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Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Potty training

3.4 can't train, won't train

5 replies

seaoflove · 12/01/2015 16:34

Just to put things into context, DD aged 3.4 has never weed on the potty or the toilet EVER. She has cast iron bladder control and would rather hold in her urine, in obvious discomfort, for hours and hours rather than give in.

When she's dancing and writhing around with a clear look of pain on her face, I invite her to sit on the potty or toilet (her choice) but she absolutely fights the urge to urinate to the extent that I eventually let her get off (it seems cruel to force her to sit there indefinitely, because no matter how long she sits there she NEVER goes) and eventually she'll wet herself.

I've been trying off and on since the summer when she was 2.11, in a very softly softly no pressure way. It was awful. She would hold her bladder for 6 or 7 hours, crying in pain, until I gave her a nappy because I didn't want to see her in pain.

If I'm honest, I've been waiting for her to show a desire to stop wearing nappies, but I'm starting to think that was a mistake because she doesn't care at all. At 3.4 I'm just fed up with nappies, and am expecting another baby in early summer and do not want a baby and a 3.8 year old in nappies Hmm

She's also a very stubborn, very contrary, very wilful child. I often think she refuses to do things purely because I want her to do them. I've tried bargaining and bribes, but she couldn't care less.

Needless to say, we have big problems with food as well.

So as you can probably tell, I am absolutely at the end of my rope with this child who is completely determined to never toilet train. I am determined that this is it, so I am putting her in knickers during the day whether she likes it or not. So far, so predictable: urine withholding and wetting herself within minutes of getting off the potty. She saves poos for when she has her nighttime nappy on, apart from one completely accidental poo on the potty which she was absolutely distraught about, despite masses of praise and a long-promised present.

Sorry this is long. Please, someone come and sympathise with me about extremely stubborn children.

OP posts:
crappyday · 12/01/2015 16:40

I don't have any words of wisdom Im afraid but I do understand. DS was like this. Except at home.
At home he was fully trained at 3.4 anywhere else total refusal, and screaming anger if we tried to get him to sit on toilet.
He would hold on for ever. Poo into night nappy immediately it went on. He would wee in the garden at other people's houses.

Toilet training him was the hardest parenting thing I have done. It took cajoling, forcing, cuddling, chocolate, gosh we tried everything.
I'd like to say I didn't get angry but I would be lying.
It was soooo frustrating.

Have you tried reading the book about where poo goes? I can't remember what it's called sorry.

But. We did finally get over it.
He is now 7, and it seems a long time ago.

So sorry- no solutions but buckets loads of sympathy??

crappyday · 12/01/2015 16:41

Have you tried putting a nappy open in the potty and asking her to wee on it?
Or the stickers that go in loos that change colour when you wee on them?

ChristmasHiccups · 12/01/2015 16:45

Yeah dd1 (3 1/2) is exactly like this.

Haven't cracked it yet and we've tried everything from stickers, chocolates, shouting, apps, Elmo, and a bloody singing potty.

I have 2 in nappies Hmm

seaoflove · 12/01/2015 16:47

I've tried lining the potty with a nappy, yes! She wouldn't even sit on it.

I think the book you mean is Poo Goes To Pooland? Haven't got it, but made a mental note to track it down.

I have been so determined to remain calm and unruffled (I don't want to give her psychological issues around toileting any more than she does already!) but I can feel my patience starting to wear thin. I'm worried I'm going to blow up at her, and soon. It's not that she can't control her bladder, she can control it too bloody well. I'd love to think that if she would allow herself to wee on the potty just once, the bizarre mental block she has would be broken. But she hasn't managed one since we first began in August!

OP posts:
crappyday · 13/01/2015 07:51

I was worried about the effect long term but DS has no issues at all now.
Maybe just give up. Pretend you aren't fussed about it at all. Use nappies.
Get lots of similar aged children around who are potty trained. Don't comment, just let your DD see that they go to the loo and it's normal.

I know how hard it is to pretend you don't care either way, believe me! It will happen eventually.
Best of luck!

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