Advice Needed on Potty Training my 2 yr old!

[YummyMummy1208]

Hi Everyone,

My little boy is nearly 2 and a half and as we have a new baby on the way due in 4 months i really need to get him potty trained before her arrival!

The only problem is he does not seem interested in getting out of his nappies or using the potty for that matter! For example i took his nappy of over the weekend as it was hot and if he did a wee he just looks at his legs or wherever the wee goes and cries with horror at whats happening. I explain its ok, its just wee wee and next time tell mummy when you need a wee so we can go to the toilet but he just does the same thing next time and cries again!
When i try taking him to the potty i first of all get a big 'Nooo!' and then when i get him on the potty he sits still for about 30 seconds (tops) before getting up! - all these books and websites say to get them sitting on the potty for 5 mins plus and im thinking how on earth will i manage that?! The whole reading a book to distract him thing lasted all of 1 hour into the day before he got bored of it and he just wont sit still!

Im sure at 2 and a half that he is ready but not sure how to erase his whole idea about going to the toilet being something scary. As i work full time im finding it hard to have the time and dedication to carry it out, i booked time off work in april to try but he didnt seem ready and i dont want to use up my last few holiday days to do the same unless i know it will work this time.

Argh! I feel like the only person who is having this dilema so please if you are having similar problems, post them and make me feel sllightly more normal!

[BornInTheLGI]

All I can tell you is what worked for me. With both mine (who were aged just two), I decided on the week that we were going to do it, and resigned myself to being house-bound while we cracked it. I basically did what Gina Ford said in her potty-training book, but couldn't be bothered with the preparation. We got on so well on Day One that I took them to the library on Day Two. DD did a poo in her knickers to celebrate, so we stayed at home for a couple more days. It's boring, but after three days of taking it Very Seriously, it was all sorted. Good luck.

[BertieBotts]

You say you think he is ready - what signs of readiness has he shown? He sounds very much not ready to me - not wanting to sit on the potty, being horrified when he sees himself weeing, etc.

I would wait until the baby is born and a bit older, maybe in about a year's time? And do it then. If you train him now and he is not ready then with the upheaval of the new baby etc he might regress anyway and have lots of accidents.

[Sidge]

I think if you put yourself, and him, under pressure to be toilet trained by the time the new baby comes you are on a road to nowhere.

It's actually easier to have 2 in nappies than to have a child constantly wetting and having accidents!

The first stage of toilet training is when a child knows they have done a wee, then they move on to knowing they need a wee. IME (personally and professionally) you cannot reliably expect a child to be ready to be dry until they are at least well onto the first stage.

From what you have described I don't think your little boy is ready yet. But a lot can change in 4 months so I would relax, offer the potty or toilet as needed, but back off and don't push it.

[YummyMummy1208]

I see exactly what you mean, and i would just delay it until after baby is here - if we werent emigrating to Canada next May! which means waiting until we have settled in - when he will be coming up to 4!

It seems silly to be trying to arrange potty training around our circumstances but i dont see any other option, as you say Sidge a lot can change in 4 months and if i persist in trying to change his outlook on weeing - that its not a bad thing over the next month or so this may be the key to the problem.

the hot weather will help now also as i can encourage him to walk around with no nappy on so he gets used to seeing and feeling when he needs the toilet rather.

im also aware of the whole not creating a bad vibe around the toilet training issue so i know not to push it if hes not ready - i have the Gina Ford potty training in a week book which i read a while bak. he does seem to be more ready than last time i tried - i.e. now tells me when he is both doing and has done a poo and wants his bum changed quickly after so we are on the road to improvement. I suppose only time will tell, theyre ready when theyr ready eh!

[Sidge]

That's the thing, when they're ready they're ready! Developing bladder and bowel control is a developmental stage much like walking or talking, and can't be fitted around your timetable.

So whilst you might feel you are in control of his toilet training, you're not really - he is. He won't care if there is a baby coming, or if you're emigrating (how exciting!). He will want to use the potty or toilet when he is ready to.

So of course parents are a factor in becoming dry, as they can offer the potty, remind the child to go to the loo, leave clothes off to make it easier etc but ultimately it happens when the child is ready. The fact he tells you when he has done or is doing a poo means he is on the way!

[belgo]

Has he never seen himself weeing before now? I've found it's helped to let them be aware of their bodily functions from an early age so they are not surprised by them when they are older.

Does he have a friend who is potty trained? Can he spend time with him and see that it's normal and not scary?

Five minutes is far too long to sit on the potty by the way - I'd say about 10 seconds to begin with just to get him used to the idea.

What does his nursery say?

[belgo]

and if you notice that he prefers to stand when weeing, use a little pot to catch the wee, just to help him get the idea.

[ticktockclock]

Keep potties in every room of the house. Also have the on top of toilet type seat (some kids prefer this). Commit yourself to at least a week to 10 days of staying home and concentrating on potty training.

Take the nappies off (and keep them off except for sleep times) and be prepared for lots of mess and accidents (you will get them but summer gardens are good for this). Make sure that you have some undies that they like (I bought 50 pairs). Offer some sort of rewards, we used a sticker chart (bought off ebay with lots of stickers). Read potty training books over and over to them. Have them come in every time you or DH have to go to the toilet and explain what is happening.

Get him to go on the potty every 15 mins at first and tell him why. Then start to space it out to 30mins. Then when you start getting results, praise, praise, praise and praise some more. When they have accidents don't make a big deal about it. Actually just explain next time lets make it to the potty and end it at that. You will start to get results, just keep re-enforcing and praising.

For at least 4 days I had acidents and I wondered why anybody bothered to potty train, I thought is was horrid. It is called potty 'training' for a reason. You have to take the time to train them. Good luck!

[belgo]

you bought 50 pairs of underpants Ticktock? Isn't that rather a lot ?

I think I bought just one or two packets.

[ticktockclock]

Did I say pairs?? I meant to say 50 undies. Yes, quite a few but when they pee every 10min in a 14 hour day, then you go through them quick.

[belgo]

he peed every ten minutes? Did he have an infection?

I used to just wash out the underpants by hand, that's cheaper. Children usually only wee 6-8 times a day.

[BudaisintheZONE]

Gosh ticktock - that all sounds like hard work! My experience was so much easier. But then I waited till he was ready. He was almost 3. i would really wait if I were you. Even 2 months from now he may well be much more ready than he sounds to be now.

[ticktockclock]

Nope she had no infection, it is called learning bladder control. Most children when they start learning to potty train do not empty their bladder fully, they just do little spritzes over and over. Emptying a bladder fully is something people must learn.

Children only wee 6-8 times a day? This depends on many factors. My DD drinks about 4 litres of fluid a day in the summer and wee's far more than that and it is completely normal.

[belgo]

in that case you're probably best leaving the pants off!

It makes me so relieved we don't have any carpet.

[ticktockclock]

Yes I am so glad that we do not have carpet either, YUCK! That would have been horrible.

[YummyMummy1208]

thanks for all your help! I dont have much of a support team with my friends as none of them have babies (im 24) so find it nice being able to get advice from other Mums who have been through or are going through the same things!

I agree with Ticktock - he wee's every 10 to 15 mins when i take his nappy off - usually the second i turn my back and it goes all over the floor, not that my carpet is something to be protective over as its horrid and needs replacing thankfully!

i have 7 holiday days left, think i will use 5, book a week off and really get stuck into it for those 9 days, there is another little boy whos nearly 3 going to the same child minder as he does whos potty trained and he sees him using his potty - he understands what the potty is for and was telling OH all about how mummy tried to get him to wee in the potty over the weekend so its going in there somewhere i think this barrier with not having seen himself weeing before may be the thing i need to change. i think ill try have him walk round more often with no nappy on so he gets used to seeing it which may re-asure him its normal.

its all making so much more sense now having talked about it!

do people not see it as a bad thing - having a 3 yr old whos not potty trained? i feel as though people are so judgemental regarding potty training, when they ask now who is the potty training going? its as though he's real behind when i say hes not ready and they reply with stories of how their little ones were trained by 18 months etc!

[BudaisintheZONE]

Ignore them! I never got that thankfully but wasn't prepared to do it before I felt DS was old enough to get it. I think I was also very nervous about it all so put it off! I ordered the Gina Ford book, it arrived on a Friday, I read it that night and DS *then 2 years 10 months) got up next morning and said he wasn't going to wear nappies! He did really well Sat and Sun but then regressed a bit Monday. Introduced a sticker chart and never looked back. He was also dry at night within a month of this.

[ticktockclock]

Of Course everyone has their own experiences and ideas about potty training (like everything else mothers do) but you can only ask for advice and try your best.

It can be hard work and even when you get stuck into it you may wonder why you did . But when your son and you succeed (because you both succeed) then it will feel good.

By the way I am being nosy... where in Canada are you emigrating to? I am Canadian that's why I am asking.

[YummyMummy1208]

British Columbia, Kelowna. Went there to visit OH brother last year and feel in love with it! it has always been his goal to get out there he was just trying to sway me which it totally did!
r u living in the UK now?
were just waiting for our medical requests to come thru and will obviously have to delay a little due to baby no.2 but plan to have medicals done end of November then just have to wait for approval and were off! exciting but so scary been as this time 5 months ago we were only planning on it being the 3 of us out there and now we will have a 6 month old aswell! it will be hard work but worth it.

where abouts in canada do you come from?

[ticktockclock]

Kelowna is lovely and the summers are fantastic there! It also has pretty mild winters and not to far from good skiing. The lifestyle is so much better for families, it will be hard of course but if you already have family there it will make it so much easier.

Yes I am n the UK, London actually and have been here far too long now. We want to move back to Canada as well but we are working towards a 3-4 year plan of returning. Working to save for a deposit for a house in Canada (don't own here couldn't possibly afford it). My DH is Australian so we will have to apply for PR for him through Spousal sponsorship as well so that is a PITA.

I come from Edmonton (oil city). I would love to move back and live in BC as I prefer the weather and lifestyle there but with a child now the cost of homes on the coast etc. Back to Edmonton will be the sensible option.

It's very exciting! I have to say I am jealous.

[YummyMummy1208]

i was only in London on Friday and good god is it stressful?! i much prefer my quiet small country town! not to mention the heart attack i had over the £30 parking ticket!!
The only problem i have in leaving is leaving my mum, shes so close with my little boy that i dont want to take him away from her but i know i cant live my life for other people so cant let that hold me back. just going to be so painful when it comes to the last few weeks here. something im not much looking forward to anyhow!
All iwant is my jacuzzi and a nice big garden to sit and look at over the lake in! and i have to kick start my bikini diet pretty fast if i want to get back onto Gyro beach in time for summer!
How come u moved over here in the first place? Canada is so much more laid bak than here, and more spread out - we have far too many people in our country for the area size.

[ticktockclock]

Yep it is expensive here in the UK, particularly London for many things but when you move to Canada you will discover other things are expensive (I am sure that you will have researched this).

Car Insurance - much more
Food - About the same
Travelling/Going on Holiday - Much more expensive
Dentists are all private as such so you pay what they charge - although you can claim these amounts back on your taxes if you pay over a certain amount a year
Clothes - Depending on what you like can be the same or more. Not as much variety as here though. Thank-goodness for internet shopping!!
Housing is not necessarily cheaper but you get so much more space and amenities for your money.
Childcare - more expensive if you get any CTC or go to a CM
Vehicles - About the same
Petrol - Cheaper
Utilities - About the same but if you live somewhere with cold winters then much more in the winter
But you don't have to pay for things like TV licenses, MOT's on cars.
Schools - There really aren't 'good' and 'bad' schools like here or worries about catchment etc.
Healthcare - Much better hospitals and services.

I initially moved to the USA and then to Germany and then to the UK for a job. Then to a few other places and then back here again. I used to work (pre-child) in an executive position in the travel industry and as London is a hub for international travel it offered far more opportunities then Canada ever would have had. London is a great place if you are young and single, however when you become a parent you see things so differently and Canada IMO is a much better place to bring up family.

It is so much more laid back in Canada and the attitude is so much more outdoorsy and care-free. Kids still play in the streets, people have BBQ's with their neighbours (and know their names), etc. My DH and I want my DD to grow up with that, that is why we are working towards going back, however we want to be set up when we get there as well so that is why it will be a couple of years before we go.

[strandedatsea]

I see this thread has wandered a bit from potty training to the cost of living in Canada but to put in my tuppence worth...

...I agree with all those who say he really doesn't sound ready and it will be much harder for you to do it now than wait until he is ready. Having him still in nappies when the baby comes really WILL be easier than trying to rush around, getting him on the potty and/or clearing up after him once you are trying to feed/change etc the baby.

Dd2 was born when dd1 was 2.3 and she really wasn't ready so I just left it. She then more or less trained herself when she was ready, at about 2.6. Very few accidents, very little stress.

Oh and don't worry about the move too much. Everyone told me dd1 would regress and "start wetting the bed again" (which was funny as she has never wet her bed in her life), but she was fine.

Good luck with whichever way you decide to go.

[YummyMummy1208]

I would just like to update everyone on our progress...so wen i got home i thought it would be a good idea to take his nappy off for an hour before bed and keep potty close by just incase...he wasnt interested in the toilet so we came downstairs armed with the potty and just sat with him leaning against me watching tv and every now and then saying 'shall we try and get a wee wee in the potty?' as if it was a game he should be really interested in, usually responded with nooo! but once i did get him to sit on it aand rewarded him with a sweetie he figured sitting on the potty wasnt half as bad as he'd imagined and wanted to try again to get another sweetie! 4th or 5th time he sat on it (for about a minute at a time which was very good from his past record) he said he was doing a wee - which icudnt quite believe but when he stood up guess what.... a whole wee wee in the potty! so i clapped and made a huge fuss which was pretty easy to do as i was genuinly amazed he had done one in there! he looked so proud of himself and we marched off to the kitchen to get him 2 sweeties! Then we rang Nanny just to tell her what a big boy he'd been by doing a wee wee in the potty which i think he was pretty impressed with!
So yay! we made progress altho i wasnt really intending on making any!

[ticktockclock]

YAY!! That is fab. Perserverance, reward and encouragement are the key. There will be accidents, but it will happen.