Please tell me it's ok I've not even thought about potty training yet!

[KittyandTeal]

My Dd is 21 mo. Her language is pretty well developed but she shows no sign of readiness for potty training. She's fairly regular with poos etc but shows no awareness that she needs to go.

Now my DM has spent this afternoon telling me all about her friends DGS who is 2 months older and apparently completely clean and dry day and night after 5 days! Also apparently a little girl at the playgroup she takes DD to always wees in a potty and she's a few months younger.

I know all children get there at different points and my gut tells me if I start trying to train her now it'll be a stressful, messy disaster that will possibly impact on future attempts. I plan on getting a potty to have around the house but someone please tell me I'm not being unreasonable to not try yet.

[beccajoh]

21 months is still very young. I wouldn't put yourself through the stress if you don't think she's ready! My daughter is two next week and I have thought about it, but only enough to read up about it and discover she's blatantly not ready.

[KittyandTeal]

Ok that makes me feel better.

I also got the 'will nursery take her if she's still in nappies though?' (She's starting when she's 2)

I got a funny face when i told her they take babies from 6mo so no nappies aren't a problem!

[HappyAsASandboy]

YANBU. It isn't a race, and in my experience leaving it later makes it easy a pie.

I 'trained' my twins at 3 years 5 months. Both had fewer than 10 accidents, spread over the first 3 weeks or so and have been dry in the daytime since. They sometimes wet during their nap (particularly DS), but I'd be surprised by a daytime accident now.

Both are still in pull ups at night. DS always wakes with a full pull up, DD normally with a dry one. Neither wake in the night and ask to use the toilet, and I'll keep using pull ups until they do.

There is no hurry, and I don't think you can 'mess it up' by doing it wrong or waiting too long. At 3 years 5 months they completely understood what I was asking of them, had watched their nursery friends going to the loo for a while, and we're totally ready physically. Much younger than this, and I don't think either of them would have known they needed to go, so I'd have had to suggest it very regularly; and I don't class going every time you're told to but never recognising and asking as potty trained!

[Finola1step]

You are spot on OP.

I understand that children of previous generations were on solids by 2 months, walking at 6 months, talking full sentences at 8 months, sleeping through the night from day 1, reading fluently at 18 months, and ready for school at 3 at the very latest

[HappyAsASandboy]

Sorry, forgot to say that my twins are 3 years 9 months now.

[KittyandTeal]

Thanks, this makes me feel much better.

I'm usually good at following my gut and using some MN advice so I don't know why I've been thrown by this.

I guess it's because it had not even crossed my mind to start trying yet. I had it in my head I'd start trying next spring/summer depending on when and if she's ready (I know it's bit easier in the warmer weather as they can be outside a bit more)

[catkind]

Well, worth a think about it and what method you want to use.
Not at all unreasonable to have thought about it and decided not yet.

We started early but no mess and no fuss - just offering a potty at nappy changes to see if they wanted to use it. (And no expectation of being finished quickly.) I can tell you a poo in the potty or toilet is a lot less mess and fuss than a poo in a nappy!

One thing for sure on mumsnet - however young you train, someone will have done it earlier, and however old you train someone will have done it later! And they'll probably both say they did it the easy way.

[Jaffakake]

We tried with ds at 26 months as he was showing awareness. Total disaster so we stopped. At 35 months we're just about to have a second attempt. I realise now He's so much more ready than he was then. Wait until you are utterly convinced & go with your gut instinct. I've had my mum telling me from 9 months she was 'putting me on the potty' Imho she was a sahm who was able to 'time' it well!

[kilmuir]

They need to show some interest/ sign or its twice as hard

[catkind]

I've had my mum telling me from 9 months she was 'putting me on the potty' Imho she was a sahm who was able to 'time' it well!

Believe your mum! They can learn to go on cue at that age, DD did. I was admittedly still on mat leave at that point but far too lazy distracted by 4 yr old DS to think about timing or to hang about with a baby on a potty waiting for something to happen.
Of course that's not the same as being potty trained. But far fewer pooey bums to change, so a big win as far as I was concerned. DD potty trained with no fuss at all at 2.2.

Beside the point though OP. That's one approach, there are lots of different approaches, as long as you've chosen one you're happy with it's none of anyone else's business when you start.

[KittyandTeal]

Catkind I had read about putting very little ones on a potty and it making things easier later on. However months of sleep deprivation and feeling like I was hit by a bus we never gave it a go. Is it a bit late now at 21 mo?

I'm going to buy a potty. Our house is pretty small, is it worth getting more than one? Figure even if I'm not training her now might as well get as many as I need now so we're set to go when she's ready.

[ShoeWhore]

Didn't even try for another year here. Do it when you and your dd are ready.

[CornChips]

21 months is very early, and I would say also do it when you are and DD are ready. My DS was NOT ready at all until a few months ago, and he is now 4. He was really resisting and would get distressed and started having nightmares about 'poo eating me'. So I left it. When he was ready, he cracked it- wees and poos in 48 hours. No accidents.

I was SO relieved I have to say, because I was getting alot of comments from others about it and was starting to get really anxious. But, when he was ready, it was easy.

[ApocalypseNowt]

Kitty We've got 2 potties (in a small house also). One for upstairs, one for downstairs. I got them ages before starting potty training with DD1. I read it's good to get them used to them before starting and i do think it helped.

DD1 was nowhere near ready at 21 months. I had a tentative try at 23 months but it was still clear she wasn't quite there. At 2.4 yrs she was showing all the signs so we stayed in on a bank holiday weekend (it was raining anyway!) and she cracked it straight away. Have had less than 5 accidents since.

[sleeplessbunny]

21mo seems very early to me. DD started to use the potty at about 2, but she has only just started to recognise when she needs a wee at almost 3. So I have had nearly a year of having to make sure she goes to the toilet every couple of hours. Is that more or less annoying than changing nappies? I'm not sure.

[AndIFeedEmGunpowder]

My DD is the same age and I have been angsty about this too!

Here is what my friend's old school 50something nanny said:

-If you wait until they are completely ready it should only take 3-5 days.

-Ready is when they can tell you before they want to do a poo and can go three hours without doing a wee.

-Girls are often ready the summer after they are 2. (Summer better for accidents) Boys/twins are usually later.

-If you or they are at all upset by potty training it is too early. Stop and try again in a couple of months.

-If you want to get a head start you can buy a potty and give them a raisin/smartie/rice cake every time they sit on it.

[AddictedtoCrunchies]

When DS was about six months old, a very wise mumsnetter told me to trust my instincts. And to this day I've tried to do that and let him do things when he's ready.

After spending 24 hours with friends who have a DS (six months older and potty trained), my DS announced he didn't want to wear a nappy any more. So we went with pants, had a couple of days of accidents and that was it. He was 2.8. A couple of months later he decided he didn't want to wear a nappy at night so we went for it (with a double layer of bed mats), and he had a handful of accidents.

HOWEVER he absolutely would not poo on the toilet. Oh no. Had to have a nappy on and go to his favourite spot behind the door curtain. This continued for 14 months. We finally decided enough was enough and the fairy came on his 4th birthday to take his nappies away and he's used the toilet with no problems ever since and spends ages in there like his dad

Trust your instincts

[fledermaus]

Traditionally, you potty train the summer after they turn two. That worked for most people I know.

The party line on mumsnet is definitely to wait til as late as possible in the hope that they train themselves To be honest the only person I know in real life who waited til after 3 had a nightmare with it!

Most children seem to be able to be potty trained between about 2 and 2.5. Younger than 2 and older than 3 is pretty unsual ime.

[elQuintoConyo]

DS goes to school this Sept at 2yrs9mo (we are abroad), and he must be toilet trained by then. My Sil's nusrery insisted that dc be toilet trained by 2yo!

I think you should follow your dc's lead - DS was nowhere near ready at 21mo. We 've been toilet training now for about 5 days and so far so good, although we have mostly been housebound.

Ignore everyone else and take your cues from your DD.

[indigo18]

Most children were potty trained around 2; it was not stressful. In my opinion, leaving it later means the child is more likely to resist and see it as a battle of wills. You want them to pee and poo in the toilet, but they realise that you can't make them. My DT were trained round 2, as were all their friends. none started playgroup (at rising 3) in nappies. There was the odd wee accident when a child became engrossed, but I don't recall any poo accidents, either at playgroup or in Kindy.

[golemmings]

We tried the summer before dd turned 2 - she was 21 months. It was a disaster. We tried again at 23 months. ditto. then ds arrived.
we tried again at 30 months and it was hard but we got there.

Ds on the other hand did it himself at 32 months - I was planning on trying in the summer holidays but he beat me buy a couple of months. He cried all the way home in the car one day because he wanted a wee on the toilet. We had no potty but there were pants. So he wore pants. There were a couple of accidents in the first 2 days but then he was fine. he's still in pull ups at night because I'm a wuss but they are always dry.

You'll know when she's ready and if she is, it's a doddle.

[catkind]

Is it a bit late now at 21 mo?
I think as long as you don't force anything it can't hurt to start introducing the idea of using a potty or toilet. I've heard people refer to it as "baby led potty training" when you start gently at toddler age like that - like Baby Led Weaning not really a new thing but a name for a thing that a lot of people used to do anyway. Even if you just sit them on when you change their morning nappy, that's a good bet for a lucky catch and they start getting the idea.

As I say though it's just what suited us - with DS we tried waiting till he was "ready" and it was much more stressful.

You asked how many potties - not sure if anyone answered that one yet? We had one in the bathroom and one downstairs/in the car. And also used a toilet seat from the beginning so there was no big hurdle to get over moving from the potty to the toilet.

[Amielou39]

Good advice. Especially about the summer afyer they're two! Thats great, I've never heard that before

[FairlyUseless]

21 months is really young IMHO. DS is 2.10 and last week, he said he wanted pants. (His friends at nursery started wearing them so that helped). This week he has been amazing, 2 accidents so far, taking himself off to the potty or toilet when he needs to. He's been amazing, I've barely 'trained' him at all, and neither has his carers at nursery!

He's a bright and very articulate boy, seems older than he is and tall too, so I did struggle with all the hmmm looks at him in nappies. But he's only bloody gone and done it!

Just wait it out. She'll tell you when she's ready.

[JabberJabberJay]

Totally agree with you OP. Really don't get this race to potty train.

When a child is ready it's usually easy. With DC2, I waited until 2 months before their third burthday. No point in doing it earlier-they simply weren't ready.

Then we went straight to pants. We never had any puddles on the floor and only a couple of instances of damp pants. It was easy peasy. They were completely dry day and night in less than a fortnight.