How to start again when two attempts have failed?! All the initial excitment has gone!!

[DuchessOfWeaseltown]

DD is 2.8

We had a very brief early attempt when she was about 23 months as she was showing real interest and excitement in the whole potty thing. I think I backed off way too quickly with hindsight, under pressure from lots of people who told me it was too soon.

We then left it alone for months and tried again when she was 2.5. We tried an all-or-nothing approach (ie stayed in as much as possible and only pants, no nappies at all except naps) for several days but it just got worse rather than better, she is a very sensitive child and I think she hated all the accidents and it made her stressed, which made it all worse.

She is now at nursery and is showing interest again, I think because of seeing all the other little girls her age (ish) trooping off to do wee wees while there.

So, I am really keen to strike while the iron is hot and seize this rare show of enthusiasm again!

fwiw until a couple of days ago she met every conversation about knickers/potties with 'Nooooo, I want nappy!!"

THe point is that she is the sort of child who objects to EVERYTHING (breakfast, car seats, bedtime etc) so if I leave it to be entirely led by her rather than a bit of encouragement from us, she will be in nappies for aaaaaaaaaaages longer, and I know she doesn't really like being dirty/wet and would like v much to feel like a 'big girl' at nursery.

So I want to try again now that we have this hint of a window!

So... any advice at all? She is almost un-bribable so sticker charts mean nothing to her. Ditto choc buttons. Last 2 times it was a real, real battle to get her to stop playing and sit on the potty unless HUGE incentive offered and even then she wasn't keen to stay on it. So we were having a lot of accidents just minutes after jumping off the potty.

She didn't seem to know, at all, when a wee was imminent, but SURELY this is something she will only learn with a bit of practice?

Her personality is the sort that likes to get something right INSTANTLY and I think she found the 'process' frustrating and annoying.

So, after this long ramble, can anyone give me advice? Should we go all-out with knickers/bare bum only for a few days (the Gina Ford type method) or do you think with a v highly-strung child it's better to go softly softly...?

She is very very verbal and understands the process completely fwiw. It's more just about getting over her frsutrations and boredom and making it seem like something she CAN do and that is really worth doing.

Sorry this has been epic but I don't want to start a failed attempt again...

[JennyPie33]

Hi Duchess,
You mentioned she's an independent one who objects to everything... does she object to simply sitting and listening to a picture storybook?
There could be a way of slipping potty training in 'under the radar'!
We've got a potty training book that's worked like a dream with our toddler. I think that's because it's not just a story alone, it's using actual psychological principles, the same ones that child psychologists use. It's called The Kitten Who Learned to Say Goodbye To Diapers and it's a new book in a series we already had one book of (that was the getting-your-toddler-to-sleep book I think I mentioned in another post.) Despite calling nappies diapers, it's not USA-centred and worked for us. We just substituted 'nappies' for 'diapers' when we read it to our little one. And we didn't try pointing out the lesson in the book, we just treated it like any story, so there was no pressure. The idea sank in and after a couple of reads she started wanting to use the potty of her own accord.
Good luck!

[DuchessOfWeaseltown]

Thanks jenni will check that out!!

Somehow managed to persuade her into knickers today (I have to apply different principles with her as ordinarily I understand it's best not to try to persuade them too much with potty training; however she needs persuading to do pretty much everything and anything so I need to be firm on this) and now I figure it's up to her how much she wAnts to actually try. I can't force her to sit on the potty and massive bribery has worked only once so far this morning... It feels a bit hopeless but it's only day 1 and I don't wZnt to give up this time, it wS a mistake I made twice before!!!

She did have one accident about 1 min after getting off potty which I think may be a good sign?

[ijustwannadance]

Are her nappies dry throughout the day? Can she hold herself?

My DD frustrated the hell out of me with porty training as it was the one thing she just wouldn't do. Not couldn't. Just wouldn't. Stubborn little madam. Told me nappies were easier!
But she could hold herself for hours.
Finally decided she wanted to be a big girl a couple of months after 3rd birthday. No issues. Only a couple of accidents, but that was due to her being scared of public loos and handryers.

Best piece of advice I was given, from nursery owner, was if you try when they are not ready it will take months of frustration, if you wait until they're ready it will take a week.
Also at this age it is sometimes easier to miss potty out altogether at go straight to loo.

[Thatrabbittrickedme]

Yy to the book - we had a couple of them. With DS we had a false start then a few months later we tried again, before restarting I took DS shopping to choose a new potty - this really helped and we completed the process quickly. The potty he chose was one of those ones that's like a seat (throne!) which I would never have bought myself and he was clearly more comfortable with that than the other sort.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Can you try casually slipping into conversations how big girls wear knickers and babies wear nappies, and its totally up to her, but if she wants to try and be a big girl you will help her?

Also, have you considered missing out the potty stage and going straight to toilet with trainer seat - that way she is doing it right straight away - not learning on a potty first.

Way I did it initially was every 30mins send for a wee, no obligation to produce anything, but have a try. Have some good books in the bathroom too. Any accidents no big deal, just a don't worry,next time will be in the toiket etx.

[Spottyladybird]

For a book try Princess Pollys Potty. My Dd has loved it. My DD sounds similar to yours- knows her own mind but quite sensitive too.

We bought her some new peppa pants and a soft dolly who tells mummy when she needs a wee wee (whispers in my ear!). Sometimes we take the dolly on a wee wee adventure etc.

[Littlef00t]

If full on potty training doesn't work, could you offer the potty/toilet before you change her nappy to get her doing wees first? We put Dd on the toilet before baths and ad hoc if she looks squirmy.

[DuchessOfWeaseltown]

Oooh, hello, just returned ot my oroginal thread to see lovely replies - apologies, I wasn't ignoring, just busy...

We are 2 weeks in now (actually less as there were a few days at the start when she was mostly in nappies still at nursery) and we have (basically!) done it! She is now wearing no nappies all day and for the last 3 days we haven't had a single accident - miracle! I guess she must just have been ready this time.

In the end, after having to offer a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE bribe to get her to agree to wear no nappy on Day 1 (I brought out a toy I had been saving for Xmas...) I have barely had to bribe/persuade at all. A few chocolate lollies (her favourite thing in the world) on the first few days but this past week we have dropped the bribe and she hasn't noticed.

I'm really proud of her as she just seems to have 'got it' now.

Thanks hugelly for all advice though, really reassuring to hear we weren't the only ones with a stubborn child! I think after the first couple of days, as she began to get the hang of it, she felt like she was in control, which is basically all she ever wants to feel (!)