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Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Potty training

ANY tips and advice PLEASE!!!! Only 4 days in and I'm finding it soul-destroying [sad]

12 replies

MrsHelenBee · 28/07/2014 20:48

DS1 turned 3 last week and we're just tackling potty training. We left it late because he only started walking at Easter and lifting him onto/off of the potty every twenty minutes while I was pregnant made my back totally give out. Not to mention how it mixed with chronic morning sickness. Now I blame myself that it's proving so tough, I feel like I should have sucked it up and carried on last autumn.
I'm desperate to sort it before he heads into Kindergarten at nursery next month. He's bright and I thought being 'a big boy' with 'big boy pants' and having motivation from rewards would work but we've not had a scrap of success and I feel like I'm going nuts. Nothing happens in the potty - it's always on the carpet and sofa - and I'm trying to stay sane while DS2 (10wks) screams the place down waiting for a bottle or struggling with colic while I'm on my hands and knees cleaning.
I followed the advice of his nursery. We've bypassed pull-ups (told itwould prolong the process as they quickly they're just the same as nappies and an exus tobe lazy), and just gone straight into pants, hoping he'd figure out quickly enough that it felt unpleasant to be wet or dirty but he isn't in the least bit bothered. Nor do rewards get the message home. I fully expected loads of washing but today I've done 17 pairs of pans, some twice over, and the potty's stayed clean. Help!!!!

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WeevilKnievel · 28/07/2014 20:56

We're doing potty training at the moment and my best advice is to keep the potty in the same room as you and have your DS naked from the waist down. I think even pants hinder things initially.
We've spent a lot of time at home over the past few days, ( makes the naked thing easier) and have been making lots of fuss at the presentation of a filled potty!
We've had a couple of accidents but mainly if pants or shorts were being worn.
Good luck!

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jaynebxl · 28/07/2014 20:57

If itbis a nightmare leave it for now and come back to it next month. I think itbis counter productive to do it before the child is really up for it. Much less stress later.

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jwpetal · 28/07/2014 21:07

Every child is different and you may find that he needs more time. If he just started walking at Easter, this is a huge milestone and means that he just may not be ready. Perhaps he is still working on balancing, coordination of movement any other developmental steps. Balance this with boys, generally, start potty training and showing signs later. Add in that there is a new sibling and wow, that is a lot of change for him.

Once my son started nursery, he decided he was ready as most of the other kids were potty trained. Take some pressure off. let things take their course. He just may need more time and that is okay.

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MrsHelenBee · 28/07/2014 21:09

He understands what we're saying to him but just seems so blaze when it comes to going on the floor. He's naturally quite self-conscious, and he hates being dirty or wet anywhere else, so I thought the feeling of being wet would bother him from the start but it really doesn't.
Am I being unreasonable to be reluctant to do the naked thing? It's not me being precious about the carpet or not wanting to clean, more about having a very needy newborn and simply not being able to spend my day on the floor cleaning. He goes to nursery on a Wednesday and Thursday, which obviously means being fully clothed. Will that confuse things to be dressed after 5 days in just pants?
I felt positive when we started, but I certainly don't now. Everyone else mentions 'a few accidents' or 'the odd mishap' - I've had two dozen in one day!!!

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Jade2014 · 28/07/2014 21:13

We started this week - only successful when he is naked from the waist down. He wets and soils himself if he's wearing pants. Also, noticed that he needs the potty about 20mins after having a drink so maybe time his juice to wee gap and try to get him on the potty then? I've heard of parents potty training at 4. My childminder said she had heard that children are ready when they climb stairs with one foot on each step (rather than both for each step) sure enough my DS started taking steps one at a time and the next week he was asking to have his nappy off and telling me when he needed a wee - previously he would happily sit in it.

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MrsHelenBee · 28/07/2014 21:16

jwpetal: thanks. I know it's a lot going on but I've been waiting to do this for so long. I think I just need a hint of success somewhere in my day.
DS is severely hypermobile and also had weak muscles (benign hypotonia), so while he is walking, he can wobble and have falls (esp when he's tired), and walks very much like John Wayne most of the time. He's still seeing the physio to help him build strength. He's made loads of progress but can't run or jump like his peers. He's generally ok getting onto and off the potty but I'm holding his hands for support.
I guess I just feel like a failure for quitting last time (last autmn we were actually having some success, right from day 1!), and like a lightweight for feeling so despondent after just a few days.

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MrsHelenBee · 28/07/2014 21:24

Wow Jade2014, that's a fascinating link.
DS climbs the stairs, he can't walk up them yet unless he pulls himself up with the banister rails or holds our hands. Mind you, we do have stupidly steep steps, which I've fallen down and broken my tailbone on!
While he's working so hard with the walking and doing brilliantly well, I have to say I think it'll be a long time before he's walking up the stairs. And I may be wrong to sa it, but I can't bear the thought of him being 4 and starting training. He's a summer baby and I refuse to send him to school when he's not reliably clean and dry.

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Pico2 · 28/07/2014 21:24

I'd stop and start again in a month or two. We did that, and second time round was fine.

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SleeptightDaisy · 28/07/2014 21:37

If you are going to carry on with the pants could you try pull ups over the pants, you would still need to wash the pants but would save time not cleaning the floor/carpet. Your son would still be able to feel when he's wet/soiled too.

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Cockadoodledooo · 28/07/2014 22:21

Seriously, if it's stressing you out (and you have a 10 weeks old too? Are you not stressed enough?!), then give it a miss. Just wait. Are kindergarten keen that he'sdry in the day or are they normal ok with him in nappies?

Personally I'd avoid pull ups (being charitable, my dc found them confusing, though I suspect laziness played a big part!). Yes having two in nappies can be a bit rubbish, but better that than puddles all over the place.

He'll get there.

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MrsHelenBee · 29/07/2014 11:56

Thanks COCKADOODLEDOO
I could see the point nursery was making in that pull-ups can be very confusing, and prolong this potentially when they realise they're just the same as a nappy and perfectly comfortable to have accidents in. I know every child is different, but I decided to give them a miss for that reason, whether right or wrong.
Kindergarten are fine with children being there in nappies. He'll be in a small minority but not the only one if that's where we're at in September. It was more my pride and feeling that he's more than capable of being in the majority which makes me want to sort it now. And yes I feel like tearing my hair out with the new baby too, but there'll always be a reason why now's inconvenient. I just decided we'd waited long enough.
Today is the same as the other 4 days have been so far. Sigh!!!

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MrsHelenBee · 01/08/2014 14:45

Just a quick update to everyone who offered advice and helped keep me sane at the start of the week....
Tuesday had one successful use of the potty - not much to go on, and endless accidents to deal with, but an improvement nonetheless. Wednesday saw numerous accidents, but these were increasingly small ones where he started, then got the the potty to finish, which meant 7 successful wees on the potty. Hooray!!!
Yesterday started with some accidents, but again these became small by late morning, and the rest of the day was the odd small accident here and there, but 10 successful trips to the potty, ofen when he asked or aid he needed to go. What a breakthrough!!! 2 poos were in the pants but they were the first poos since the potty was introduced, so I was relieved he'd finally gone again and wasn't going to be horribly constipated! I guess he'll eventually be more comfortable using the potty for poos too, I can't expect it all at once!
Today, he's woken with a dry nappy, gone on the potty straight away and had a wee, then been in the same pants since without any accidents, and he's taken himself to the potty, sat down and gone all by himself each time. Clever boy!!!
I'm so proud of him and the progress every day for the last few has been HUGE. Let's hope it continues! Thanks everyone!!!

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