of day- that made me realise DS can in fact control his bladder, well that and the car journey when he udnerstood cars don't have toilets in them) and the second was even when DS did have an accident to insist that he went to the bathroom to "finish" and be cleaned up so that he did not think not telling us was a better use of time than telling us was so he could finish his game/toy etc.

Those two tips were worth more to us than all the bribery in the world!

Jint Fri 04-Apr-14 18:21:59

Big hugs toast monster. We've finally cracked it after 10 months but I'm sorry to say I have no golden tip! DS was poo'ing in his pants when our back was turned for months. Nothing worked, praise rewards, shouting etc. finally we went for 5 days to Disneyland Paris and the nature of the holiday, and the fact that he was literally never alone seemed to do it. He couldn't sneak away so he had to do it on the toilet. At least I think that's what did it but he could just have finally been ready. We started training him at 2y8m and he was just over 3y6 when I could say he actually got it. Honestly some kids just take longer. DD only took a week! And I'm the same mother so it isn't you being soft/lazy etc. it really is them! Take care, it's really, really miserable. Wine helps ;)

Toastmonster Sat 05-Apr-14 08:14:17

Lovely to hear those stories, it really does help! I've stopped again for another month and I'm going to try and work on his speech so he can / could at least tell me when he needs to go. It really is the hardest challenge I've faced in parenting, fingers crossed that he will get it before starting preschool in September even though I shouldn't put a time frame in mind, it's hard not to think like that. Have a good day

Jint Sat 05-Apr-14 11:21:11

Agree Toastmonster, everyone hears about the sleepless nights but I don't think potty training gets the press it deserves. Re time frame, I was the same, DS is an Aug baby so he actually starts primary in Sept and I was terrified he'd still be poo'ing in his pants going to school. Good luck smile

BranchingOut Tue 08-Apr-14 18:42:42

Just another update. After the success story of his poo on the toilet at nursery, we had a slightly blah few days where he went right back to old behaviour and seemed to regard his job as done: 'I went for a poo on the toilet at [nursery name]'. hmm

But then he did it tonight. I think the key today might have been that, while we were at the shop, we spotted something that he really liked and I said that he could have it, but only if he did the poo on the toilet at home. He carried it home in his coat pocket but then voluntarily gave it to me to put in the bag of rewards I have, so clearly his hopes were high that he might see it again. grin

Just another 'yay'! grin

MrsBryan Tue 08-Apr-14 18:44:12

Glad to find this thread. DS is doing very well but had three accidents today so obviously have a little way to go.

Hope everyone is okay, I know how infuriating it can be.

Saroj977 Fri 18-Apr-14 10:46:18

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Madrigals Sat 19-Apr-14 03:58:01

Hi all, may I join please?

My DS will be 3 in 3 months from now and has a preschool start in September where they have made it clear he will need to be trained.

He has also had a speech delay and been deaf. After grommets he now has normal hearing and his speech and comprehension of language are back up to normal which is such a relief and he can now communicate when he has done a poo in his nappy.

I have tried the gentle thing for the last few months - started talking about potties back in September, he got potty books for Christmas and then a potty. We also have a toilet seat and he has been encouraged to sit on both and read the potty books. He even did two wees on the potty, but then around 2 months ago wouldn't go on it again at all! I didn't want to put him off so have given him a break.

I am going to try again from this week and wondered if anyone could recommend a gentle method book?

Now going back to read the thread!

Madrigals Sat 19-Apr-14 03:58:51

Branching, that is amazing grin

Madrigals Sat 19-Apr-14 03:59:31

Good luck Mrs Bryan!

starsandmoonandback Wed 23-Apr-14 09:18:01

Hi everyone.
I wondered if anyone had advice for me?! We've successfully potty trained DS (now 3.9) about 2 months ago and it actually went much better than expected! I'm really pleased we waited until he was really ready. But... I'm wondering how to get him to use the 'big' toilet! We have a comfy seat for him but he's refusing to even think about it!! Do you think I should move his potty (now in front room) up to the bathroom (it's a tiny bathroom!)? Any ideas are very welcome....not sure where to go next!

How is everyone going?

starsandmoonandback Wed 23-Apr-14 09:22:23

Madrigals, my DS was very similar, we started off just getting him to sit on potty before it after bath at night only, eventually he did a wee and got a sticker for sitting on potty and a big sticker for doing a wee! I looked at the potty training for boys book which was gentle but in the end I just did whatever happened! Lol. When we decided to go for it, I just stayed in for 2 days with no pants on. Rewards are vital!!! We used choc buttons each time and a daily pressie, slowly going to a pressie with a full sticker chart! And then only stickers on chart for poos!!! Good luck xx

starsandmoonandback Sat 26-Apr-14 19:32:46

Not a busy thread then?! Lol wink

After many suggestions to my DS about trying a wee on the toilet, I kept getting shouted at 'Nooooooo' but this evening his potty upstairs was still in my bag I took out today and so I offered him the toilet, with reward, as he seemed like he needed to go! It worked! I'm Gobsmacked! He then asked to go again after the bath! So proud of him! Sorry for gushing! Lol

Madrigals Sat 26-Apr-14 23:23:08

Sounds good, stars smile soon he will be happily going on the toilet regularly, hopefully smile

starsandmoonandback Sun 27-Apr-14 08:04:08

Thanks Mad, how are you getting on? X

Madrigals Sun 27-Apr-14 22:50:49

No progress!! He is in a real 'no', 'no' phase still!

But he did gleefully wee in the bath tonight, so I know he can wee at will grin

HaroldLloyd Sun 27-Apr-14 22:55:56

Ah! Thank goodness. I am struggling with this at the moment.

Madrigals Sun 27-Apr-14 23:00:02

How old is your dc, Harold?

HaroldLloyd Sun 27-Apr-14 23:01:34

Three and 2 months.

He's never been on the potty, he just poos and wees wherever he is and dosent seem to even care!

I'll have a good read through here when I get 5, and hope for some tips.

starsandmoonandback Sun 27-Apr-14 23:24:09

Harold, do you mean you've put him in pants and he's just weeing and pooing?

HaroldLloyd Sun 27-Apr-14 23:28:06

Yes, one day he even weed on me when we were watching a film.

Last time I tried he just pooed and called out mummy a poo fell out of my pants.

I am totally utterly at a loss.

Maybe he's just not ready but he is going to nursery in September so that makes me nervous.

starsandmoonandback Sun 27-Apr-14 23:31:45

My DS is generally in a 'no' phase for anything new! I honestly didn't know what to do about moving him from potty to toilet, that's why I wrote here, but they can oddly surprise you! I tried for a day of potty training when DS was about 3.4 months and whilst miraculously he actually sat on it (I'd tried before and it was always a NO) he didn't wee. Then again I tried and he just weed and then sat on the potty after I encouraged him to sit on it after... (Thought he'd never get the convection!) but I really believe he just wasn't ready yet. This time, at 3.7 months he was! And I am so glad I waited. I am also lucky that his nursery/preschool are very supportive of the potty train when ready ethos as I know lots aren't. Have you spoken to your DS's preschool about his speech delay, as you could explain that dialogue about such things haven't been easy, surely that can be seen as an exception? Worth a try perhaps?

Eyelet Sun 27-Apr-14 23:34:56

I'll be back.

Madrigals Mon 28-Apr-14 00:01:28

I think you are right about trying to seek dialogue, stars. Very good to hear about your DS - makes me feel more hopeful smile at the moment DS just will not actually sit on the potty confused

Harold, that sounds hard!

Madrigals Mon 28-Apr-14 00:02:10

Hi Eyelet, yes please do come back - the more the merrier!!

starsandmoonandback Mon 28-Apr-14 00:02:30

Harold, he may not be ready. And waiting even a few weeks may help. But, this time, I stayed in for 2 days and let DS go bottomless and he got the hang of weeing (with choc buttons as rewards and a little present each day. Also stickers just for 'sitting' on the potty, 2 for weeing ( at first) as soon as I put pants on him he weed (I think was like having a nappy on) but he did get it very quickly. Pooing,took longer, I thought it would be months (he would poo in pants or on the floor if no pants on!) but actually, within a couple of weeks (with stickers, choc buttons and presents being for pooing on the potty) he's got it! Now, we've achieved weeing in the toilet, but yet to conquer poos!

Honestly, I completely understand the worry, it feels like they'll never do it, but they do!!! smile

starsandmoonandback Mon 28-Apr-14 00:08:04

Mad, my DS was sooo the same. We had potties around since he was 2 or something, read books about potties, but would he even contemplate sitting on the potty....Nope! shock If your DS likes routine then I'd do the once a day thing. Make a sticker chart (I'll send you my basic one I made and printed out! Give his favourite sweet, choc after every 'try', 2 for an actual wee.... Rewards (bribery!!!!) was the way to go for us! And it was easily petered off too as they begin to want to do it and feel a sense of achievement. Pm me if you want my sticker chart!!!

Martorana Mon 28-Apr-14 00:13:31

Would it help to know that my incredibly socially confident, charming, gifted and talented and all round fab ds was only potty trained for pees at about 3, just about for poos when he started school and was unable to wipe his own bottom until he was about 7?

WildThong Mon 28-Apr-14 00:28:50

I didn't potty train my DS at all. I just kind of went with the flow (literally grin. I think young mothers are put under too much pressure to reach certain milestones with their children and what looks good on a page of a book doesn't necessarily mean it's right for every child. Sometimes they are just not ready.

I Ignored mil, peer pressure etc and was guided by ds's own understanding/maturity whatever you want to call it.
So he was between two and a half to three and straight out of nappies onto the toilet, using a little step of course and with me helping wipe. I think we had a couple of nighttime accidents in total, nothing major.
I wouldn't have minded if he was older, I made the decision to wait and it worked out perfectly.

djumi1990 Tue 29-Apr-14 09:41:12

I have heard about Carwyn Turbo Potty Training as a lot of people have been satisfied through this. My wife is also going to have it. Hope she gets he best.

HaroldLloyd Tue 29-Apr-14 09:49:07

Eyelet are you arnie grin

Going to have another gentle go this weekend.

I hate this!

starsandmoonandback Tue 29-Apr-14 10:24:34

Harold, good luck! I found it so daunting, actually worse building myself up from it than when we actually did it. But IMHO I think they need to be ready xx

gutted2014 Wed 14-May-14 14:21:51

Can I join? DS2 is 3.1 & is in no way potty trained at all! He has a severe speech & language delay & I think this doesn't help matters as I can't be sure what he understands.

He is currently at the stage of saying 2-3 word phrases & often says 'Daddy/Mummy/DS1 wee toilet' or 'wee wee toilet' so I think he understands that wee goes in the toilet.

He has a chair potty that he is happy to sit on for up to half an hour, especially if watching Mr Tumble at the time grin

He is currently pottering around wearing just pants (and one sock hmm) until we fetch DS2 from school in about half an hour. He's been in pants for about 45 minutes already. They are still dry. When I say to him to sit on the potty for a wee, he sits on it quite happily & takes his pants off to do so.

He once did a wee on the potty & I made a great fuss of it, giving him a sweetie, clapping, cheering etc. We also once (last week) managed to catch the tiniest bit of a tail-end of a poo on the potty and a similar fuss was made for this.

DS1 is very good about letting DS2 watch him do a wee, so that DS2 has an example to follow.

I think part of the problem is that we are out every day, so DS2 can only go nappyless for 3 or so hours max at a time. Quite often I will out him in pants for this time & we haven't had a wet pair yet.

I just don't know what else to do!

Duckievamp Fri 23-May-14 15:24:28

I've just joined here because I'm growing rather desolate over the potty situation, and can I just say it is such a big relief to see so many other parents with 3+ (AKA "too old for nappies") children who haven't got them trained yet? Thank you for sharing the desperation and letting me see I'm not alone!!

We've also got speech issues over this way, comprehension is an issue as well, apparently, and he's on his way to playschool in September so the pressure's on for the summer. He is impervious to discomfort and gets incredibly aggressive when nappy changes happen, it's rather awful. He has no interest in the potty, though. It's like he doesn't see the point in wasting his time peeing in a plastic chair device when he can just pee all over the camp and have me clean it up instead!!

I actually had a nightmare about this last night. It's so stressful and I really envy anyone who's managed potty training with ease!

Toastmonster Thu 05-Jun-14 18:29:37

My DS is 3.8 yrs and nowhere near to using a toilet. I've tried everything. Making me feel like the worst mum in the world. Preschool in September and I simply don't know what else I can do

northyorksbelle Tue 10-Jun-14 23:18:56

We have been at this process now for almost 20 months and I have gone through the entire gamut of emotions and experiences I think it is possible to.
My boy is 4 and 1/2, very strong willed and apparently keen to destroy me on this. The current approach is a pseudo calm and nonchalant attitude to the many pairs of soggy pants I am faced with each day. I confirm I am not angry/sad or otherwise upset with him as he is cleaned and redressed and then we continue with the day as I bite down on my tongue. I say it's the current approach because I have tried so many things it makes me dizzy.
I know it's a battle for power that I cannot lose but it's bloody hard. I suppose the question is how long should you try any one approach before you decide that it just isn't working? I'm close to the edge and I don't need to be pushed any closer but the force is strong in this handsome little bugger.

Wanted to return to try to give hope to others. A week.off her fourth birthday dd is dry and in knickers. We went cold turkey two weeks ago, her and I had reached an impasse so DH took time off and toilet trained her.

still using pull ups overnight but usually dry. She is not brilliant yet at telling us but she does have a speech delay, her behaviour is enough to prompt her to go. She has cerebral palsy and poor balance so a potty didn't give her the stability she needed, we've found a combo of seats and.steps which work for her and nursery are obviously over the moon.

I'm praying there won't be any regression but I know accidents are inevitable!

eversomuch Tue 29-Jul-14 16:55:38

Joining this thread with the hope of making some progress. DD is almost 3 1/2 and says she's "never going to wear underpants" and "never going to go on the potty". First attempt at training last summer failed and we've hardly made any steps forward since then. She refuses to go on the potty at all, but will sometimes wear pants over her nappy. I suggested we try putting them on under her nappy but that plan was rejected.

Trying not to pressure her. Just casually remind her every now and then that she's getting big and would she like to try to potty, etc.

Preschool starts in September and I don't expect she'll be any closer by then. Maybe it's not a big deal and I'm worrying over nothing?

BranchingOut Tue 29-Jul-14 18:17:47

Well done BigWelly and kudos to your DD!

Also does your DH hire himself out for potty training purposes?

Piratejones Tue 29-Jul-14 23:46:41

Preschool starts in September and I don't expect she'll be any closer by then. Maybe it's not a big deal and I'm worrying over nothing?

When she gets to 4 and you NEED to train, just buy a smaller nappy and pretend she has suddenly grown out of them. You seem to be setting this up well.

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