Ds 3.5 won't poo on toilet

(43 Posts)
Paddypaws3 Mon 21-Mar-16 14:11:24

Ds was a bit late to start potty training. He simply wasn't interested , bothered or ready. We tried again after xmas and he's now totally dry and reliable.

Poos are another matter though! He just won't poo on the toilet. I wouldn't mind if he waited until his nighttime nappy or even asked for a nappy but he doesn't!

I try to catch him in the act and have managed once to get him to poo on the toilet and he was so pleased with himself. I really thought we'd cracked it but sadly not.

What can I do? We've tried chocolate buttons, a new toy and a sticker chart but nothing works. He knows he's doing it as he often goes to hide.

My two daughters were so easy!

HumphreyCobblers Mon 21-Mar-16 14:12:42

read him 'Poo goes to Pooland' It is a real story! You can google it. It may help.

unlimiteddilutingjuice Mon 21-Mar-16 14:13:56

Is he using the toilet or a potty? If its the toilet- are his feet able to reach the floor?
If his feet are dangling rather than set on a flat surface he will find it physically difficult to poo. Its like pooing uphill!

elvisthehamster Mon 21-Mar-16 14:22:16

My youngest dd was the same-just hated the feeling of going to the toilet to poo -it did take a while but we did eventually get there when she was just over 3. Poo goes to pooland did help us too - I was very sceptical about it but was desperate to try anything !

Good luck it is very frustrating but will happen eventually.

BatterseaParker Mon 21-Mar-16 14:25:11

This is quite common. DS 3 out of nappies during the day, used to announce he needed a nappy to do a poo. He would then go and hide in a corner and do the deed. If we did not come up with the nappy he would wait until we put one on at night and then perform. No amount of asking, bribing, cajoling etc made any difference! Used to drive me mad. We had had no problems with the other DC.

Then one fine day we were out without a nappy and he really needed to go. He knew we did not have any nappies with us. So he just went on the loo. He asked for a nappy the following day but we were out again and he used the loo again. We never looked back!

The right time will come. Maybe try not to make a big issue about it.

Sally205 Mon 21-Mar-16 20:49:11

Hello everyone....our daughter is four and a half years old and, apart from on rare occasions, refuses to poo in the toilet. We also have tried a variety of things - Movicol (which we believe may have made things worse, as she's not generally constipated and the laxative made her feel more out of control), stickers or promise of a special toy, tried taking a harder line - eg insisting she sit on the toilet and at least try (which doesn't work) or just letting it go altogether, not saying anything about it - also doesn't work. Sometimes she has as many as six or eight poo accidents in her pants every day. For the record she was also slow to pee in the toilet but she's mastered that, again only a few months ago. She starts school in September and her nursery are quite worried about it too. It has also created tension between my partner and I which doesn't help. The last thing we want to do is shame her or make her anxious but it has become a bit relentless! Advice or insight much welcome! Best, Sally

Smurfing Mon 21-Mar-16 20:53:41

Following OP as my 4 yr old is just the same and I have run out of ideas, so following your thread in the hope of new ones! We have a Drs appt this week as I am clueless what to try next as DS will currently poo only standing up in a nappy.

Paddypaws3 Mon 21-Mar-16 21:34:27

Lol at pooing uphill grin.

He's very tall (at least 105cm) so we've never done the potty as he looks so uncomfortable. He has a step to use at the toilet so I'll check if his feet can reach it.

Just got Poo goes to Pooland from the App Store so we'll have a read of that tomorrow. Lovely!

teacher54321 Tue 22-Mar-16 06:29:01

We have had this! And it's so frustrating. Ds started potty training a month before his third birthday and cracked wees on day two and has never had a wee accident since. Poos were a different story. He started witholding which was the most distressing thing I've had to deal with as a parent. He went from a happy go lucky little boy to a pale, shaking, sobbing shadow of his former self. He would withhold for up to 4 days at a time and then would poo in his sleep when his pull up was on. He got prescribed movicol which stopped the withholding but then we had up to 5 accidents a day... After a while we managed to get into a routine-he'd have a pull up after his bath and do his poo then. That lasted for months. He would only poo standing up in his pull up. Trying to wean him off his pull up took a gradual approach and some heavy duty bribery. Basically buy something he really wants (with us it was hot wheels toy cars) and get them to gradually change their pooing behaviour so in the bathroom, then near the loo, then standing on a step in front of the loo, then sitting on the loo with their pull up on, then cutting the bottom of their pull up out so it's a 'magic' pull up and then finally no pull up at all. This took us about 6 weeks and for the last week he has been pooing on the loo.
Very best of luck-look on the ERIC website-they've got a leaflet outlining the gradual approach smile

Sally205 Tue 22-Mar-16 11:49:42

That is really helpful information, thank you, and I will check out the ERIC website. Just had a meeting with our daughter's nursery and they were really urging us to try Movicol again but we're just so confused about that…we think it dented her confidence before to feel so out of control and also constipation isn't necessarily the problem…sometimes she withholds but sometimes she poos seven times a day, big poos too - also bribery doesn't seem to be working at all! I just don't know how much of this is psychological and how much is physical, e.g. how much she has somehow disconnected from the signals in her body. She's a happy healthy child in every other way, full of a great cheeky confidence, a natural leader with her little friends etc but this is one thing that she just can't seem to budge on and with school looming its so hard to know what to do.

teacher54321 Tue 22-Mar-16 18:41:55

It sounds like it could still be constipation related if she's having lots of accidents so maybe the movicol is the way forward? Maybe another GP appointment might help? Everyone in this situation has all my sympathy. Withholding and constipation took over my life for nearly a year and it was exhausting.

Peasandsweetcorn Tue 22-Mar-16 18:50:47

OP - we knew when DS needed a poo as he would have been farting a lot & looking increasingly uncomfortable. We got him.a padded seat with handles & we'd send him to sit on the loo with Ben & Holly on the ipad propped up a couple of metres away. By the end of an episode, there was usually a good pan full! The handles really helped as he used to grip them when bearing down to poo.

Sally205 Wed 23-Mar-16 23:48:53

Again, thanks so much for the advice and tips….it's nice to know we're not the only ones (I often feel that people regard us with thinly veiled pity when they realise she's still having this problem at four and a half - of course it's our problem too and I don't think we've handled it very well…)

teacher54321 Thu 24-Mar-16 07:15:47

I don't think there's anything that can prepare you for dealing with this! I had NO IDEA what to expect with potty training and very little actual support when it went wrong. GPs are not specialists in continence (no criticism-the whole point of a GP is that they know about lots of things!) and it's quite a niche area. People also don't really talk about it and there's a stigma about poo generally. I hope you get it sorted soon smile

twobears Mon 28-Mar-16 18:24:45

I'm so pleased this thread exists. I'm tearing my hair out with my ds 3 in May.

He is dry but not clean, he hides then tells me.

I've asked friends and relatives for advice, they have all said their children cracked it in a couple of days never heard of this.

Everytime I have a break through of him asking or taking himself, I then have 2-3 days of accidents.

Last week he did 5 days no accidents really thought I'd cracked nope next day an accident.

It's really infuriating you see him strain put him on the potty for up to an hour with a dvd. Decide maybe he wasn't straining. Leave the room and he does it aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh

I'm trying so hard not to lose my patience.

Any advice gratefully appreciated.

WhatWouldFlopDo Mon 28-Mar-16 18:47:29

This is going to be long, sorry!

DD used to ask for a nappy to poo. I didn't want to make a big deal of it so I let her and it dragged on for 18 months. She point blank refused to poo on the potty or toilet, no amount of bribery, threatening or cajoling worked.

I realised that I was too invested in poo, it was all I ever talked about so I checked out mentally.

I think not talking about it was the best thing, but this is what else I did.

I told her that she could have a nappy but she had to go in the bathroom to poo. No drama if she did or didn't do it. When she started farting and squirming I'd just say 'right it's time for a poo, are you having a nappy on or are you sitting on the potty with the nappy underneath?'. Then I'd leave her to it in the bathroom and tell her to shout when she was done. 3 days of this, and a new squashy toilet seat with handles later, she was happy to try on the toilet with the nappy under the seat. I moved the position of the nappies over a few days until one day the poo missed it completely and fell into the loo. Took about a week in total, and that was it - done.

The holding poo phase was the absolute pits, and I used to get so stressed every day, thinking about when she'd last done a poo, how uncomfortable she must be etc, that I went on and on at her all the time. Not doing that and sending her to the bathroom did the trick. She has a poo in nearly every toilet we pass now - massive difference from how she used to be. She's just turned 4 and has been using the toilet for about 3 months now.

Good luck to all those with poo problems, it's bloody awful.

teacher54321 Mon 28-Mar-16 19:09:05

I agree with WWFD above about moving things forward by insisting on small changes. (Pooing in the bathroom only but in a pull up) etc etc. My problem was that I would bribe him with big ticket items and he would poo on the loo for two days and then refuse again. We are only seeing more consistent success by the gradual changes we've made. Also privacy makes a huge difference (the fact we have a ridiculous house with two ensuites is finally a godsend!) and we've also bought a loo seat with steps and handles, means he can go at home completely independently.

teacher54321 Mon 28-Mar-16 19:09:39

He is now pooing loads as well! It's like he's realised that he can so he's damn well gonna!

WhatWouldFlopDo Mon 28-Mar-16 19:24:02

Yes, I took DD shopping and got a ££ bike due to one poo on the potty, she went straight back to refusing the next day.

teacher54321 Mon 28-Mar-16 19:26:01

It is bloody awful. We had a year of anxiety about it and I'm still not entirely convinced we won't have some sort of relapse... (He's been pooing on the loo for a fortnight, including at grandma's and at aunty's house)

Maisofia Tue 29-Mar-16 11:27:46

Going through the same with my DS, nearly 3 yr old. Toilet trained for 6 months, happily goes to wee on the loo, even lets us know when he needs to go. Started fine doing poo on the loo, but after illness, antibiotics and days eating badly became constipated and needed Movicol to get things moving again. Now actively withholds poo, gets very stressed, shaky - horribly distressing for all of us, it's now been three months of pooey pants and going back to Movicol again and again. Tried prizes, toys he can only play with whilst sitting on the loo, stickers....
Such a relief to see it's a common problem and thanks for tips and tricks - Pooland here we come!!

Paddypaws3 Tue 29-Mar-16 19:30:56

Good to know I'm not alone in this.

We're still no further forward. So annoying!

CityDweller Tue 29-Mar-16 19:49:42

We're dealing with this too! DD is just 3 and potty trained for wees fine. Did a few poos at the beginning then started asking for a nappy for poos. Then started withholding. Got bad this week - constipated and crying with pain pooing. Like others, she was miserable with it - tantrummy, sad, lethargic, grumpy.

My advice is go with the nappy thing if she's pooing happily, she'll get there in the end re potty/toilet. Poo withholding and constipation is so awful - it's just been utterly miserable for us.

CityDweller Tue 29-Mar-16 19:50:31

Sorry - just realised op has a DS, so should have said 'he' above

teacher54321 Tue 29-Mar-16 20:03:20

I agree with city dweller-get them pooing happily in a nappy or however they will and then work on the potty/loo thing.

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