Holding it in at nursery

[negrilbaby]

We've been working on potty training in earnest for a couple of weeks now and DS (2.3) does seem to have got the hang of it. Last week I sent him to nursery for the first time in pants. He had had a dry night (very unusual - still in nappies over night) and refused to use the potty or sit on the toilet before going into nursery. He then refused to go all morning and finally gave up at lunchtime - approximately 16 hours later! The afternoon in nursery wasn't good - and he pee'd everywhere. This continued when I got him home. I thought that he'd probably irritated something and got himself stressed over it all. I put him in pull-ups for nursery and for the next couple of days and didn't really push him.
At home he remembered to ask to use the toilet and the pull-ups were dry so we went back to pants at the weekend and all seeemed ok.
Yesterday I sent him to nursery in pull-ups. He had three dry nappies but was refusing to go to the toilet or to wee on the potty. When I got him home he asked to use the toliet as soon as we got in the door. As I was getting him on to the loo he couldn't hold on and flooded everywhere. He did this another couple of times before bed.
We had a chat about the importance of telling the nursery when he needs to go and that he must go during the day. We even practised shouting 'I need a wee' - which he found quite funny.
I need some advice as to how to get him to go during the day at the nursery. I'm worried he'll do himself some damage if this continues. The nursery have said that they will up his fluid intake to try to force the issue - so to speak - but I would be really grateful if anyone has gone through a similar problem and could let me know what worked for them.

[girlywhirly]

A lot of children don't like to use anything other than their own loo or potty at home, and some adults too! Sometimes it's an issue of privacy and not liking to tell the adults in front of others, or being watched by the other children when they are used to solitude.

Would he use a potty of his own from home? Or a childs' loo seat? A friend said her dd in reception wouldn't use the school loo, until she sent a loo seat of her own from home, the phase only lasted a term.

I agree that holding on for ages is bad for his bladder. Another thought, if privacy isn't the problem, would he sit on the potty at the same time as a little friend who is a willing potty user? A bit of moral support and peer example?

[negrilbaby]

Thanks for coming back to me on this.
He does sit on the potty in nursery and will sit on the little toilets there too - he just won't go!
When we go to toddler groups he's fine about going to ANY toilet with his friends and they all watch each other. He really isn't worried about privacy.
I think it may be about control. He nearly always says he doesn't need to go if I ask him. He likes to tell me when he needs to go - and mostly that works. I think in nursery he won't go at set times and is too shy to ask when he really needs to.
That said, he hasn't poo'd in nursery for as long as I can remember - those are always saved for home!!

[negrilbaby]

Just trying to bump this up again and see if anyone else has anything to add.
Still have DS in pull-ups but he is starting to hold it in at home as well. He seems to be holding it in until I plonk him on the toilet - mainly under duress - before we go out or before he goes to sleep/naps. It can't be good for him!

[GrizzlyMum]

We call it a 'little try'. Once she's had a little try (sitting on potty or toilet) for a few seconds she can get down again. If she really needs to, she usually goes. You could try getting some nice stickers of a favourite character and giving him a sticker for a try.
Also, until he gets the hang of it, I would take him to the toilet myself when he gets to nursery - again just for a little try - don't make a big deal about it.

Incidentally, I wouldn't do pull-ups (sorry!). I think it is really confusing for children.

And if he really won't go when asked, (and the little try thing I've suggested doesn't work), why don't you just let him get on with it and never ask him? He may hold onto it for too long for a few days but he'll get bored of it pretty soon. I wouldn't worry about any damage to his bladder - I'm sure he'll be fine for a few days.
Good luck

[negrilbaby]

The pull-ups are being insisted on by the nursery. I suppose I could just bite the bullet at home and see what happens. I'll try the 'little try' tomorrow and see how we get on.