3yrs 5mths old - and resistant to potty training.

(28 Posts)

DDs nursery (attached to state school) are not pleased. My DD is the only child that is not potty trained yet. I promised that we would train her over Christmas.

She has had one single poo in the potty (yesterday). All other wees and poos have been in her knickers. We're going through 6 pairs of knickers a day (a lot of them having to be thrown away).

I keep reminding her to sit on the potty and asking if she needs it.

What am I doing wrong??

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 27-Dec-13 14:17:49

Nothing! Jesus, people expect fucking miracles when theyre telling a toddler to only shit in a specific place when tjey have never ha to do that in their entire life!

The only place you went wrong was promising the nursery you would have her trained. Children should t toilet train according to someone elses schedule, the train when they are ready.

Bring her to the toilet every half hour for a try and if she says no then you straight away accept this. No anger, no disappointment, no sad faces, no reminding her that she wont get a treat. You just say "ok sweetheart, come back to the potty when you do need a pee/poo" you keep everything positive. When she has accidents you just say "lets get you changed" an keep light and breezy. No negtive language and you say "next time lets see if we can do it in the potty" make it exciting. Not a chore for her.

An most importantly- BE PATIENT. It takes time.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 27-Dec-13 14:18:35

shouldnt toilet train according to someone elses schedule.

No negative language - check.

I've been explaining to her that her knickers are not for weeing or pooing in; that they should be kept nice. Is this negative? I fear she is thinking knickers serve the same function as a nappy.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 27-Dec-13 14:37:17

Rather than say knickers arent for weeing or poojng in, keep reinforcing where IS for weekng and pooing i i.e the toilet. Also- and you might find this odd but you and her dad (if relevant) should start announcing when you are going to the toilet to do a pee or poo. So that she is copying what you are doing. So when she hears you saying "im just going to do a pee in the toilet" she will know that doing a pee means going to the toilet- keep linking the words pee/poo and toilet so she knows they go together. Let her come with you if she wants and she might want to try herself while there.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 27-Dec-13 14:40:04

Applogies for my harsh first post- this really rankles with me as my exp has caused so much damage to my sons toilet traiining by his negativity around it. So much so that i have now kept my son from staying over there as he refuses to poo there now and comes home constipated and in agony. He was being punished and sent to be for accidents and is terrified of needing the toilet there now.

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 27-Dec-13 14:41:57

Does she know when she's going? If she has no concept of needing to wee or poo then you are wasting your time. You can train their mind to know when they need to go and where they should go. However you can't train a body to feel when they need to go or to control/hold it etc.

If she is aware of going and can tell you she needs a wee or a poo then your half way there.

you and her dad (if relevant) should start announcing when you are going to the toilet to do a pee or poo

We do that grin

If she has no concept of needing to wee or poo then you are wasting your time.

How can I tell? I ask her often. Sometimes she answers "yes I need a wee" so I put her on the potty/toilet. She'll sit there for 20 mins. Do nothing. Then as soon as her knickers are on - she wees in them.

I'm considering getting some professionals involved.

ODearMe Fri 27-Dec-13 14:49:25

When I potty trained ds, I kept his pants and bottoms off for the first week at home and kept the potty in our sitting room. He went when he needed to go in the potty and surprised us all. I believe this got him used to the potty. Week 2, we did it with loose trousers and no pants. By week 3 we had the potty on the move. He still has the odd accident where he forgets to tell us but on the whole he has done really well. I wanted to share in case it helps. Trousers clean off method worked for us! Good luck

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 27-Dec-13 14:53:09

It can't hurt to speak to your HV tbh. I mean unless she has any development delays there's no reason why she shouldn't understand what you are telling her if that makes sense. It's meant to be easier when they are older because it's a case of explaining where wee and poo goes and they tend to grasp it much quicker.

Has she ever shown signs of being ready? Like hiding when she's doing a poo, telling you she's had a wee or is feeling wet/dirty?

PenguinsDontEatStollen Fri 27-Dec-13 14:56:00

I think it also depends on teh child. DD1 was very pliable and wanted to please, she would sit on the potty and try, etc. You could do what sillybilly suggests.

DD2, total different story. She needs motivation that works for her. She couldn't see a downside for the current set up. She got to wear pants and, if she weed in them, she was cleaned up. If you tried to sit her on the potty every hour or half hour she threw a massive, screaming tantrum.

So I decided to motivate her. I put a bag of wrapped sweets on a shelf in the bathroom. Next time we go in, DD2 asks what they are. I explain that, every time she wees in the potty, she will get a sweet. Took off her pants and left her with a bare bum, making sure she knew where the pottys were (one upstairs, one downstairs). Within a day, wee was sorted.

Poo is still a bit of an issue but it's only been a fortnight and we're working on it.

When I potty trained ds, I kept his pants and bottoms off for the first week at home

Was he okay with that? My DD screams until we put knickers on.

Has she ever shown signs of being ready? Like hiding when she's doing a poo, telling you she's had a wee or is feeling wet/dirty?

Sometimes she tells me that she's had a poo if I smell something and ask her.

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 27-Dec-13 15:22:08

Hmmmm, it's hard to tell really but it does sound a little bit like, she knows where it goes and is "trying" and she knows what a wee/poo is but isn't totally aware of herself going.

DoItTooBabyJesus Fri 27-Dec-13 15:26:56

Can she take her own trousers and knickers down?

Can she feel when a poo or wee might be coming? As opposed to when it is happening or when it has happened?

You could get some of those plastic terry pants so that she still feels wet but doesn't ruin her pants and doesn't make a complete mess everywhere.

I second nakedness and a handy potty and being prepared to stay in for a week!

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 27-Dec-13 15:30:43

What are you trying to get her to use a potty or the toilet?

If you are using a potty that might well be quite an uncomfortable position for her. I would say tbh that if it's not working then she's not ready. Dd1 never had that amount if accidents and she was younger. Every child's body developes differently and whereas habits can be broken , if they just aren't ready for potty training then I think it just makes life harder than it needs to be. It's not like a dummy or a bottle or thumb sucking where there are dangers to continuing with the habit. Its something that you can't force if they can't tell if that makes sense.

PenguinsDontEatStollen Fri 27-Dec-13 15:34:50

Yes, do try a potty seat on the toilet instead of a potty.

The advice on here is always that, if they don't get it quickly, they aren't ready. That is often true, but ins't an absolute. I was convinced DD2 could do it if only she wanted to. I just needed to find a way to make her want to. We had two weeks of every wee being an accident until I found what would do it for her.

Can she take her own trousers and knickers down?

She struggles.

What are you trying to get her to use a potty or the toilet?

Both. Whichever she likes. We always keep the potty closeby.

DoItTooBabyJesus Fri 27-Dec-13 18:14:15

You see, I think until they can get their own knickers down it's difficult to toilet train. I bet lots of kids can be and are trained without this skill, but that might be your problem.

Perhaps try to concentrate on that skill rather than the toilet training? Worth a try?

Okay, we've been persistent with 'no knickers when in the house'. She protests a lot BUT she did a wee in the potty just now! smile

However when we're out of the house and she's wearing knickers, she has accidents galore sad

DoItTooBabyJesus Sat 28-Dec-13 13:27:22

Being out and potty training is hard! Try the terry waterproof pants, honestly.

And keep teaching her how to take her knickers down ready to wee!

Good luck!

lookingforwardtonewyear Sat 28-Dec-13 13:32:52

Stop having your Christmas holiday with her spoiled by this, put her back in nappies and she will get fed up quite quickly and want pants.

School will have to live with it - they cannot stop her attending in case of undiagnosed sn.

I have angreement wIth our school I will go in if dd makes a mess of herself.

lookingforwardtonewyear Sat 28-Dec-13 13:33:10

Stop having your Christmas holiday with her spoiled by this, put her back in nappies and she will get fed up quite quickly and want pants.

School will have to live with it - they cannot stop her attending in case of undiagnosed sn.

I have angreement wIth our school I will go in if dd makes a mess of herself.

lookingforwardtonewyear

How old is your DD?

I'm worried because my DD is literally the only child of her age that I know in my local community who isn't potty trained yet.

Today she was sitting having dinner and I heard a gush and she was just sitting there weeing on her chair. She didn't say a word.

lookingforwardtonewyear Sat 28-Dec-13 21:00:56

she is nearly 4 - she has been dry in the past but she is going through a regression phase, I give her 3 chances and then its nappies and the day I washed 8 sets of clothes in 1 day, she went back into nappies.

I am not worried its a phase she will come out of when she is ready.

Everyone I have spoken to (literally - everyone) has told me to go cold turkey, but no going back.

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