Still having accidents after 7 months!

[katedan]

My twins are 3yrs 4 months and one of them is still having frequent accidents. On the odd days she keeps her pants dry her twin has an accident. I have three chldren (DS is 6) and all have slept well and ate well but potty training all of them has been a nightmare and is def my parenting weak spot. I just want to get to the point when we can have a day out and not spend the whole time nagging about "do you need the toilet" "Are you sure etc" The twins are still in pull ups at night which I am fine about but I have no idea how to get the daytime sorted. We have used sweets, sticker charts, how proud we are, everything. Just when I get one of them sorted the other starts having accidents.

[katedan]

BUMP - Anyone?

[greentea72]

Am in similar position and currently in complete dispair we have been potty training for about 9 months (DD 3 and 1/4)and have wee and/or poo accidents pretty much most days, this has got worse recently though probably due to new baby. This week she has had diarria(sp) and we have resorted to the dreaded pull ups which dosn't seem to bother her at all, dosn't tell us she is soiled just sits in it!! Nothing works, have tried star charts, bribry etc to no effect, am really sick of vast quantities of washing.

[thisisyesterday]

i would say that frequent accidents after this long probably means the child just isn't ready!

[katedan]

I am interested that you have said that thisisyesterday as I have often thought this myself. We had three months at the end of last year where DT2 was fine and had no accidents and DC1 pooed herslef every day. Now DT1 is fine and Dt2 has accidents every day. I am just not sure that returning to nappies after all this time would help. Have you gone back to nappies after this period of time?

[thisisyesterday]

yes, i think i would. i don't think i'd have even left it this long though lol

I don't think it's a bad thing to go back to nappies if accidents are happening so frequently. tbh if they ARE ready then they might just hate being in nappies and decide to use the toilet anyway
and if they aren't ready then you just have less mess to clear up

[greentea72]

What if they refuse to wear nappies??

[thisisyesterday]

pull-ups? motherease do a reusable pull-up pant called the bedwetter pant which will hold an entire wee, but is designed like a nappy. expensive though, but jmore like real knickers maybe?

i dunno really, i guess i would try explaining that wees and poos HAVE to go into the toilet and that if they can't then the nappies WILL be back and will have to be worn.

[SuziKettles]

Ds is 3.5 and has, in the last 2 weeks, gone from being pretty reliably clean and dry to 2/3 accidents a day.

After some frantic googling I've come to the conclusion that by no stretch of the imagination are we alone, there is no particular reason for it, no particular remedy for it and I try to comfort myself that it's just another staaaaaaaage .

I'm very sceptical (but then of course I would be ) that there's much other than individual physical development & luck to successful early, reliable potty training so don't beat yourself up about it.

[CappuccinoCarrie]

My dd is exactly the same, and I've just come on here looking for help and found this thread.

She was three last week, and has been in pants for over a year. She's always had amazing bladder control and could wee on demand, she never did whole wees everywhere, we'd just notice the wet patch where a little had leaked out and she held the rest in. About 6 months in (don't laugh...) we spent about 2 1/2 weeks giving prizes for every wee where she had dry pants. The incentive of a chocolate, or a little toy like a finger puppet, and mummy dancing up and down was what finally got her to put down her toys and go for a wee when she needed one, and having got in the habit, when the prizes ran out she continued to take herself to the loo. Result.

She was dry for months, then in January started with the wet patches again and here we are three months later.

I know she knows she needs to go, she knows how, she knows where, she knows she can go by herself or ask me to go with her, she knows I'll be encouraging and excited if she's gone. If I ask, the answer is always 'no' even if her legs are crossed and she's doing the wee dance! She has never ever cared about being wet or dirty, she just can't be bothered. Going back to nappies would be a reward for her - then she wouldn't have to bother at all! Most days she can by dry by me saying 'we're going out so please see if there's a sneaky wee' or 'please go for a wee and wash your hands before dinner'. But this afternoon we were just playing at home and she did several wees. I was in floods of tears when dh got home

Sorry didn't mean to hijak or ramble quite to that extent, I'm actually encouraged that I'm not the only one going through this!

[SuziKettles]

CC - that's so familiar.

Ds is also perfectly capable of holding it in, knows where to go etc etc. But he virtually never answers the question "do you need the toilet?" with "yes". Even when it's patently obvious he does .

We started a star chart a couple of days ago which will lead to something he really, really wants after 10 dry days. Today was the first dry day for about a fortnight (yay!). But I had to persuade him to go every time today. It's him deciding to go off his own back that will crack it. Don't know how long away that is.

We had a big chat about it tonight, because about an hour after getting his star he had slightly wet pants which he took off himself and put in the wash basket, and then would have peed all over the floor if I hadn't caught him and made him run to the loo (see, he can hold it in until he gets there - so frustrating!).

Anyway, he's only 3.5 so he can't really articulate it. He said he was "thinking about eating my dinner" when he wet his pants and that's why he didn't go, but he wasn't thinking about that when he took his wet pants off and still didn't go to the loo to do the rest of the wee!



This. Too. Will. Pass.

[MyCatIsABastard]

I actually think 3 is a really tricky age tbh, for many reasons. They are growing up and finding their feet and learning about having a mind of their own. DD was trained and then got to 3 and we had months and months of accidents. She was too busy doing things, being argumentative, playing, learning etc etc.. to go the the toilet until the v last minute, by which stage it was too late.

It does come, honestly. Just persevere (and shout loudly to yourself at the bottom of the garden when it all gets too much).

[CappuccinoCarrie]

suzi you've described my dd in so many ways there! The only thing thats ever worked is giving her prizes for every 'dry' wee. It took a huge amount of energy and enthusiasm on my part that I just can't muster right now. And I feel so cross at her that I don't think she deserves all the singing/dancing/chocolate buttons. If I ask here where she was when she did the wee she'll tell me precisely where, when, and what she was doing. Grrrrr, pesky children! She has what we call 'the look' which is when she glazes over and is obviously trying to hold in a wee.

3 is definitely a tricky age...behaviour wise we sailed through the 'terrible' 2s...maybe the fun is just beginning!

[FanjolinaJolie]

Cappuccino you've described my DD aged 3yrs 5 months to a tee. We started potty training Easter 2009!! Have had a few patches of going back to nappies for several months in between. If there's chocolate buttons/treats/stickers on offer she'll do it but today for example we had friends to play and we must have had four accidents in the space of two hours, a constant wet patch in her pants which grew and grew.

DD2 has always been incredibly willful and doesn't seem to care about sitting in wet pants. She will poo in the toilet though and hasn't had a poo accident in over six months which is the only thing stopping me putting her back in nappies.

DD2 will also never answer the question 'do you need a wee' by saying yes, her immediate answer is always a loud no even when squirming.

Very stressful for me and her too I imagine.

[SuziKettles]

Ok, this is my new proposed strategy with ds after abject failure of a star chart we started last week where 10 clean & dry days would lead to an object of desire.

Our sticking point is ds will not say he needs the toilet. He can hold it in for quite a long time and then has an accident. If he'd just start asking to go, or taking himself to the toilet then we'd be sorted. So:

Ds loves his Playmobil Vet Surgery set. My plan is to buy a couple of wee Playmobil animal sets: like this and this or this, you get the idea.

If ds asks to go to the toilet or goes himself then he gets a piece of Playmobil, such as a rabbit or some guinea pig food to add to his Vet set. Hopefully this will be more immediate than the star thing which seems to inevitably end in an argument "but mummy I'm clean and dry now".

Maybe, if it works he'll also lose a piece again if he has an accident because he didn't tell us or go to the toilet, but I'm not sure about that.

Anyway, worth a try? Worse case scenario is I end up with some Playmobil in a drawer. Best case scenario is I end up with even more tiny bits of plastic underfoot...oh, wait... nah, it would be worth it.

[FanjolinaJolie]

Suzi - we're trying a new chart today but putting sad faces for accidents and stickers for success. Hoping seeing something visual might help this time.

I am all for removing treats and priviledges too for accidents as I think at 3.5 years DD is old enough for consequences. Not sure how I'm going to proceed though.

But I'd advise against taking something off them that you have already awarded for dry pants, I think that might be a bit unfair and confusing.

[SuziKettles]

Hmm, yes I see what you mean. I envisaged it as similar to the pasta jar thing (piece of pasta for good behaviour, lose piece for bad), but maybe it's not really the same given that he's getting a "prize" there and then rather than working towards it.

Anyway, will give the reward part of it a try. The problem is finding something that he wants more than he doesn't want to take 30 seconds to go to the toilet .

[FanjolinaJolie]

Have had three really good days. Two sad faces on the chart the first day, so early to bed. Lots of tears at the time. Reality hit home.

Second day one sad face.

Third day no sad faces!!!

Seems to be having more of an effect than my usual response to accidents which was to ignore.

[SuziKettles]

Good one!

Ds now owns 3 Playmobil kittens, a Playmobil Rotweiler (), a kennel, a cat basket, a cat tree and a food bowl. He gets 2 bits of Playmobil for each time he asks to go to the toilet so not bad.

Although we've been stretching the definition of 'ask' to 'admit he needs to go when asked if he needs the toilet and his expression/stance clearly indicates that he does'. Early days.

[katedan]

How is is going? SuziKettles and FanjolinaJolie

We are still having wet pants, touch wood no poo accidents for a while but both girls are still wetting their pants. We have threatned nappies and even put them in them for a while and also told them if they are in nappies they can't go to ballett which they love but as I have paid for the whole term am scared that could backfire!

Good idea with the playmobile but have bribed them with teo gifts since last summer already and some how they have the gifts and stayed dry for a while and then slip back! Ahhhhhhhhh

[Anabellesmumanddad]

phew... I was starting to think I was going nuts. Our dd is 3.5 and I swear she is doing it on purpose. She doesn't even try to stop herself weeing like she used to and today she emptied her whole bladder all over her toy box. We are at our wits end!

She was completely dry but now it's about 2 accidents at day care and one at home.

We are simply not zen enough to ignore ignore.

Cappucino, I hear ya on the crying! We refuse to put her back in nappies. We can't for the life of us figure out what to do.

[againagain]

Have posted elsewhere on my 3 and half yr old DS who always does his poos in the toilet or potty but is terrible with his wees. We have been 'training' for almost a year!!!
The biggest improvement we've seen is when we took notice of 'toilet training resistance'. If you google that and Knapp (a US dr) - there's advice for parents. His theory is some kids (partic the strong-willed ones) see it as a battle of wills and want to engage you - even if it's over an accident. The solution is all about making them take responsibility (eg changing themselves), ignoring the bad stuff and praising the good. Also NEVER asking them if they need to go. It has worked, at times, for us... but we still tend to slide when lots of other stuff is going on.
But at least it's a way forward!

[Alldayeveryday76]

Hey everyone. I know this post is 5 years old but, on the off chance that anyone reads this, can you let me know how things progressed for you on this? My son is 3.5 and always poos in the toilet but isn't so good with wee's. He never tells me if he needs a wee and usually does a little wee in his pants then carries on with what he's doing. Like all of you, we've tried all the usual tricks but not much success. We do find that not asking at all works better than pestering him all the time. Any advice gratefully received :)

[chaosandcake]

Hi, I too would be very interested to hear if there is light at the end of the toilet training tunnel. My DD was toilet trained last August and was dry for about 2/3 months before DS came along. We have regressed massively, it has marginally improved but we usually have at least one wet per day if not more. I think she is being quite crafty and it is all attention based around her baby brother. I have tried every sticker chart, treat and idea and nothing seems to work. Any ideas gratefully received as all the advice just seems to tell you that you will get there in the end?! Just not sure when 'the end' will ever appear ??