What to do if going cold turkey doesn't work?

[MamOfTwo]

OK, so what is the answer when 'going cold turkey' doesn't work? I was advised to put DD in knickers all the time to crack it (see my previous thread: 'Straw poll - give up or carry on' for our potty training to date!). However she just doesn't seem bothered by being in wet and soiled knickers, she just seems to accept it. She will wee when prompted but she rarely takes herself off for a wee. I am getting so frustrated. She is now 3.3 and we started in Feb. Has anyone else experienced this?? Any advice appreciated!

[Toastmonster]

Bump... I feel your pain, but unfortunately no suggestions for you. We've been doing cold turkey for last week ( DS 3.8 yrs ) but he simply doesn't care. He would sit and play in wet clothes all day and isn't bothered by it. I've lost all faith. I've never got cross with him over it, just say next time in toilet but how long can this go on. I feel a failure about this and sick on people saying he'll get it, it seems like never when friends kids aged 2 got it in a week and ask to go etc. Anyone?!

[SueDNim]

I'm probably going to suggest things you've tried before:

Take her to the loo every hour.

Give her a chocolate button for every success.

Get her a "potty book"

[BertieBotts]

Just keep going, keep prompting, eventually one day she'll do it herself. If she'll go with prompting, that's much better than her not going at all which is what we were stuck with! (And it's true, they do just get there in their own time)

[MamOfTwo]

Thanks for these suggestions and commiserations to Toastmonster and all those in the same boat! I have tried all your suggestions SueDNim but sadly to no avail. I guess as BertieBotts says it is just a matter of keeping going...

We reached a new low today when DD2 wet her knickers and upon re-entering the room with a clean pair for her I discovered she had pooed on the carpet! The potty was right next to her too. DD1 trained without fuss and I am using all the same techniques so I don't know what I am doing wrong. I am ashamed to say I got a bit cross with her today and actually had a little cry about this whole potty training thing.

[tumbletumble]

How long have you been doing cold turkey for? I think you need to give it at least 2 weeks for some children.

[SueDNim]

Are there potty training experts in the same way that there are sleep training experts?

[BertieBotts]

Sympathies :( But she's only three, she will get there, she'll probably just do it all at once one day and you'll have to fight really hard not to jump up and down shouting WOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!

[lauralewis]

My daughter was 3 in april and has been using the potty for the odd wee for about 6 months, but last week i decided no more nappies, bought pants but she just went through 5 pairs in the space of an hour. Then we tried just leaving them off and since doing that shes only had one accident and done both wees and poos on the potty. Obviously will need to start using pants again but it's really helped to start things off. She also has 2 potty books (girls potty time and princess pollys potty) which she loves reading!

[northyorksbelle]

Hi MamOfTwo, I cannot pretend I have the answer but I wanted to say I feel your pain, sympathise wholeheartedly and would say I think you just HAVE to keep plugging away. I have been struggling with my DS for around 20 months now and I am locked in a power struggle which I don't recommend to anyone.
I have tried everything under the sun with my boy but the realisation has come to me of late that he knows his actions push my buttons - curse him and his wily ways! Everyone has told me to try to relax because he will get it in the end which I suppose is true but it doesn't make it easier to deal with on daily basis and it's increasingly difficult not to explode at each and every accident he has. I know he can do it because he has done it but is now choosing not to do it.
I won't tell you to relax about it because I know it's difficult believe me, all I would say is don't show your DS any frustration (sometimes screaming into a cushion works for me). My boy is 4 so it could be worse for you! Keep plugging away...

[Toastmonster]

How are you getting on OP? I dare to say this but I think we may have slight improvement? Found DS on the toilet this morning and he had been for his morning poo, then 4 accidents this afternoon, one in the shop, knew that towel in my bag would come in handy, then he started going after dinner and I said quick on the toilet and he finished off, missing the toilet completely but good effort. There may be a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel...

[MamOfTwo]

Glad to hear you have some improvement, Toast - fx it has continued. And Northyorksbelle, oh my goodness, 20 months? Hark at me complaining after three months! Hope you are getting there too.

Still no change here really. Good days are rare, still lots of accidents most days. I called the health visitor advice line earlier and they are sending a community hv round to give me some strategies . Not sure I have done the right thing but don't what else I can try. Feeling defeated.

[MamOfTwo]

HV has yet to visit. Today, nursery have asked if they put her in a pull-up after lunch as they are fed up with the constant poo accidents (they didn't phrase it as harshly as that but that was the general gist...). Just feel so alone with this, as though I have the only child in the world who won't potty train . Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

[Honsandrevels]

Oh I feel your pain. My dd1 was easy, dd2 is incredibly frustrating. Her problem was that she wanted to wear knickers but refused to sit on the potty or toilet. She held it rather than wee anywhere.

We've cracked the weeing eventually but pooing is still a problem. I wish I had the answer!

One thing we did for the weeing was to have a 'goodie bag' of stuff. Hair clips, some sparkley shoes, colouring pens - all v cheap, and let her choose something when she did a wee. I'd tried stickers and buttons and she was completely uninterested but the bag was nice and immediate and a bit more exciting. I think there were 6 things in the bag and once they ran out that was it.

[MamOfTwo]

Ooh, love the goodie bag idea, Honsandrevels! I will give that a go as stickers just aren't cutting it any more.

[givemecaffeine21]

My DD (nearly 2) had about a billion accidents when we switched to knickers full time...three / four an hour type thing as it turned out she wasn't completing her wees on the potty but doing a bit, stopping, then doing a bit more, and so on. Once I'd realised this I'd put her on for 5 minutes to ensure she did it all.

I nearly gave up, very nearly, but the next day after our worst day ever, she just trotted downstairs for breakfast and announced 'wee wee'. The penny dropped. She didn't mind being wet hugely, but when she was bare-bottomed in the very early stages she hated it as it would go all over the floor and she found this very upsetting.

Potty training is such hard work and I nearly had a nervous breakdown over it but so great once it's done (even if I do have to do it again in a year or so's time for DS)!

[Toastmonster]

A month of cold turkey and I'm defeated! I can do no more...

[LauraPashley]

Dd1's potty training was my utter low point of parenting so far! Took the best part of a year before she was totally reliable, MONTHS of pooing in her pants before that. Dd2 has been a doddle and I have no idea why it's been so different!
Anyway just wanted to second the goodie bag ideas, my "prizes" were just pound shop tat but I wrapped them up and she got a poo prize for every sucess. Later we moved to the idea of staying clean/dry for a longer period and then getting a reward eg a toy at the weekend after a good week.
We had tried everything and in the end I think it was just a combo of time and bribery!

[TeWiSavesTheDay]

My DD now 5, took nearly two years to properly train. Which I know sounds awful and why didn't you just do it later, but she was clean and dry at night the whole time! And could do it in the day but not at all reliably.

What I would say is with kids that take a long time really consider whether they might not be getting the right signals that they need to go. Medical causes of wee and poo accidents could be constipation, food intolerance and for just poo toddler diarrhea.

It turned out my DD was lactose intolerant which gave her diarrhea pretty much every day. After we sorted that things improved but she wasn't more or less totally reliable until the week after she started school!

[RosemaryWaterlow]

We've just put our 3.5 year old back in pull ups after 5 days of going completely cold turkey day and night.

I know that perhaps 5 days wasn't long enough, but she was becoming increasingly distressed about weeing and pooing and she was almost certainly holding on (only weeing twice a day after being dry at night).

After reading about some people's 3 year olds who "just got it" in one day with no accidents, I just knew that after 5 days of no progress at all and weeing on the sofa/floor with the potty literally inches away, she's justnot ready. She did have two or three wees on target,but only after watching like a hawk and using bribes to keep her sitting there.

Will try again in a month or so.

[MamOfTwo]

How is everyone getting on? We had a break from it here but am planning to try and crack it over the summer . Although a friend said she never trained any of her four children - she just waited for them to declare they were ready and I should just wait it out! Anyone tried that? Bit worried DD will never declare herself to be ready and we will be looking at starting Reception in nappies...

[MamOfTwo]

You know that thing I said about cracking it over the summer? Pahaha! Still nowhere near cracking it. Anyone had any successes?? Should I just wait for DD to 'do it herself'??? She is now 3.5. So, so, so, so fed up with it all.

[MamOfTwo]

and to all potty trainers out there... still struggling here

[ClimbingPenguin]

We're in a similar situation

[MamOfTwo]

After a break, we are trying again - wish us luck! How are you getting on ClimbingPenguin?

[MamOfTwo]

Bumping this in case it helps anyone, and to track our progress on this nightmare journey! So, started again in earnest over October half term. I think we are doing a little bit better this time. Still nowhere near reliably trained though... But sticker chart is working better this time as she seems to 'get' it and that she gets a reward if she gets 10 stickers. Less wet accidents and if she starts to wee she is aware it is something that shouldn't be happening and tries to locate potty. Still only really goes when prompted; just doesn't seem to have that 'I need a wee' signal. Although has gone of her own accord a few times. Quite a few pooey knickers unless I watch signals and intervene. Think I have to treat the two things separately though. Hoping next update will be even more positive. I can't believe how hard it is this time round (DD1 was a breeze to train). Oh well, onwards and upwards! and for me, and for all fellow potty trainers!