3 year old and still not cracked it..what to do

(25 Posts)
jellybean321 Fri 25-Mar-16 18:22:03

where to go next....our son is three and we have been trying to potty train him for a week now but with no success. In a typical day we are getting through 12 changes of clothes ! He has now started to say sometimes he needs a wee but instantly wees in his pants...we are having no success on the potty. He wont tell us when he is pooing and still goes to hide instead and does that in his pants. I cant see us ever leaving the house again!! any advise.

confusedandemployed Fri 25-Mar-16 18:26:17

We've been potty training DD since last August...finally she's approaching being reliably dry (just turned 3).

IME you can't wait for them to tell you. You need to constantly ask if they need a wee -every half an hour or so. Put them on the potty each time. Praise like mad when they do a wee.

And every single time you go out, have last wees.

DD's issue was not that she didn't know what to do, rather she was so engrossed in other more interesting things.

I feel your pain. Potty training is by far the worst parenting job I've encountered so far!

jellybean321 Sat 26-Mar-16 07:38:53

How do i go out when he still can wee every half hour and its usually in his pants and there is no way yet he can hang on...any idea do i keep going or try again another time? I cant stay in forever but to go out as we currentky are would mean taking at least 10 changes of clothessad i darent go for pull ups as i think that wiuld just confuse him. He dosent care realky about being wet! X

popperdoodles Sat 26-Mar-16 07:44:44

A whole week with no success I.e. No spontaneous wees on the potty at all, then he sounds just not ready in terms of bladder control.

SometimesItRains Sat 26-Mar-16 07:49:18

I agree with pp, it ends like he is not ready. We have just potty trained our son at 3.5 - it took less than a week and now he is pretty reliably dry all day; he's had one accident in two weeks. We learnt with our first son that you can't force these things, unless you want it to be really hard work for everyone involved. I would say give it a break for now and try again in a few months.

NickNacks Sat 26-Mar-16 07:49:40

He's not ready. I've trained dozens of children and you can tell within 48 hours whether you should persevere or not. I admire you for keeping it up for a whole week with no success. Try again in 2 months.

ToBeAChadsman Sat 26-Mar-16 07:57:37

Agree that it sounds like he's not quite ready yet. I'd put him back in nappies or pull ups but leave a potty out and encourage him to use it sometimes.

When you are ready to try again, something that worked for my DS was to put a pull up on over his pants when we went out, so he could feel the wetness but wasn't going to make a mess. At 3 he was old enough to understand that we didn't want wee everywhere when we were out and about but that he should still use the toilet if he could.

Thebookswereherfriends Sat 26-Mar-16 07:59:03

Your child is not ready. When a child is ready they don't need training, it's just another stage like learning to walk. Put him in pull ups, tell him his body isn't ready and wait until he makes the move to use the toilet. Read books about using the toilet and let him see you going and he'll figure it out.

FishWithABicycle Sat 26-Mar-16 07:59:52

Sounds like he's just not ready. Mine wasn't ready till 3y9m but then got the hang of it in a week. Back into nappies and forget about it for a few weeks. It will all be OK in the long run.

IMurderedStampyLongnose Sat 26-Mar-16 08:01:46

He isn't ready,stick him back in nappies for now.my DS was late to train,first time we did it he was the same as your DS.a few months later we went again and he had no accidents,try pretty much instantly.They will do it when they're ready.

AddictedtoGreys Sat 26-Mar-16 08:06:06

nicknacks I am really struggling with when to pottytrain my son. How do you know in 48 hours? What should I be looking for? OP I feel your pain. Tried twice with my DS who is 2 yr 10m and both times he just wets his pants confused

Ditsy4 Sat 26-Mar-16 08:09:37

Get a target to put in the toilet and a big boy step. Sounds like he is getting there. He knows he is going to wee now, that is the first step. If you leave it two months the weather will be getting warmer.one of mine was two and a half, another three ( too busy) and when we moved decided not to try until settled but 18 mth old had other ideas and was dry in a week just after renovating the bathroom and putting a toilet in the house! They are all different. Two of mine did the hiding for a poo too.

jellybean321 Sat 26-Mar-16 10:57:10

If he is weeing every half hour or so does that mean his hasnt got bladder control and does that does improve on his own in time? I read he should be able to hold on for 2 or more hours at a time between wees yet he sometimes just wees a little and often...x

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sat 26-Mar-16 11:02:27

He's not ready. I trained DS who is 3 in two days

He was 3 and 1 mo th when we started and I was getting a lot of pressure and commebts from friends who had started at 2.6 months. However, due to they're nightmare experiences and the fact that I had a 1 year old, a newborn and cream carpets, there was no way I was starting until o felt sure he was ready

On day 1, I took him to the potty every 20 mins without fail. I also bribed him shamelessly by saying he could have a chocolate button every time he did a wee. Poos got extra special chocolate.

In a week we were fine and he had had 2 accidents. One accident since when he was very tired.

I would give up now and start again. I'm no expert but I think DS was behaving as a child would who was ready to train

Have you done all the going to pick big boy pants etc? We also read a children's book about going to the loo a lot before we started

Starface Sat 26-Mar-16 11:12:51

Just to suggest an alternative strategy to consider. I'd go totally bare bum for a few days. Sometimes the added step of getting trousers and pants down confuses the issue and is too many skills to focus on. Then totally dial down any element of power struggle. So that might be waiting a few days/months if that will reduce the struggle and stress (or not - you judge), and just saying "you know what, you are the boss of the wees, you can make sure they go in the potty". Then don't remind him to go, and just leave the potty out. He knows when he needs it, unencumbered by things like pants and trousers he can just find it himself and go. Reward this massively by whatever reward strategy you've agreed already e.G. sticker and choc button. Big praise. Build his confidence, self-esteem and sense of mastery. Once he's reliably weeing in potty, introduce pants and reward getting pants up and down as well as wees. Don't worry about poos till later - he may prefer to poo in a nappy for now, and again let him master one skill at a time.

jellybean321 Sat 26-Mar-16 15:01:32

OK so today he has started to tell me sometimes he needs a wee ...we have to move quick as he is often wet when we get to the potty but he does continue to wee on the potty sometimes. The last time he went I was on the kitchen and he said wee...by the time I got there he was wet but then went onto to finish weeing on the potty without prompting...do I keep going now despite the rest of the week not being a success or leave !?x

jellybean321 Sat 26-Mar-16 15:04:02

NickNacks how do you know in 48 hours if they are ready? Thanks

mudandmayhem01 Sat 26-Mar-16 15:17:49

No pants, no reminding, potty in every room. Say nothing about accidents, praise with a chocolate button for success ( don't overdo it though) no power struggles. Try for 48 hrs if you are not getting success leave for two months and try again.

popperdoodles Sat 26-Mar-16 15:48:59

Start with no pants and potty within sight at all times. Back off and let him do it. Sitting him on it every half hour will mean he won't learn to recognise the full bladder feeling. When he is making it to the potty most of the time put some pants on. To get to this point should take a day or so. Introducing pants now gives an extra step to the process so give in another day or so for him to master pulling them down quickly. Once he is doing this most of the time you put on some easy trousers like joggers and again expect a few accidents while he learns to get them down quick enough.
Accidents will happen but the ratio of accidents to in the potty should be moving in the right direction.
Going out....ideally stay home for the initial stage but then take potty and spare clothes. Where ever you go suggest visiting their toilets. This gets them used to public toilets and using different ones.

popperdoodles Sat 26-Mar-16 15:51:30

Given your update give it a few more days.

jellybean321 Sun 27-Mar-16 16:39:53

where to go next....so now my son will usually tell me when he needs a wee and as long as we move quickly he wees and poos on the potty. At the moment it is about every hour or so. but how can I get out and about now (we have been in for a week!!) I might be making more of an issue than needed but what if he needs it when we are driving along...or say in the shops and not immediately near a toilet...as he cant wait very long?! doing the school run etc...im bit worried about managing it..how long before they learn to hold on until a toilet is reached. At the moment aswell he cant just wee before we head out as he just says its not coming yet. Thanks

popperdoodles Sun 27-Mar-16 19:55:32

Either bring lots of spare clothes or put a pull up on over his pants. I would avoid long car journeys and either carry a potty discreetly or only go to places you know where to find toilet quickly. Get him to try before you leave and again at various points throughout the outing. Accept that accidents will happen so put a towel on his car seat just in case.

jellybean321 Sun 27-Mar-16 20:55:23

Ill do that. How long do you usualky have to plan like this before they learn to hang on longer? So u can plan more places to go? ;) i do have a long car journey next week i have to do ..no choice. Any advice as its 3 hours and im driving in my own up the motorway ? X

popperdoodles Mon 28-Mar-16 09:12:52

Usually after a couple of weeks but it's down to the development of his muscles so very individual. If you have to offer long car journey just plan to stop every hour. Unless he is drinking constantly he should be able to last an hour or so between needing to go.
Just another thought, what are his drinking habits like? Does he sip from a sports bottle all day or have individual drinks?

jellybean321 Mon 28-Mar-16 14:55:47

Ta sports bottle usually so might have to think about that .

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