6 months in and 3yo DS still pooing in pants - what should I do?

(33 Posts)
Myneaux Wed 19-Sep-12 09:52:11

DS is 3. We started potty training at Easter and we have made some progress. He definitely 'gets' it and know where he should od his wee's and poo's.

We can go several days (maybe even a week or so) with no accidents at all. If we are at home he will remember to tell me 90% of the time if he needs a poo or a wee.

The trouble is that if he is at nursery (2 days), if we are out or if we have friends round he simply forgets...becomes too engrossed in what he is doing and would rather poo in his pants than leave the fun. Annoyingly sometimes I can see he needs to go and yet when I ask him he becomes irritated and then will poo in his pants five mins later.

So far I have just tried to be relaxed about it...just reminded him that he should have asked to go to the toilet and to remember next time. No doubt he can tell that I am slightly irritated and a bit cross.

What do I do....should I just be waiting for him to grow out of this or is there anything I can do. He doesnt usually respond well to reward charts...and its almost as though he is just too distracted when 'in the moment' to think about future rewards anyway. Should I tell him off?

Already starting to panic about school next year (silly I know !)

Molehillmountain Thu 20-Sep-12 12:49:26

Annoyingly, I have no words of advice, just consolation. I have just changed ds' pants again-he just seemingly can't be bothered to poo in the loo. But he's dry, including at night so I think something must be going on because it's illogical that he is just choosing to poo in his pants if he doesn't choose to wee in them. Aaargh!

Molehillmountain Thu 20-Sep-12 12:50:23

Oh and ds is in no doubt that I'm cross. I know I shouldn't be but I just am. I just want it to end.

Pancakeflipper Thu 20-Sep-12 12:51:24

No advice but my child can see in the loo but cannot poo. I think he's too scared... Clueless what to do.

Pancakeflipper Thu 20-Sep-12 12:51:42

Wee not see.

Molehillmountain Thu 20-Sep-12 12:57:52

Just googled again and of course blush I'm supposed to just change it without expressing negative feelings. Poor ds, I know getting cross is no good for anyone but I'm so fed up with it all and can't see an end in sight. I've been buying pants by the lorry load from asda-I can just about cope if I don't always have to scrub the pants.

LoonyRationalist Thu 20-Sep-12 14:42:00

Myneaux - hard as it is you have to be patient. However you can be sneaky - getting cleaned up from an accident needs to be away from tv/game/friend, whatever it was that made him too busy to go & take a bit of time too smile
Would a reward chart for poos in the loo help? You can rope nursery in on this too.

Good news is that he can do it & will more & more.

Molehill, can your DS do it on the loo? Learning to wee & poo on the toilet are 2 separate skills.

Pancakeflipper - my DD2 too. No wee accidents at all, she takes herself to the toilet & is fine, however she physically can't poo in the toilet - 12 months in I've no real clue on the solution I'm afraid sad

Pancakeflipper Thu 20-Sep-12 14:52:01

oh Loony - my heart dropped. I wanted you to tell me the secret to clean pants smile.

We have the extra joy of DS2 having a dietary issue and his poo is not solid but moussey. Ummm. I have 11 months to get him trained for school.

twintwo Thu 20-Sep-12 14:59:51

I had the same problem with one of my boys. We had 18 months of him pooing in pants, he was pretty reliable with wee. I was very worried about him starting school with toilet probs but he managed to get the hang of it on holiday in July at 4years 2 months. We have never had an accident since and he is completely fine now and coping well in reception too.

LoonyRationalist Thu 20-Sep-12 18:09:40

Pancake sorry - we too have school in 11 months sad
DD2 has witholding issues and is on movicol to ensure that she can't iyswim

Twintwo - that is very good news (for pancake too I guess)- was your boy just unreliable or unable to go on the loo?

Pancakeflipper Thu 20-Sep-12 18:49:52

Loony - we better brace ourselves for a fun stinky time ahead buying pants by the bus full. And perhaps investing in rubber gloves? Or would that freak the kids?

I have run out of bribes. I even offered a Ben10 watch - forbidden treasure. And he's not tempted.

I fear withholding.

Arghhhhhhhh - screaming here so I then can go and smile sweetly at DS2 and act like I love getting covered in poo.

twintwo Thu 20-Sep-12 19:27:03

My boy that had the problems seemed unable to go for a poo in toilet as he was often withholding and needed lactulose from time to time. He could hold on for days and days. It was a very frustrating time as his twin brother had no problems at all. I'm not sure how, but it sorted itself out when we were away on holiday, he managed to do a poo on the toilet after holding on for 4 days and we have not looked back. I think it may be a developmental thing where something has to 'click' in the brain before the child can get control. I thought he would never get it so I know how you feel.

LetsKateWin Sat 22-Sep-12 07:49:36

I fee all of your pain. DD is 3 months in and sometimes she will tell me about wee/poo, and sometimes she won't. It frustrates me because I know she is perfectly capable. Sometimes when she's on the loo or potty she asks me to leave the room...

I'm trying not to let my frustration show because I know we all had to learn this, but I thought potty training happened in about a week or so. Silly me. blush

I hope you all have some success soon.

LetsKateWin Sat 22-Sep-12 07:50:45

It's when she's doing a poo that she asks me to leave...

Molehillmountain Sat 22-Sep-12 08:56:13

Asda boys pants in shades of blue are £2.50 for seven. One in our trolley every week at the moment sad

TheBonkeyMollocks Sat 22-Sep-12 09:04:52

I have had this.

But if you see he needs the loo you ask him and he says no, then you say ' Mummy thinks you do shall we try?' and take him.to the loo.

If he does it again because he does want to leave the fun, dont get cross just take him away, sort out the mess and take you time abduction casually mention that it would take less time if he went to the toilet .

Reward charts worked for us but we had one in the bathroom for straight away. A sticker every poo . Once he filled up a line he got a treat it was a decent treat to make it worthwhile . Start off easy with something like 5 boxes so it doesn't take him too long, then increase evertime until he has it.

And forget about school. Its ages away. smile

TheBonkeyMollocks Sat 22-Sep-12 09:05:41

Sorry for typos .

Brain not working!

Pancakeflipper Sat 22-Sep-12 12:51:08

That works for some kids but some kids start withholding the poo, gets to constipation then runny uncontrollable poo and then you are left retraining the bowel.

Oh how cheery was that? Perked myself up no end now.

LetsKateWin Sat 22-Sep-12 17:20:20

I just really blush myself. We were checking out wedding venues and DD told me she needed the loo. I took her and She did a poo so I was whoop whooping and high 5-ing. I came out of the (one and only) cubicle and a lady was waiting to go in. blush I didn't ask her if she'd heard anything.

Pancakeflipper Sat 22-Sep-12 22:19:49

Happy Poo Dancing Let's Win Kate!!!!!
Yippee. Hope She continues pooing in the loo.

Myneaux Mon 24-Sep-12 11:35:19

hi everyone....sorry for going quiet but was away from the computer for a few days.

We had a few bad days last week when he started having wee accidents again....just when seeing friends or at nursery so we seemed to be in the middle of a proper regression. I think its partly becuase we had been on holiday and he was so excited to see all his friends again that he was even more absent minded than usual.

After being very vigilant all weekend and going back to making him go for a wee every couple of hours we did manage to get all the way through with no accidents at all.

He is at nursery today though so anything could happen ;-(

we are trying the reward chart thing again and lots of praise and ive gone back to making him go rather than waiting for him to ask. If he was scared of pooing in the loo or if he had never done it I think it would be easier to understand...its so frustrating when you know that they can do it but are just too lazy!!

I am also trying to be more positive and not show that I am getting upset (after completely losing it with him on thursday and then feeling guilty for the rest of the day blush

LoonyRationalist Thu 27-Sep-12 10:58:44

Myneaux - an accident free weekend sounds positive smile

How did he do at nursery?

No improvement here - just hoping that something will "click" with her soon!

Pancakeflipper Thu 27-Sep-12 11:32:11

We are having dry days ( but this goes to pot if we go to the pack etc as he cannot stand to miss out) if we continually remind him and use bribery. Today's lure is a Ben10 comic

Poo. No chance of going in the loo. He says he is scared. Might ca the HV. He is now 4 and I feel it was ok to not be toilet trained at 3 but now 4.... But that's probably because 'perfect mummy' was "horrified" other day then went into detail on how she trained her daughter at 2yrs 9 months and what I should do. So I am a little sensitive

Pancakeflipper Thu 27-Sep-12 11:32:32

Park not pack.

LoonyRationalist Thu 27-Sep-12 11:38:56

Pancake, it would do no harm to have a chat with the HV.

You say he has dietary issues, could this have an influence do you think? A chat with GP/Consultant might be in order too, although a good HV should be able to help.

Go Kate's DD btw. Hope she is still doing well.

DD2 had a success on the loo at playgroup just over a week ago (I think by accident when going for a wee) The staff really whooped it up too and were visibly excited to tell me !! No more success since then though

Pancakeflipper Thu 27-Sep-12 12:17:30

I read your post Loony. Grabbed the red book and phoned the HV. Whoever it was on the end of the phone was actually lovely and had some ideas I haven't considered. She is also going to send me a handout with ideas about children who won't poo on the loo. If it is any good I will send copies to any of you who'd like a look.

I am going to get my head around the ideas she gave me today and tomorrow begin trying them out.

Ideas given, sitting on the loo blowing bubbles ( relaxes the bum apparently).
Them taking some responsibility when doing a poo in pants/pull up. With negativity in fact with no attention they remove their trousers and pants. If possibly they do some cleaning up, they put the dirty pants wherever they go when dirty or throwing them out, then get new ones out.
Making a photo book of going for a poo which they help make.

Ta for the poo support x

LoonyRationalist Thu 27-Sep-12 13:03:31

Hi Pancake, really glad to hear you got great support from your HV. I'd love a copy of the handout when it arrives if you wouldn't mind.

Let us know how the new strategies work smile

We do do the responsibility/consequences on cleaning up thing too. I don't do it quickly ;) DD2 has to fetch wipes and clean underwear & take rinsed out underwear to laundry basket. The occasions when she has cleaned herself up leave me reluctant to make her try more - I can change her with only knickers/bottom dirty, on one memorable occasion when she tried herself she even needed her hair washed!

Blowing bubbles is said to work for many, no result for DD2 though, although I must try again as it was a few months ago when I last gave it a go.

trixie123 Wed 03-Oct-12 15:57:58

can I join this one? DS is 3.2 and has been training for about 4m. He is 90% there with wees, though only because we insist on him going at regular intervals, only occasionally does he take the intitiative himself. Poos are hopeless. In the whole time, we've had about 4 poos in the potty or toilet, mostly loose ones that happened by accident when weeing (sorry, tmi). He knows that "poos go in the toilet" and watches me flip it from his pants down the pan but has no desire to sit on either the potty or the toilet sad. No different advice to anyone else I'm afraid, but will watch and hope.

Pancakeflipper Wed 03-Oct-12 16:44:05

Loony - I have the handouts. PM me if you want a copy of them. Probably not groundbreaking to you but it's helped us to improve the poo situation. If anyone else wants a copy PM me.

Currently he will wee in the loo. And then he started to let me he was going to do a poo on the proviso I would put a nappy on him - so I would put a nappy on him and he would stay in the bathroom and do a poo in it. Now for the last 3 days he will say he wants a poo, we put a nappy on and he sits on the loo with the nappy on. It's utterly bonkers but it's an advancement for us and he feels some control in this (I think).

Hello Trixie x. It's hard isn't it? Just acting like it doesn't matter is hard.

Pancakeflipper Wed 03-Oct-12 18:44:04

Ooooh stand by your pull-ups ..... DS2 now aged 4 has done a poo on the loo this evening without the nappy on. He was a little tense so we watched 2 guinea pigs doing daft stuff on YouTube and he poo'd.

umboo Thu 04-Oct-12 01:26:10

Hi pancake, well done to your ds!!! I've pmed you for the leaflet you mentioned above. Thanks smile

byhec Thu 04-Oct-12 02:27:59

We had a similar problem with DD. Phoned a charity called ERIC who gave us some good ideas but what worked with us was giving DD increased responsibility for going to the loo and all of a sudden she stopped pooing in her pants, she's still nit 100% reliable but she's getting there.

LoonyRationalist Thu 04-Oct-12 11:53:41

Go Pancake's DS!
Here's to more future sucesses smile

Guinea pigs you say? Well it's worth a try..

<puts youtube on standby for when DD2 gets home from playgroup>

Will PM you too, thanks!

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